Disclaimer: I don't own skins.
Set: Same time as Naomi's chapter and in Bristol. Freddie and Effy are on their way to the reunion.
Limping along the sidewalk, oblivious to people's stares, I pursed my lips. It was hard remembering how I used to roll down these streets so easily, cruising along, never wondering what it would be like to lose the ability to skate. To walk normally.
"Stop thinking about walking, and walk," Effy told me. I hated how she always knew what I was thinking.
My hand fumbled for hers and a new warmth spread through me as my sideways glance proved she was doing one of her rare smiles. I made her smile. Me.
"I love you," I made sure I told her that every day, because I liked having a truth to tell. My only truth was her.
Her voice grew strained as she stared ahead; her tough look, the look which told everyone she was diamond-strong, but told me she was hiding.
"I love you too," it should have been a simple reply, but there was some other emotion behind her words. Suddenly she bounded in front to face me with her brilliant, terrifying eyes. I stopped limping. Passers-by must have wondered why a broken man and a beautiful woman were blocking their way, but it was as if the world did not exist around us. I don't know how long we stayed like that.
She pushed me roughly against the wall and began kissing me as if we had no place to be and no people to meet. Reaching out a hand to her face, intent on pushing her gently away, she grabbed it and pulled me closer to her. And suddenly I didn't care where we were going. The only one thing in the world worth paying attention to was the contours of her thin body, the soft supple skin that lay underneath her hard protective exterior and her cool fingers running down my back. At home I'd usually tickle her and we'd laugh until I leant in and took her lips by surprise, then pulled her towards the bed. It was hard because I had less strength than I previously possessed but she never protested. Our hands would lace together, both of us trying to get as close as possible, to eradicate the space between us. I always felt sad knowing there was space between us, as if our molecules should have merged together so she couldn't leave me. I'd tease her; tantalisingly peeling off my clothes while she cried out in frustration every single time, but she'd always crack. Eventually she'd walk up to me, half undressed until our faces were so close I felt like I could drown in her eyes. My hand would sneak up towards her face but with a swift movement she'd catch it with hers, take my other hand and move me towards the wall before pinning me there. Then she'd sweetly press her mouth against the corner of mine, keeping her eyes open, still looking at me. Those were the best kisses. But now there was only desperation in her kisses, as if she wanted to tell me something without words.
"Freddie," she mumbled into my mouth. I pulled away. It was a mistake, as she only wanted to be closer. Her hands wrapping, clenching around my face so hard it hurt, I let out a whimper of pain. Her kiss was so hard it felt more like she was torturing me but I couldn't let go, couldn't use what strength I had left to keep her away because I never wanted her to be away. "I'm sorry."
She took a step back.
"What for?" my eyebrows dug down into my face, but she smiled her elusive smile, turned on her heels and loftily walked paces ahead without me. Did she not want me with her, by her side? Was she just desperate to see the rest of the old gang? What was she sorry for, why did she never make sense until I'd pieced together what she was trying to say? I wished I could have been more intelligent. Then I would have been better for her.
I don't know how many times I have looked at you Effy Stonem and cursed myself for not being good enough. You're deep, like a black hole, sucking me in with every breath. But when you leave, I'm left floating aimlessly in empty space. I remember buying you a giant bouquet of roses and you throwing them on the floor, telling me to stop being such a cliché – but I saw you, Effy Stonem, in the middle of the night picking them up again and hugging them to your chest so tightly you stopped breathing. I couldn't stay mad at you.
What went wrong?
