The Abbey dwellers hustled and bustled, building a complex stage and theatre. Excitement loomed in the air. Mixed with the B.O. coming off of the vermin. The auditions were set to begin in one hour. Cornflower, Tess, and Badrang paced nervously in the waiting room.
"What are you so nervous about?" Matthias asked.
"Am I good enough for Glinda?" Cornflower asked, rehearsing her Galinda voice.
"Of course you are," Matthias said, holding back the laughter bubbling inside him at how ridiculous she sounded.
" Uh-Uh-Uh hu! Auditions are about to begin! Check your number and get in line!" Ambrose announced. Everyone scrambled into line, pushing and shoving. Some were warming up their voices wile others were stretching.
"Number one!"
"Ooo! It's me!" Slagar bounced up and down. He bounded into the room.
"What are you auditioning for Slagar?" the author (also director) asked.
"The Wizard!" he answered.
"Ok hit me," the author closed her eyes. Slagar cleared his throat and began.
"You get the best of both worlds
Chillin' out take it slow
Then you let yourself go
You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both
(You know the best) You know the best of both worlds
Pictures and autographs
You get your face eaten up by Asmodeus-y
The best parts that you get to be who ever you wanna be
Yeah the best of both
You get the best of both
Come on best of both
Who would of thought that a fox like me
Would double as a super villain?
You get the best of both worlds
Without the mask and the glare
You can go anywhere
You get the best of both guys
Mix it all together
Oh yeah
It's so much better cuz you know you've got the best of both worlds"
"Okkk . . . that was . . . um . . . interesting . . . " the author tried to think of something to say that wasn't mean, "NEXT PLEASE!!" Martin came in reluctantly, looking very embarrassed. "Hello Martin. What part are you auditioning for?"
"Fiyero"
"Go ahead. And for this one, I need a dance number too."
"WHAT? You never told me that!" Martin cried out indignantly.
"You never asked," the author answered smugly.
"Uggg" He sang.
"I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far"
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
I never thought of anyone else
I just saw my pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
"Oh Martin... you're making me cry! Anyway, now for your dance number." Martin awkwardly started to imitate Oliver Tompsett. "Very nice. NEXT PLEASE!" Badrang entered skipping.
"I'm auditioning for Fiyero and I'm singing 'That's Amore'."
"Isn't that a drunk song?" the author asked warily.
"Uhh . . . " Badrang smiled weirdly. Then he burst out in song.
"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
That's amore
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay
Like a gay tarantella
When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool
That's amore
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You're in love
When you walk down in a dream but you know you're not
Dreaming signore
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That's amore"
"Ok . . . NEXT PLEASE!!" Tess entered the room. "What are you auditioning for?"
"Nessa and I'll be singing Colours of the Wind."
"You think you own whatever land you land on
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name
You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth
The rainstorm and the river are my brother
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never endsHow high will the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind
You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind"
"Beautiful. NEXT PLEASE!" Ironbeak entered.
"I'm NOT singing. I am just doing a flying monkey impression," he said.
"Go ahead!" Ironbeak preceded to hop and flap around and make squeaking noises.
"You can . . . uh . . . stop now. NEXT PLEASE!" Matthias dragged himself halfway through the door and then was pushed the rest of the way by Cornflower. "Hi Matthias. What are you trying out for?"
"Boq."
"Sure, go ahead."
"Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man
out of you
Tranquil as a forest
But on fire within
Once you find your center
you are sure to win
You're a spineless, pale
pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make a man
out of you
(Be a man)
We must be swift as
the coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the forceof a great typhoon
(Be a man)With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon"
The author stopped herself from giggling by coughing. "Harumph, well huh very nice. NEXT PLEASE!" Dotti bounded in the room. The author silently groaned. "So . . . well . . . uh . . . Hello Dotti, what are you auditioning for?"
"Oh . . . uh just . . . Elphaba," Dotti said, grinning.
"WHAT? I mean, wow Dotti, you're very . . . uh . . . ambitious. First Elphie today," the author said trying to hide her astonishment.
"They've been scared away by my brilliant singing. And of course I brought my own accompanist . . . the hareccordion!" The author face palmed. "I'll be singin' 'Do Re Mi'." The author face palmed again.
"Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long, long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow Sew
Tea, a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Do (oh-oh-oh)
Doe, a deer, a...."
"STOP! I mean, uh, that's quite enough of your wonderful singing." Normally the author would have made an Elphie hopeful sing some other songs for her, but Dotti... well... she was an exception. "NEXT! PLEASE!!" Cluny danced in. He did a timestep and finished with jazz hands.
"I'M AUDITIONING FOR THE WIZARD!" he yelled.
"Why are you yelling? I'm right here!" the author covered her ears.
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Just sing." Cluny began to not only sing, but do the corresponding dance for those of you who unfortunately know what that is.
"Do the ice cream freeze
Strike your pose
Then you do the milkshake
Shake it shake it down low
Do the snow cone slide left to right
Put your hands in the air
We could party all night
Do the ice cream freeze (hooo)
Strike your pose Then you do the milkshake
Shake it shake it down low
Do the snow cone slide left to right
Put your hands in the air
We could party all night
(Do the ice cream freeze) Do the ice cream freeze (Do the ice cream freeze) Then you do the milkshake
Shake it shake it shake it shake it shake it (Do the snow cone slide) Do the snow cone slide
Put your hands in the air
Go Crazy
Everybody let's chill"
"Ok! Nice dance. Umm interesting song choice..." When it came to the singing though, the author couldn't believe she was admitting it, but she would rather listen to Dotti. Maybe without the hareccordion. "NEXT PLEASE!!" Mattimeo sulked in. "Hoping for?"
"Boq."
"Interesting...y'know that's what your dad auditioned for?"
"Yes..." he said, clenching his teeth and tensing up.
"Ok...just sing."
"The warden threw a party in the county jail.
The prison band was there and they began to wail.
The band was jumpin' and the joint began to swing.
You should've heard those knocked out jailbirds sing.
Let's rock, everybody, let's rock.
Everybody in the whole cell block
was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock."You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see.
I sure would be delighted with your company,
come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me."
Let's rock, everybody, let's rock.
Everybody in the whole cell block
was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock."
Spider Murphy played the tenor saxophone,
Little Joe was blowin' on the slide trombone.
The drummer boy from Illinois went crash, boom, bang,
the whole rhythm section was the Purple Gang.
Let's rock, everybody, let's rock.
Everybody in the whole cell block
was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock.
Number forty-seven said to number three:
"Interesting. NEXT PLEASE!" Let's just say Matti won't be the next Elvis any time soon. Cornflower walked in nervously. "I believe you are auditioning for Glinda?"
"Yes."
"Oh very nice. Sing your audition song and then go sit over there." The author pointed to a section in the seats marked 'GLINDA' where a couple girls sat, one of which was Celandine.
"Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tearsAnd so you fight to keep from pouring out
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think that there's enough you might drown?
If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still
I will be here still"Just stay here"?
If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still
If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate
No one can take you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you will find there
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
It's screaming every step,
If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still"
"Very sweet Cornflower! Now go sit over there. NEXT PLEASE!" Rose entered. "Ahh Rose! A good singer!" Rose blushed. "What are you auditioning for?"
"Elphaba."
"Great! Sing your song and then sit there." She pointed to a section marked 'ELPHABA'.
"He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautifulSuch a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight
Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enoughAnd still he's more than I can take
Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster"
"Oh that was absolutely brilliant! Go sit down." The auditions continued until no one was left. The author had all the 'Glindas' get up and sing and act part of Popular and Thank Goodness. She did the same with the Elphabas and Defying Gravity and No Good Deed. "Now leave and let me cast," she said. The next day the animals got up at the crack of dawn and rushed to the casting list. This is what it said:
ELPHABA: Rose
G(A)LINDA: Cornflower
FIYERO: Martin
MADAME MORRIBLE: Constance
WIZARD: Cluny
DR. DILLAMOND: Slagar
NESSAROSE: Tess
BOQ: Matthias
FATHER: Badrang
MOTHER: Mrs. Churchmouse
MIDWIFE: Sister May
OZIAN OFFICIAL: Redtooth
CHISTERY: Ironbeak
ENSEMBLE:Students:Mattimeo, Dotti, Basil, Tim, Sam, Cheek, Jess, Felldoh, Celandine, Sister May, and Mrs. Churchmouse
Citizens of Emerald City: Cheesethief, Fangburn, Ragear, Scragg, Darkclaw, Killconey, Frogblood, Scumnose, Mangefur
Monkeys: Warbeak, Ironbeak, Mangiz, Captain Snow, Sir Harry the Muse, and Stryk Redkite
Citizens of Oz: All of the above except the monkeys and including Ungatt Trunn.
Guards: Redtooth, Ungatt Trunn, Badrang, and Cheesethief
