Hi all, quick authors note here, I am SO sorry for not updating for such a long time! Things have been so hectic lately, but i promised myself i would get the next chapter of Comatose done before i head off to Uni. One of many things i promised i would do mind you, but this seems to be the only thing I've managed to get done!
I'm so so so so so sorry! But it's here now, full of all the angsty angst you know me for, hopefully it will make up for the wait! I ended up listening to alot of music writing this, mostly 'This Night' by Black Lab and 'Call Me' by Shinedown, hopefully the wonderful emotion of these songs has seeped through somewhat!
This is UN beta-ed, so please let me know if you spot anything mis-spelt or anything like that! I'm in great need of a beta reader so feel free to volunteer!
Comatose Chapter 2 - Secrets
It was early morning in Konoha, so early that the sun was only just beginning to grace the village with its presence on the horizon and the sky was still mostly dark.
The view was spectacular, the blend between the inky blackness of night and the rosy heat of the sun felt almost surreal and the way the approaching light illuminated the few wispy clouds in the sky with a soft, warm light was inspiring.
Completely unaffected by the beautiful sight before him, a lone figure sat at the end of the pier on the lake, legs dangling off of the edge. Though deep in thought, his face was blank, it was a mask so completely fused to him that he couldn't let it slip even if he tried.
Not that it was always this way of course. He used to brim with emotion. Hatred mostly; revenge, hope, friendship and he had even, on occasion, felt like he had somewhere he belonged.
But that was all a distant memory now.
On a whim Sasuke leant down and let his fingers slip into the cool, clear water, ripples radiating out from his touch to lap at the edge lazily.
He knew what had happened of course, it was inevitable really. Setting his heart on revenge, he had set out to destroy.
He had killed them all.
Orochimaru.
Kabuto.
Itachi.
Danzou.
Now he was empty, a mere vessel of whom he once was. Every step taken closer to fulfilling his revenge draining his ability to feel.
A part of him wanted to hate what he had become, but he couldn't reach it, no matter how hard Sasuke tried he just couldn't bring himself to feel anything. Even when he recalled his brother's smile as his katana pierced Itachi's heart, even when he brought to mind Danzou's frenzied pleas to spare his life and even when he remembered that fateful day when he found his beloved parents lying face down in their own blood. The thought that his wife lay dying in hospital provoked no emotion at all. There was just nothing there.
Not that he could let anyone know that of course.
With the arrogant blood of the Konoha aristocracy running thick through his veins, it was a matter of reputation; not to mention that if anyone knew then it would make living in Konoha much more difficult than it needed to be.
Certain things may come to light that he did not wish anyone to know. Things that would become obvious if he was to be found out.
So he stuck to his rigid silence and the facade that everything was alright. There was one person, though, that Sasuke suspected knew all of this; who always knew much more than he let on. He most likely wouldn't say anything to anyone, he preferred to watch events unfold and listen more than he spoke. There was always that small grain of niggling doubt at the back of his mind about whether he would keep completely silent though and Sasuke felt it was wise to hang on to it. He knew that the man's strong sense of justice would prevent him from staying quiet if the information was needed for a matter of importance.
Sasuke's dark thoughts were interrupted by a faint rustling from the bushes and trees to his right; He turned his head slightly to see a familiar figure emerging from thick brush surrounding the lake.
"Speak of the devil" he muttered to himself.
"I'm not sure why you seem to say that whenever I arrive Sasuke." A sleepy looking Shikamaru countered in a sly tone as he sat down "It's troublesome to think that I'm always on your mind"
"Don't dwell on it then" Sasuke retorted. He had no doubt that the rustling that Shikamaru had made on his arrival was for his benefit, if he hadn't wanted to be detected then he wouldn't have been, he had just wanted Sasuke to know he was there. That would have irritated him greatly in the past, but now it just seemed to slip over him. "What do you want Nara?"
"Will you go to her?" he asked bluntly.
"No" Sasuke's reply was just as blunt.
Shikamaru sighed and flashed a concerned look his way. "What if she dies?" he asked quietly "You'll have missed your chance to say goodbye to her, wouldn't you regret it?"
"What's the point?" the dark haired nin replied, turning back to stare out over the lake. "Why should I care for what ifs? Why should I go and say my goodbyes and prepare for something which may never happen? I only want to know whether she lives or dies, I will go to her then and deal with the situation."
They sat there together for a moment in a silence that seemed so thick that it was painful. Eventually, unable to take it anymore, Shikamaru shifted beside him and rose to his feet, facing the opposite direction as if he were about to leave. He stood there for a few moments trying to compose himself, the small sounds of creatures waking to brightening light of the sunrise subtly breaking the silence between them for a while. It was an attempt to keep Sasuke from seeing the contempt on his face though he couldn't quite keep a hint of it from dripping from his words.
"Well, you might want to try and force yourself to make the effort, people will start to talk and I'm sure that's something you want to avoid."
On that note Shikamaru began to walk away from the lake, rustling leaves and bushes as loud as he could, leaving Sasuke sat alone on the pier, as if the other nin had never been there, weighing up the pros and cons of Shikamaru's statement. Not for one moment considering that any other husband would not have to think about it at all.
Lying stiffly in his uncomfortable bed, the sweat soaked and rumpled sheets that barely covered him evidence of his nightmare plagued and fitful sleep, the exhausted blonde nin turned his painfully red eyes to the window to find that the sun was finally rising.
He wasn't sure whether it was a welcome sight or not.
Turning his gaze back to the ceiling, his pained eyes creating swirls and shadows that weren't there, he tried not to think at all. He knew if he did then he would just think about the same thing he had been thinking about all night.
He had been to see her of course, how could he not, but seeing her like that...
Seeing her so defenceless, so...broken, had brought up a wall of rage and sorrow so great that his vision had just gone red. He didn't really remember much after that, he was told that he had had to be restrained and held down for two hours before he calmed down again and stopped screaming. Not that he remembered that, but the burning in his throat was definitely evidence for it.
Sighing weakly, he realised for the hundredth time that he needed to prepare a proper goodbye, but every time he tried words escaped him. He just couldn't put into words how he felt, didn't want to, couldn't, it was all too much.
Just as he felt the tears welling up and threatening to fall again he heard the soft click of his front door as someone entered. Did he leave it unlocked? Not that it mattered.
It was a testament to his exhaustion that he didn't get up to investigate when he heard a loud clattering in the kitchen that sounded like someone was seriously abusing his cutlery, what little he had of it. A moment later his bedroom door was being pushed open by a familiar face.
"Naruto, you look like death warmed up." Ino proclaimed as she bustled in and thrust a steaming bowl of something into his hands, which he immediately put onto his bedside table.
"Yeah and you look like an oil painting yourself." He replied tactlessly. Though it may have been true; Ino was without her precisely applied makeup, hair scraped back carelessly, eyes rimmed with red and her bottom lip sporting a scabbed over cut where she had been chewing it; it probably wasn't the best thing to say.
"Yes, well, you're not the only one in pain are you?" she replied brusquely, turning her face away from his as she sat on the edge of his bed. "I brought you porridge."
Naruto looked at his friend silently until she turned back to look at him.
"I know. I'm sorry" he said.
"Me too. But you really need to get yourself up, at least keep yourself busy."
"I can't." Naruto replied "You of all people should know that."
"I know..."
"Ino, only you know what Sakura truly was to me, what we kept a secret from everyone else." Naruto's now watery eyes held Ino's gaze as he spoke, desperate to convey this emotion to her. "If anyone can, only you can truly know depths of the pain I feel. I can't help thinking that if, back then, If only I had..."
"Don't Naruto, just don't." Ino snapped "You know you shouldn't think about that anymore, especially now. You know what happened was the Elders decision. The Elders, do you hear me? There was nothing you could have done back then; you had to let her do it, for the safety of the village. Don't let her sacrifice be in vain." She paused a little as if surprised at hearing the anger in her voice. When she spoke again her voice had softened, tears in her own eyes too. "Don't get caught up in the bad memories, what could have been, think about all the good things you shared. Trust me."
Ino knew then, from the pained look he gave her and from that heartbreaking melancholy smile, that he did trust her. He had always been this trusting of others, even now that he was nearing twenty four, and at that moment it was a quality she found herself appreciating more than she thought possible.
Reluctantly averting his gaze, Naruto ran a hand through his hair, his body trembling with emotion.
"Sometimes, even after she got married, she used to just come here to the apartment and let herself in, just like you did, and I used to see that look on her face... and I would just know. I would hold her in my arms, for hours, barely speaking, barely breathing, till she fell asleep; her head on my shoulder and breath on my neck, her arms around me so tightly... yes, that's one of the moments I'll remember most." Tears were running freely down his cheeks now, though he was still smiling. "I'll remember it forever." He whispered and he clasped his face in his hands as he cried, the painful sobs racking his body.
After seeing Naruto; cheerful, carefree Naruto, break down, Ino could no longer contain her own anguish. She pulled him into a hug as she cried, sharing in their grief.
And as she sat there, holding a sobbing Naruto as they both wept, she stared at the photo of Team 7 as innocent children of twelve Naruto still kept beside his bed; remembering how good those times had truly been and wondering why there had to be so many secrets. Knowing that she could never tell Naruto what Sakura had truly sacrificed.
Knowing that it would only break his heart all over again.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
The constant noise of the machines around him seemed to lull Shikamaru into a trance; he just sat there in the small wooden hospital chair and stared.
At first it had been hard for him to comprehend it; he just couldn't put the image of the Sakura he knew and thisSakura together in his mind.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
It just wasn't her.
It took a long time, perhaps hours, before he slowly began to accept the sight before him.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
This was her.
He knew then that it was time to say his goodbyes, but Shikamaru had never really been good with expressing his feelings. But it was something he had to do; he had to let Sakura know he had truly cared for her, that he had respected her, that he had valued her friendship more than she knew.
But how to say it?
He sat there just looking at her for what seemed an age.
Eventually he smiled, took her hand gently and simply said, "Goodbye Sakura,"
He knew she would understand.
Please Review, your comments and advice mean the world to me. x
