Author's note: I am so sorry I haven't updated this story. It's been three months overdue for an update. Please forgive me. I made it extra long to make up for it. It's part two of the Christmas flashback, and despite being over 10,000 words in length, it's still not the whole flashback. The third and final part will be the next chapter. And then we can go back to the main story, which has been eclipsed by this incredibly long back-story. There's too many perspective changes in this chapter to list. I'm sure you can figure out who is influencing which part. Rico's perspective has him thinking in normal sentences. When he talks to the other penguins, they understand him and Rico's complex sentences will be in italics.

Also, someone asked why Julien didn't remember Santa in the last chapter. I'm going by what the creators of the show said in that PoM is set in a parallel universe to the Madagascar movies. So I just make references to them. Oh Julien, you really are the naughty list. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own them. I'm not rich like Dr. Blowhole.


Chapter 5: Intel Report 2: The 5 Stages of Holiday Shopping

Julien was pacing around in his habitat that morning when Marlene paid him and the other lemurs a visit. She wanted to make sure he was okay after what happened yesterday. They also needed to know the rest of the rules for the Secret Santa exchange. I wonder if Julien still wants to participate. After the fight he and Skipper had, he may have changed his mind. He wasn't very big on giving things to others in the first place.

"Your Majesty, please calm down. It's not that important what you get him. You shouldn't give him anything at all after what he did to you last night." Maurice's voice could be heard as Marlene walked closer to habitat. She slowed down her pace and started listening in. What are they talking about?

"Don't you think I am knowing that? But if I don't get that stupid bird a present, then I won't get one either! And a king must get many presents! Now help me think up something that's not that hard to get but nice enough so I can rub his beak in it later. But not too nice! I can't have his present outshine mine."

"Well it would help if we knew who your Secret Santa was and what they were planning on giving you." Marlene started feeling guilty about eavesdropping. So they were talking about the Secret Santa exchange. Julien is still going to do it, even though it's for all the wrong reasons. But now I know who he got and that's against the rules.

"How about a hug? I hug from King Julien would be the best Christmas gift ever!"

"Mort! How many times must I be saying this? No touching the royal feet! Especially when it's this cold!"

Marlene walked in seeing Mort hugging Julien's legs in bliss while Julien was furious. Maurice was watching them both while sitting on the royal bouncy. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything." All three of them turned to look at her. Julien was the first to speak up.

"Not really. We were going over your gift "giving" activity." While he was talking he was busy trying to get Mort to stop hugging him. Mort let go and Julien rudely kicked him away.

"Well that's good, because that's what I came over for. You guys left before I had a chance to explain the rest of the rules."

"There are more rules?" asked Julien with a frown.

"Yes, and they're very important so pay close attention. First of all, this is a Secret Santa Exchange, meaning you keep it a secret. From everybody." Julien and Maurice share a look before turning their attention back to Marlene. "Second, any gift you give must be well thought out. Don't just get them anything you find or that you like. It has to be something they like or need. Handmade gifts are allowed, but make sure you put effort into them. Something that took you time to make. The gifts also have to be something that can be wrapped. So no hugs, kisses, or any IOUs for favors."

"See Mort, even Marlene says your idea was terrible," Julien told the little lemur.

"I didn't say that," objected Marlene, but was interrupted by Julien.

"So how long do I have to find a present?"

"I was just getting to that. The zoo decided to hand out the gifts on Christmas Eve, December 24th. You have until the 23rd to find or make something. When you have your gift, come to my habitat and I'll give you some wrapping paper and tape. I'll check your name off the list and you'll be welcome to the party."

"Party, there's a party?" asked Julien with excitement as his eyes widened. If there was a party, Julien wanted in on it.

"Yes, we decided to make it a full blown Christmas Party. The penguins thought of it." Well actually Rico brought it up and Private got really excited over it. Skipper was the one who had to be persuaded into it. Julien's excitement fizzled a bit after hearing that, and his head turned to the penguin exhibit.

"Maybe he did feel guilty..." Julien said softly more to himself than to the others. Marlene looked over to the penguin habitat too and saw Skipper and his crew walking out and heading toward the zoo entrance. They must be going Christmas shopping. I hope they don't come back late or else I'll have to postpone my plan until tomorrow.

"Hey Julien, are you doing anything later?" The lemur turned his attention from the departing birds and onto the otter.

"It is depending. Are you asking me out on a date?" he asked. He clasped his paws together and fluttered his eyes on the word "date" while leaning in closer to Marlene.

"No," she flatly replied. "I just want you to come over to my habitat so we can have a nice chat."

"That is sounding like a very boring date to me."

"IT'S NOT A DATE!" yelled Marlene at the top of her lungs. Calm down Marlene, don't let him get to you. Remember, it's Christmas. A time to bring joy and happiness to others, even to someone like Julien. "I just want you to come over for a nice friendly visit."

Julien was skeptical of the offer and even began to think it over. "I dunno. I'm guessing if I have time I'll swing by." Marlene wasn't satisfied by the response. What's with him? He can't wait to go on a date with me but he doesn't have the time to talk to me as a friend? No wonder all his "girlfriends" are in Canada. I have to find a way to sweeten the deal. Then Marlene got an idea.

"Okay then, I'll just give your present to someone else then..." She turned to walk out of the habitat and smiled when Julien quickly shouted out to her.

"Marlene, wait! What is this present you speak of? And how are you daring to give it away?!" Gotcha.

"Oh, it's just that I was going to give you a present when you came over. My way of saying "thank you for visiting" to you. But if you're not interested..." She paused to look over her shoulder at the lemur king.

"Of course I'm interested. Maurice, do I have anything important to do today?" he turned to his adviser waiting for his answer. Maurice just stared blankly back for a split second before answering.

"Uh...no?"

"Then it's settled. I'll be over for my present-uh, I mean, I'll be over to chat with you later." Not giving Marlene a second more of attention, he began walking over to his throne.

"Actually, I have to set things up so I'll come get you when everything's ready!" She shouted after him. He had jumped up to the area his throne was located at and turned to face the otter.

"That is fine too." He then turned his attention to his subjects. "Mort, Maurice, get up here so you can begin pampering your king!" Mort was more than happy to follow Julien's orders, but Maurice let out a sigh and unwillingly left the comfiness of the bouncy to go serve his king.

"Well at least he's back to normal," mumbled Maurice as he walked by Marlene. Giving one final look at the lemurs, Marlene walked out of the enclosure and made her way back home. I wonder how upset Julien's going to be when he finds out there's no present. Then again Skipper is kinda his present. Little did Marlene know how true her words were.


Skipper was awake by 0600 hours, lying in this bunk and staring up at the ceiling. Normally he would wake up the rest of his teammates too so they could begin their mourning routine, but Skipper needed some time to himself. He got up and sat down at the table, watching the clock as the seconds ticked by. The past few days had been a disaster. Ever since that incident occurred, everything has been off. Skipper instantly regretted thinking about it. The memory of Julien walking up to him and giving him that sweet kiss flashed into his mind.

It was NOT sweet! It was terrible, nasty, vile, disgusting, gross, and his breath stank! It wasn't even a real kiss at all!

"But it was a kiss"

Skipper cursed himself for letting that stray thought ruin days of denial. He was quite happy pretending the kiss didn't happen at all. The first one was easy to ignore because it had been an accident. It was the second kiss that brought all this torment upon him. It was the day after the kiss that he finally realized how serious things could get. Julien could go tell the whole zoo what happened and there was no knowing what the consequences, be they good or bad, would be. They had gone to pick out a Christmas tree that day and so he had an excuse to lock all the doors and hatches in the HQ when they returned.

"Why are we in lockdown Skippah?"

"Because, Private, I don't want anyone interrupting us while we get everything ready."

They had accepted his reasoning and Skipper was safe for another day. The next morning he had dared to venture out into the zoo in a solo recon mission to see how the zoo was reacting. He was surprised to learn that no one was gossiping about him. No one knew the horrible secret. Ring-tail kept his mouth shut for once. I could kiss him for it. Skipper immediately regretted using that expression and promptly slapped himself for it. No, there were no kisses. THERE WAS NO KISS. We talked. We reached an agreement. That's it. Nothing else happened. We can move on with our lives.

But just as Skipper had gotten some piece of mind, it was quickly taken away from him. He was right by the lemur exhibit when he heard Julien and Maurice just waking up.

"Uh...King Julien..."

"Mnnn, your feathers are so soft."

Feathers? Skipper was starting to get an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"Can you please let me go? Your, um, royal parts are rubbing against me."

"Mnh, my wha?" Julien sounded like he was still asleep. Skipper couldn't get a good view of where they were from his position, and he was grateful he couldn't.

"What are you *yawn* talking about Maurice?" came the ring-tail's sleepy reply followed by what sounded like purring[1].

"Your Highness, I know it's cold out and you have every right to snuggle up to me for warmth, but I draw the line at you doing it while you're aroused." The purring instantly stopped and an awkward silence hung in the air.

"Oh, so I am." It sounded like ring-tail was wide awake now. Some subtle movement was heard too. "Ehehehe, sorry about that Maurice, I was having a really nice dream about... stuff..."

"Well, keep your "stuff" to yourself. The last thing I want to do is explain the circle of life to Mort." More awkward silence.

"Uh, why don't you start getting breakfast ready while I go greet my penguin subjects?"

"Okay, but is there some reason you're going over there first thing in the morning?"

"No... I mean yes! They didn't let me help them decorate their Chrissymas tree yesterday. If they must have a holiday other than mine, then it must be done the kingly way." No way am I letting Ring-tail redecorate my decorations.

"If you say so..." Maurice walked away from the ring-tail and into Skipper's line of sight. Skipper quickly moved away and out of view.

"That was a close one, huh Mort?" A snore was the only reply the lemur got. "You know, you're not such a pain in my tail when you are sleeping. You're even kind of cute. But not as cute as me, which goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway. You're not as cute as me." I think I've heard enough of this one sided conversation. Skipper turned to leave when the lemur's next sentence stopped him cold.

"I wonder if Skipper's feathers are as warm as fur. I've only touched them long enough to know they're soft." Another snore was given as the answer to his dilemma. "You're right Mort, I should go and find out. I'm glad I thought of it."

Skipper stayed rooted to the spot. The information he had just learned was reeking havoc with his mind. Julien was dreaming about me. Julien wants to know if my feathers are warm. He knows my feathers are soft. How? A dream about me... a dream... dream...one of those dreams. NO NO NO NO NO! This is wrong! This is way wrong! He can't be having those kinds of dreams about me! We're both guys! I have a cock to prove it[2]! Unless he's into that sort of thing...

A shutter ran down his spine at the thought. I always knew there was something off with that lemur. Then again this might be a blessing. There won't be any little ring-tail royalty running around the zoo. But I'm still stuck with a love-sick lemur anyway. Love? NO! He's just doing this because he's bored. Yeah, like how he got tired of chasing after Marlene after only two tries. And each try only lasted about five minutes. Yes, that's it. I just have to have him get bored of me, and everything can get back to normal.

He would have continued planning if the lemur he was thinking about hadn't jumped out of his exhibit and started walking towards HQ. Skipper quickly dodged out of sight again and kept watch on his target.

I can't face him right now. I have to work out a strategy on how to handle this. If only Kowalski were here, he would whip one up in an instant. I'm sure I can come up with something on my own though. Kowalski can't know about this. First things first, I gotta find a way to keep that lemur's mouth shut...

And so Skipper spent the entire day ignoring the lemur and trying to come up with a plan to deal with him. Needless to say, Skipper did more hiding than planning. That lemur was persistent! Not even finding time to meet with his teammates and instruct them to keep his location secret from the ring-tail worked! By some miracle he was left alone the following day. And so yesterday he thought that Julien had gotten bored of him only to find him mopping about it. And staring at him. What made it ten times worse was that Skipper felt guilty about making the ring-tail sad. The guilt also made him angry. Why should I be guilty? The lemur needs to read the signs, I'm not interested in him. There's no reason to be interested in him.

And so Skipper lashed out at Julien hopping to break this new found attraction he had. And it was easy to start an argument with him. The lemur was an egotistical narcissist who thought he was royalty. Sure enough, the ring-tail started acting obnoxious by demanding he be allowed to pick himself at Marlene's Secret Santa meeting. That's when Skipper did something he would later severely regret.

"How dare you tell the royal king what to do?! This is an outrageousness!"

"The only outrageousness here is your attitude!"

"ME?! You're the one who's been ignoring me like a fossa with rabies ever since we k-" That's when Skipper tackled Julien onto the countertop and held him down. The look Julien gave him was one of pure fear. Skipper placed his beak next to one of the lemur's ears.

"If you tell ANYBODY that we kissed, I'll make sure you live to regret it. Comprende?" Ring-tail nodded his head and Skipper let him go. A look around the room showed curious faces wondering what had just happened. He turned to Marlene and his heart sank. I've really messed up her meeting. I'll have to fix it.

Seeing that she dropped her bowl with the slips of paper, he went and picked them up. As he handed the bowl to her, he forced a smile onto his face.

"Sorry for the interruption Marlene, it won't happen again." He hoped she wouldn't notice. Her attention didn't stay on him for very long. Everyone in the room watched the ring-tail talk silently with his friends before leaving the zoovenir shop. Skipper had to do something fast.

"I'll go next Marlene," said Skipper as his flipper started rummaging through the papers. He picked one and pulled it out. On it was a drawing of Mason. He called over Kowalski to pick the next one and was relieved that the rest of the night went better. At the end Marlene went over some more rules and then asked when everyone wanted to hand out gifts.

"How about we have it on the 20th?"

"No, that's too early."

"I'm good for whenever."

"I suggest the 23rd."

"No, that's a terrible idea. The 22nd is better."

"How about Christmas eve? We can give each other our gifts before the real Santa comes."

The debate lasted for several more minutes before Marlene decided to bring back some sense of order. "Guys guys, it's only going to take about five minutes to hand out all the gifts. You don't have to be so picky with the date." Most of the animals seemed disappointed in hearing this.

"It's only handing out gifts, nothing else?" asked Mason. Marlene shook her head. "That's a shame. It feels like something is missing."

"Party!" yelled a voice. Everyone turned to see who had come up with the suggestion. Ring-tail would have made the same suggestion but he left. Rico stood smiling as if his idea was the best choice of action. Unfortunately, it seemed Private agreed with him too.

"Oh, a Christmas party! That would be wonderful! We can sing carols, open presents, drink eggnog and eat Christmas cookies." Excitement and joy radiated off him and soon spread across the room.

"That sounds like a good idea."

"I could bring peanut brittle."

"It's nice to get together during the holidays, especially at a party."

"Now hold on a minute, are you sure we need to have a party? Just doing the gift exchange would take a lot less time."

"Please Skippah? It will be so much fun and it wouldn't hurt to show a little Christmas cheer." Skipper thought it over for a second.

"Yeah Skipper, show some Christmas cheer," came Marlene's voice. He turned his head to look at the otter and remembered how he was acting earlier. Giving a sigh, he then replied.

"Okay, but it has to be on the 24th. I was going to give you guys the night off as an early Christmas present."

"Yay!" was Private's delighted response. The rest of the animals agreed to the date too. The meeting then came to an end, but before Skipper could walk out with his team, Marlene grabbed his flipper.

"Skipper, can I talk to you alone for a sec?"

"Sure you can. Boys, wait for me outside." The three penguins nodded their heads and then walked out. Marlene walked him to the other side of the zoovenir shop and waited until everyone had left before she spoke to him.

"Can you come to my habitat tomorrow?"

"Well I've scheduled Christmas shopping for tomorrow, but I might be able to come over sometime in the afternoon. Any reason why though?"

"You haven't been yourself lately. I'm a little worried." Skipper frowned.

"Nonsense Marlene, it's just the stress of the holiday season. I'll be fine once it's over."

"Okay, but I still want you to come over. We haven't really talked for a while and the last time I saw you, you barged into my home from the sewer drain and ran off." I only did that to get away from Julien.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure to come visit." Skipper started waddling off toward the door when he suddenly got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Marlene was a few paces behind him. "Anything particular you want to talk about?" he asked without turning his head.

"No, just a nice chit-chat between friends." Something still seemed off, but Skipper doubted Marlene would come up with anything sinister. He pushed the feeling aside and walked into the open air where his team stood waiting, the three of them in conversation.

That was yesterday night. It seemed like another era. Time didn't seem to make much sense anymore ever since that stupid kiss. That stupid kiss that shouldn't exist but now obviously does. Why couldn't it have been insignificant like the accidental kiss? Skipper could easily throw that under the rug and forget about it. But no, the second kiss had to be bold and daring. It had to be done on purpose. Skipper let Ring-tail kiss him. NO! He forced himself on me! I should arrest him as a sexual offender. I did NOT enjoy what he did.

A faint rustling sound was heard from above snapping Skipper out of his thoughts. Someone must be waking up. He looked at the clock and saw he had spent the past hour just remembering how his life had turned upside down. Getting up from the table, he faced his men and saw Kowalski rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Okay boys, I've let you rest long enough. It's time to rise and shine and get our Christmas shopping under way."

"What about breakfast?" asked a still sleepy Private.

"We're not leaving right away, but you do have to get out of bed. Everyone, front and center!"


They left at around eight and headed into the city. As usual they had to stay hidden so no one would see them. They didn't want another Officer X incident to happen. Despite it being very cold, there were plenty of people out and about.

"Drats, I knew we should have left earlier. Kowalski, options." Kowalski took out his notebook and started writing things down.

"Due to the high number of humans in the area, I suggest a subterranean route, specifically the city sewer system."

"Perfect. On my mark we head for the nearest manhole." Skipper raised his flipper and waited for the perfect moment to give the command. After a few seconds of watching the passersby, he found it. "Go go go!" They dived onto their bellies and slid the distance in record time. Rico opened up the manhole cover and they slipped in one by one into the darkness.

"Rico, flashlight." Rico could be heard spitting something up. A beam of light then illuminated the dark sewer tunnel they were in. Skipper held the light to his face before shining it on Private and Kowalski. "Does everyone remember our mission objective for the day?"

Kowalski spoke up. "We are to go down 5th Avenue to the shopping district and then split up and find our individual gifts. We may not leave 5th Avenue and we may not go further than 34th Street. We have two hours to find our gifts and then we rendezvous back at our starting point, which I assume is now this manhole below 59th Street."[3]

"Exactly. We'll head out and go topside at 48th Street before spreading out. Make sure to be extra careful out there." Skipper didn't like handing out solo missions for the entire team. They were only splitting up so they could keep their gifts secret.

Skipper turned his flashlight forward and started walking. Everyone followed close behind, careful to stay on the edges and not fall into the sewer water. Private always found the sewers outside the zoo to be a bit creepy and unfamiliar, but with his friends nearby, he had nothing to worry about. Until he heard the noise. Click click click.

"What was that?" Private looked around trying to find the source.

"What was what?" asked Skipper. Click click click.

"That. Can't you hear it?" Private was starting to get a little nervous.

"Hmm, it's faint. Kowalski, analysis."

"Judging by its low decibel level and the acoustics of this tunnel, I estimate it's 10 meters away and closing. As to what it is, I haven't the foggiest."

"Well then we need to find out what it is. Initiate plan Wallflower." The penguins darted forward toward the sound before hiding in diverting passages and behind the pipes near the ceiling. Private was in a side tunnel looking forward even though he couldn't see much. The flashlight had to be turned off so as not to scare off the source of the approaching sound. I hope it's not something scary.

"Whatcha doing?" came a voice from behind him. Private's blood ran cold. Slowly he turned around and saw a giant black shadow looming over him.

"SKIPPAH!" The shout rang out through the sewers and all three penguins rushed to the youngest recruit's aid.

"No one is harming one of my men, not even... you?" Somewhere between getting in defense formation and Skipper beginning his heroic dialog, Kowalski managed to turn on the flashlight and shine it to the dark figure. An alligator with a confused look on his face was looking down on them.

"Rogah, is that you?" asked Private. Roger smiled and nodded his head.

"Yep, it's me. So what brings you down to the sewer?"

"We were on our way to go get Christmas presents when we heard a strange clicking noise and decided to investigate," came Kowalski's reply.

"Oh, is it Christmas time already? Living in the sewer looses all track of time."

"Yeah, that's all fine and dandy, but we still don't know what that sound is, and it's gotten louder." Skipper turned his head toward where the noise was coming from and he could start making out a shape. It was small, had four limbs and a tail.

"Oh, it's just you guys. You had me worried there for a sec," said the figure. His voice was familiar.

"Moon cat?"

"I told you, my name is Max." Max stepped forward, his claws making a clicking noise as he walked on the cement.

"So you were the one making the noise." Said Private with relief.

"Yeah, it gets too quiet down here sometimes. The noise adds some atmosphere." He retracted his claws into his paws and walked over to where everyone was. "So what are you guys doing down here besides shouting out names?"

Private felt his face flush. Skipper decided to answer the question this time. "We're out Christmas shopping."

"Is it Christmas already? Wow, time sure does fly by fast."

"You two don't get out much, do you?" asked Skipper sarcastically.

"No, people see me up there and they get all scared."

"I don't need to go up to the surface when there are plenty of mice to catch down here. And there's no animal control to catch you and put you to sleep. Or worse, neuter you." Max's paws immediately moved to his nether regions in a protective manor while his eyes darted left and right.

"Okay, I think we've spent too much time here and have fallen behind schedule. Let's go men." Skipper gave the signal to start moving on.

"It was nice seeing you two again. Sorry we can't stay and catch up." Private waved goodbye to them and then fell in step with the rest of the team.

"Oh, do you know what would be fun Max?"

"Getting ready for Christmas?"

"Oh you read my mind. I'll go make some decorations."


They arrived at their destination without further delay. Rico opened the manhole cover and they stealthily made their way out onto the street. Skipper and Private then headed south while Kowalski and Rico headed north. Kowalski had gotten Maurice for the Secret Santa gift exchange. He had carefully gone over his options about what to get the aye-aye and had finally settled on a getting him a new blender since the lemur's old one broke and Julien had forced Maurice to make his smoothies by hand. He and Rico walked together until Kowalski neared an appliance store.

"I'm going to stop here Rico. Good luck finding your gift." Rico nodded his head.

"See ya" he said and continued walking. Once Rico had gotten far enough from sight, Kowalski snuck into the store. Appliances from all shapes and sizes were on display, several with Christmas sale stickers on them. Now to find the blenders...

The store wasn't that crowded since logically appliances aren't ideal Christmas gifts unless the recipient really needs them. Making his way past the washing machines and driers, he slid on his belly toward the kitchen section. Refrigerators lined a portion of the wall leading to a small kitchen stage display. It had counters, a sink, and even a window with curtains. On the counters were a microwave, toaster, blender, and juicer. Eureka!

This made things easier. Having to retrieve a blender still in its original packaging would have complicated matters considerably. Kowalski took a step forward but immediately had to retreat when a human couple started approaching.

"Oh isn't this kitchen beautiful? These are the same kind of counters I want to get."

"We're just here to buy some new plates and a waffle maker. We can redecorate the kitchen after New Years."

"Well I'm going to ask the manager to reserve an order for us. I don't want to go searching all over the city if they sell out."

"They won't."

"Help me find a sales clerk."

"Yes dear."

As the pair walked away, Kowalski quickly jumped onto the counter, grabbed the blender, and dashed away. Mission successful. Now to get a bag to put this in. As he headed towards the cash register, the couple came back.

"I'd like you to reserve an order of these counters for us." The sales clerk looked at the counters and noticed something missing.

"Huh, I could have sworn there was a blender on display here a second ago."


Rico continued walking north. His destination was on 59th Street. On Central Park West. Now, he had a good reason for disobeying Skipper and going off of 5th Avenue. He had gotten Burt and Burt wanted peanuts. Was it his fault that a Whole Foods store was on Columbus Circle instead of 5th?[4] No, no it was not. He would be the first one back to the meeting point anyway so no one would know. When he got far enough from Kowalski, he decided to take the rest of the way by sewer. Crossing the street in broad daylight without being seen was too much of a hassle.

Once he was in the sewer, he picked up the pace to reach his destination as soon as possible. With no humans around, he didn't have to waste time ducking and hiding.

"Did you forget something?" Rico spit up a flamethrower and pointed it at the source of the sound. A terrified Max stared back at him with his paws in the air. "Don't shot! It's me!"

"^%$*% #& me," grumbled Rico as he re-swallowed the weapon. Max just stared at him. Oh yeah, he can't understand me. I'll just go then. He turned and continued with his mission. As he took a few steps forward, he heard Max start to follow him.

"So you're done finding your Christmas present already?" Rico didn't need the cat asking questions or following him. It was bad enough he had been spotted. Maybe if I answer some of his questions he'll leave me alone.

"Uh uh."

"So you're still looking for it?"

"Ah huh."

"Do you know what it is?"

"Peanuts."

"I didn't know penguins ate peanuts." They don't.

Soon they reached the manhole for 59th Street. Rico would have to make a left to reach Columbus Circle. The cat was still following him. He hoped giving him an annoyed glare would get rid of him.

"...and that's why it's never a good idea to eat peanut butter." Glare. "What? It isn't." Well that failed. Time for something more forceful.

"Aeh!" Rico's flipper pointed back to where they had walked from. He then pointed to Max and then back to where he first pointed. If he doesn't understand what I'm trying to say then he really is from the moon.

"Oh, you want me to go away now." His ears drooped as his head turned to the ground, his paws clasped together. Rico would have felt sad for the cat, except he had a minimum requirement for what he considered pity worthy. Max didn't make the cut. Finally he gets it!

He smiled and shook his head and he started walking off.

"WAIT! Please! I have to find a present for Roger and I'm afraid of going back up to the surface alone!" The cat had stooped to grabbing Rico's foot and groveling. Pity requirement met. Barely.

"Alright," he grumbled.

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!" Ugh, not a hug. I hate hugs I don't start. Pushing the cat off him, they set off to find presents for their friends.


Skipper and Private carefully made their way further south along 5th Avenue. They were close to 38th street now. Skipper felt a bit of a thrill evading all the humans. It was like he was in enemy territory and he was keeping to the shadows. The adrenaline and heightened senses causing a rush that drove Skipper wild. Oh how he loved the feeling. It made him forget about everything else in the world. The only thing that mattered to him right now was-

"Um, Skippah?"

"Private! The first rule of stealth is to remain quiet. You remember what happened to Manfredi and Johnson in Peru when they couldn't keep quiet. We had to suck all the venom out with a straw, and even then they didn't have full body control for weeks."

"Yes, well, I was wondering how far you're going to come with me."

How far? Hm... I guess I got lost in my earlier thoughts. Well any place that sells tea sets will do. "Just one more street over Private, then you can go off all by yourself. Just don't go past 34th Street."

"I won't, I'm only going to Macy's which is on 34th."[5]

"Private, did you pick that store because of your present or because Santa is there?" Private's eyes broke contact for a moment. I knew it.

"The present of course Skippah." Now he's lying to me. He's growing up so fast.

"You do know it's not the real Santa, right? He's busy at work at the...he's busy at work."

"I know, but it's still lovely to go see everything all decorated." But he's still such a boy.

"Okay, just don't get to close and don't take too long. You have the longest route to take back."

"Oh I won't Skippah. I'll be in and out before you know it."

"I'm counting on it soldier."


Julien surveyed his kingdom with boredom. The sky was gray. The snow was gray. The rhino was gray. Okay, maybe the last one was always gray, but still. It was a gray day. Or grey. It was also cold.

"I hate this weather. The Sky Spirits in this city must have forgotten to pay the heating bill." Julien wrapped his tail around himself to keep warm. It was 9 in the morning and the temperature hadn't warmed up much. Julien was alone in his habitat. He had sent out Maurice and Mort to find a present for Skipper. He knew he could count on Maurice to find something nice. Mort...well he was just happy that annoying runt was gone.

A cold breeze blew and the king shivered. I can't take anymore of this! I need warm weather! I am a lemur, not a penguin! Penguin... Julien cursed himself for reminding himself of Skipper for the tenth time that morning. Why do I even care about that stupid penguin? Sure we kissed, but I've kissed other people before. With the same results... He sighed. Another cold breeze blew. I hate this weather.


Who knew there were so many kinds of tea sets? I mean it's tea! Do you really need diamond studded porcelain to drink plant leaf water from? Skipper gave a sigh. He had been trying to decide on a tea set for the last ten minutes. And I thought it would be a problem sneaking one out. Picking the right one for Mason will take ages!

Pretty soon Skipper's patience ran out and he decided to settle this using a technique proven to be foolproof.

"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a lion by the toe, if he dances let him go, eeny, meeny, miny, moe." Having selected a tea set midway between dirt cheap and insanely expensive, Skipper carried the box as gently and as quickly as he could. I wonder how Private's doing. I'll have to go check up on him after I finish.


Everything was absolutely beautiful. There was so much Christmas Spirit in the air that you would swear it just said Happy Christmas to you.[6] Lights, tinsel, wreaths, bows, presents, trees, they had everything! Public domain Christmas music floated down from the speakers completing the ideal atmosphere.

Concentrate Private, you're here to get Marlene's present...and then maybe pay Santa a quick visit. Private was going to get Marlene a new pillow. She's had that old one for ages, and an extra pillow is always handy.

The store was packed with people so Private had to be extra careful not to get caught. It was easier said than done. You couldn't take two steps without running into another person. How am I ever going to get to the Home Decor section? As if to answer his question, a pregnant woman with a stroller came by. Her son looked about two and half years old and he was trying to undo the straps.

"Leave those alone Jeffry." Jeffry just continued trying to undo them to no avail. A stroller, brilliant! I can hide in the back. There's even a blanket to hide under. The woman stopped to look at a dress and Private used the chance to come out from a woman's trousers rack and jumped into the stroller basket. I hope she's headed where I'm going.

After about 20 minutes and only having crossed the woman's clothing department, Private was about ready to find another way to get around. I didn't know women could spend so much time looking at clothes. Jeffry had gotten restless and was pushing back into the stroller while being very vocal about how upset he was. I know how you feel.

"Calm down Jeffry, I'm almost done."

"Hey honey."

"Oh, Dan. Did you find anything for your brother?"

"Yeah, I got him this sweater and new shoes. Boy is he gonna be pissed when he finds out I didn't get him a blue-ray player."

"Dan! What have I told you about swearing in front of Jeffry?" So "pissed" is a swear word? I wonder what it means...

"Daddy, I'm bored!"

"I know you are champ. How about we go look at the toys?"

"Yay! Toys toys toys toys!"

"You're not going to buy him one are you? He has plenty of toys all over the floor back at home."

"No, we're just going to go look. Santa is gonna bring the toys in a few days, right Jeffry?"

"I wanna see Santa, I wanna see Santa!"

"OK, first we see the toys and then you tell Santa which one you want for Christmas"

Dan took control of the stroller and pushed them toward the toys. I hope the toys are close to Home Decor, then I can ride the stroller to go see Santa! As luck would have it, the toys were right next to the home decor section. But Private's luck ran out since the toy section was quite possibly the most crowded section of the store. Oh bother, I wonder if I could pass off as a penguin toy to blend in. But what if someone picks me up and takes me home like last time? I'll have to chance it. Climbing down from the stroller basket, Private quickly jumped onto a toy shelf and tried to blend in.

The toys were in complete disarray. Some were toppled over, others were on the wrong shelves, and a few had dented packaging. Most didn't stay on the shelves for long before a parent or a child picked one up. Standing perfectly still and only moving his eyes, Private analyzed his surroundings. There are kids everywhere. The best I can do is to move a couple of inches every now and then.

But Private didn't even have a chance to move a millimeter before some little girl picked him up.

"Oh my gosh you're so cute and perfect! Mom has got to let me buy you!" Private mentally slapped himself. Now I'm going to be bought and taken to some strangers home. Again. Why me? Hold on a tick, this is the home decor section! The little girl walked up to a red haired woman looking at candle holders.

"Mom, can I please buy this? It's so cute!" The woman turned and took a look at Private.

"Now sweetie, I told you to go find gifts for your friends."

"But I really want this." The woman took Private from the little girl and started looking him over.

"He doesn't even have a price tag." She turned him over a few more times. "It's surprisingly realistic..." She frowned when she spotted Private's privates. Private felt himself blush.

"So can I have him? Please?" The woman sighed.

"Maybe some other time." She placed him next to some picture frames. "Let's go look at the toys and find something for your friends together." They walked away and Private gave a sigh of relief. Now to find the pillows and get back to the stroller.


The smell of food greeted Rico and Max as they entered the grocery store.

"Would you look at all of that. Humans sure do have it easy. No catching your own food or have it talk back to you. Just come in, take what you want, and go." Rico smiled and nodded at the cat's statement. Isles upon isles of food lined the store for as far as the eye could see. Rico started walking toward one in his search for the peanuts. "Hey, I thought you were looking for peanuts." Rico turned around and gave a questioning glance to Max.

"That sign says the peanuts are in isle 7."

"You can read?" asked Rico in surprise.

"Yeah, can't you?"

"Nu-uh." Maybe the cat was useful for this mission after all. They made their way to isle 7 being careful not to be spotted by any shoppers. Isle 7 contained not only peanuts, but also trail mix, party snacks, candy, and several kinds of dip. Rico looked over the peanut selection trying to find the biggest bag they had. Burt was a big elephant and he needed a lot of peanuts. He was upset the biggest one they had was only about a kilo. Grabbing it, he swallowed it whole.

"Uh... did you just eat a two pound bag of peanuts in one gulp?"

"Yep," replied Rico as he swallowed another one. Two bags should be enough. He patted his stomach and then looked at Max. "Gift?"

"Oh right, I almost forgot. I don't really know what to get Roger." He ran one of his paws on the back of his head.

"Food?"

"Hmm, that's not such a bad idea. Something that will keep until Christmas. So no meat because it'll spoil and Roger is a vegetarian."

"Huh?"

"I know, I was surprised the find that out too. It's better that way. I don't have to worry about him getting hungry and eating me." Rico looked around trying to find something that would be a good gift. Outside of the isle stood a large display case.

"Cookies!" Rico pointed a flipper to the colorful assortment available. They moved in closer for a better view. Several types of cookies were on sale. Gingerbread Santas, chocolate chip cookies with the chocolate painted red and green, powdered cookies in Christmas shapes, soft cookies in red and green, and tons more.

"This will be perfect!" Max looked them over for a bit before deciding on an assortment pack. "Roger will love these."

"Mmhmm," replied Rico as he kept a look out for anybody close by. He stopped when he laid his eyes on seafood on display. "Fiiiiiiiiish!" He yelled and then raced over. So many fish to chose from. Salmon, bass, tuna, trout, yellowtail, the list went on and on.

"It's like a smorgasbord from Heaven." Max started drooling at the sight of it all. They jumped the counter to where they could access the fish. Rico took his time selecting the best one. Some high grade fish would be perfect for Christmas dinner. He could picture it now. The look of pleasant surprise on everyone's face when he will take the fish out of the fridge and start chopping it up into a delectable feast.

"Outstanding Rico! You've really outdone yourself this time." Skipper will say after taking the first bite.

"Oh Rico, this is the best Christmas dinner evah!" Private would chow down on every piece he's given.

"Clearly your mastery of the culinary arts surpasses even my own prowess in science!" Kowalski would proclaim while holding up a piece of the magnificent meal. Rico would have a grin on his face as he accepted the praise from his comrades. It would be nice to be appreciated like that every once in awhile. Sometimes I feel like nothing more than a background character.

"Hey, what are those animals doing here?!" Uh-oh. One of the seafood section workers had spotted them. I guess I shouldn't have stopped to daydream... Grabbing 4 fish he then barfed up a smoke bomb. The man was blinded by a dark smoke before he could reach Rico and Max. Rico swallowed the fish for safekeeping and then made a break for it.

"Run!" He told the cat, who was having a hard time carrying a giant fish and a tray of cookies.

"I'm trying to!"

Realizing that Max was only going to slow them down, he went and helped him with the tray of cookies. What a sight they were. A penguin carrying cookies and a cat with a fish half the size of his body. Like something out of a story book.

"Here comes the penguin, here comes the cat.

One in a bow-tie, one in a hat.

The bird brings the cookies, the cat brings the fish,

And the clerk chases after them both with a dish."

The clerk wasn't really chasing them with a dish, but only so many words rhyme with fish. Some customers had also taken notice and had stopped to stare.

"Come back here!" They raced out of the store and barely managed to get into the sewer. Once in the safety of the dark and damp New York City sewage system, they took a moment to catch their breath.

"Man, that was a close one. But it was so worth it." Max bit into the fish and ate it like he had been on a six week diet. "Oh man dis ish guud." Rico got up from where he was sitting.

"You're leaving now?" Max chose not to talk with his mouth full this time.

"Yep."

"Okay, thanks for the help. And merry Christmas!" Merry Christmas...

"Me...rry...Christ...mas." Sure he couldn't say it perfectly, but at least he tried. With a soft smile he continued on his way to the rendezvous point.


"Maurice, shouldn't we be getting the king's present?" Mort gave Maurice one of those looks that made him feel guilty.

"Look Mort, the king needs to find Skipper's present on his own. We have our own gifts to worry about."

"But the king is counting on us." Damn Mort and his sad eyes. Maurice just wanted some time off. King Julien was such a pain to wait on. How Mort could stand being in his presence for so long was a mystery.

"Tell me one good reason why we should leave the nice warm reptile house to go out into the cold and find a gift Julien is too lazy to find himself."

"Because the king needs us, and we're his only friends." Why? Why does he have to be right? No matter how often Julien got on his nerves, Maurice would always stick by him. Something about him was just so magnetic. You couldn't help but feel attached to the guy. Heck, it's how he became king despite the fact that lemurs only have queens.

Maurice heaved out a sigh.

"Okay Mort, let's go find something that Julien can give to Skipper."

"Yay!" Oh Mort, if only I could be as simple minded and carefree as you.


The line to see Santa was ridiculously long. Private had been hiding for almost half an hour before he made it to the front of the line. That took forever. I'm going to run behind schedule. I don't want Skipper yelling at me for being late. Jeffry and his father were next in line. Oh well, if I get to meet Santa it'll be worth it.

The area where you met Santa had been lavishly decorated. Several Christmas trees ran the perimeter and fake snow was placed all over the floor. A grand red upholstered chair sat in the middle, where Santa was sitting. An elf was to his left and a big sack of toys was to his right. Behind him stood a small cottage that read "Santa's Workshop".

"Okay everyone, Santa is going to take a 5 minute break so please be patient for a little while longer." That voice...it sounds so familiar... Taking a peak from beneath the blanket, all he could see was an elf costume from the waist down.

"But we've already been waiting long enough."

"Santa! Santa!"

"Everyone will get to see Santa, but by the power given to me by the Macy's, Incorporated department store located at Herald Square, I must ask you to wait behind the yellow line." No... it couldn't be...

Private took a chance at being exposed and removed the blanket from himself. There, dressed in a complete elf costume, stood Officer X. He even had his sunglasses on. Of all the luck. He quickly pulled the blanket over himself again. What am I going to do now? If X catches me I'm done for! I do feel a bit bad for costing the fellow his job though...

He peaked from under the blanket again. Officer X had gone to check on the presents they were handing out to the kids. Now's my chance to get away. He had seen Santa go into the cottage. Grabbing the pillow for Marlene, he sneaked out of the stroller and hid behind one of the Christmas trees. I hope there's a way to get in from the back.

He went from tree to tree until he reached the back of the stage area. Taking a quick glance around, he headed to the back of the cottage. Sure enough there was a back door there. It read "Authorized Personnel Only" of course Private couldn't read that so he went in anyway.

"Hello Private, I've been expecting you." Private gasped. There in front of him stood Santa. Not a holiday Santa, but the REAL Santa. Only the real Santa would know his name. His face was kind, warm, and inviting. He was smiling broadly and his eyes sparkled with joy.

"I knew you'd be here! Just like the movie!" The red man chuckled.

"Yes, I do like to visit a few department stores to see how the children are doing. But you're far away from home little one. You need to head back soon."

"I know, I just wanted to ask you for something."

"Yes, you have a very selfless wish you want granted." Private blushed.

"It's not selfless, it's what any friend would do really..."

"Ho ho ho, such modesty does warm my heart." He reached into one of his pockets and took out a small plant. "Take this. It will help." Private looked at the gift he got carefully.

"But it's just mistletoe..."

"It's no ordinary mistletoe, it's special. Put it up during your Christmas party and I guarantee you Skipper will have a great Christmas." Private looked at the mistletoe again. Will this really help Skipper? Well if it's from Santa I'm sure it will.

"Thank you Santa. And happy Christmas!"

"Happy Christmas Private." Private waved goodbye and walked out. Just you wait Skipper, I'll make sure you have a great Christmas.

"So we meet again, penguin."

"Likewise X."

Skipper!


What was taking Private so long? Had he gotten caught? Skipper had waited outside the store for half an hour before heading in. The place was packed. Of course, being a commanding officer skilled in the art of camouflage, he had no trouble getting around. He had spent the last half hour looking all around the store. He even checked where Santa was. No dice.

I guess I'll go check where Santa is again before heading out to see if he already left. If that boy got into trouble again I'm making him run drills for a month. When Skipper got there Santa was gone. Santa must be on break. I wonder if Private would be gullible enough to believe the real Santa would come here because of the movie we watched a few nights ago. Skipper thought it over for a moment before giving out a sigh. Yes, he would. I'll probably find him in the cottage.

"And where do you think you're going?" Skipper was caught off guard hearing that voice. It could only belong to one person.

"Officer X." He was dressed in a goofy elf costume but he still wore his signature sunglasses. He also had his signature smug grin.

"So we meet again, penguin."

"Likewise X."

"You cost me my job as an officer of the Metropolitan Sub Bureau of Animal Control and Pretzel Cart Regulation." More like you lost it yourself by going crazy with payback. "You've been a very naughty penguin this year, and I'm afraid Santa's elf will have to give you some tasering." He took out his electric baton and lit it up. Where was he storing that thing?

"Bring it on mammal." X brought his baton down but Skipper dodged to the right missing it. He swung towards Skipper again and this time Skipper jumped over it.

"I order you to stay still!" Officer X took another swing, knocking down a Christmas tree.

"Make me!" Skipper jumped and kicked X in the knee. It hurt. For Skipper.

"Charles De Gualle! Are you some kind of cyborg?!" He yelled while jumping on one leg.

"Ha, I bet you thought that would hurt me. Well guess again penguin. I am wearing protective plates under this costume so bratty kids hurt themselves when trying to hurt me." He loomed over Skipper. "And now you're in for a whole world or hurt." The electric baton descended on him and Skipper knew he couldn't get away fast enough with his aching foot.

"Skippah!"

"Huh?"

Private jumped out of nowhere and knocked the baton out of Officer X's hand. It bounced on the floor before rolling under a clothing stand.

"Another one? You penguins still think the zoo isn't good enough for you huh? And what's this? Shoplifting? This time I'll make sure you get deported to the most inhospitable part of Antarctica."

Skipper saw Private carrying an intricately designed soft pink pillow. Private got Julien? He could have gone with another color other than pink...[7]

"There's too many people here Skippah, we have to go!"

"Roger that. Engage evasive maneuvers."

Getting on their bellies, they slid away as quickly as they could. X pushed the clothing stand aside and retrieved his baton.

"You troublemakers aren't getting away from me!" Staying out of sight was no longer an option. All around them people gasped and dodged out of the way as two penguins and an elf made their way through the store.

"There's the exit!"

"Hurry Private, he's catching up!"

"Don't let those two escape!" The guard at the door didn't react fast enough to X's order. He was too shocked with the absurdity of the situation. As luck would have it, someone was walking in leaving the door wide open. They slipped right through and out into the street. X was still chasing them, and they knew he was persistent.

"What are we going to do Skippah?"

"We have to get into the sewers without that psycho noticing. We have no choice but to go off 5th Avenue and lose him in the crowds." Being penguins had its advantages, like being short enough to walk past people's legs. Officer X on the other hand, had to shove people out of the way.

"Clear a path, I'm on official animal control duty!"

"Skippah, look! The crosswalk is about to change!"

"Perfect! We'll cross and force him to wait for the next one." Skipper and Private barely managed to cross, but X didn't make it in time. The red hand of "Do Not Walk" taunted him. On the other side of the street he saw Private and Skipper waving merrily at him.

"Don't think this is the last you've seen of me penguins! I'll make sure you lawbreakers get what you deserve."

"I think what we deserve right now is a nice cup of hot cocoa. C'mon Private, let's go home."

"Yes sir."


When Kowalski arrived at the rendezvous point, Rico was already there waiting for him.

"Hello Rico, I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"Nu-uh."

"Ah, good. Skipper and Private shouldn't take much longer with their presents." A simple guttural sound was given by Rico as a sign of confirmation. Kowalski set his bag down and sat down next to Rico. An awkward silence filled the air after awhile. Come on Kowalski, start up a conversation. Your socializing skills are atrocious and need improvement.

"So...."

"Hm."

Great conversation. I'm sure you'll win a noble prize for that one. Come on Kowalski, think! That's what you're good at! Find something you and Rico can talk about. Perhaps the combustion properties of explosives or the physics involved in his knife cutting. The history of the Renaissance or advanced engineering equations and why is he staring at you like that?

Kowalski snapped out of his thoughts. "Rico, why are you staring at me like that?"

"You make an interesting face when you start thinking." What Rico actually said sounded like gibberish to many, but they had managed to understand what Rico was saying.

"Yes, well I guess I do overanalyze everything..."

"Yep."

"It's not a bad thing you know, except during combat..." Rico rolled his eyes.

"Hey, at least I don't have an addiction to explosives."

"Meh."

"To each his own, as they say." The awkward silence returned with a vengeance. Perhaps a different approach might do the trick.

"So...is there anything you want to do to pass the time?"

"Hmm..." Rico thought for a bit before a wicked smile crossed his face. "Hehehe..."

"Ri-Rico?"

"Let's have some fun together..."


Kowalski and Rico are probably already back at the rendezvous point. We need to hurry up. Skipper picked up his pace, Private following behind him.

"Skippah, how come you came looking for me instead of heading to the rendezvous point?" Drats, he caught on to that.

"No reason, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay." When he had gone to check up on Private, he left the tea set hidden in the sewer for safe keeping. He was now carrying it along with Private's gift for Julien in a bag.

"I was doing fine on my own. You're the one who got caught." Skipper frowned.

"And I only got caught because I was worried about you. I waited half an hour outside the store and you didn't come out. What was I suppose to think Private?" Guilt flashed in Private's eyes.

"I'm sorry Skippah, I didn't know I was worrying you. But I'll make it up to you. I promise!" I can't stay mad at him.

"Yeah, I was being a little overprotective too. Let's go home so we can have lunch and then finish of the day with routine maintenance."

"But Skippah, you said you were giving us the afternoon off." I did? Oh right, Marlene wants me to go talk to her.

"I almost forgot about that...do you hear something?"

"Yeah, it sounds a bit like K'walski."

"I can hear Rico too. I wonder what those two knuckleheads are up to."

As they got closer the conversation started to get more discernable.

"No, Rico, you can't do that!"

"Watch me!"

"That doesn't go there! Oh this is so wrong!"

"That's what makes it more fun."

"Kowalski, Rico, what in the name of George Washington are you two doing!?"

The two penguins turned to their leader. Kowalski was angry and flustered and Rico was happy and content. In-between them was a board game with a map of the world on it.

"Rico just invaded the Congo through Madagascar claiming he has just acquired an air force!"

"You're just mad I took South Africa from you."

"Am not!"

"That's enough you two. It's time to head back to the zoo." Rico gave a smug smile to Kowalski as he put the game away.

"Private is the only one who plays the game by the rules. Everyone else cheats," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Skipper eyed him angrily.

"Uh, I asked how your shopping went."

"It's a long story."


1. Lemurs purr. Who knew?

2. For those of you who skipped the lemon, penguins have cloacas. It's the reason why they need a DNA test to tell the difference between male and female and the whole plot of Miss Understanding. Since I gave Skipper and all the penguins cocks, the episode is only referenced in this story in that Skipper is going through the five stages of grief over his kiss with Julien.

3. Hooray for Google Maps and Google Earth for listing all this stuff. Sorry if I got anything wrong.

4. There is an actual Whole Foods there. I've never been there so I made up the isles and food they have.

5. If you don't know which one he's talking about, then you've clearly never heard of Miracle on 34th Street.

6. That's how the British say it. Merry is American/Canadian, Happy is British. If that's confusing, consider the fact the British use stones, Americans use pounds, and Canadians use kilos.

7. In chapter 4 Julien said he wanted a seat cushion for his throne. Skipper thinks the gift is for Julien when it's really for Marlene.

Next chapter will have the actual gift exchange and Marlene will try to get Julien and Skipper to make up. And then there's the mistletoe of course. I'm sure you all know how that will play out : D

Here's hoping it doesn't take me another three months to post another update. Remember to review if you have the time.