A/N: WOW!!! Thanks for all the great reviews! I don't know what to say.......except Thanks ^^ I hope you really like the next chapter;D Have fun!!!;-)
And again a big thank you to lauradaexplorer for beta reading!!


He had no idea when he last was so angry with himself. How could he be so stupid? If Gibbs had been alone in the office, he would have given himself a head slap. He would have deserved it. Almost 45 minutes had passed since he came back to the office, after he had gotten himself a new coffee. Gibbs had heard Ziva, McGee and Abby talk about how the previous evening had been. They had laughed as they told Tony every detail. Then, without even a second thought, Gibbs had interfered and claimed the food would have been delicious.

He was an total idiot, he had not even been there! Of course, Ziva had invited him and told him what she wanted to cook. But after he had heard throughout the day, as McGee and Palmer had talked repeatedly with each other or with Ziva about her invitation and Tony didn't say a word about it, he had decided against it. Abby had also mentioned it to Gibbs and Ducky had been pleased that Ziva had invited him, too. But everyone seemed to just talk about it when DiNozzo wasn't anywhere near. With some, like Abby and Ducky, he was sure it was a coincidence with the others however, Gibbs was not so sure. Jethro was, however, sure that McGee and Palmer hadn't meant any harm and that secretly, no one really wanted to hurt Tony. Nevertheless, it had almost broke Gibbs heart when he had seen the pain in Tony's eyes, after his statement.

It was this expression on his face, Jethro didn't get to see often. It was the expression that Tony's face had, when he talked about his past. Not only the little pieces that he let slip when his colleagues were near. No, Tony got this special expression when he talked about the real secrets of his family and his childhood. Those which had brought him the most pain.

And to see it in the office, caused by him, while McGee was sitting right beside him and smiled.....

How could he be so stupid!?

He had hurt the man who meant more to him than anything else. And he knew that none of his apologetic gestures, could save him this time. In this one moment, that single second in which Tony had lost his mask and revealed his true feelings, Gibbs was able to recognize how much he had hurt the man he loved.

Yes, he loved Anthony DiNozzo, his senior field agent. And thats the reason why he should have known better, he had had to bring the conversation to an end much sooner. Above all, it was the reason that Tony deserved an apology.

Yes, he would apologize to Tony. That was probably the only thing to do and right thing to do. Also before he could change his mind, he had better do it right away. The only problem was, Tony wasn't sitting at his desk. Yeah, he had said that he wanted to hit the head, but that was twenty minutes ago. He hadn't left the building. His jacket was still hanging over his chair and his keys were lying on his desk. With a jolt Gibbs stood up and walked, with big steps, towards the men's room. McGee and Ziva had flinched a little when Gibbs suddenly stormed off, but he didn't care at this moment. To be honest, they deserved much more than this little scare.

At the door Gibbs stopped again and took a deep breath. The day had been one hell of a nightmare. Tony and Ziva have been gone for hours and they had not had a single trail, no indication where the two could have been. Then they finally figured out that the two were stuck in a container somewhere, stored at the port. Only the "where" no one could answer. Next, Tony's brilliant idea to put the money as a trail. DiNozzo had called him and told him he should follow the trail of money. Gibbs couldn't describe how happy and relieved he was to hear Tony's voice. Finally they had found them, but the next shock followed immediately. Tony had been hit by a bullet. Fortunately, it was a through and through and no artery or muscles were injured. Anyay he was more than happy that the day ended and he could go home with Tony.

Gibbs took another deep breath before he finally opened the door. He had expected that Tony was standing in front of the mirror, bent over the sink, splashing water in his face. But nothing. The room was completely empty. Gibbs went in, to search the booths. But nothing. Tony was not there anymore. Perhaps he had gone to Abby's lab, but Gibbs' gut told him that wasn't the case. DiNozzo was a man who couldn't forgive easily, but after what just happened....

Abby and he himself had probably hurt Tony the most. They were the people whom he trusted most and they had simply thrown it away. There was another person Tony trusted. Ducky. The M.E was also the only one who had not trampled on his feelings. It was therefore most likely that Tony was down with him in autopsy. Without thinking about it, Gibbs pulled his phone from his jacket and pressed the speed dial button. He didn't have to wait long. After the third ring he heard a familiar voice.

"Autopsy" Dr. Donald Mallard answered.

"Duck, it's me" Gibbs said. "Tony with you?"

"Anthony?" the pathologist asked surprised. "No, he's not with me, and he should not be in the office. He was shot, Jethro. He should be home and resting."

Ducky was right. After they had patched him up in the emergency room, Gibbs had wanted to take Tony home, too, but the young half Italian, had once again managed to convince him that he was fine and that one or two hours at the office wouldn't harm him. Moreover, they were able to write their reports and close the case once and for all. Gibbs, who was more than happy, to finally close the case, had agreed despite knowing better, and here he was now. Alone in the men's room and no idea where his injured lover was.

lauradaexplorer

Today, 7:24am Without another word Gibbs snapped his phone shut and stormed back into the bullpen. He had hoped, that Tony would came back by now, but he was nowhere to be seen. Abby stood in front of McGee's desk. And she was nervous. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other and apparently she didn't know what to do with her hands.

"Abbs, what are you doing here?" He asked briskly, as he stood behind her. Startled, the young Goth turned around.

"Gibbs! I wanted to call Tony, but he's not picking up. So I'm here. But Tony isn't and then Tim told me that he has been gone for twenty minutes. That seemed a little long for a trip to the men's room, so we've just looked at the security tapes of the last twenty minutes. Tim thought it was a bad idea. He said that Tony is only having a little sulk, because he wasn't invited to Ziva's dinner. But I feel so guilty, Gibbs. I saw the look on his face, when you told him how delicious the food was, while you were actually not even there ... Anyway, I'm totally sorry, I think we really....... "

"Abs!" Gibbs interrupted her rambling. He knew what he had done. She didn't have to tell him again. "The tapes? Tony isn't in the men's room. "

"I know. He left the buildings 15 minutes ago."

"Oh dear, and as I can see he has not even taken his jacket."

Gibbs had heard that Ducky had joined them and was therefore the only one not to flinch as he spoke.

"We should find him quickly. In this weather, you can quickly catch pneumonia and Anthony's lungs are weakened by the infection with the pneumonic plague, which makes him even more vulnerable. And it isn't helpful for his gunshot wound either."

"What gunshot wound?" McGee asked suddenly, before anyone else could say anything. "I thought he just caught himself a splinter?"

"Well, think again, McGee," Gibbs said as he turned around, grabbed Tony's jacket and then disappeared in the direction of the stairs.

Normally, he would take the elevator, but at the moment, it was not fast enough. He had to find Tony and he had to find him fast. Gibbs would never forgive himself if something would happen to his lover. Especially feeling the certainty that it would be his fault.


Actually I had planned to take a walk in order to clear my head and perhaps bring a little bit of sense in this whole situation. But I hadn't gone very far. The trip from the stairs of the third floor down to the lobby of headquarters had cost me all my remaining energy. I shouldn't be very surprised about that. The adrenaline that had flowed through my veins all day, was now gone and the effects of the pain meds had worn off too. I had made it to the door of the building. I turned left, in hope I might get to the park. But after only ten steps, I had given up and settled on the wall in front of NCIS headquarters.

I had no idea how much time had passed, but so far my little excursion hadn't brought me anything yet. I just don't know, why the others excluded me. What made it worse was that they seemed proud of it. What had I done that they treated me like that?

Ziva, yeah. I might have been able to find a reason. She wasn't working with us for so long and maybe she just don't like me. But the others? Until now I had always thought that they liked me. Especially Abby. She was my best friend. My little sister. I had told her almost about my whole life. And I knew a lot about her. I thought we had a special relationship.

That Ziva had invited them to her dinner, wasn't so bad, I could live with that. But the fact that they knew that I was the only one who was not invited and that they enjoyed to constantly remind me.......

And Gibbs. Leroy Jethro Gibbs, the man whom I had fallen in love with when I first saw him in Baltimore. The man with whom I spent almost every night during the last few years. I would do anything for him without a second thought.

Damn, he had confessed his love. He didn't say it often and he doesn't have to. He was, like me, not a guy who expressed his feelings openly. But he showed that he loved me all the time, especially when we were at home. His way of talking to me, his gestures, his expressions. I could always read it in his eyes.

And I loved him too, I had always and probably always will. I trusted him with my life and my love. He knew everything about me. And that's the reason why his words had hurt so much. The two people whom I trusted most, had shown today that I should reconsider my decision. Perhaps they were not as trustworthy as I thought. McGee and Ziva were not much better.

In fact, Ducky had been the only one missing. And Palmer of course. On any other day I would have sworn that Ducky would have been on my side. But after what happened tonight, I wasn't so sure anymore. He wouldn't be the only one who had disappointed me in this way.

But I had to remain fair. Ducky hadn't been there, he had done anything.

A breeze suddenly hit me and I knew at that moment that I was no longer alone. Jethro. It smelled of sawdust and gunpowder. I would recognize it anywhere. However, I didn't show that I had noticed him. I just stared straight ahead and waited to see what he would do next. I didn't have to wait long. Because only a few seconds later something was wrapped around my shoulders. My jacket. And only now I realized I was shaking. I was cold, which really wasn't surprising at these low temperatures.

"We should go inside, Tony. It's icy out here" Jethro suddenly said, as if reading my thoughts. I sometimes really thought that he did. Often he just looked at me and I don't know if he could see it in my eyes or if he simply was a mind reader. But he always knew what I was thinking. When I was sad, he always found the right words to cheer me up again. And I loved it because it gave me the confidence that I was important to him and that he would always be there for me.

But not today.

"I think I would rather go home," I said, still avoiding his gaze.

"Okay," he replied softly, "I'll get the car."

"No," I had no idea why I suddenly sounded so harsh, but the idea of sleeping at his side tonight, was somehow scary. "I think I'm sleeping at my apartment."

I could feel Jethro's eyes on me, but I continued to suppress the urge to look at him.

"Okay, then we drive to your apartment." I finally looked over at him. Gibbs' expression was soft. Lovingly, full of concern and apologetically. But at the moment, I couldn't bring myself to react in any way. But I noticed that it doesn't matter to me at the moment. I was hurting and tired and that physically and mentally. I just wanted to lie down and sleep the next two weeks.

"I want to be alone, Gibbs." I tried to stand, to reaffirm my statement, but everything around me suddenly began to spin and my legs slowly gave out under my weight. But before anything could happen, two strong hands grabbed me and helped lower me down I closed my eyes for a few seconds and when I opened them again the world had stopped spinning and Jethro knelt in front of me.

"I can't let you go, Tony," he said, "You can't even stand, let alone walk up the stairs to your apartment. I'll get the car and then we go home. "

He was right. I knew he was right. But still I didn't like the idea. But I had no choice. If I wanted to be alone, I would have to spend the night here on the wall. But then I would most likely freeze to death.

Thanks, but no thanks.

So I nodded in agreement. Gibbs smiled briefly before he got up and made his way to the garage.

I had no idea what I should do. I wanted to be alone. I had to be alone. I had to think about some things. Even though I was sure that I couldn't do it tonight. My shoulder ached now painfully an my headache was getting worse. I had problems concentrating on anything but the pain. Besides, the cold seemed to be slowly but surely set in my bones. I just wanted to go home and curl up in my bed.

No, actually I wanted to lie down in our bed. I wanted Jethro to lay down beside me, I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and warm me, and that he took care of me.

But I couldn't trust him with this task tonight. Tonight I would be alone.

TBC


A/N: I unfortunately can't always post so quickly;-) But I will try not to take too long^^