The (Un)Official Letters of Sticky and Constance

or

An Exchanging of Letters
A Sticky Washington/Constance Contraire FanFic

by Mezzanote


A/N: Alright, so I've decided that this is taking place about a year or two after the end of book three, so Constance and Sticky have matured a bit, though I'm trying my best to stay true to their original personalities. Nobody likes OOC's. (I went back and changed the ages Sticky asks about in the first chapter, fyi.) Anyway, yes, that also means that there will be spoilers here and there over the course of this story, so if you haven't read 'The Prisoner's Dilemma' then read this fanfiction at your own risk.

Oh, and before I forget- disclaimer time! I own nothing/I make no profit from this. If I did, would you see me here?... Well, yeah, probably, but that's beside the point.


C.,

I'll send Kate a persuasive and opinionated letter if you think it will help, but if she shows up at my bedroom window in the middle of the night looking to hit me with something, it's on your conscience, Constance. (Have I rhymed?)

And about the stationary... I got more. I prefer it over paper because, honestly, it looks nicer. Don't you think?

Also, have you been practicing your Morse code?

-Sticky.

S.,

Sure, if you want, but if she DOES show up ready to pound you, I'm not going to stop her. Isn't it funny how my name rhymes with something I don't have much of?

Yes, you brilliant fool (I think that's a... whatchamacallit... um, ack-see-morons?) I can see you got more stationary. Duh. But... yes, I suppose it does look a bit more sophisticated (Mr. Benedict taught me that word.) than regular notebook paper. Maybe I should make Number Two buy me some when we go to the store on Tuesday.

No, I haven't. I'd rather not relive those days, thanks much. Why?

-Constance.

Conscience- oops, I mean, Constance,

Okay, forget it, I'm not saying anything to Kate. Too risky.

An oxymoron, you mean? Yeah, I suppose it would be. And yes, I'm glad you see my point on the stationary/paper situation. I would recommend getting a whole set, if Number Two does take you. Maybe sometime I could teach you how to write in calligraphy. Or maybe not. We'll see.

Well, I was just curious. Perhaps my next letter should be written in the code?... It would be good for you. Memorizing it can prove quire useful, you know.

-S. W. (That reminds me of S.Q., ha.)

S.W.,

Fine, 'fraidy cat. I'll send her a letter.

Yeah, an oxymoron. We went shopping yesterday and I convinced -ahem, annoyed her until she gave in- her to let me find a set like you said. So I bought this one, with all the little lollipops on the sides. It suits me well, wouldn't you agree?

NO. No, no no no no no no. No code! It makes my head hurt to just THINK of decoding a whole letter sent in that horrid whatever-they-used-it-for system. And no 'calligraphy' either. That sounds like some sort of medical test people get at hospitals. I don't like hospitals. I don't like getting shots either, unless I get candy afterward, which I normally do.

Oh, yeah, speaking of S.Q., he sends his regards. We saw him at the prison Mr. Curtain is being held in, when I went with Mr. Benedict a few days ago. I heard him whispering to Mr. Benedict about something, something really exciting, I think. He looked excited, at least, but that's not saying much. He's a pretty optimistic guy. Anyway, Mr. Benedict has been avoiding me lately. I think he's worried I'll poke into his head and try to find out what they were discussing, because I asked him about it a few times- but so far I've got nothing.

I'll keep you updated.

-C.C.

C.C.,

I am not afraid, nor feline.

...Okay, maybe one of the two, but still...!

(And just to be clear, when I say one of the two I mean that I'm afraid, not a cat. I think I'm allergic to cats, anyway.)

What? No code, no calligraphy... hm, I suppose that does sound similar to a medical term. But it isn't one, as far as I know. Calligraphy is a form of writing that- never mind. You don't care anyways.

Oh yes, S.Q., speaking of him... I read your letter last night and fell asleep before responding (which, if it isn't obvious, I am now doing), and had a particularly strange dream in which S.Q. was dressed in a 'Barney, the Purple Dinosaur' costume and he and Mr. Curtain - who was walking normally, I might add - were dancing the tango, and, for the record, quite badly. I mean, really, their timing was off, and the steps... sorry. Anyway, it was a bit disturbing. And that was all that happened, just the two of them tango-ing around the blank dream-space for who knows how long. The Barney part was probably the strangest, but all-in-all I think it was quite odd.

Why I had such a dream is unbeknownst to me. And I'm not sure I'd like to know, for that matter.

-S.W.

P.S., you really should STAY OUT OF PEOPLE'S HEADS.

It's rude.

Sticky,

I wanted a cat for Christmas, but Rhonda didn't get me one. But I secretly think she's just messing with me, and putting it off until my birthday. Oh, that reminds me. MERRY CHRISTMAS STICKY WASHINGTON. I know it's a day late, and you probably wont get this for a few days still, but oh well.

And you're right, I don't care about your calligraphy-writing smarty pants self.

S.Q. in a Barney the Purple Dinosaur suit? Oh, wow. That is both disturbing and funny, cause you know Barney the Purple Dinosaur... with his purple dinosaur-ish-ness... And the tango? With Mr. Curtain?... Barney the Purple Dinosaur! Ha!

Oh, one more thing Sticky. Who's Barney the Purple Dinosaur?

Confused Constance.

P.S., you really shouldn't call other people rude.

It's rude.

Constance,

That's too bad. I like cats, aside from the way they make me itchy and sneezy and eye-watery. Maybe you're right about the birthday thing, or perhaps she's just afraid you'll lose it. Oh, and Merry Christmas to you as well.

Barney the Purple Dinosaur was... nevermind, I don't even know how to begin explaining it. I guess all I can really say is that he was a television show character. Before your time, I suppose.

-Sticky.

P.S., then you're rude by telling me that I'm rude for calling you rude.

Sticky,

Who's being rude now? I wouldn't lose it! I would protect it from the dangers of the outside world and feed it gumdrops until it puked. And then I would make Pencilla clean that up.

I asked Mr. Benedict about Barney since you wouldn't tell me. He was a little bit confused, but he told me anyways. And then he sang that annoying mushy song.

Guess what? I have a cold. It isn't fair. To have a cold is like... like swallowing mold! And of course, we're out of chicken soup, so I'm stuck with stupid alphabet soup, which tastes like rotten tomatoes. So, naturally, I used the letters to write a haiku instead of eating it.

Alpha et soup is

mu h like a wet, rainy d y-

Tho h not like Re nie.

I know it isn't perfect, but I'm practicing with writing a different haiku. This one was supposed to say "Alphabet soup is much like a wet rainy day- Though not like Reynie" but I ran out of letters in some places because I wound up eating a little bit.

Do you get it? You know... like rainy, Reynie?

~Constance.

P.S., I am not rude!

Constance,

What a fascinating and slightly gross idea. I'm not sure if cats like gumdrops or not, but I suppose you could try. No chocolate though!

I can't exactly picture Mr. Benedict singing the "I Love You, You Love Me" song. That must have been an... interesting experience.

I'm sorry to hear about your cold, but with this letter you will see that I have sent your late-Christmas and early-birthday gifts. Surprise! And now, because I can't keep a good secret, I'm going to ruin the surprise. For Christmas, books! Now don't scoff. It's a typed and bound documentation of our adventures as the society. You're probably thinking I have nothing better to do with my time, and you're partially right... I just needed something to do over the summer, and since I already had the written versions of the story and I know how to bind books... yeah. Merry Christmas!

For your birthday, I wasn't sure what else to get you, so I sent a couple cans of chicken soup. Enjoy.

Also, how do you know what it's like to swallow mold? And yes, I got the pun in your haiku. Nice.

Sticky.

P.S., I hate to say this, but actually, you kind of are.

S.

Too sleepy to write now, will send more la

Sorry about that, Sticky. I was going to start my response to your letter, then I fell asleep on my desk. And then I woke up again two hours later and wrote the sentence above... and fell asleep again, halfway through it. And then I woke up again a while after that and finally went to bed and slept in until almost noon the next morning. I love Saturdays.

Anyway, I ate your soup and flipped through the books. I can tell by the style that Kate did the pictures, but who is "Trenton Lee Stewart" and why does it say that he's the author? I thought you said you wrote them.

For your Christmas present, this box contains a copy of that poetry war we had over breakfast however long ago that was. It took me forever to remember just exactly what we had said, but I think I recalled everything pretty accurately. Merry Christmas. Again.

And the mold... well, I don't. But I imagine it would be similar to swallowing alphabet soup.

-Constance.

P.S., I am APPALLED. (Another big word given to me by Mr. Benedict.)


A/N: Hello again!

So, finally, after a heaving load of writers block and procrastination, here it is.. Chapter Two.

I apologize for the wait, for any confusing parts you may skip across, for the spelling and grammatical mistakes you will most likely find, and anything else.

The only thing that kept me from giving up on this in my time of need was your support, guys, so thanks much! Please, tell me what you think. whether it be in the form of a review, PM, subscription- anything! Feed me, Seymour!


Edit (3/19/11) - Waaah. I'm terribly sorry for the total lack of updates on this! Its horrible, I know. My excuse is this; sometime in December of last year, the laptop that contained the next few chapters of this story decided to die. Now I own a new laptop, however, the documents on my old one were sadly irretrievable. Oi. (This also means I lost my NaNoWriMo novel, countless drabbles, school papers, ect. Sob.) Since then, I've been busy with other things and really haven't had much time to write.
Fear not though, my good friends, for I am now back in action and currently working on the next installments! And to make up for my absence, I've got a little surprise planned for all the fans of our beloved sesquipidalian coming in the next chapter. Heheh.

(P.S. My sincerest apologies to anyone who thought this update was a new chapter. Don't worry, the real thing will be here soon!)