It took a great deal of self-control to recompose herself and follow him out of the suite. If any head turned as they crossed the hotel lobby, it was to get a second look at her calm, pleasingly symmetrical face or to study her austere Vulcan companion. No one would have guessed at the maelstrom of emotional turmoil plaguing both Starfleet officers.
Over the next three days, in which they visited all seven of Sbelisdim's mines, Spock and Uhura maintained a coolly polite professionalism which had the unintended benefit of causing the mine officials to believe that the pretty human woman and handsome Vulcan man were not to be crossed. The inspections were completed without undue opposition.
She spent her evenings on the hidden beach or in the resort city, either or visiting the social establishments where she could practice her skill at languages on the native speakers that flocked there to take advantage of the planet's amenities.
He spent his evenings meditating, perusing science journals he had not had a chance to read on the ship and partaking of quiet meals in the suite.
The first day after the completion of the inspections, they avoided each other altogether. By the time dawn had broken on the second day, Uhura had come to a decision.
"We're stuck here together for another three days, Commander," she told him. "It's ridiculous for us to treat each other as strangers. We're colleagues, and we were once friends. I hope we can continue being both. The last thing I want is to get back to the ship and have everyone giving me funny looks again."
He did not question her about the "funny looks" she did not wish to receive "again." He suspected those were in some way related to the rumor (she assured him it was widespread) that he had left her for the ship's captain.
"I would like to be your friend as well, Lieutenant," he replied.
She gave a short nod of acknowledgment, but crossed her arms over her chest in what was clearing a gesture of self-protectiveness.
"I don't want you to think this will be easy," she said, her voice sounding slightly defensive. "I'm still really hurt, and really angry, but I do understand your intentions were not malicious. So, I'm willing to try if you are."
Spock stared at her intently, trying, and failing, to determine the reason behind her rapid change of mind. Was it simply a matter of easing the tension between them and of avoiding embarrassment once they returned to the Enterprise? He could not tell, but as those were two results he both desired and could reasonably expect to achieve by agreeing to aid her in this endeavor, he was willing to agree. To almost anything.
"How would you suggest we begin?" he queried.
For just a moment, the woman standing before him looked helpless and at a loss for words. He was unaccustomed to seeing appear so unsure of herself. The thought that he was most likely responsible for the alteration was surprisingly painful.
"Maybe, maybe we should start with breakfast," she suggested uncertainly. "Together, I mean."
Spock inclined his head. "That would be agreeable," he said.
.
Sixty-eight point one hours later, Jim Kirk reached Spock on his communicator. Although they were no longer stiff and silent in one another's company, the half-Vulcan decided to let his human friend sleep for another five hours before sharing his news.
"Lt. Uhura," he said when she emerged from her room later in the morning, "I have received word from the Enterprise. They will reach standard orbit around Sbelisdim in three point six hours. You should be ready to beam up in four."
******
Returning to the starship meant ignoring the curious looks of crewmates who wondered how the former couple had managed to get along alone together for two weeks (or who wondered if the trip had facilitated a reconciliation) and dodging the captain's unsubtle attempts at cornering her to "see how you're doing."
Nyota couldn't ignore the ship's doctor when he ordered her to Sickbay for a full work up ("Gotta make sure he didn't brainwash you into lettin' him live!"), and, not being quite herself again yet, she wasn't quick enough to dodge an unexpected visitor to her quarters on the first night back.
She accepted Ambassador Spock's invitation to dinner because she couldn't think of an acceptable reason to decline. Half way to the officer's mess, it occurred to her that "I'm really tired from the trip" would have been suitable, but by then of course, it was too late.
.
"It's not your fault," she told him, reaching across the table to take his hand in hers. "You couldn't have known he would react that way."
Spock smiled grimly. "You are very kind to say so, Lieutenant," he told her, "but the truth is, I believe that had my pride not prevented me from sharing my own failures with my own Nyota Uhura, he may never have assumed that a life with you was ultimately impossible. If I had revealed to him what a, pardon the vernacular, 'fuck up' I had been with her, perhaps he would have worked doubly hard to ensure your own happiness."
Her tinkling laugher and the acceptance flowing through the touch of her hand suffused him with a sense of affection and warmth.
"You know," she confessed, "I did blame you a little, at first. When I thought he and Jim had become a couple."
.
Spock watched the small brown hand slide over the much larger, pale wrinkled one. He glanced up in time to see his older self return Nyota's soft smile. Holding on the cold clarity of reason, he pushed down a tendril of something dark and painful blossoming in his abdomen.
Through a haze of conflicting inclinations, he forced his feet to carry him to their table. Absenting all traces of anger and jealousy from his voice, he greeted them both pleasantly.
She looked up at him with a smile that was no less warm than the one she had given the old half-Vulcan. He did not fool himself with the belief that this was a sign he had earned her forgiveness; more likely, the ease of her smile was a symptom of his decreased importance in her life.
"Spock, " she said, patting the chair next to her own, "join us."
"I cannot remain long," he informed them as he took his seat. "It is nearly time for my nightly meditation."
"I imagine it is." Ambassador Spock nodded sagely, but his young counterpart was certain the other's words were meant to be mocking.
Spock strove to show that he was unaffected by the familiarity being displayed between the woman he loved and the man who had once been him. He was successful for seven point four minutes the three of them chatted about inconsequential things. When his eyes flicked over to the wrinkled hand which had moved to cover Nyota's, he realized that he did not, in fact, possess the control needed to remain in their company any longer. He would need to meditate at once.
"Forgive me," he cut into Nyota's discourse on Sbelisdim's unique dilithium exaction process, "I must take my leave of you at this time."
"Oh," she said, looking up at him, a half smile touching her lips. "Have a good night, then, Spock."
"You, as well, Nyota," he said, nodding. He had not called her by her given name in five days.
The illogical thought that the ambassador's dark eyes were boring into him crossed his mind as he turned to bid his counterpart farewell.
"Ambassador," Spock said with a curt nod.
"Commander," Spock said without moving his head at all.
****
Jim fell into step with him just outside the mess doors.
"Spock, it isn't what you think," he said. It was clear even to the half-Vulcan that his voice was filled with pity. "They're just friends. Barely even that."
"I was unaware that you had developed telepathic abilities, Jim," Spock said coolly. "If you have, it would only be fair of me to tell you that they have failed you in this instance. You have misread my thoughts about Lt. Uhura's choice of acquaintance."
He turned towards the nearest turbolift, but Jim grabbed his shoulder.
"Bullshit. You still love her. You know it. I know it. She knows it. And the other you knows it."
Uncharacteristically, Spock heaved a deep sigh.
"T'hy'la, whatever feelings I may harbor for Nyota Uhura are irrelevant," he told his friend. "I made a choice to live apart from her when I first returned to the Enterprise instead of joining my people on the colony, and in doing so, I hurt her. I made another poor choice while we were on Sbelisdim, and in doing so, I caused her to feel I violated her trust in me.
"I relinquished any say I might have had in her personal life long ago. She is free to associate with whomever will help contribute to her happiness. And I, in fact, welcome the knowledge that she has such persons in her life."
Jim frowned at him. "You may welcome the idea, but can you handle the reality?"
*********
Author's Note: I have just one chapter left. Please tell me what you have thought of this.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I do not get paid to use their characters in fan fiction.
