Cold coffee, I hate cold coffee. There have been too many cups of cold coffee since she left. Hell she didn't allow drinks in the lab out of fear someone would spill on the equipment.

Sighing I grab the mug, hoping the bad taste will keep me awake. Gazing into the darkness that blankets the room I feel my muscles complain of a lack of use; pushing away from the desk and standing they moan thanks. From the corner of my eye I see Kos-Mos's status light blink on her bed; it seems dimmer these days. She knows the details just as I do, but I swear she has sadness to her that wasn't there before.

I shouldn't be the one in charge; Shion was the heart of it all; she drove us, kept it all focused. Now they look to me and it's just…not right.

I hate being buried down here under everything else; it's not enough to have the project on my shoulders but this whole place feels like it's trying to crush me.

How did she do it? From the day she took over people have questioned her, tested her commitment and passion for the project. Not to mention the constant reminder of Kevin's death; she just bottled it up I know but there is only so much a person can hold in before they break. Is that why she left, did she break and just hide it from all of us?

I feel my hand tremble and look down at my hand squeezing the life out of the mug. Damn, how many times have I had this conversation with myself, five, ten, a hundred?

"I should have stopped her."

Trying to calm myself I close my eyes and take a deep breath, but she fills my mind. I can see her crying over his grave in the rain, the fear in her eyes during the Encephalon dive and her tears after Kos-Mos saved the Elsa. She suffered so many times and I couldn't stop any of it.

I open my eyes finding the same darkness; it never seems to turn to light and I hate that. I can hear the beeps and twirps of the consoles recording each moment reminding me there is still work to be done. I might not have Shion's intuition with Kos-Mos, but I'll be damned if I am the reason she has one more disappointment in her life.

Sitting back down I take a sip of my coffee, the cold bitter metallic taste fills my mouth making me wince. God I hate cold coffee.