Storytelling-The Vampire Moms' Social Club
Disclaimer: Twilight and the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. So far as I know, the website I mention is my own creation. If you wanna borrow it, let me know! For the translations of the slang I use here, please follow the numbers and read below!
Moira
Bloody hell. I cannot believe that in two quiet hours, my son ate an entire pint of tomatoes. Of course, now he is on the Pat and Mick (1), the fool eejit. It's all I can do not to give it out to him.
I reach over to hand Andy, my youngest son, off to Erin, the nanny we hired so I can go back to work. As they leave, I dash away from the door and head for the computer. A few days ago, I began an online network for vampire moms. I didn't know I would be this popular. Or this me daza (2). Actually, I think it's rather cathartic. I click, click, click until, Yes, finally, the stupid thing works. I quickly sign in under "admin" and smile lamely. I have to hurry; I have a client at three and it is already quarter after one. This client is totally not the full shilling (3), and, whilst I feel like pissing off, (4) I know I cannot. The life of an Irish psychologist vampire is feckin' demanding. Anyway, it looks like the American my good mate Siobhan has invited to join has signed up. I generally am anti-American, as they tend to be prudish and reserved, but this woman seems nice enough, and any friend of Si's is a friend of mine. I read Esme Cullen's intro piece; it's rather dry but I like her, for some reason. I sit back and try to picture this woman-she's definitely not a Sheila(5) and Si said she's Stregoni, so she'd definitely have that glowy thing going on. I picture an older woman, possibly blonde, with a pretty smile and wide, eager eyes. Listen to me, effin and blindin (6) like an old wanker. I flit over to the "Admin notes" section and see an email from Si, calling me a Jackeen( 7) and bagging on me Cork slang. I whip one back to her, telling her to slag off and tell her that RBS(8) will beat Arsenal tonight and when they do, I will send her my RBS striped shirt for her to hang on her wall. She can't stand Rugby, but I'm a Rugger Bugger (9)and I know this will give her the piss(10). I then respond to Esme's post, but take care to leave my Cork slang to myself.
Esme,
It is fantastic to meet you. Thank you for signing up, and I hope you have a deadly time (whoops. 'Deadly' means fantastic to us Irish). Again, welcome, and thank you for sharing.
-Fiona.
I sign off, feeling like an eejit meself. I promise myself I'll have a gander later, when I have time, whenever that might be.
The End.
For translation:
1).on the Pat and Mick- means ill or sick
2) Me Daza means awesome
3). Full Shilling is the same as "bollocks" or crazy
4). Pissing off-to play hooky (usu. to go drink)
5). Shelia-a tramp or "hick"
6) effin and blindin-messing around
7) Jackeen-person from the Highlands; not a Dubliner, usually looked down on
8) RBS-Irish rugby team
9) Rugger Bugger-rugby fan
10) give the piss-annoy
