A/N: Hello again, nightowls. I think I write at night because that is when I am most delirious. Hence, this blubber that hopefully you will soon read.
Disclaimer: Chuck is not my property.
People are screaming all around me, around us. Just as I was moments before, calling out your name. I would like to share my thoughts, but I don't quite know what they are. From the second they finished testing you my mind has been blank. Chuck, you were blank. You, you were just like the rest of them. Your mind gone, your heart, your eyes...
And then you woke up. You woke up, Chuck, and my heart soared. You were fine, I was fine. The CIA was gone, those Fulcrum agents disappeared and it was just you and me. Me and you.
I guess you missed that moment, the one I was savoring, because just a few more moments later, you were denying me. Forgetting our relationship, our cover. Though it may not have been real, it was still our shield. A protector. Can't you see that by now? That this cover we have been holding on to wasn't necessarily shielding us from each other... most of the time. It allowed others to accept what we meant to each other. And yes, by others I mean Beckman, specifically.
You weren't missing this moment, though. Your hands were around my ears, your hair brushing against my cheek. I could smell the strong scent of your after-shave combined with the detergent from your clothes. I picked out that detergent. We, us, we together had lived in a house... lived a life... we were a family. Somehow this all means something more. I don't know what it is Chuck. I think we should figure it out together.
You told me to close my eyes. You're my hero in so many ways Chuck, just wait while I add this one to the list. You've saved me from myself. From the empty shell of a person I was becoming. You've saved me from Bryce, not that he's a bad guy, but you made me realize that he wasn't what was best. He couldn't love me the way you do. Now you're saving me from your fate. The fate of the intersect. You didn't have to. You could let me download those images, destroying my mind. You could have gone happily with Fulcrum. Who knows? Maybe they would treat you well... We'll make that a strong maybe, leaning heavily towards 'they wouldn't at all.'
I love the way you sacrifice yourself not for your country, but for those you love. Because that is what it's all about. I love the way that you reminded me of that. Country isn't honor. Country is the people you would die to protect. You protect the land because your people, my people, our people, live on it. You protect Ellie and Awesome and Morgen and Anna and Jeff and Lester and Me, I like to think. I do this for you, Chuck. I protect you so you can fight for them. Country isn't respecting Generals who frown too much. It's fighting for those who make you smile.
I love your curls, tickling my neck. I love your hands, pressing our wedding rings into each other. Our connection, a reminder. I love the way you ask me if I'm okay. The way your smile assures me that I'm absolutely fine. The way you free me from the chair, the way those sensors are still attached to your forehead...
I love the way I wanted to steal your smile with a kiss.
Somewhere along the way, maybe when you came into our home for the first time, or when we joke over breakfast, or even when you refused to be known as my husband, I realized that I Love You, Charles Irving Bartowski. I'd say don't you forget it, but well, you don't exactly know. So I tell you what, Chuck. I won't forget it, and maybe I'll let you remember too. Perhaps when my mind is a bit clearer.
