Chapter Five

After exploring for about an hour, they headed back down the trail towards their camp. Once they reached it, the Doctor and Alan decided to start up the grill so they would be able to eat before the puppet show. Namid went into the tent and settled down beside her sleeping bag. She was about to get her bag back out when she saw her dad in her mind's eye. He waved at her and smiled.

"Rainbow, could you come back outside? I need your help," he said to her.

"Okay, Daddy," Namid said.

"Thanks," the mental Doctor said with a smile before he vanished.

Namid grabbed her cane and went back outside.

"Thank you. I want you to help me while us men do the bar-b-cuing," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"Okay, Daddy."

He led her over to a table and chairs that Alan had set up. On the table was a large red bowl and a large sheet of greaseproof paper.

"Okay, now inside this bowl is the minced burger meat. What I want you to do is make us some patties that we can cook while I get the charcoal lit and on its way. Now…"

He showed her what to do in her mind as well as instructed her on how to roll a bit of meat in her hands and make it into the patty. Once she was sure she knew what to do, he kissed her cheek and let her make the hamburger patties while he went over to the grill. While he and Alan started up the grill, the women and the two boys moved inside the tent to use the small kitchenette to make some other food for the meal. Alan let out a lazy yawn as he grabbed the small sack of charcoal and put some inside the bottom of the grill. At the same time the Doctor stood by with lighter fluid and matches. Alan grinned while he set the sack down by the grill and pointed to his hands.

"You know, if you pour all of that on there," he said, pointing to the lighter fluid, "and light it up; the food will be finished in seconds."

"So will our hair and I think both of our wives will be perturbed if our hair goes up in flames."

"Point taken," Alan said, nodding. "Best to use that fluid sparingly then, Brother."

"Yup," the Doctor said as he poured a small amount onto the charcoal.

He handed the fluid to Alan who went to put it back inside the tent and selected a wooden match from the box. He struck it along the sandpaper on the side and gently lit a few of the briquettes before setting the match inside.

"Phew, something smells," Namid said as she sat at the table.

"I think you smell the lighter fluid, Rainbow," he said as he studied the charcoal.

Satisfied they were burning; he closed the lid and let out a yawn of his own as he sauntered over to inspect his daughter's progress. He smiled and patted her back when he saw her five large patties sitting on the greaseproof paper.

"Excellent work, my daughter," he said to her. "Course I wouldn't have expected any less from you."

Namid giggled as he gave her several kisses on her right cheek. He started to go inside when Chaska and Chris ran outside laughing while they shot at each other with water pistols. He sighed when they tore around the camp with reckless abandon.

"Alright, you two, that's enough. You're gonna run into the grill and get everyone wet," he said to them.

He put his hands on his hips when they completely ignored him.

"Chris, Chaska, stop it!" he said firmly.

He glared at them when they still chased one another. Namid squealed when Chaska shot at Chris and she was caught in the crossfire.

"Right! You forced me to do this!" the Doctor muttered.

Chaska giggled as he shot at his cousin. Suddenly in his mind's eye, his father's face loomed large.

"Chaskalexodrianatodarino! STOP THIS INSTANT!" he bellowed at him.

Chaska gasped and stopped in his tracks. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Christopher stop and knew he had just undergone the same thing. Chaska looked at his father who was glaring at him.

"Sorry, Daddy," he said sheepishly.

"When I tell you to stop, it means stop, it doesn't mean continue tearing around the campsite like a bat outta hell," he said to him. "Now both of you go and find something quieter to do."

They both nodded and went back inside the tent as the Doctor sighed and shook his head. He walked over to Namid who now had ten burgers prepared.

"What am I gonna do with those two, Mi-mi?" he asked her.

Namid paused and thought.

"Are we playing house, Daddy?" she asked.

"House?"

"Yeah, I play house with Soki sometimes and our cousins. We pretend to be a family with the mummy and daddy and kids. Are you the daddy and I'm the mummy and Chas and Chris are our kids?"

The Doctor chuckled.

"Alright, yes, I am," he said, suddenly curious about the game.

"You think you have it rough? I have to slave over a hot stove all day just so you can work and make money for us," Namid said dramatically.

The Doctor sniggered.

"Is that why nothing gets done, my wife? Because you're always cooking?" he said.

"Well, someone's gotta feed your fat face."

"What?" the Doctor said with mock anger as Namid giggled. "Someone's gotta do what now? What was that you said to me?"

Namid threw the ball of hamburger down on the greaseproof paper and threw up her arms.

"You eat us out of house and home, Dear. We're all starving cause you gotta eat up everything in sight."

The Doctor giggled as Alan came up to them and watched with curiosity. He noticed Alan behind him and put his arm around him, drawing him to his side.

"No, Dear, this big lump here is the one that eats us out of house and home," he said to her. "Your son, Alan, is the one that eats and eats and eats. I'm the one that works and works and works."

"Um…'scuse me, but what is this you're doing?"

The Doctor quickly explained what they were doing and Alan snickered.

"You can't accuse me," Alan said in a child's voice. "I'm a gwowing kid, Daddy. I need to eat heaps of things. I have a big stomach."

"I'll say, we have to feed you and feed you," Namid said. "You eat more than an elephant."

"That's cause I am an elephant. I'm your pet, Snuffy, you just think I'm your son," Alan said.

"You see," the Doctor said to Namid as she giggled. "This is why I have to constantly work. Because you had to have a pet elephant!"

"I like Snuffy, he's nice!" Namid protested.

Alan trumpeted like an elephant at the same time Rose came outside with a covered bowl filled with salad.

"What is going on?" Rose said as she set the bowl down on the table. "We can hear ya in there."

"None of your business, my second wife," the Doctor said, turning to her. "Now get in there and do what I told you to do!"

Rose raised her eyebrow as Alan sniggered.

"I'm what now?" Rose said.

"We're playing house," the Doctor said. "Namid's the mummy, I'm the Daddy, this is our pet elephant, Snuffy, and you're Tituba, the Haitian woman I married after I answered an ad for mail order brides. Now, Tituba, go inside and cook my meal."

He, Alan and Namid giggled when Rose gave him an odd look.

"I worry about ya sometimes, Doctor," she muttered as she headed back into the tent.

"None of your cheek, Tituba! Fix me my meal!" the Doctor yelled at her.

"Tituba, that's great!" Alan said, patting him on the back.

"I tell ya, Snuffy, she's got a liberty just coming out here and trying to act like she's a free woman," the Doctor said to him. "I bought and paid for her which means she needs to shut her gob and work."

"Amen. Oops, I mean…"

Namid laughed harder when Alan trumpeted. As she went back to smoothing out her hamburger patty, Rain came outside and walked up to her husband.

"If that's your first wife and Rose is your second, what am I?" she asked him.

"You're Auntie Flim-flam," he said without missing a beat. "You're our barmy relative that lives in the cellar and eats scraps that are left over from Snuffy's meal."

Alan and Namid laughed hysterically as Rain gave him an odd look.

"No wonder everyone on Gallifrey shunned you, I'm sure no one knew what to think of you and your crazy imagination," she said.

"Shut your gob, Auntie Flim-flam or it's back to the cellar with ya!"

Rain smacked his arm and gave him a kiss on the cheek before she went back inside. The Doctor sighed happily and glanced at Alan.

"I quite like this game. I can see why Namid likes to play it," he said to him. "But for now, I must check the charcoal so you take over from here…Dad."

"Yo-ho," Alan said, saluting.

He walked over to Namid and bent down next to her face while she giggled.

"What? What is this? How dare you make the burgers puny!" he said to her.

Namid giggled as he lightly slapped her on the top of the head.

"I will not tolerate small burgers!" he said as he slapped her. "I am Daddy Dearest and there will be no wire hangers in your cupboard, do you hear me?"

"Hey!" Namid said, giggling.

"Don't hey me. There'll be no clothes on wire hangers here!"

"Brother…"

He let up and turned to the Doctor when he felt him tapping his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"She's ten, I doubt she understands the Mommy Dearest bit," he said to him.

"Oh, really? Okay, well, just carry on with burger making then and remember, no wire hangers!" he said sternly as he waggled his finger at her.

Suddenly, they heard Rose scream and the three of them jerked their heads towards the tent.

"WE'RE BEING ATTACKED! CYBERMEN HAVE HID INSIDE THE TENT AND JUST CAME OUT TO WRECK HAVOC!" Alan screamed as he ran over.

He paused at the door and watched as Rose ran out screaming. He waited for the others to run out but he only heard them laughing hysterically.

"Strange, the Cybermen must be using laughing gas this time and Rose escaped it," he muttered.

The Doctor tapped him on the shoulder.

"I have found out the reason why Rose screamed," he said to him.

"Cybermen?" Alan said to him.

"No, something far more sinister and deadly. A tiny brown mouse."

Alan stared at him in disbelief while the Doctor nodded.

"Yes, the Defender of the Earth has just wet her pants at the sight of a tiny rodent," the Doctor said.

Rain came outside, her hands cupped around the mouse.

"Okay, Rose, I have the mouse and I'm gonna let it loose far from the tent so you can come back now," she called out as she walked into the forest.

"No, wait, this has gotta be some sort of joke. The Bad Wolf is afraid of a teeny tiny mouse?" Alan said to the Doctor.

Tara leaned out.

"And not only that, it was a baby mouse," she said before she stuck her head back inside.

"A baby mouse," Alan said to Rose who was emerging from the forest with a beet red face. "You, Rose, are scared of a baby mouse."

"It ran across my foot, Alan."

"And yet, you can stand in front of the Cult of Skaro and taunt them about destroying their emperor and I imagine that was a far worse threat than a little squeaky rodent!" Alan countered.

"I'm sorry, I panicked, won't happen again, Hubby," Rose said, rolling her eyes.

Alan and the Doctor grinned at each other as Rose hurried back inside.

"Yup, never a dull moment round here," the Doctor said to him as he walked over to Namid.