A/N: I would just like to thank all of my reviewers! You have no idea how much I appreciate and look forward to them. Your support helps so much when I've got a case of writer's block. Thankfully for this chapter, all I needed was a song. I know it's a sad story so far, it's probably not going to get any happier. But I'm going to bring Kakashi in one way or another. I'm just not sure of how I'm going to proceed with that. If you have any ideas, leave a review and I'll take them into account! And this is my personal best and longest chapter I've ever really written... I hope it's okay!
Now on with the story...
She was woken from her stupor by a young chunnin who's name she didn't know. "Haruno-san?" His voice sounded like he was torn between being worried and impatient, as he looked on her sad state.
He made a move to help her up, but Sakura just waved it off, standing up on shaky legs with the support of the memorial she had fallen asleep against. "What is it?"
The chunnin cleared his throat, feeling awkward for having disturbed her. "Hokage-sama wishes for you to meet with her at the tower." He waited until she nodded in acquiesce before leaving.
She ran a trembling hand over her tired face and then through her pink locks. Her eyes were killing her and sleeping against such an unfriendly piece of stone hadn't helped the pain that was developing steadily in her back. She drew some of her chakra into her free hand, directing the flow towards her lower back, and then her eyes. It would do no good to see her shishou with pain and a headache distorting her judgement.
It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand
Letting out a slow breath, Sakura darted up into the tree nearest to her, and quickly made her way towards Hokage Tower.
For a few moments, Sakura contemplated whether to jump through the her mentor's office window or whether to actually go inside and come in through the double doors. She shook off the thought, knowing if she did go in through the window, her mentor would more than likely get upset. Besides, it wasn't exactly polite behavior -- in Sakura's opinion -- and with the visiting council, it would be better to be announced, than to accidently enter with a meeting between them... again.
Not really paying any attention to the people roaming the tower, as she flew up the steps. As she walked to the double doors, she gave a slight smile towards Shizune, who looked as though she hadn't slept in days. Ton-Ton snoring steadily from behind the desk, confirmed that thought.
Knocking, she heard a brisk 'Enter' from Tsunade. As she opened one of the doors, Sakura was dumbfounded to see yards of white stretched all throughout the Hokage's office. Her gaze moved around the room, which looked as though a snowman had thrown up in it.
Tsunade cleared her throat, bringing Sakura's alarmed eyes to look at towards her mentor. "Wh-What's going on, Shishou?" She tried to keep the stutter from her voice, as she figured that one of the horrid white things was going to be her wedding kimono -- she could barely keep herself from shuddering.
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Feeling uneasy about the whole situation, Tsunade let her eyes flash with sympathy, before they hardened into the cold diamond glower that she was known for. "I've had the dressmaker bring his wedding fabrics over."
Stunned, and still feeling the after affects of her night -- and morning -- Sakura slumped into a chair close by, her head bowed. "Arigato, Hokage-sama." A lump was forming in her throat, but she was able to form a sentence of thanks towards her teacher.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Picking out the material for your wedding kimono was intended to be a joyous and wondrous occasion that you did with the women in your life that you felt close to. It wasn't expected for the event to feel forced and bitter.
Her fingers tightened on the arms of the chair she had fallen in. Even without chakra, the wood was splitting with the force being exerted upon it.
It wasn't that Kinnan wasn't a good man -- he was. He was everything a girl could dream of having the chance to marry. He was sweet, kind-hearted, talkative, sensitive, understanding -- the list could go on and on. But he wasn't...
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart
A crack sounded throughout the room as the chair arms broke into pieces. ...him.
Tsunade leaned her elbows onto the desk in front of her, letting her chin rest on them as she observed her student's turmoil. "Sakura."
Sakura glanced at her teacher as she rubbed the remnants of the wood from her hands. "Hai, Hokage-sama?"
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes in aggravation, Tsunade chose to narrow them. "You're not a matyr. We are not using you as a sacrificial lamb. You're doing your duty to Konoha. Just like every shinobi in our country." An afterthought... "Think of it as a permanent mission." She watched as Sakura nodded slowly.
Knowing that her bright student would have already figured that much of it out, she pressed on. It was better to get it out now, then to have a scene at the wedding. "Entire villages are massacred almost daily, open to the enemy because they didn't have allies." Seeing Sakura loosen her hands from their balled up position, she continued. "But..."
Sakura's head snapped up from it's downward position and she looked at Tsunade apprehensively. Buts were never a good sign when it came to her. Things usually went badly when that word was involved.
Asserting that she got her pupil's attention, Tsunade began, dropping her Hokage persona and going back to the mother-like woman that mentored her. "I'm not going to force you to do this." Her eyes softened as they took in the seemingly defenseless girl. "You have your whole life --" She stopped as she saw Sakura's hand come up.
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Her chin rose as she swallowed down the lump blocking her throat. "I understand. But my mind hasn't changed." Getting up from the now unfixable chair, Sakura began to peruse the different fabrics, her back to the desk and the woman behind it.
"And your heart? What does it say?" Tsunade prodded, hoping to get the girl to see that this wasn't going to leave their country in ruins if she chose not to marry the heir of the Ishida clan.
Not turning around, Sakura continued to run her fingers in the different materials, but she let her eyes close as a jolt of pain shot through her. Carefully keeping her back to her shishou, she held up a bolt of silk, pretending to be looking at the pattern embedded upon it. "Every time I listen to it, the results are disastrous. I've learned it's better to ignore it." Opening them back up, she continued surveying the inventory that had overwhelmed the usually large office.
Hoping to hit some kind of nerve within Sakura, Tsunade kept talking. "And what of Hatake?" Had she not been watching her apprentice as closely as she was, she would have missed the tight clench of Sakura's jaw.
No matter how much time went by, it was still a sore subject. Yes, she knew that her pervert of a lover would have never settled down. But every time they were out and passed by a happy family, she couldn't help but want to make a life with him. So many times as she lay awake -- his head on her chest and her fingers running through his uneven silver locks -- her thoughts turned to thinking about a small wedding.
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
The day would be slightly cloudy, and the cherry blossoms would be in bloom, falling all around the small encampment as they waited for the ceremony to start. She never really planned on how her kimono would look, she only saw him as he waited down the short aisle -- his mask over the lower portion of his face, relaxed in his clothing -- having forgone the traditional garb -- with his eye crinkling madly as she glided towards him.
Now, whenever her thoughts turned in the direction of 'what ifs'... the slightly cloudy day became a dangerous thunderstorm. The trees that held the blossoms would be brown, with no hopes of any living thing growing on them. And the people that had come, gave their condolences for her loss. Nothing waited down the aisle but a tarnished and rotting coffin, the lid nailed shut, preventing the person inside from any hopes of an escape. But that didn't stop her from hearing the screams of despair and agony as the lid was hit again and again from the inside.
Realizing that she'd been off in her mind again, Sakura quickly stated, "He's dead." Finally turning to look at the Sannin, her words flat and the emotion behind her eyes carefully controlled. Grabbing with her right hand, she picked up one of the bolts of material and set it on the desk, before turning away.
Tsunade looked at the fabric on her desk before calling out to Sakura, "Where are you going?"
Oh, this is just a dream
Stopping, Sakura turned to gaze behind at the woman that made her proud to bear the name kunoichi. "I've got a wedding to plan." And with that, Sakura brought her head back around and resumed walking.
