A/N: Okay, this was supposed to come out earlier, but I wasn't expecting my professors to slam me with work. Unfortunately, I'll be busy so I'm not sure when the next chapter will appear. It's written, but I still have to type and edit it, which takes as long as typing it does. I'll see what I can do, but I make no promises.
This chapter is a little sketchy at the beginning (not to bad but be warned), and has some Mamoru bashing, and a hint of Haruka hate but not much. I like Haruka sometimes, so I couldn't hate her for long. Always rate, review, respond, etc...
Sailor Moon
Dreaming A New Destiny
Chapter 2: Secrets
The morning sun shone in through the window, revealing a certain blonde with tears streaming down her face. Awaking to the sunlight, Usagi realized she was crying and brushed her tears away with the back of her hand. The dream she always had before waking up in the mornings was always the same, but the contents of it have continued to elude her. The main characters of the dream were always the same though. Why is Michiru always in my dreams? Do I have feelings for her? Is that why I act the way I do in the dreams? Shaking the thoughts from her head, Usagi got up quietly so as not to wake Mamoru, who would question her relentlessly about her tears. Rummaging around in the dresser, she grabbed her clothes and locked herself in the bathroom. Shedding her sleepwear, she stepped into the shower. Turning the shower on, she shivered as the cold water hit her skin, focusing her, soothing her. As the water warmed, her tense muscles relaxed, easing her troubled mind. Usagi was no longer a child. She was, as some people described her, a drop dead gorgeous eighteen year-old woman. Glancing at the partial reflection of herself, she realized what Helen of Troy must have felt like. Face that could launch a thousand ships, I'm the princess that could launch a thousand wars.
Usagi was disturbed out of her thoughts by a rattling at the door. Mamoru must have woken up, she thought. He must have heard the shower and thought he'd try… again. Everyone thinks that I have already had sex with him. Usagi shuddered at the thought. She has never had sex with the man, and never planned too… ever. That's why she was so surprised when Chibi-Usa showed up out of the blue. Don't get me wrong I like Chibi-Usa… I would have liked her better if I weren't her mother. She is spoiled, disrespectful and has a bad Electra complex that should have been corrected a long time ago. Mamoru loves her, but I… don't…
She continued to shower for another 15 minutes as more thoughts plagued her troubled mind. Turning off the shower, Usagi stepped out and dried herself off. She pulled on her jeans and a violet T-shirt after putting on a sports bra and underwear. Usagi fixed her hair into its usual 'odango' style. Glancing at herself in the mirror one last time, she walked out of the bathroom. Mamoru was sitting on the bed, staring at her with an accusatory face.
"You locked the door," Mamoru said, still staring at her.
"Yes I did," Usagi confirmed.
"Why?" He asked, glaring at her.
"You know why," She shot back, walking to the kitchen to find something to eat.
Mamoru followed her. Angrily, he pushed her against the counter, and smacked her across the face. "You are my future wife, you have my future child. You do as I say!" He practically yelled in her face.
"Get off me Mamoru," She screeched.
He smacked her again, this time on the other cheek. "You have denied me long enough. Now it is time for me to take what is rightfully mine." Just as he said this, his hands started to make their way into Usagi's jeans. She could she the tell tale signs of his lust for her, and she struggled to get him off of her. The bastard had her pinned to the counter, and she couldn't break free. However, just as his hands reached the 'secret' place, Usagi's knee connected with his most delicate area. He went down, gasping for air, holding himself, trying to make the pain go away. The princess, grabbing her purse and shoes, bolted out of the apartment. She didn't stop until she reached the ground and was looking up at the building.
"I can tell you right now," she murmured to herself, "I won't be coming back to you, ever." With that, Usagi sprinted down the sidewalk away from her past, and away from whatever future that past would have created.
Michiru awoke in much the same state that Usagi did; tears running down her face and a little bewildered as to why they were there. Glancing over at the other side of the bed, she noted the wind senshi's absence, partly relieved that the other woman wouldn't see her tears, but also partly perturbed knowing where she was. Probably off with Setsuna… no, probably screwing Setsuna. Michiru knew for a long time that Haruka was cheating on her; it wasn't hard. The secret phone calls, the disappearing acts, and the fact that Setsuna hasn't gone back to her post at the time gates yet. Why Michiru didn't do anything about it was also a no-brainer. The future. Yes, heaven forbid that the future should change, not like it doesn't do that anyway. Part of her wanted to hate Setsuna and Haruka. Hate them for what they were doing. Hate them for doing this to her. Hate them for falling in love with each other. Hate them for thinking that she was stupid, that she wouldn't notice. They were both close to her, so of course she would notice. I am artist, I observe, it's what I do! Of course that was the exact reason why Michiru couldn't hate them, because she was close to them. Recently, whenever they were all together, she would observe the two and could tell that they loved each other so much. It was beautiful. Michiru couldn't hate them for having something so beautiful. And she couldn't hate them for wanting to preserve that perfect future for themselves and their princess. Honestly, she wanted that to at one time. Now she could care less. However, she could hate them for treating her like she was stupid. That she couldn't stand.
Sighing, Michiru sat up and stretched. A perk to being a musician/ artist is that she could sleep late. She hated to get up in the mornings, but she would never tell anyone else that. Reluctantly getting out of bed, Michiru pulled on a pair of sweet pants over her sleep shorts and, removing her nightshirt, donned a light blue T-shirt. Satisfied with her morning apparel, she shuffled into the kitchen to find some food. Michiru rummaged around in the refrigerator for a while before pulling out an assortment of fruits that would serve as her breakfast. After she had finished eating and she was cleaning up the mess Haruka had left this morning, Michiru felt a sensation pull at her heart. The feeling overwhelmed her that she collapsed on the floor. She placed her hand over her heart to make she that it didn't leap out of her chest. What is happening to me? It feels like my heart is going to burst. Usagi… she needs me, she's in trouble, in pain. Pulling on some shoes, Michiru bolted out the door in search of her other half, her princess. Following the pull on her park, she ended up in the park. She searched the entire park before she spotted her bunny sitting on a bench staring at the lake.
Usagi was so out of it; she didn't even notice the sea senshi sitting next to her. Michiru was really scared; she had never seen the young bubbly blonde like this. A faraway look was in her eyes, and they seemed haunted. It was like the very spirit of this girl was broken. "Usagi," Michiru murmured. She got no response. "Usagi," she called again, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder.
The princess felt a warming presence at her side. She felt so safe with that warmth there. Turning her head, Usagi saw Michiru sitting there with a concerned expression. "Michiru," she murmured, tears finally starting to fall. Lunging forward, she wrapped her arms around the Neptunian and cried on her chest. Usagi thought that Michiru would her away but was surprised when she pulled her closer, laying her head on top of her own. They sat that way for a long time with Usagi crying into Michiru's breast and the ocean senshi making shushing sounds, gently rocking her princess.
Calming into sniffles, the blonde-bunny pulled away. "I'm sorry Michiru. I… I don't know what came over me."
Michiru smiled, a half smile actually, and took out a handkerchief to dry the girl's tears. "Now," she said after she was finished, "why don't you tell me what is wrong?"
"What? No, nothing's wrong, no I just eh- just needed a good cry that's all," Usagi lied.
The ocean senshi shook her head. Even though she has changed so much, and become more mature, she is still so honest. "I know something is wrong Usagi, you've been calling out to me, asking for help."
"What?" The princess looked at her guardian a little confused.
Said guardian sighed, "Do you remember your dreams?"
Usagi was completely lost now. "Yes but what does that have-," she gasped, her hand covering her mouth. She looked at Michiru, who looked back with a sad smile. "You've had those dreams too?"
Michiru nodded. "For the past two years, I have been sharing dreams with you, every night a nightmare, always the same as the night before but still just as painful as it was the first time. But, I'm assuming that the pain I felt watching, was only a tenth of the pain you felt, having all of that directed at you."
"Yeah," Usagi said, hanging her head, "I know that they're my friends and that they would never say something like that but it still hurts. I haven't been able to talk to any of them for the past to months. Whenever I was with them, I had flashes of my nightmares, and I couldn't take it anymore."
Lifting Usagi's head up so that she could see her eyes, Michiru said, "It's alright Usagi. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to take it either." She pulled Usagi into another hug, holding her princess to her warm body. "Now," she whispered in her ear, "Won't you tell me what's wrong?"
"I," Usagi started, pulling back from Michiru, tears threatening to make their presence known, "I can't do this anymore."
"What?" Michiru asked.
"This whole destiny thing. I'm not the best person for the job. Ruling a kingdom, me, I mean really they should get someone more responsible, someone more reliable," Usagi said.
"That's where those dreams are coming from aren't they, your own doubts?" Michiru asked. Seeing Usagi give a slight nod, she continued, "You are the best person for the job because of that. You can see good in the worst people and you are willing to give your throne to someone who you think is more worthy for the sake of everyone else. What better ruler could you asked for? I am sure that you and Mamoru will make great rulers." Michiru hated to say that, but it was fact. The princess was with her prince and they would be getting married. It would rip her heart out the day it happened, but it wasn't her happiness she was thinking of. Michiru shook out of her thoughts when she saw Usagi's disturbed expression. "What?" she asked.
"That's also another problem," Usagi said shaking her head, "I don't want to marry Mamoru."
"What?" Michiru was really puzzled, but very hopeful.
"I don't love him," Usagi murmured quietly, "and he doesn't love me, he never has, all he wants is my kingdom, my virginity, and Chibi-Usa."
"How do you know?" Michiru asked, dreading the answer.
"He tried to rape me this morning Michiru," Usagi said quietly. "He's not the person everyone thinks he is. He is a disgusting pig, and all he wants is sex and power. I can't marry someone like that. I can't continue to punish myself like this."
Michiru half expected that answer, but it was still a shock nonetheless. "Don't worry Usagi," she said clutching the princess back to her body, "I won't let him hurt you. You are not going back to that place."
"Why?" Usagi's voice was muffed from where her head rested against Michiru's chest, but she still heard it. "Don't you want me to marry him too? Don't you want that perfect future we all saw?"
"No," Michiru cried, "I want you to be happy. That comes before any destiny. I care about you, and I don't want to see you hurt." Michiru pulled the other girl up off the bench, "Your coming home with me."
Weakly, Usagi nodded. Holding the girl close to her, Michiru helped her mentally and emotionally drained princess to her apartment. As they walked, Usagi clung to the older woman as if she were her only leg left to stand on. The ocean senshi had rapped a protective arm around the other girl, shielding her, and supporting her.
This feels nice. Before when the others tried to protect me, they made me feel weak, and so I pushed them away, but with Michiru… She makes me feel stronger. I don't think I'd mind if she tried to protect me. Glancing at the arm around her shoulders, and the other holding her hand, she felt… safe. She gave the hand she was holding a slight squeeze and Michiru turned to look at her. Usagi smiled at her, and Michiru returned the gestured and guided her into the building. Usagi snuggled closer to the ocean senshi as they entered the elevator, enjoying the warmth from the other girl. Michiru felt Usagi move closer to herself so the older girl tightened her arm around her princess. When the elevator stopped on her floor, Michiru walked Usagi to her apartment and opened the door. Guiding Usagi to the couch, Michiru let go of the princess and went to the kitchen to make tea. As Usagi looked around the apartment she noticed the absence of the ever-flirtatious sandy-haired tomboy.
"Where's Haruka?" she asked.
"Probably still screwing Setsuna," Michiru mumbled, but loud enough that Usagi heard.
"What?' the princess cried in disbelief.
Realizing her mistake, Michiru turned around to se a wide-eyed Usagi staring at her. "Please don't say anything," Michiru pleaded, sitting next to the still-in-shock girl.
"Haruka is seeing Setsuna?" Usagi asked carefully. Michiru nodded. "Why, and for how long?"
"Well," Michiru sighed, "Haruka fell in love with Setsuna. I can see that, and anybody who has been around them in the past few months can see that. I stopped sleeping with Haruka and I guess she saw that as an invitation to start their affair."
"I guess I just haven't been around them long enough to pay attention," Usagi sighed. "But why did you stop sleeping with her? When did you find out about her and Setsuna? And why haven't either of you broken up with each other?"
Michiru sighed, "I guess the nightmares affect me as well. I couldn't believe some of the things they were saying, especially Haruka. They made me distance myself from her, but they also gave me an opportunity to examine our relationship. I don't love her like I would a lover, and she doesn't love me that way either. She belongs with Setsuna; they love each other. A blind fool could see that."
"Then why are you two still together Michiru?" Usagi asked quietly.
Michiru gave a small smile, as she moved to stand next to the window. "We were afraid I guess, afraid of messing up that future for everyone by not being together. But," she said, turning her head to where Usagi was seated, "I guess it's to late for that."
Usagi nodded as she moved to stand next to her guardian. "The future has already changed, and it's going to keep changing as we make decisions. Princess Serenity made her choice, now I am making mine. I don't love Mamoru. I'm not even attracted to him. There is no way I could marry him, even if he wasn't a jerk."
"Then why did you say yes?" Michiru asked.
Usagi sighed, turning back to the window, "I caved under pressure, and I'm not proud of it. I had been told for so long that I was to be queen, marry Mamoru and have Chibi-Usa. I guess these feelings have been there for a long time and just exploded."
"And your destiny?" Michiru asked, silently urging the princess to make a new resolution.
"I guess I'll have to make my own future," Usagi said, grasping the sea senshi's hand. Michiru revealed in the warmth provided by the younger girl at the mere touch of their hands. "And if it comes that I have to become queen, then I will," Usagi continued, "I will believe in myself, and rule Crystal Tokyo, but it won't be with Mamoru."
"I am proud of you Usagi and I'll be behind you one-hundred percent," Michiru smiled.
"Thanks, now, what are you going to do about Haruka? Are you going to punish her for treating you this way?" Usagi asked, with a small glint in her eyes.
"I have a feeling that messing up her precious future will be punishment enough, so how about you help me pack her things," the older woman said, with a matching glint in her eyes.
"I'd love to," Usagi grinned.
