Previously on Chicharong Flower…
Out of some crazy circumstances, Tenten became the housemate of the Hyuuga. Even though it's against Neji's will (well, that was according to him), he allowed the beautiful lady with a Gillete Razor-sharp tongue to stay at his house. Now we shall find out what happens next after we left the loud pounding against Neji's bathroom door…
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Tenten proudly placed the platter holding her culinary masterpiece in front of the waiting Hyuuga. "Senyorito (1) Neji, your meal is ready!"
Neji stared glumly at the dinner before him. "Pork again? Son of a… don't you get tired of this yet? We've been eating chicharon for three and a half weeks!"
She shrugged. "But that's the only meal I know how to prepare. That's my work. And besides, you don't like my instant noodles…"
He rolled his eyes. "The last time you cooked instant noodles, I remember, it looked like water which sprouted Sadako's (2) white hair. Even my pigs didn't touch your food…"
"I'm not domesticated, okay, so sue me!" She placed hands on her hips. "Go and eat it already. It's bad to say 'no' to graces."
"Son of a…" He cupped his chin, depressed. "God would understand if I refuse that… that… thing. And what did you think of my cholesterol level, infinite tolerance? Besides, I've noticed my pigs are slowly diminishing. Instead of them growing up peacefully like proper Hyuuga farm pigs that they are, we gobble them up for dinner…" He chewed on his food as he spoke. "We're worse than merciless cannibals! We're like flesh-hungry monsters! We're like--"
"It's that time of the month again when you have your monthly visitor, eh, Neji?" she asked, sighing. "I thought so. You're noisier than usual." She sat down to eat. "Okay, if it shall make you happy, tomorrow, I promise we'll have a different dinner."
"REALLY?" said Neji, who looked happier than a person told that he would get a refund of his six months' worth of electricity payment. "So there is still a God…"
Tenten, meanwhile, was problematic. I'm so dead. Damn, why did I make that promise? What should I cook now? She forced herself to think back and contemplate, but only found a scapegoat. It's my great grandmother's fault! She didn't teach her children to cook meals other than chicharon. That's why the husbands of women from my clan die early… if not from heart attack, then from high blood. It's because everyone from my clan only knows how to cook chicharon.
Neji looked up from his food, noticing that she wasn't eating. "Don't tell me I'll commit suicide alone? Eat some of your cooking so both of us would die from too much cholesterol."
"Aww… You're so sweet." She also got a fork and joined Neji in the meal. "Damn you."
……………….
And so the following day, Tenten decided to learn how to cook. She started off by thinking of a person to ask to teach her the arts of gastronomic pleasuring.
"How about Hinata… I'm sure she's a great cook, but she's probably busy with her pregnancy." She grinned wickedly. "That Naruto's got some serious babymaking skills. Imagine, just two hours locked up in the bathroom with her, and it's a success already! Hyuuga clan would no longer be miserable. They would multiply once more, and Naruto would be their Father Abraham: Father of the whole clan of the new generation of Hyuugas. Super!" She framed her chin with her palm. "Hmm… how about Sir Kakashi? But I think the only thing he knows about cooking is, well, meals with the word 'aphrodisia' attached to it." Her shoulders sagged. "How come there's a sudden shortage of decent cooks around here?"
At that moment, Neji emerged from the house, fully dressed in formal getup. "I'll just be visiting the maternity clinic for a while."
"What are you going to do there?" Tenten blinked. "Don't tell me you were able to get pregnant all by yourself!"
He rolled his eyes in response.
Tenten nudged his ribs. "Hmm, Neji-chan, I swear, you look so damn manly when you roll your eyes, the way retards do when they're amusing themselves." She nodded to herself. "Before when I tease you like this, you look like you want to eat me alive. I think I prefer the 'old' you."
"Right." He looked at his wristwatch. "I'll be bringing my cousin along. It's her first time visiting the maternity clinic."
"Wow, how cute! A cousinly bonding session then?" gushed the female.
A vein popped on Neji's head. "Tenten, has anyone told you yet that you're incredibly annoying?"
"Yes. You did."
He sighed, and opted to ignore the comment. "Hinata is the one going to the clinic, I'm just accompanying her."
"Ah, now I understand," she said, feigning solemn comprehension. "You were not being clear awhile ago."
That remark was disregarded too. "Hopefully, upon my return, we'll have a different meal, as you have promised. No more pork."
"No bacon?" she tried.
"I want fried fish," he said simply.
"What if I buy a fish, pork-flavored?" she tried again.
"Then eat by yourself." With that, he climbed into his car.
She waved at him smilingly. "Ok, love, be careful on your way!" She watched him drive away. "And I'll go prepare his fried fish." She stood up. "To the market I go."
……………………
Tenten arrived at the market, holding a basket, feeling very wifely in her getup. She soon spotted her first shopping item.
"Excuse me, I would like to buy fish," she told the vendor.
"How many?"
"Err.." She smiled helplessly. "I don't really know. As long as it's enough for…ah…my husband."
The vendor's eyes suddenly lit up. "How big… is that husband of yours, huh, dear?"
Tenten imagined Neji's finger, then grinned. "XL, I think," she smirked.
"Oh, you should get milkfish then," suggested the fish vendor. "Then stuff it with lots of onions so he would be lively. That's what my husband and I did, and now, when the whole family goes shopping together, we look like a community instead."
"Really?" Her eyes widened. "How old are you, by the way, Ma'am?"
"87," said the old woman proudly.
"You certainly don't look like it," said Tenten, impressed. "Looks like you and your husband had betrayed your menopausal period!"
"That's why I always change husbands; they could never keep up with me."
Tenten whistled. "When I grow up I want to be just like you, Ma'am, a real fighter!"
The selling woman waved her finger proudly. "Eat balot and penoy(3) every morning and evening. It'll strengthen your knees, giving you the power I now hold."
The younger female jotted that down. "Okaaay… balot…" She grinned wickedly. "Looks like Neji has a new dish! Hehe!"
……………………………….
After buying another ingredient, Tenten went home and started her cooking.
She looked at the milkfish swimming happily in the basin. "Poor fishie… you look so happy, so at peace. And here I stand before you with a merciless intent of ending your blissful existence. Shit, Neji, how could you make me do something so cruel as this?"
She got a knife and then stared sadly at the fish. "Sorry, fishie, but if I fail again in making this meal Neji-approved, I may be driven away from my new home sweet home. And I can't afford to let that happen!" she cried as she presented her arguments before the swimming creature. "I've already fallen in love with this house, never mind if its attic is in the basement!
"Besides, I think I've developed a crush on the master of this house." She wrinkled her nose. "Even though he is grouchier than my father when my mother ran away with a man he used to date too."
Thus, with a heavy heart, she proceeded to stab the slippery creature. A second passed, and squirts of blood splashed everywhere.
"Son of a giant, MY HAND!" With that, Tenten blacked out.
…………………………….
When Tenten regained consciousness, she immediately saw Neji's worried expression. He was bent over here, gazing at her face.
"N-Neji…?" She looked up in fascination at the lines of anxiety drawn on his handsome countenance.
"You scared me…" he whispered. "When I came into the kitchen, I saw the floor covered with blood. I didn't know what to do… those tiles are expensive…"
Tenten clutched her chest. "Oh my goodness!"
"Then I saw the fish, swimming inside the basin, probably thinking it's an aquarium," continued Neji. "You were unconscious, and your finger's bleeding." He glanced at her injury, and she then saw that it was already bandaged. "That's one less bandage in my supply," he informed her dryly.
"Sorry. You should have used a sanitary napkin instead."
"My supply just ran out." And for the benefit of relieving the shock in her face, he hastily added, "It's Hinata's. I just shop it for her." He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Besides, it's already over anyway." He paused, and then asked, "Are you okay now?"
"A-a little." She realized that her head was resting on Neji's lap. "Neji, wait. I better get up. Your pride and source of joy might get smashed."
"My source of what?" He looked down at what she was gesturing, saw his tight crotch, and then rolled his eyes. "Right."
"I better get started on my cooking ." She headed for the sink.
"I'll help," volunteered the Hyuuga, also standing up. "I saw the fish in the basin, so I'm assuming that it's our dinner."
Tenten laughed. "No, it's actually my pet. His name is Fishie."
Neji sighed. "Let's just cook it so we can call it 'quits'. You are eating my pet pigs anyway."
"Deal." Tenten then recalled something else. "Um, Neji? Would you mind cutting up the fish for me?"
With that said, he could already guess what bloody incident happened awhile ago. "Sure."
"I'll take care of the onions," she quickly added.
………………………
No sooner had she started the said job, she was already finding great difficulty in accomplishing the task.
"Neji…" she cried, wrestling with the onions she was cutting for the sauce. "Neji, my eyes hurt from slicing these…"
He glanced at her. "Tenten, why don't you chop it under water so you wouln't cry?"
"And how do you suggest would I breathe when I do that, hmm?"
"Idiot. You're not the one going underwater, just the onions."
"Ohh…" She did as told.
…………………….
Eventually, they finished their culinary task.
"There," said Neji with great satisfaction. "At last, a meal which is not chicharon. I think I want to offer mass for this blessing."
"Let's taste it!" said Tenten excitedly. She took a forkful of fried fish and swallowed it."Mmm… delicious! I'm such a great cook!"
"I'm the one who fried that," he reminded her warily.
Not to be outdone, she quickly said, "I invested my blood on that fish."
"Whatever you say." He looked at her bandaged hand. "Let's have that cleaned first at the clinic. It's just near here."
Tenten frowned. "But Neji, I washed my hands before eating! Do you still need a medical certificate for my sanitary practices?"
Neji shook his head, groaning. "Forget I said anything. Geez." They both sat down and began to eat.
"How's Hinata doing, by the way?" asked Tenten in between hungry bites.
"Fine."
"Fine?"
"Fine."
Silence.
"Thanks… for cooking me fish," he suddenly said, making her glance at him in bafflement.
"You're thanking me?" she said uncertainly.
"…"
"You are thanking me."
"Yes. Now shut up."
She was all smiles at him.
He was about to resume his meal when he noticed something. "Ah, Tenten?"
"Hmm?"
"Why did you make an onion salad for our sauce?" he asked slowly.
Tenten cackled. "So you would have a very happy life!"
It was double-entendre, he was sure of that. In the end, he opted to just roll his eyes at that.
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Now that Tenten knows how to cook something other than chicharon, would the two finally live happily together? Or would fried fish be their every meal everyday?
To be continued
Sidenotes:
(1) Senyorito - Spanish for young master
(2) Sadako – reference to the infamous long-haired ghost from Ringu, or The Ring.
(3) Balot and penoy – (one-day-old) duck eggs XD it's featured once or twice in fear factor if ever you're watching it XD omitot's note. Curiously, I would like to add that they are considered aphrodisiacs by men.
