Chapter Four

All of them walked around the shop while they browsed through the items. However most of the things were camping equipment which disappointed the children. The Doctor was not only busy showing Namid what the items were but explaining to her and her brother and sister what most of them did. While he was doing that, Alan was browsing with Rose and Rain and Tara were chatting.

Alan glanced over at the triplets and grinned. Just like the Doctor, he delighted in making up crazy scenarios but he usually showed all of them what he had dreamed up and not just Namid. He paused a moment while he thought up something to show them and then smiled as he concentrated on their young minds.

The four children were standing beside one another when suddenly in their mind's eye; they saw the wall they were standing in front of. They giggled when they suddenly saw Alan's head slowly inching its way into the right side of the image. Alan's head slowly came into view until it reached his eyes and then he stopped and stared at them. The four of them giggled when Alan held his left arm out. In his hand was a large cardboard sign affixed to a small piece of wood. The sign said…

HELLO THERE.

"Hi!" the children said as the Doctor chuckled.

Keeping his head in the same position, Alan hid the sign from them. He stared at them for a moment and then held the sign up again. Except this time the sign read…

I LOVE YOU!

He hid the sign and stared at them.

"Come out, Uncle Alan," Chaska said aloud.

Mental Alan's eyes widened and he held the sign up.

I'M SCARED TO COME OUT!

"Come out, Uncle Alan," Sokanon said aloud.

Rain and Tara came up behind the Doctor. Rain leaned into his ear.

"The store clerk is giving them odd looks. I'm wondering after Namid's laughing fit if we should go before he calls the psych ward," she said.

The Doctor glanced at the man behind the counter and saw the odd look on his face.

"I think you're right," he said to Rain. "Come on, kids, you can play with Alan while we walk around.

The children followed them while Alan and Rose turned and walked out ahead of them. While they were doing that, Alan kept up his mental scenario. In the scenario, Alan still kept his head in the same place with only the eyes peeking out but he held the sign up again for them to see.

WILL YOU PROTECT ME IF I COME OUT?

"Yes," the children said aloud as everyone walked towards the next shop.

Alan stared at them for a moment and then slowly inched out of the corner. He moved forward until his chin was showing and then stopped and stared at them with wide frightened eyes. He held up the sign.

I'M TOO SCARED TO GO FURTHER!

Sokanon looked at the Doctor.

"Daddy, Uncle Alan's hiding and he's scared to come out."

They stopped a moment. The women went ahead and went inside the shop while the Doctor linked his mind to Alan's so he could see what was going on. The children laughed when the Doctor walked in from the other side of the vision and stopped in front of Alan who was now back to the way he was before with only his eyes peeking out.

"What's all this then?" he said to mental Alan. "You're scared?"

Alan nodded and his head shook as he trembled. The Doctor turned his face towards the children's point of view and spun his finger around and around his head. Alan stared at him, leaned his face out till they could see the top of his shoulders and nodded emphatically at that before he went back to the way he was before.

"I see I shall have to draw you out then," the Doctor said to mental Alan.

Alan watched as the Doctor walked off and vanished from view. He stuck his head out until all of it was showing and scratched his head. He looked at the children and held up the sign.

WHAT'D HE MEAN BY THAT? It said.

The Doctor returned a moment later with a mental projection of Rose. Alan watched quietly as the Doctor made a long lacquer box appear. It was resting on a long table and was painted a pretty pink color with blue swirls. The mental projection of Rose stood by the Doctor as he opened two lids on the top of the box. He picked Rose up and put her inside the long box. Rose stuck her head and feet out through holes in the sides as the Doctor shut the lids and locked them with padlocks. Then he walked out of view. Alan walked out of the corner and came over to the box. He stared at the mental projection of his wife who was calmly resting inside the box. He looked at the children and shrugged as the children giggled. Then the Doctor returned and Alan's mouth dropped open when he saw him carrying a large saw in his hand. He shoved Alan out of the way and proceeded to saw Rose in half through the middle. After he finished sawing, he split the halves apart and grabbed the half with the head and torso.

"Goodbye, Brother, enjoy the butt and legs," he said as he walked off with his half of the box.

"Hey!" Alan said as the children laughed.

Alan put his hands on his hips and gave the children an incensed look.

"He…she…it…" he said as the children laughed.

He opened the lid on the remaining half of the box and stared down at what was inside.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" he yelled to the absent Doctor. "Good job you didn't have a saw the day you dumped us out on Bay Wolf Bay because me and Jackie woulda been peeved at ya!"

He stared off in the distance.

"Hello? Hey! I'd like the top half of my wife back now, please, Sir," Alan said as the children laughed. "This isn't funny. I'm gonna go get your wife, put her in a cement mixer and see how you like it! Hey! Get your butt back here and give me back Rose! I'm not gonna spend the centuries being married to a pair of legs!"

The Doctor walked back into view and held out his hand.

"Give me one hundred thousand pounds and I'll put your wife back together again," he said.

"One hundred thousand pounds! That's daylight robbery!"

The Doctor shrugged.

"I'm assuming that's a small price to pay so Rose can have a torso and head again."

Alan looked at his empty hands.

"What'd you do with her, just out of curiosity?"

The scene suddenly shifted and Alan was standing in front of a long table. Rose was standing upright in the center of the table with candles around her and a large apple wedged in her mouth. The Doctor was at the other end of the table dining with Jack, Donna, Martha and Rain.

"I have to say, Doctor, love the new centerpiece," Jack said, gesturing to Rose.

"Oi, get my wife down from there! She is not a centerpiece!" Alan said to the Doctor while the children giggled. "And get the apple out of her mouth as well!"

"Sorry, mate, had to do that to shut her up. You know your wife runs her gob incessantly," the Doctor replied.

"What? How dare you insult my half a wife, this calls for a duel!"

The Doctor shrugged. He stood up and the scenario changed. Now it was just the two of them standing out in an open field. The Doctor reached into his jacket pocket and whipped out his little yellow water pistol. Alan waved his hands and a large iron cannon appeared in front of him. The Doctor stared at it open-mouthed as Alan grabbed the string that would fire the weapon.

"But…I thought it was water pistols," the Doctor said. "This is bad form, Alan."

"No, it was bad form when you sawed my wife in two like a wooden plank. Now you must pay. So prepare to run, Skinny, cause here comes the cannonball."

The children laughed as the Doctor ran away in fast motion to the Benny Hill theme music. Alan pulled the string and with a KA-POW a large cannonball sailed up into the air and bonked the Doctor directly on the head with a tiny ping! The Doctor swayed around a moment and then came staggering back to Alan.

"Brother! You won't believe this but look…" the Doctor said in amazement as he pointed at the air in front of his face. "I see little TARDISes all spinning around my head, I counted five…no six of them. Six tiny spinning TARDISes, isn't that brill…"

The children laughed as the Doctor suddenly fell flat on his face with a huge THUNK! Alan leaned over.

"That'll teach ya to saw other men's wives in half. Ha!"

He leaned back up and thought to himself.

"Now… how to put Rose back together…" he mused as he walked off.

The scenario ended and the four children laughed and clapped as the two men bowed.

"There, we've provided you some entertainment for today," the real Alan said to them.

"Yes, we're happy you enjoyed our little panto in your minds," the real Doctor added.

"Can we go shop now, Daddy?" Sokanon said.

"Yeah, I wanna spend my credits!" Christopher added.

The two brothers stared at them quietly.

"Boy, they have short attention spans, don't they?" the Doctor said to Alan.

"That they do. Well…come on then, let's join the others in the shop," Alan replied.

He took Christopher's hand and gave it a squeeze as the Doctor's children clustered around their father and all of them went into the shop.