What Goes Around…
Hey girl…
Is he everything you wanted in a man?
Not that he wasn't the jealous type, he definitely was, always had been, but, it still surprised him that he was as jealous as he was when the Senator appeared to take her out on a date. He thought he was over her. Well, if he were going to be totally honest with himself, he knew he most definitely wasn't over her, but, that was something he mostly kept to himself.
You know I gave you the world,
You had me in the palm of your hand…
She was definitely over him; the letter left in the pocket of her jacket on the plane had told him in no uncertain terms that he and his "love" didn't fit in with her five point plan. And, so, she had left, and he had "moved on", with a new Probie to take her place on his team, and a new wife, Stephanie, a good friend of Ducky's. He had pointedly avoided Ducky's knowing gaze when he informed his friend that he and Stephanie were engaged, and had most definitely avoided talking to Ducky for a few weeks after the marriage went sour. Eventually, the Medical Examiner had practically cornered him in the elevator at the office, forcing him to talk. After a good dressing down, Ducky had informed him that he didn't hold the loss of Stephanie's friendship against him, and that he would always be there to talk as a friend, if needed. The fact that he rarely exercised that aspect of their friendship was always present, but Ducky had to know he had never been the talkative type in the first place, let alone talking about feelings. That type of discussion was meant for women, what with their fixation on emotions and such, not for him.
So why your love went away?
I just can't seem to understand…
Thought it was me and you baby,
Me and you until the end, but I guess I was wrong…
He thought he had been doing everything right, back in Paris. Yes, she had been the one to say 'I love you' first, but, honestly, he wasn't the type to say it first, and she knew that. He wasn't talkative, and he definitely preferred to express himself in other, somewhat more…physical means. And he had eventually said it, and meant it. He had loved Jenny, still did love her, which seemed to be the root of the problem.
You said that you were moving on now,
And maybe I should do the same…
Funny thing about that is, I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you baby, and now it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong...
'I'm sorry, Jethro, that it has to end like this, but…I have to take this opportunity, for my career. I…I wish you the best, and I am thankful I met you, had the chance to learn under you.' The scripted words of her letter still stood out in his mind, six years after she left him on the plane. He had been planning on proposing to her, once they got back from their mandatory check-in at London headquarters, when she left him instead, leaving him standing in the airport with her leather coat and a letter clutched in his hands. The platinum band still sat in its velvet box, hidden in a recessed drawer under his workbench, with the other remnants of his fractured heart: a braided friendship bracelet Kelly had made for him, and the promise ring he had given to Shannon the day he shipped out. Those three items in the drawer, held more importance to him than nearly anything else in the world. Occasionally, when he was struck by a particularly strong bout of remembrance with Jenny, he would ensconce himself under the boat with a full bottle of bourbon and that velvet box, waking up the morning after with an empty bottle, raging hangover, and even more regrets about their failed relationship.
Don't wanna think about it, don't wanna talk about it,
I'm just so sick about it, Can't believe it's ending this way…
Just so confused about it, feeling the blues about it,
I just can't do without ya, tell me is this fair?
So, there he sat, clenching his fists under his desk to hide his anger from its target, watching as she leaned up on tiptoe to press a kiss to the Senator's lips as they waited for the elevator together.
This is the way it's really going down
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around,
That you were gonna make me cry…
Damn it, she was wearing that sweater, too, the one he had bought her for Christmas in Paris, all those years ago. It was a v-neck, cashmere lilac sweater that he had seen in passing as they tailed a mark down the crowded Parisian streets. He had snuck back to the store later that week, buying it without regards to price, because then, nothing was too expensive for his Jenny, he would have given anything just to ensure she was happy. His teeth clenched and ground together as the Senator smiled back, gently running a hand up her arm, leaning down to murmur something in her ear as they entered the elevator together.
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's okay baby cause in time you will find...
As it was, when he saw the same Senator smiling flirtatiously at some younger woman behind Jenny's back at some function nearly two weeks later, he found that he no longer particularly cared who she dated, or when, or why. He had managed to build up an armor of sorts. Sure, he was surlier than normal, snapping at the team, and sure, he spent a good deal more time logging hours in the gym, punching away at the bags with a viciousness that scared off the other agents, but, it was worth it, being able to ignore her parading the Senator past him in the bullpen. So, it was that armor that allowed him to ignore what he saw, it was the armor that kept the news about the Senator's wandering eyes locked away in his head.
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around…
He actually began to find it slightly amusing, in a sick and twisted kind of way, to see the lecherous glances the Senator passed over the women of the NCIS office when Jenny wasn't looking. She was heading straight for the same heartbreak she had handed him six years ago, and he got to sit there and watch it. It was like watching a particularly epic train wreck, but in super slow motion. He could see all the danger signs, and was pretty sure most of the rest of the office could, too, but Jenny was oblivious and 'in love'. He had heard her practically gushing over the phone to one of her friends before he unceremoniously burst into her office one time, and he had smirked to himself, knowing the real story behind the Senator's supposed 'love'.
You spend your nights alone,
And he never comes home…
And every time you call him,
All you get's a busy tone…
Two weeks later, when Jenny began to suspect that her fairytale romance wasn't everything she thought it was, he merely stood back from it all, keeping silent about the whole affair. She went to Ducky, to Ziva, and even down to his favorite, Abby, practically begging them to tell her the rumors weren't true. Ducky, ever the gentleman, had calmly changed the subject and encouraged Jenny to talk to Ziva, who, being the well trained assassin that she was, kept her own thoughts and opinions on Jenny's relationship to herself, telling her old friend that she hadn't really noticed anything. He felt ridiculously proud of the liason officer at that moment, watching her follow his personal Rule 7 to the "t", giving Jenny an extremely specific lie to placate her. A day or so after those encounters, Jenny finally nerved up enough to go to the one person who would tell her the truth, disappearing down into the forensic scientist's lab late on a Thursday afternoon. Abby had merely enveloped the older woman in a tight hug, which seemed to be answer enough, as Jenny's eyes were noticeably red for the rest of that day.
I heard you found out,
That he's doing to you…
What you did to me,
Ain't that the way it goes…
Gibbs had avoided her for the rest of the day, deciding in a rare moment of kindness that she probably could do without him aggravating her further, for today at least.
Just a classic Case A Scenario,
Tale as old as time,
Girl you got what you deserved…
He let out a soft sigh as he watched the Senator's aide exit the bullpen elevator, heading up the stairs to the catwalk, a small envelope gripped in one hand. It was much too small to be anything official, which meant it was probably personal. When the aide practically sprinted out of the office not even a minute after he entered, he knew it was bad. He was even more surprised to see Cynthia exit rapidly, crossing the catwalk to enter the back elevator.
You wish you had somebody,
That could come and make it right…
"Agent Gibbs?"
He frowned slightly as he looked up, fixing a milder version of his glare on Jenny's assistant. "Hm?"
"I…um…I need to talk to you." Cynthia Sumner glanced nervously over her shoulder as she spoke, keeping a wary eye on the catwalk.
He rolled his eyes, giving a vague grunt in answer, jerking his head towards the back elevator. Cynthia followed him, reaching over and hitting the emergency stop switch as soon as they were both in the elevator with the doors closed. She swallowed, visibly nervous about betraying her boss' confidence, so he decided to cut her a little slack.
"This about that Senator the Director's been seeing, Cynthia?"
"Y—yes, sir, Agent Gibbs." She blinked, surprised that he had caught on so quickly. "I'm…I'm not usually one to pry into the Director's private life, but…I think the Senator may have just ended things between them."
"Don't call me sir. And what the hell's that got to do with me?" He leaned against the back wall of the elevator, putting up a façade of disinterest.
"Well, Agent Gibbs, you and the Director seemed to be reasonably good friends, but lately, I noticed, you haven't really spoken to her, unless you needed to. But, that wasn't my point. I…she's upset, Agent Gibbs, and I—I, um, I think she needs a friend." Cynthia didn't quite meet his gaze, instead staring at a point just past his right ear.
"So…have her call one of her girlfriends, then, or have Officer David go up there. It's none of my concern."
But girl I ain't somebody with a lot of sympathy
You'll see:
What goes around comes back around…
I thought I told ya, hey…
Gibbs was his usual unsympathetic self for the next few days, barging in to her office simply because he knew it annoyed her so. Jenny, meanwhile, seemed to be operating on a sort of autopilot, going through the motions. Her eyes were wary, guarded, and no one had seen her smile since that day, which Abby had quietly termed 'D-Day'. The only newspaper article he had seen covering the romance stated that the Senator had broken things off because of his imminent promotion to the position of US Ambassador in France. A few tabloid articles poking fun at the relationship had been quickly withdrawn the next day after Jenny invited the reporters to her office for an "interview", which had ended badly, if the reporters' rapid exits were anything to go by. She had nearly ripped Tony's head off when she had entered one of his bantering conversations with Ziva at an extremely inopportune moment, and Cynthia seemed to be leaving for "coffee breaks" a lot more frequently.
What goes around comes back around…
I thought I told ya, hey…
The sound of heels clicking on the wood floors above alerted him to her presence. The fact that their rhythm wasn't as precise and ordered as usual alerted him to the fact that she was more than likely drunk.
"What brings you to my humble basement, Director?" He didn't turn away from his contemplation of the boat, slowly swirling a mason jar of bourbon in his right hand.
"I…I don't know." The slur in her voice was pronounced, surprising him. She drank, yes, but never enough to get any more than slightly inebriated. He had never seen her well and truly 'drunk' before, and it scared him. "I—I just…I don't know why I came."
Gibbs turned around, leaning against the boat as he took in her appearance. Instead of her prim and proper business suits, she wore battered and torn jeans, with an extremely old and worn-looking t-shirt over it. Her customary heels were a little shorter than usual, perhaps because of her inebriated state. Her spiky red hair stuck up in all directions, and her makeup seemed smeared, thin black streaks on her cheeks evidence that she had been crying, at one point. She managed the rest of the stairs, gripping the banister tightly and sinking down on the last step, tucking her arms around her knees. "I…I don't know what's going on, Jethro. I…how could I miss all of that? Am I stupid? Did I suddenly go blind?" Her voice cracked audibly at the end of her rambling, her head drooping over her raised knees.
And it was then, that he realized, that he could never really, truly hate her. Her leaving hurt, definitely, it hurt almost as much as the other great pain in his life, but it was manageable. He had found a way to manage it, and had, even if only partially, gotten over it.
With that realization, his forgotten love for her resurfaced, and with it, his instinctual protectiveness, sending him quickly to her aid. He set the Mason jar down on the workbench, his feet leading him over to the base of the stairs, where he sat next to her. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her petite frame against his body.
Jenny's thin shoulders shook with muffled sobs, and it took her a few moments to realize that he sat there. She stiffened slightly, but then broke down completely, turning her small body into his, one hand clutching desperately at his shirt, while the other wound around his waist, her head resting against his shoulder as she cried.
"Alright, Jenny, you're okay, just let it out." Gibbs bent his head slightly to murmur softly in her ear, wrapping his other arm around her shaking frame. She let out a tearful laugh, mumbling into his shoulder. "You really suck at all this comforting stuff, you know, Jethro?"
"Eh. Marine sniper, not therapist. So sue me." His sarcastic quip of a reply elicited another teary laugh from Jenny.
She quieted after a moment, still gripping his shirt tightly in her hand. "How did I miss that, all of it? Why couldn't I see it?" Her voice was muffled by his shirt.
He sighed, giving a careful shrug. "You were in love, just like I was six years ago. Your heart didn't let your mind see the things it didn't want to see."
Jenny looked up at him with teary eyes, her voice soft. "But I…I should have seen it. I wasn't even really in love with him, I just…"
He shrugged again, staring off at a point on the wall. "Sometimes, you have to run before you can walk. Sometimes, you need to…feel the heartbreak, before you understand it."
"You…you said you were in love. I…I thought…I…oh, Jethro, I'm so sorry." Her crying started anew as she moved to bury her face in his shirt again, stopped by his hand, which gently turned her face up to his.
"Don't apologize." His knee-jerk response injected just the slightest bit of humor into the emotionally charged situation, as Jenny let out a muffled laugh.
"I am sorry, whatever your rule is, Jethro, whether you think me weak or not. I…I shouldn't have left."
"And why would you say that?" He gave her a ghost of his usual smile, the corners of his mouth turning up only slightly.
"I…I made a mistake, back then, and it's taken me all this time to realize it." Jenny blinked, trying to turn her head away from his piercing stare.
"Ah?" He kept a careful reign on his emotions, trying to prevent himself the heartache of six years ago, but he couldn't help feeling at little hopeful at her admission.
"I…I still love you, Jethro. I…I lied, in that letter I wrote you, and I'm so sorry I did. I never should have left."
Ah. There it was. That tricky three word phrase. 'I love you.' He had definitely heard her say it before, and back then, he thought she meant it. Now, he wasn't so sure. He was older now, not exactly wiser, but more world weary. He was emotionally shut in, his feelings carefully guarded, making it that much harder for people to get in.
"Jen…" He sighed. "You've had a lot to drink. I should be getting you home."
Jenny blinked, catching his gaze. His eyes were twin pools of ice-blue confusion, mirroring his hidden emotions. "Jethro…you don't believe me?"
"I don't know, Jen. I just…I don't know. I'm confused; you're hurting, and more than a little bit drunk. I think…I think right now isn't the best time to be having this particular conversation. I'm happy to be here to help you through this as a friend, but…I think we ought to hold off on this conversation, about…us, until later."
Jenny tilted her head to the side, finally conceding his point with a nod. "I…alright, then, we'll wait." She moved to disentangle herself from him, eventually shifting them back to where his arm rested around her shoulders. "We're….we're still friends, though, right?"
He let out a soft chuckle, squeezing her shoulder lightly. "Yeah, Jen, we're still friends. As for anything more…well, we'll just leave that be for now."
She smiled, nodding slowly. They sat in companionable silence for a while, until Gibbs finally shifted, getting to his feet and turning to help her up. "I better get you to bed, Jenny." He glanced at his watch, frowning at the time. "Well, maybe just this once, you can stay in the guest bedroom."
Jenny followed him up the stairs to the guest bedroom, pausing in the doorway to look back at him. "Jethro…"
He offered her a small smile, leaning with his palm against the doorframe. "Yeah, Jen?"
"Thank you." She leaned forward to kiss his cheek, but turned at the last second and brushed a kiss across his lips. "That, is simply to give you something to consider. I…I want there to be an 'us' again, Jethro, whenever you're ready for it. I love you, and I want the chance to prove it to you again."
He smiled again, inclining his head in a nod. "We'll talk, later, Jen. Get some sleep." He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and left, pulling the door shut behind him.
He sat up a little while longer, finishing off the bourbon in his mason jar as he sanded methodically with one hand, smiling. They were back to their comfortable friendship, and there was again the potential for that to develop into something more. He set down the sander and walked over to the workbench, reaching around to unlock the recessed drawer. He pulled out the velvet box and Shannon's promise ring, a small smile playing across his lips. He now had hope again, of repairing his fractured heart. This time, he would get things right, between he and Jenny. He stared at the two objects for a moment longer, finally placing the box back in the drawer, pulling Kelly's bracelet out instead. He pocketed both items and finished off his drink, setting the jar down with a sigh.
This time, he would do things right, starting with telling her about Kelly, and Shannon. Jenny loved him, and she deserved to know the whole truth behind his life. No more keeping secrets.
This time, they would get it right. Leroy Jethro Gibbs smiled as he walked up the basement stairs, fingering the ring and bracelets in his pocket.
Everything was gonna work out alright, this time.
