Chapter 4
My hair was a complete mess. I was un-showered and dirty, and I more than likely smelt like body odor. But I couldn't find the place in my heart that actually cared about those things, if it even existed at all.
I was up until at least one AM trying to get Edward's algebra done along with all of my own homework. I couldn't even start any of it until at least eleven thirty because instead of being worried, Renee just bitched at me until she passed out on the couch. Charlie's rage didn't ever come like I expected it to – especially with Renee freaking out downstairs. Instead, he locked himself up in their God damned bedroom and that was the last I'd heard of him besides his beastly snoring when I headed out to wait for Edward, whom I actually expected to be waiting in the drive for me this time.
And instead of being a bitch or trying to win some stupid starring match, I politely handed him his algebra homework, save for the intended sarcasm of the nice gesture, and remained quiet for the rest of the ride to school.
When he parked, I intended to get the fuck out of there and away from him, but nothing ever went like I planned when Edward was involved. I could have easily unlocked the door manually instead of waited for him to do it, but he spoke before I had the chance to reach for the handle.
"Hey," he said awkwardly. "What's your deal this morning?"
My hand fell limply to my lap. "Nothing?"
I honestly wasn't in the mood to fight or use sarcasm or get humiliated. I was just so sick and tired of the same old shit. My life was set on replay constantly. Day after day was the same, and I hated every second of every minute of it. I never realized until this morning how repetitive my life actually was. If I wasn't in a bitchy mood, I was upset. If I wasn't upset, I was miserable. If I wasn't miserable I felt like bringing the trouble onto myself. It was all the same. How did Edward never get tired of me? I was already tired of myself.
"Oh." He said, still that awkward aura hovering around us. "Listen, about yesterday… I'm sorry. I overreacted."
I didn't respond, just starred ahead. I was so… bored. Blank. I felt nothing but boredom.
He cleared his throat quietly. "Just don't tell anyone. I know I was a dick that time."
That time? Normally I would've actually said that and earned myself some sort of cruel humiliation, but I couldn't find the will to speak. I starred ahead monotonously. I felt that if I had spoken, it wouldn't have come out sarcastic, it would've come out just as monotonous as I felt.
"Cat got your tongue?" he asked, suddenly as sarcastic as I wanted to sound.
I knew what he was doing. He's trying to provoke the anger that I just wasn't feeling today. I turned to look at him, blinking, purposefully showing him my eyes. I knew when he knew that there wasn't feeling, because his sarcastic look dropped instantly.
"Open book," he murmured quietly, lowering his head to his lap subtly, and then bringing it up again instantly. He sighed, unlocking the doors. "C'mon, let's get to class."
-
Alice and Eric were talking when I got to the chemistry lab. It felt terrible the way through all of the walls of unfeeling that were surrounding me today that my heart still sank. I approached our lab table slowly, setting my bag on my chair in which Alice was standing in front of. I cleared my throat.
Their eyes flickered briefly to me before exchanging another look together. Alice finally turned to stare at me. She smiled that pretty smile of hers. Her specs weren't pink and sparkly today; they were black and oval-rimmed. Her deep blue eyes bore into mine with some message I wasn't receiving. My head cocked to the side curiously.
"I've got to talk to you after class," was all she said to me before maneuvering her way around me to her seat at the back of the class.
I watched unwillingly as Eric's eyes trailed after her desperately. It was so pathetic the way he was so smitten for her. It occurred to me then that maybe I was the pathetic one for being so selfish as to want to keep Alice and Eric from each other if that's who they both wanted. So be it if they liked each other. That's just how it had to be if it was going to end up that way. Could you blame me for hating it, though?
"Hi, Bella." Eric said cautiously, sliding a cylinder towards me.
I started in on the procedure without thought. "Hey."
"You look…" he trailed off, considerably nervous. He cleared his throat lowly then. From the corner of my eye I could see his Adam's apple bob. "Different today," he finished after a moment.
"Um… thanks, I guess."
"Heh, yeah." He pulled at the hem of his collar.
We didn't speak for the remainder of class. I moved through the rest of the day with reserved movements, not bothering to pay attention during my classes. Where my mind was, I didn't know, because I wasn't thinking about anything in particular. I just wasn't there, mind wise. In body I was there for attendance however.
As the day ended and I was gathering my things, I heard Alice shouting my name. My head ducked. I'd managed to go one day without being picked on; I didn't want all eyes on me now that the day was over.
"Hey!" she called, her tone irritated, as I slung my bag over my shoulder and shut my locker.
My eyes found the floor as I walked. There was a hole in the toe of my left sneaker. Huh. I never noticed that before. I guess I could make a shopping trip this weekend. That is, if Renee let's me borrow her ancient Chevy. I loved that truck and she completely despised it. Hopefully she'll give it to me one day.
I guess that was where my mind has been all day; random places, thinking about random things.
"Bella?" she caught up with me. "You didn't wait for me after class. I said I had to talk to you." She was breathless. For being so thin, she was completely out of shape. Maybe she spent her hours reading books cooped up in her bedroom like me.
"About what?" I asked quietly.
"First – are you sure you're all right? You've been in a daze all day it seems like."
My brows furrowed. "Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, I guess."
"Oh, okay. Well, guess what?" she grinned, so happy.
I sniffed the cool, damp air as we stepped outside. It wasn't as cold as it was yesterday. I hadn't noticed at all this morning. I really have been lost all day.
"So you know how you said stay away from guys that look like jerks? Well – there's this guy named Jasper Whitlock. He's on the football team – running back or something like that? I don't know; I wasn't paying too much attention to that part. He said he's been having some trouble in chemistry lately and get this – he wants me, Alice Brandon, to tutor him! Isn't that awesome –"
"Don't do it," I rudely interrupted her ramblings.
I know exactly what that sorry excuse of a boy was going to do to Alice. Edward did the exact same thing to me. First, they make you think it's awesome you're smart and then they lay it on you that they need tutoring and that they may actually be interested in you and then once you're hooked – all they use you for is the homework.
"…What? I-I thought you'd be happy for me or something."
I sighed, stopping my pace to turn and look at her. She did the same to me. She looked completely vexed at my words.
"I only say it because I know what its like to be you, Alice."
From the look on her face, she still didn't get it. "What are you talking about?"
"I know what its like to be new here. And I know what its like to be caught up with the thought that someone like Jasper Whitlock would want to have absolutely anything to do with you at all. And the fact that he needs help with the thing you love the most! It seems perfect. He seems so modest and kind. But he's a jock. None of them are what they seem."
Alice starred at me. Anger shadowed her pretty face and for a second there I thought she would yell at me. But she didn't. "Did he do this to you, too?" she whispered, her voice shaking. "Did Jasper make a fool out of you?"
"No," I starred at her as she starred at me. "Don't let him do it to you."
"Oh," she breathed, looking behind me as someone came closer. I had a pretty good idea I knew who it was. "Edward?" she mouthed the word to me. "He did this to you?"
I nodded meekly, turning to greet him. He starred at me through dark eyes before they flickered to Alice skeptically. He wrapped his arm around my waist, throwing a glare at Alice before steering me clear of her.
I managed to sneak a peak at her over my shoulder and she nodded, mouthing the words, "I won't".
OK, I know it was a short chapter. But I was focusing on telling the history of how this weird relationship between Edward and Bella formed, and it's also the beginning of Alice and Bella's friendship. So stay tuned and don't forget to review, thanks. :)
BTW, Happy V-day! Will you be my Valentine?
