Nyota leaned back into his embrace. Later, she knew, there would be a price to paid for her indulgence, for now though, she allowed herself to bask in his warm presence.
That didn't mean she was ready to let him off the hook, however.
"That last time," she said, eyes still trained on the sea, "it wasn't just the Pon farr, was it? The other times, you weren't there. I mean, it was your body, but not quite your mind."
Spock sighed into her damp hair.
"You are very observant, k'diwa," he told her. "When the Pon farr strips us of our logic, it leaves behind only the need. I have not been fully 'present' during the bulk of our coital activities this week.
"However, we made love" she flinched at his chosen term "just now because I wanted you, and because I was still too close to my time to control my desire."
She turned in his arms to look at him.
"Are you telling me that you wanted to control it?" she demanded. "Are you saying you regret what just happened?"
"Regret is illogical, Nyota," he admonished. "I am saddened that my actions might cause you additional duress in the future, but it would be pointless to regret what has already occurred.
"I have become accustomed to mastering my desire for you," he continued. "If my body had been free of the mating hormone, I would have done so this evening, as well. In the future, I will do again."
Nyota felt her body go cold. She didn't care if he could sense how much his words hurt her; pride was the least of her considerations as a wash of anger-infused misery stole over her body.
His arms began to slacken as she focused her pain in hopes that he would share it through their contact. But so deep was her sorrow, she was unable to enjoy her success. Wrenching herself away from him at last, she snatched up her bathing suit and walked to the edge of water to rinse it off before climbing back into it.
She didn't speak as she gathered up the blanket, towel, basket and PADDs.
In the dark of the night, she made her way back to the hotel by memory alone.
It seemed that she would have to pay much sooner than she had anticipated.
*****
Spock sat naked on the sand for a long time after she left him. The intensity of her pain prevented him from functioning at optimal levels. His internal clock was not operational; he nearly forgot to listen to make sure she reached the main resort in safety. Nearly. An idle, very unVulcan, thought flashed across his mind.
If she should become injured on her return to our suite, he mused, that shall be my fault, as well. And, surely, I would cease to function altogether.
He had expected her to be angry when he informed her that their most recent copulation had not been an attempt at reconciliation. He was well aware that she would require more from him than emotionally satisfying sexual intercourse should he wish to attempt to resume his previous relationship with her. He knew better than to try unless he had that "more" to offer.
As he did not, and did not foresee a future when he ever would, he had given her honesty instead.
He had expected her anger, perhaps even a little sadness or disappointment.
The icy sense of… violation he had sensed instead was unexpected and… incapacitating. He did not understand where she had found the power to stand and walk away.
Dr. McCoy had accused him of not understanding human women; he had countered that Nyota not like other human women. And while it was true that she was stronger and more reasonable than others he had become acquainted with during his years with Starfleet, he the knew his implication had been that he understood Nyota better than the doctor did.
Spock began to suspect he had overstated his case.
**********
Author's note: I know this is super-short, but I had to use it as a bridge between the other two chapters. Sorry if you got the last update notice!! I made a mistake and had to fix it.
Disclaimer: I am not being paid to write fanfiction and I do not own Star Trek, any Star Trek characters or Star Trek concepts
