Chapter 3 - The Lady of Hogwarts
For the first time in many years, Harry Potter woke up with a smile on his face. He gazed at the room that was given to him. It was clearly in the Slytherin section. Ginny probably thought he would feel more comfortable there.
Thinking of Ginny made his smile widen. How had little Ginny Weasley with her elbows in butter dishes become someone who so easily slid into the massive shoes of Albus Dumbledore? But then his smile faltered. War and Voldemort. That's what happened to her.
When he had first seen her, he was ready to tell her everything. The whole ordeal of Harry Potter. But the suspicion in her voice had held him at bay. No, this wasn't the Ginny Weasley he knew. This was a woman who would stop at nothing to protect the people she felt a duty to. Harry respected her for it. He admired her for it. He would aid her in every respect, indeed he would lay down his life for her. But he couldn't trust her with the secret of Dumbledore's Gift and the knowledge of Harry Potter's survival yet. The cold emptiness of Azkaban was still too strong, he wasn't ready to reveal himself yet.
He needed to know more about her. He needed to know what happened to all his friends. He needed to know what terrible thing happened to Hermione Granger.
But still, he couldn't deny the uplifting of his heart from the previous night. Thrice, he fell in love with her all over again in a short span of fifteen minutes. First, when he first set his eyes on her. Her beauty hadn't dimmed one bit. In fact, she had grown up most gracefully. But more than that, more than just the beauty of a woman, was the resolve and self confidence of a true lady.
The second instance when he felt his heart completely consumed by the intensity of Ginny Weasley was the haunted look in her eyes when he mentioned Veritaserum. He could see her grief for Harry Potter. He yearned to reach forward and tell her he was there, he was alive. But he couldn't. He wouldn't.
The third time, when he finally realized how much Ginny had grown, how radically she had changed, and yet, found himself loving her all the more for it, was when she spoke of the ideal of Hogwarts, of sanctuary and belief. This was an aspect of Ginny Weasley, which left no doubt in his mind, why she had been chosen by Hogwarts. This was the Ginny Weasley who gave him all the reason he needed to plunge back into the struggle against Voldemort.
No longer was it the Dark Lord against the Chosen One. Now, the struggle was between the Monarch and the Lady of Hogwarts.
Harry walked through the corridors, sadly aware of the mistrustful looks being sent towards him. He quickly found out that the elder witches and wizards - a bare handful of them - were training the younger generation, mostly muggleborn and halfblood and an occasional pureblood children left orphaned when their parents were murdered by the forces of Voldemort.
Filius taught Charms and Dueling, aided by Ginny in both. Harry's former friend Oliver Wood, one of the less tolerant of his presence, taught Defense. Neville used to also teach but was away on a mission. Cho Chang was also present, teaching Survival Skills, should any student be left outside of Hogwarts.
"Find someone else to spy on, Death Eater!"
Harry sighed as he turned around. He had been observing Oliver Wood teach the Patronus Spell, and he was about to put in a word of advice to a student, but Oliver's suspicious gaze jolted something inside him.
"You -- murderer!"
Harry turned around and rushed away from the Gryffindor tower. He needed air. The cold sensation of Azkaban seized him again. No, not air. He needed brandy. Gasping for breath, he reached the portrait that led a secret passage to the kitchens.
"Brandy," he gasped as he stumbled in. "Firewhisky," he begged. "Anything."
"We don't keep alcohol here, Mr. Flint."
Harry gasped and turned to see who had spoken. Ginny Weasley was observing him with concern. She had been talking to a house elf, and seemed surprised to see him there. Harry's eyes bored into her.
"I don't know how to ask for your forgiveness, I know I will never forgive myself."
As suddenly as it had hit him, the cold left. He gathered himself and looked at Ginny. She was looking less stately as the previous night, with her hair down. He smiled in his mind, the shoulder length hair suited her face perfectly.
"Are you all right?" Ginny asked. She seemed a bit uneasy in his presence.
Harry nodded. Instead, he said, "You should forgive yourself."
Ginny gasped. "What did you say?"
Harry looked at her sadly. "I said you should forgive yourself for whatever it is that you blame yourself." He paused when Ginny continued to stare at him in disbelief. "It is so easy to read you. This whole hard exterior, this shell, you are hiding from something in your past. Or someone. Your actions and responsibilities, to you, are a punishment for something in your past." Harry knew he should stop. "You should forgive yourself."
"You have no right -" Ginny said coldly. "You have no idea what I've done!"
"Then tell me," Harry pleaded earnestly. "Please, I beg of you. Let me help you."
Ginny opened her mouth to lash at him, but when their eyes met, she faltered.
Harry tentatively reached forward and touched her hand, but Ginny sprung back, as if she had been scorched. But she didn't run away or slap him, as he was beginning to fear. Instead, she stayed a healthy distance away.
"Follow me," said Ginny.
Harry followed her, always maintaining the same distance between them. She led him silently through the corridors and out of the castle. He walked silently, a bit confused and worried. But then he saw it, and all thoughts of comforting Ginny vanished from his mind instantaneously.
In anguish, he gasped, and ran forward. His pace slowed down when he approached it, and he sunk to the ground.
The grave of Albus Dumbledore and the stone statue of Fawkes lay before him.
Harry closed his eyes, and allowed the tears to run without restraint.
"I - I didn't know it would grieve you so much," Ginny said softly. "Or else, I would have warned you."
Harry didn't respond for a long time. "He was a meddling old bastard," he said finally, shocking Ginny. "But he always meddled with the best of intentions."
Ginny chuckled. "I think I know at least another person who'd say amen to that." Then her mood darkened again. "I brought you out here so we could talk privately. Few come here."
Harry nodded. He got up.
"Ordinarily, I would have my wand raised by now," said Ginny. "But because of your oath… I want to know why you are doing this to me?"
"What do you mean?" asked Harry.
"First, you sneak into Hogwarts and try to flirt with me while I'm interrogating you," Ginny said. "Then you swear that oath. Now, you're trying to be my therapist. Why? Does the Monarch want you to win my heart so I'd give you whatever you want? Why are you doing this, Flint?"
Harry saw the suspicion in her eyes.
"You -- murderer!"
She hadn't been one of the accusers, of that he was certain, or else he wouldn't have lasted long enough for Dumbledore's Gift to come into play. But it was so hard not to hear her voice screaming at him, with the suspicion that was so clear on her face.
Harry turned around, feeling the pain of Azkaban assault him again. He realized then that it would never completely leave him. Stumbling, Harry put his hand on the statue of Fawkes for support and took a few deep breaths.
'Where is the help that was promised to any who sought it!' Harry's mind accused the grave of his former mentor. 'You have given me a great gift, Professor, but to me it's a curse! How am I to carry on without you? I am lost! Please, help me! I need your help! I can't do it alone, not with Ginny also suspicious -'
"Flint," Ginny touched his back. "Oh Merlin. What's wrong? Are you ill?"
'Only in my heart and soul,' Harry's mind answered.
"Remember my last, Harry Potter…"
But then something scorched Harry's hand, making him jump away, and Ginny moved with him. In a hasty motion, Harry's arm involuntarily came around Ginny protectively, as both observed in wonder the sight before them. A small spark emerged in the stone head of the phoenix where Harry's hand had rested on it. The spark slowly grew into a flame, which spread all around the statue, covering it in a shroud of red and golden phoenix fire, and a hauntingly beautiful melody reverberated around them.
"Merlin," Ginny breathed out in wonder. "That's so beautiful."
Harry's attention had diverted from the resurrecting phoenix to the redhead and he nodded, staring at her smile - a genuine innocent Ginny smile, that he hadn't seen in years. "Yes, very," he agreed.
Ginny laughed joyfully, and the sound brought greater peace to Harry's heart than the sight of Fawkes flying overhead.
"Fawkes!" Ginny called out happily. "I've waited for a sign for so long, that this struggle meant something, and now I finally have it! Fawkes!" Harry couldn't agree more with her.
The bird did another circle before swooping down towards Harry. But just before it could reach Harry, it trilled in almost a startled sadness. Harry understood it. The desolation in his soul, the confusion in his heart, it was all too deep. He smiled at Fawkes.
Fawkes trilled once and then did a circle around Ginny, before soaring to the skies.
"Fawkes!" Ginny cried out. "Fawkes! It's me, Ginny! Don't you remember?" she asked pleadingly. "You saved me and - and -" her voice quivered, "- Harry in the Chamber. Please don't go."
"A phoenix has no master or mistress, Ginny," Harry said softly. "Let Fawkes go. He'll be back where and when he's needed."
Ginny turned to Harry with tearful eyes, and surprising both of them, fell against him in an embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her head against his shoulder.
Harry wasn't complaining. He had wanted to do this since the moment he had seen her. The sweet scent of Ginny Weasley wafted all around him and he felt at peace. This was how it was meant to be. If only fate had been kinder to them.
"You've been nothing but amazing since you came," Ginny whispered in a small voice. "My suspicions were baseless. Fawkes doesn't stay with me because of how cold and heartless I have become."
Harry chuckled lightly. He patted Ginny's back, letting his fingers feel the silkiness of her hair. Here was the squeaking, elbows in butter dish version of his sweetheart back in full form.
"How do you do it?" Ginny complained.
"Do what?" Harry asked curiously.
"Make me realize that I said something utterly foolish without saying a single word." Ginny smiled sadly, as if lost in memory. "I knew someone else who could do that. You remind me of him."
Harry nodded. He had a good idea whom she was talking about.
Ginny parted from him, with a hint of reluctance. "You said I am punishing myself to atone for a mistake," she said. "I am not. My punishment was this," she raised her hand and pulled her sleeves up.
Harry gasped. His eyes watched in horror twin straight scars in both of Ginny's wrists. He looked at her in disbelief. She had tried to kill herself?
"But it was not enough for fate," said Ginny, oblivious to the horror in her companion's face. "I woke up, still alive, to the terrible news that my last surviving family member had died, and I felt something different in me, like a surge of power, something magnificent that was in my control. The Wards of Hogwarts came to me. I knew then, my punishment was not to share the fate of the one I loved but to take his place and fulfill the responsibilities he would have shouldered, were he able to."
Harry grabbed her wrists, letting his thumb gently trace her scars. "You foolish girl," Harry said. He felt angry. Angry at the world, for throwing him in Azkaban; at himself, for somehow being responsible for Ginny's anguish; at Ginny, for being so foolish. "If he meant so much to you, then why didn't you do something about it? Why didn't you tell him?"
Ginny's voice turned acidic, and she pulled her hands away. "Don't you remember? The Battle of Diagon Alley happened the day after Harry Potter's trial. I had convinced my father to let me visit him because I didn't believe it. Harry loved Dumbledore! My father agreed to take me, but the battle took his life, along with one of my brothers." Harry was aghast. "We were locked up in Grimm - someplace for months, while the adults tried to figure out what was happening. Then the Ministry of Magic fell. The Order of the Phoenix launched a final, desperate attack. We - we foolishly thought we could help, us children. I lost more brothers. My mother, my best friend and my pregnant sister-in-law were captured. For the next few weeks and months, my sole priority was to find them, to save them. I did manage to find Hermione and bring her to Hogwarts. She lasted only a week despite Pomfrey's best attempts. She had lost the will to live and withered away, broken from the tortures inflicted upon her by your friends."
She took a deep breath. "By then, he had started calling himself the Monarch. He besieged us thoroughly in Hogwarts. Getting out of Hogwarts was impossible. It was only when we discovered that Harry Potter was dying that I knew I had to see him one last time." She walked, as if in a daze, to a stone, and sat down on it. "I almost wish I hadn't. He - he -" she sobbed. "I still have nightmares about that visit. He was in such a bad shape. He reached forward and I touched his fingers and -" she stopped speaking to wipe her eyes, "I wish I had been faster, tried harder. I wish I had gone for him earlier."
"But I failed him," she said tightly. "Just as I have failed everyone else. But failing Harry hurts so much… it overshadows everything and everyone else." She turned to Harry, whose eyes were wet at the girl's grief. "Maybe, that's because I still haven't stopped loving him. So, Flint, have I have answered your questions, have I eased your mind?"
Harry lowered his gaze. She had answered his questions but his mind was anything but eased.
"I am really grateful for your oaths and for bringing Fawkes back, however you did it," said Ginny intently, meaning it. "But I want you to understand and accept that there will never be anything between us."
"Perhaps not between us," said Harry slowly. "But do you think shutting down emotionally is the best thing to do? Would Harry want this of you?"
"You have no idea what Harry would want!" Ginny snapped.
Harry tried very hard not to think about the irony of the statement.
But Ginny bit her lips. She walked closer and took Harry's hand. "Look, I appreciate this. We can be good friends. But right now I cannot afford to have any distractions. Keeping Hogwarts safe is all I care about."
"Very well," said Harry, not sure whether he should be glad or disappointed. He chose to avoid both feelings. She was correct, they were in the middle of a war they were losing. "Friends, then." Harry put an arm around Ginny and was glad when she didn't move away.
