A/N: I'm so sorry it took me so long. I've got sick.....again. But now I'm back from hospital and won't go away anymore;D Also I've brought a new chap!!!!;-D I now have an beta reader!! Thanks again to lauradaexplorer! And of course thank you all for the greaaaat reviews!!!!
And now.....have fun;-D


The ride home went completely silently. It took Jethro only a few minutes to fetch the car and help me into the passenger seat.

Gibbs drove more cautiously than usual and I was leaning my forehead against the window. Neither of us said a word. The coolness of the window felt good, because although I was cold, my skin felt hot. I knew that I had a fever and could only hope that it was just a consequence of the stress of the day. Becoming sick was the last thing I needed now.

With Gibbs behind the wheel, the ride home normally only took fifteen minutes. But because he drove like a normal person today, it took us almost twice that long. When we finally arrived, I found I was willing to spend - despite the uncomfortable position - the night in the car. I was sure that I couldn't move far, but I was also sure that Jethro wouldn't let me sleep in the car. I had to get out, into the house and then to bed. Whether I wanted to or not. I had just opened the passenger door when Jethro was at my side. I hadn't

even noticed that he had already got out of the car. He gently grabbed my arm and helped ease me out. I needed his help for a few

seconds, until the dizziness ebbed away to a tolerable level. Then I pulled my arm back from his grip and went on my way to our ...... to his house.

We always called it our house. It was our home.

Why I didn't look at it that way today? I don't know. Perhaps because I felt betrayed. The man, whom I trusted the most, had hurt me

today. The people with whom I worked, my friends, whom I entrusted with my life everyday at work, they had shown me this evening that I was not one of them. Actually, I should be familiar with this. It wasn't different in my childhood. At that time I also learned to hide my feelings behind a smile. But today I wasn't able to for a few seconds. I knew that the pain was visible in my eyes. Not because I was out of practice, or had decided to show others my true feelings. And not, because everything was so surprising. That's the way it usually was. No. It happened because the pain was caused by people whom I trusted more than anyone else in my whole life.

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have trusted them from the beginning. When I met Jethro, it took only one glimpse in those blue eyes and I was desperately in love. I had never thought that it would be possible. Love at first sight. Whenever anyone had told me about it, I laughed and declared them an idiot.

And then it happened to me.

But that does not mean that I trusted him immediately. Gaining my trust had been a hard fight for Jeth and also for Abby and Ducky. They fought hard for it. I always thought that it would be important to them. That I would be important to them and I had finally found a real family. Perhaps I was mistaken. But on the other hand, it wasn't the first time. Never before had they betrayed my trust. We all had had a hard day, maybe I was just an easy target at which they could let out their frustration.

Far too many "maybes". I didn't know what to think. The roller coaster in my head just didn't want to stand still and I wasn't able to think clearly. Nevertheless, I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed that Jethro had helped me into the house and up the stairs. We now faced the first door on the upper floor. The bedroom. And Jeth wanted to help me in. I had to use all the enrgy that was left, to defend myself against his firm grip. He looked at me with a mixture of anxiety and confusion.

"I would rather sleep in the guest room today," I finally said. I cursed my voice, because it sounded so uncertain.

I knew that this was not what I wanted. I wanted to stay in the bedroom. I wanted Jethro to lie down beside me and wrap his arms around me. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. And I wanted this to be our house, our home. Yet tonight, I would sleep in the guest room.

I had to do it. I had no idea where this feeling came from, but I was literally afraid to spend the night with Jethro. Every fiber of my body screamed at me to take his hand and drag him with me into the bedroom. But there was another part of me that just dominated, the part that was a little boy who was afraid of doing something wrong. He wanted to be alone, so that nobody could hurt him anymore.

"Tony..."

I interrupted him before he could say more. No matter what it was, I didn't want to hear it at the moment. I knew, if I would let him talk now, the whole thing would end up in a long discussion.

"I'll sleep in the guest room." I said again. This time my voice sounded more secure and apparently Jethro noticed it too and continued helping me to the next door.

The guest bedroom was not particularly big. In the middle, on the right wall of the room stood a large bed of beech wood and beside a matching bedside table. On the other side stood a small wardrobe and with that the room was already full.

"I'm downstairs." Gibbs said, suddenly "If you need anything, just shout."

I just nodded in reply. What could I say?

Slowly Jethro went on his way out. I could feel his gaze once again bored into my back, before he quietly closed the door behind him. I waited until I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore. Only then did I let myself slowly fall to the bed. I knew that I should take off my clothes, but I didn't get farther than the jacket. I was too tired. The only thing I could do was to lie down and close my eyes. I still felt cold, but I no longer had the strength to pull the blanket under me to cover myself.

It took only seconds before I fell asleep.


Half an hour ago Gibbs had gone into the basement, with the intention to work a little on his boat. But for exactly half an hour he just stood in front of his it. He hadn't done anything. He couldn't, not with his concern for Tony whirling around his head.

Gibbs had never seen the younger man this....hurt? desperate? And he was responsible.

Of course this wasn't the first time Gibbs and Tony had fought, Jethro hadn't even hurt him the first time. After all, the second b in his name,stands for bastard. But this time it was something else. This time he had really screwed up.

"Damn! Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you're a total idiot! "

Gibbs knew that his comment had contributed only indirectly to this situation. The problem was not that what he had said. This was only the tip of the iceberg. The problem was what he hadn't said. He had known about the dinner. He had known that Tony wasn't invited. And only Tony. The day before, he had only had to open his mouth to tell DiNozzo, that Ziva had invited him to come over. The two would have talked about it and Tony would have had time to prepare himself for the day.

Gibbs couldn't understand why Ziva hadn't invited Tony, anyway. He thought the two would get along well. And DiNozzo had thought that, too.

He had to talk to Ziva and ask her what she has been thinking.

What had he been thinking? Yeah, right, he had thought he would protect Tony from something that would come out anyway.

It was faster than he would have liked.

He desperately needed to talk to Tony. They had to do it soon. Anthony DiNozzo had a habit of plunging himself into work, when he had a lot in his mind. Or do something else that was stupid or which was not very healthy.

And in his present condition it could perhaps even be fatal.

It hadn't escaped Gibbs earlier that Tony was, despite the cold, much too warm. He hoped that it was only a consequence of a more than stressful day, but his gut told him something else. Slowly, Gibbs went upstairs. He wanted to see if Tony needed anything before he too went to bed. He wouldn't get much sleep tonight anyway. He worried to much about his younger lover.

Upstairs he slowly opened the door to the guest bedroom. Tony lay on his back, fully clothed and slept soundly. Before he went in, Gibbs turned around again and went into their bedroom to get the blanket from the bed. He had others, but this blanket was still the warmest. As quietly as he could, Gibbs went in to the guest room. Before he covered Tony, he took off his shoes and socks and stroked a lock of hair from his forehead.

He watched Tony a few minutes, before he went back into their bedroom and lay down in their empty and cold bed.

The concern about his partner was not the only reason why he couldn't sleep. Without Tony by his side, he always had problems falling asleep. The warmth, the feeling of security. All that was missing when he was alone in the big bed.

Tomorrow morning he needed to talk to Tony. They had a lot to clear up. He had a lot to repair.

And Gibbs was ready to do everything he could to regain Tony's trust again.

TBC


A/N Hope you liked it!? I will hurry, but the next chapter will take a few days;-) Hope to see you then *hug*