South Park: Military hi-jinks
By Scorch-X
Chapter 1: Something snaps
It was yet another day in South Park, and the students of Ms. Garrisons class headed out to the museum at Middlepark for an art history leson. Most of the class, minus Wendy were grumbling about it.
"What're you moaning about Frenchie?" Cartman sneered at Pip, "Don't you Frenchies have art gallaries all over?"
"For your information Eric, not all French people like art, and further yet, i'm not french, you obese ignoramus!" Pip replied. Cartman started to walk over, his fists raised, but Kyle sensibly held him back.
"C'mon you two, act your age, we're in Middlepark, last thing we need is to start a riot or something." he said, "Now shake hands."
"Shake this!" Cartman said, pointing to his crotch, and slunk away.
"Would if i could find it in all that flab." Pip muttered, causing Kenny to laugh. The class arrived in the museum, and placed their coats into a locker, and headed into the museum with their guide, who started the tour. After a while, Cartman was bored, and began to sing dirty limericks to the amusement of the class. As the group moved on, Cartman suddenly shoved Pip, causing him to stumble into a display, causing the class to giggle.
"ERIC!" Ms. Garrison shouted, "I saw that."
"So what? Nothing got broke." Cartman replied. As Pip stood up, something fell, and hit another display, causing a bronze helmet to catapult through the air, and hit the guide, causing even more laughter. Cartman threw something at Pip, and Pip then returned the favour. Suddenly, Cartman and Pip were fighting in the middle of the museum as Garrison tried to seperate them.
"Who do we cheer for?" Kyle asked
"I recon Pip, good to see him getting his own back on Fatzilla!" Kenny said
"Knock him into next week!" Stan said
"Righto!" Pip replied, and shoved Cartman into another display. Just then, the museum guards arrived, and dragged everyone to the office. After several hours, the students and Ms. Garrison were heading back at the school, awaited by their parents.
"Ya know, it's never good when your parents have to go to school." Stan said
"You're correct about that Stanley." Pip commented
"You have no parents Frenchie!" Cartman said from the front of the bus. Pip made to stand up, but Kenny forced him to sit again.
"You'll do yourself no favours by attacking him again." Kenny said
"Yeah well, At least i have parents." Cartman goaded
"Oh Really? At least i'm not the offspring of a drunked hermaphrodite and a drunken woman." Pip replied, causing Cartman to wince, "Yeah, i heared all about that! What's the matter Eric? Have i hit a nerve? Now you know how it feels being called French all the time."
"YOU GOD DAMNED BASTARD!" Cartman screamed, and attempted to stand up, but couldn't manage it. Ms Garrison finally yelled at the top of her voice QUIET and everyone was silent. As the bus arrived at school, Liane Cartman and Pip's guardian were looking furious.
The next day, the class attended an assembely in the main hall, and the principal spoke.
"Following yesterdays outrage, the school is left with a 250000 dollar repair bill, we have decided that Ms. Garrisons class will attend the Rocky Mountains Junior ROTC programe for 3 months. There you will learn teamwork, and how to behave." she said
"What's ROTC?" Cartman asked
"It's an all you can eat chinese buffet." Kenny said
"Really?" Cartman asked
"Yeah, Real Taste of China!" Pip replied
"Wait a minute, that's RTOC." Cartman said
"Ah, and the penny drops?" Kenny asked, "ROTC, Reserve Officers' Training Corps."
"THE ARMY?" Cartman yelled, and passed out.
A week later, the class were on the bus to camp, with Cartman shaking with silent sobs. Kenny however looked happy.
"Three months away from home, the food's probablys better their." he said. The journey to camp was pretty sober, except for Pip, Stan, Kyle and Kenny snatching glances at Cartman and smirking. At the camp, the class was greated by a drill sargeant called Sgt. Grey.
"Welcome to Camp Omega JROTC base, i am Sgt. James Grey, you may adress me as Sargeant Grey, Sargeant or Sarge. You will have until Twelve Hundered hours to unpack your bags into your locker, report for lunch at the messhall, and finally report back here at Thirteen Hundered hours. Is that clear?" Grey asked
"Sir, i have a question." Cartman asked
"Fire away." Grey replied
"Did you flunk the real army and get stuck here?" Cartman asked. Grey's face went red, and he screamed in Cartman's face
"WHAT'S YOUR NAME CADET?" Grey demanded
"C.c.c.c.c.cartman sir! Eric Cartman!" Cartman said, freaking out
"You'll learn respect here Cartman! Drop down and give me 15 sit ups!" Grey ordered. Cartman instantly obayed, and attempted a situp.
"Come on chubby chubby, thats one. Roll on tubby, two!" Grey said, as Cartman slowly did the situps. Suddenly, unable to bare it, Pip laughed
"Something amusing you son?" Grey asked. Insantly Pip froze, then Grey walked over, "What's your name Girly boy?"
"Pip sir, well actually, it's really Philip Pirrups sir." Pip said
"Pip huh? I guess it must be pretty amusing to watch chubby chubby, but their's a problem. THIS AIN'T NO COMEDY CLUB! GIVE ME 25 PRESS UPS RIGHT NOW!"
Pip sighed at his own stupidity, and obeyed the order. Afterwards, Grey read a list, "Clyde Donovan, Craig West, Token Black, Tweek Tweak and Kevin Wu, you are Team Alpha. Report to dormatory 23. Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenneth McCormick, Eric Cartman, Phillip Pirrups, you're Team Bravo, report to Dormatory 24, the rest of you men, Team Charlie Dormatory 24. Females, Team Delta, dormatory 25. Dismissed!"
In Dormatory 24, the guys were unpacking their stuff. Cartman had naturally smuggled in as much food as possible, and hardly anything else. Pip sighed, as he unpacked. 3 months in a military camp was bad enough, but three months with Cartman as his roommate just plain sucked. Pulling a bottle of Iced Tea out of his bag, he took a drink, and sighed again. Cartman sat on his bed, and began eating a packet of cheesy poofs. Somebody knocked on the door, and Kenny opened it, to see Craig.
"C'mon guys, lunch!" he said. After lunch, Sgt. Grey briefed everyone.
"Alpha team and Bravo Team, you will be on unit 1, Charlie team and Delta team, you will be on unit 2. Each team will have 100 points, that are pooled between your two units, so each unit has 200 points. Any rule breaking will result in point loss, that will reflect not only yourself, but your unit also. Furthermore, any rule breakers will be punished by labour services or phsyical exercise as demonstrated by cadet Pirrups and cadet Cartman." Sgt. Grey said
"What are the rules sir?" Clyde asked
"Mainly no bullying and no disrespecting officers. Other rules will be explained later. Also, you are not permitted to leave the camp. This rule is stricly enforced. 5 points for the first offence, 10 points for the second, 20 points for the third and double points per offence." Sgt. Grey asked. "Report to the beginers assault couse!"
end of chapter 1: Chapter two will be done from POV's of Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman through a diary format
