I am dying.

I know not how I am still alive, but I will not be much longer. My strength seeps from my body with my blood. Soon, the darkness will take me.

Is there an afterlife? The Aun never said. They talked of the here and now, of the Greater Good. I listened because it was the best way. Will the Greater Good find my body? Will it carry my soul away, and provide my corpse with a coffin? I wish I knew. They may never find my body here. Will they even look? There is so much I don't know.

Where is my battlesuit? My Xar'vesa? I ejected as the El'dar tank blew away its jump pack. Did the witches take it? Does it still lie on the field somewhere? It was like a part of me. I knew its every perk, its every complaint. It seemed alive. Does it wait for me like a loyal pet? I cannot return. I loose strength.

My childhood? I don't remember it. Why should I? The Greater Good provided for me. I never knew my parents - never wanted to know. History from five years of age - the Damocules Gulf Crusade by the Gue'la, the struggle against the endless, gibbering maws of the Y'he, the theology of the Greater Good. I rose quickly - I wasn't popular, but I was reliable. The other Shas'Ui trusted me, the Shas'La looked up to me. What more did I want? I was serving the Greater Good with all my soul and body. I was an example to the others.

I still remember her. I didn't think much of her at first. But when we were so small, she gave me a flower, a T'roi. Some freak of destiny kept us together, made our relationship blossom like a T'roi. I wonder if her corpse is amongst the dead as well. Is she burnt by the El'dar cannon, pierced by their foul blades? Is she whole or in pieces, my fair flower? I don't want to think about it. I cannot cry. Not enough strength for that. I don't think we'd even be paired together. The Greater Good does not want emotion - it wants efficiency. I believed that, once. All for one. Does the One give back to the All?

I remember my first fight. I screamed in terror as the Be'Gel came in their masses and their ramshackle vehicles. I killed some of them. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Point and click. A foul foe dies for the Greater Good. So simple - like my training. Then I watched as my comrades were sawed in half by a walker that sprang from the rubble, and then I shot it. I do not know how I survived. I still do not believe my luck. The thing was piloted by the smallest, weakest Be'Gel - I think they call them Grots. It had so much hate in its eyes. I watched the thing die cursing me in its tongue. Do the Be'Gel have a Greater Good? They send everyone to war. No-one is left behind - not even the dregs of society. Is it out of caring or sheer war lust?

I remember my Ta'lissera. It was with her, my T'roi. She smiled at me. We never separated. We fought together, an unstoppable team. The Gue'La cowered in their trenches. The Be'Gel panicked and ran. We never fought the Y'he. Would I risk it? Loosing her to their fetid claws or their acid? Doesn't matter now. She's dead.

I see things - people - move about. They have blue scales. I wish I could talk to them. Maybe they're here to scavenge from the field. They seem so sad. We were bringing them under the wing of the Empire. The El'dar wanted them to be left alone. We tried to persuade them. They wouldn't listen. Why don't people listen? War doesn't unite the stars. Those poor creatures. I wonder if they understand what happened here.

Was it a waste? My life? Raging at the foe, delivering death because I had no other purpose - was it all for nothing? Did every Pulse shot mean as much to the world as a grain of sand to a planet? I think so. It is not the most comforting thought to die upon, but what else is there? It is the truth. The Aun told us different, that one grain of sand could disrupt the entire beach. I don't think it was true, but I saw the Fio work on the paradise beaches on my shore leave. Perhaps they care. Is there someone who cares? Does someone count the grains of sand for us?

I do not have long left. My vision blurs. There is no pain - that left a long time ago. I hope they find my body, or put my name on a memorial. I don't want to die a no-one. A name at least, on a memorial, for the children to see on educational visits. Not nothing, not dust.

There is a light. It is not an El'dar trick, is it? What is it?

...My T'roi?