Carlisle was speechless. He had looked sympathetic at the part about wars in my head. Who knows, maybe he knew what it's like to have a mental war against yourself. Always losing battles, losing ground against insanity.
I felt a tickle in my throat. A hacking cough raked through my body, making me double over, making me gasp in pain.
A new burst of pain filled me, causing me to jerk back into a strait position. My eyes rolled back into my head until I saw only black.
"Edward! She's crashing!" Carlisle yelled. Distantly I could hear them talking, maybe they were yelling, I couldn't tell.
A sharp pain lasted for just a second against my chest. The shock happened time after time.
My heart beat erratically. Frequently missing beats and sputtering. Pain seemed to rip through my whole body, but that was nothing compared to the fire.
When the fire entered my veins I writhed even more, jerking with the movement of the fire in my veins.
All my senses were cut off. I kept thinking, why isn't anybody stopping this? Knowing I must be screaming and writhing, but feeling nothing was terrifying. I was used to feeling something. Even when I was emotionally numb, I still felt something. Now there was only liquid fire in me. I couldn't feel, couldn't think, couldn't hear.
I needed this to be over. It was worse than all the pain ever inflicted on me times one hundred.
I barely even noticed when I could feel my fingertips. The burning sensation eased away from my toes, eased out of my hands, and eventually ceased to exist in me. My heart made a few half-hearted beats before quitting entirely. Surprise rose in me when I realized I wasn't dead. What had happened?
Eyelids seemed to flutter open without me making the decision to open my eyes. My body bounced into an upright crouched position before I told the muscles to move. Seeing only Jasper in the room, my crouch turned into a slightly curved stand.
Crescent shaped scars stood out on his face and arms, some even roughly defined through his shirt.
I took half a step forward, as if to go ask what had happened, and he tensed. He slipped easily into a crouch, slightly baring sharp white teeth.
Taking a step back, I held my hands out as if to say 'I'm not going to hurt you'. Sensing my bewilderment he stood again and approached me.
"Come on Noelle, we have to explain some stuff to you." I could've sworn he whispered, but it seemed as though he shouted in my ear. I followed him out the door, surprised with how quick I moved, marveling at the new sharper colors in my vision, and trying not to panic.
Sounds from the road, which I could've sworn was a mile away, were loud in my ears as though it was just outside.
When we found ourselves in the living room, the rest of the family was there. I took a step back, so I was just outside the doorway.
"Noelle, come on in. We won't hurt you." Alice's voice chirped from inside. Could I believe them?
Hesitantly I took a step inside the doorway. All of my senses on high alert, my muscles tensed.
Jasper's influence calmed my strung out nerves. Relaxing slightly, my stance loosened up a bit.
"Do you remember what I told you before the fire?" Carlisle asked. I nodded, not wanting to say what I knew I now was. A vampire. He nodded his approval of my memory skills and inclined his head towards Edward. If I had still been human, I might have missed it.
"No I can't hear her." Edward stated it as a fact, and shared a look with Carlisle. Curiosity bloomed in me. Edwards's eyes shifted towards Jasper and back to me.
"I can read minds." My mouth popped open in surprise. How could he read minds? How could something like that be possible? Alice's voice stopped my train of thought.
"And I can see the future, and jasper can feel and manipulate emotions." I was dumbfounded. I knew jasper could mess with emotions, but Alice seeing the future? That was ever weirder than reading minds.
"Alice, you're scaring her a bit." Jasper's soft voice was right next to Alice's ear, but still sounded loud.
"I heard that." I scolded him. The family's laughter filled the room. I hadn't noticed before, but Emmett and Rosalie were nowhere to be seen or heard. I briefly wondered where they were, then pushed the thought out of my head.
My attention shifted to the burn in my throat. It kept getting worse with each second, my senses spread farther and got sharper.
A slight heartbeat and delicious aroma alerted me to something's presence. I couldn't tell what it was, but I wanted it, needed it.
Without realizing it, I sprinted towards where I smelled the aroma. Jasper slammed into me, crashing me to the ground. Snarls erupted from both of us. His skilled hands kept me down while my strong arms tried to shove him off of me.
Get off, I don't want you here, I thought; he crumpled to the ground next to me in pain.
I was up and on my feet running before anyone else could react. Alice appeared in front of me and I shot past her, only to have her appear in front of me again.
Any move I made, she countered before I could make the move. I ran strait at her, hoping she would move before I plowed right into her.
I jumped at the last second and evaded her grip in mid-air. Upon landing, I was tackled again.
Lying on my stomach against the floor having my arms twisted behind my back by one person and my legs held down by another.
After trying to futilely fight for a few seconds, my movements became slower, my breathing slower. I rested my forehead on the floor, and closed my eyes in defeat. The grip on my arms eased, but the weight on my legs didn't budge.
"Noelle, can we let you up now or are you going to attack again?" Jasper's voice rang out from above me.
"You can let me up." I whispered into the floor. The pressure on my arms disappeared, and the weight on my legs followed suit.
I rolled onto my back and pushed myself into a sitting position. I looked up, the Cullens were all around me, and even Esme was there. My gaze dropped back to the floor.
Memories of other attacks flooded my mind. Emmett trying to rape me, Jasper attacking me after promising not to hurt me, Rosalie stealing my sketchpad and the fight in the meadow.
My emotions calmed, turning from anger and sorrow to calmness with a hint of sympathy.
My head shot up; "I don't need your sympathy." I hissed sharply at Jasper, my eyes burning with an unknown emotion.
My eyes shut on their own accord and when they opened, I was on the bed in my room.
Falling into the black comfort of sleep, I barely noticed Carlisle rush in and desperately telling me to wake up.
In my dream, a horse whinnied as I rushed towards brand new stables. Then I saw myself dragging my horses' head down, trying to calm the beast.
Next the horse slipped, crashing to the ground, dragging me with him, and crushing me beneath his massive head.
Hooves flailed, scraping against my legs. Then Alice raced in and hauled the horse out as though he weighed nothing and came back to drag a suffering, bloodthirsty Jasper out.
Carlisle appeared and lifted me up, taking me outside to set me down on the tailgate of a pickup truck. After he injected me with a needle, I saw nothing. My dream ended with the loss of sight.
Hot flashed across my whole body, causing me to shriek and jump up. Edward stood a few feet away with a wet bucket. I kept shrieking as the hot liquid dripped down my.
Fighting to get it off, I noticed my skin going red, as if I was burning. My eyes widened, my breathing stopped and I fell backwards, landing on the edge of the bed.
Something cool was being rubbed into my skin; gauze wrapping then held the cool on me.
I winced when whoever was spreading coolness onto my back pressed to hard. My eyes slowly opened and I found myself laying face first on my bed wearing no shirt and having a complete stranger wrapping gauze around my stomach and shoulders.
I gave a panicked glance over my shoulder and saw my moms' face. I blinked and it was still there.
"You're dead. You died months ago." I stammered not believing that my mom was really there.
"I'm a vampire who is able to change my appearance. I thought it might be a bit less creepy to have somebody you recognize doing this than a complete stranger."
My mom answered me, but in a deep guys voice. I gave a small gasp of surprise and jumped up yanking a blanket up with me to cover my chest. I backed up against the far wall, ignoring the pain in my midsection.
"It is not less creepy. It's absolutely terrifying because I know my mom died months ago in a car crash when I was still human. And now I see her bandaging me up and I'm not even human anymore but I still know she is dead. I remember everything about my old life, and this is scaring me because I know that mom doesn't exist anymore!" I was absolutely hysterical.
"You are still human." The stranger said softly. My moms' face turned into a teenage guy, soft and vulnerable, worried about me.
"No I'm not. I remember crashing, then feeling like I was burning, and when I woke up I wasn't human anymore. Then I fell asleep and Edward thew boiling water on me, and I passed out, and now I woke up in this situation." I rushed it out in just one breath.
The guy tossed me a baggy shirt. I turned my back to him and put it on. I hate baggy clothes; they are always so shapeless.
"If you haven't noticed, the scars on your stomach are back." He said quietly. My hand rested on my stomach protectively.
"How did you know those were there?" I narrowed my eyes at him. He just rolled his eyes.
"I was just bandaging your stomach, how could I not notice them?" He said it like it was so obvious. And it was.
"Now, since you're somehow human again, how bout getting back over here so I can finish?" he asked. I would much rather Carlisle treat me than him. I don't like people I didn't know treating me.
I grumbled but went to lie down again. He folded hem of the oversized shirt up a few times, and went back to work.
After a few minutes of silence I asked, "How do you think I became human again?" His thoughtful silence lasted only a few seconds.
"I don't know. You might not have transformed all the way in the first place, or maybe your subconscious wanted you to be human again so much that you became human again."
When he finished with my back, he asked me to roll over. I rolled towards the center of the bed, and my head hung off the edge far enough that my neck was stretched almost painfully and my neck couldn't support my heads weight.
Coughing, I lifted my head and shimmied farther over so that the mattress supported my head.
"You okay Noelle?" the stranger asked. I coughed again. My throat constricted, limiting my breathing.
"Carlisle!" The stranger yelled. Rhythmically, the strangers' hands pushed down on my chest, just above my heart. I kept coughing and sputtering; desperately trying to get more air.
I felt my collar bone crack under the pressure of his hands. A needle pricked my arm and a tube was pushed down my throat. Air was pushed into my lungs, preventing me from passing out.
"Ryan get her stabilized, now!" I guess Ryan was the stranger.
Carlisles cold hands pushed down on my stomach, ribs, throat, and legs. There was no physical problem to find though. I knew there wasn't. There couldn't be.
When I could breathe on my own, my breath came in shallow gasps. My head lolled to the side, resting against my shoulder.
Ryan gently pulled my head back to where it had been. I hadn't realized my eyes had closed, but now were being pulled open by skilled hands.
A light shone in my eyes just long enough for my pupils to dilate. Carlisle's voice told Ryan that he could take the tube out of my throat.
Ryan's hands left my head to urge the tube out. I was too tired to notice what happened after that.
When I woke up, Ryan was walking in with a tray of food. Did I really have to eat?
"Hey, I thought you could use something to eat right about now." he said with a smile. There was a strangely adoring look in his eyes.
"Thanks, what did you bring?" I asked him. His eyes lit up like he got a present. So weird, all I did was ask what he brought.
"Taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a plain bagel." He announced while setting the tray down on the side of my bed.
My eyes watered, and I squeezed them shut. My mom always used to make me those.
"Are you alright Noelle? I didn't hurt you did I?" I wanted to tell him that he did hurt me. That he resurfaced memories I didn't want to deal with.
"No, I'm fine. My mom used to make me those all the time. I just miss her a lot right now."
"Oh, I'm sorry Noelle, is there anyway I can help?" He asked sounding hurt. I shook my head at him.
Ryan sat down on the other side of the bed and moved so he was right next to me and slid an arm under my head so he could cradle me. Gently lifting me he scooped me into his lap, my head buried in his shoulder.
I started sobbing, and the whole story about the crash came out of my mouth. Everything I could remember from the crash. The moment of terror where time seemed to stand still, just before the semi landed on out car; the warped metal stabbing me; and of hearing the EMT's declaring my parents dead on scene, before they had even got me out of the car.
I told him everything my mom used to do with me. How we would ride our horses together, how she taught me how to sketch, everything we had done with each other.
"Noelle, I'm so, so sorry." Ryan whispered in my ear. I pressed my face farther into his neck, enjoying the feeling his cold skin against my face.
My body shook with sobs and he pulled me closer, holding me tightly and gently at the same time.
Why was he trying to comfort me? I was a total stranger to him. I just poured my life story out to a stranger. A stranger who could look like my mom whenever he chose to.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I imagined I was at my old house. Upon opening my eyes, I was startled to see that I actually was in the house I grew up in.
Ryan glanced around, a panicked look on his face. I disentangled myself from his arms and stood up. Laughing in disbelief, I started towards the stairs.
My old room was just as I remembered it. The pale blue curtains hung in front of my windows. Streaks of sun caught in the small glass pieces on my dream-catcher, scattering bright dots all around.
I walked to my nightstand and opened the top drawer. A smile settled upon my lips as I saw my sketchpad there. I picked it up and flipped through, noticing how all of the more recent drawings seemed more skilled, better crafted.
"Noelle?" Ryan's questioning voice asked from the door. "How did we get here?" I giggled and rushed over to him, enveloping him in a hug.
"I'm home again!" I giggled childishly. "I got myself home!" Tears of joy streamed down my face as I looked around at my surroundings.
Ryan stayed just outside the door, in the shadows as I rushed back into my room. The shadows falling across his face made him look older, worn, and fragile.
I walked back over to him and tugged at his hand, trying to pull him into my room. He followed me reluctantly.
Glitter lit up his skin as he stepped into he sun. I gasped in amazement and trailed my fingers down his forearm.
Ryan's eyes darkened and a slight growl of pleasure erupted from him. His arms wrapped around me, one settling on the small of my back, the other tentatively wandering underneath my shirt.
His lips pressed to mine, our breathing becoming labored. We fell onto my bed, him underneath me. His hands moved to pull off my shirt, my arms automatically lifting off his own shirt. I pushed the sneakers off my feet and let him undo my jeans.
We turned so he was now on top. His cold fingers trailed over my scarred stomach, resting on my hips and then traveling back up to undo my bra clasp.
I gasped as he sucked on one nipple. Letting my back arch, I pulled him closer to me. I needed him in me, right now.
My breathing became even shallower as he started to enter me. My head spun and moans came from my mouth.
He pressed down hard against me, breaking my barrier. The pain was so insignificant if I got this much pleasure.
I whimpered into his chest. Memories of Emmett trying to rape me filled my mind. I pushed against Ryan, thinking he was Emmett.
"Get off of me!" I shrieked. I sobbed as I tried to push him off. What was he trying to do to me?
When my eyes cleared of tears, I saw Ryan standing just outside the doorway again.
"I'm sorry…" I whispered. "I thought you were Emmett for a moment… I freaked out." I told him. I found my clothes and yanked them on before walking over to him.
Leaning my head against his chest I said, "I'm sorry. I'm broken. Scarred because of Emmett, scarred from the accident. I'm not repairable. I wish I was but I'm not."
My voice broke and I leaned against him for support as sobs shook my body. I pictured the horse meadow, and we were there in a flash.
"I have to go, I can't stay here." I stammered. Rushing into the stable a grabbed a saddle and bridle and quickly got Zacky ready to ride.
Grabbing a pre-packed emergency bag with supplies, I mounted up and raced through the woods.
Zacky leapt over a log and landing with a jarring blow to my scars. Gasping, I keeled over and gripped his neck so I wouldn't fall off.
Ryan appeared in front of us, and Zacky reared, his hooves flailing. Oh no, I couldn't let Zacky squish me again.
"Stay away from him! A vampire approaching my horse is how I got hurt on the first place!" Defiance shone in his eyes.
"You're in no condition to ride Noelle!" He retorted, then added, "Please come back home? You're not broken Noelle, not yet you aren't. If you come home with me we can fix things between us!"
I didn't want to go home, that's the reason I ran away. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted my mom back, I wanted my dad, and I wanted my old life back. I wanted to believe that vampires were still myths, things out of legends and stories, not creatures that walk among us.
Digging my heels into Zackys' side, I urged him into a flat out sprint in the other direction.
Zacky stumbled and I got vaulted from his back. Landing in a thorn bush, I tried to pry myself free, but only succeeded in tangling myself further.
Thorns pricked at my throat, my stomach, anywhere they could get to. I kept my breathing shallow so the pointy barbs wouldn't dig into my skin
"Help…" I feebly cried. Where was my stupid horse? He should be hauling my ass out of this mess!
The large russet wolf that had kept trying to attack me swaggered through the woods. I shrieked and imagined myself anywhere but here.
When my eyes opened I was back in my old house. The thorns were gone and I was sitting on my living room floor.
I hauled myself up the stairs and into the shower. Turning the water on really hot I stepped in, my teeth chattering.
The hot water cascading down my shivering frame was the only reason I didn't pass out then and there.
When the water started to cool, I switched off the faucets and wrapped a town around me before stepping into the steamy bathroom.
Ryan and Jasper stood side by side by the door. I shrieked and backed up against the far wall. They just watched me, eyes wary. My own eyes flickered from face to face as my heart raced.
"How… di-did you… get here?" I managed to say. I imagined myself in my bedroom, fully dressed; and the next second, I was there.
I quickly grabbed a few necessities, and imagined myself at the castle in Italy I saw in one of the paintings in Carlisles office.
A looming limestone castle stood before me. I saw a small window on the highest turret and imagined myself there.
Sitting precariously on the edge of the small windowsill, I knocked on the window.
A small girl with the same features as the Cullens opened the window. She looked no older than ten or twelve.
"How did you get up here?" she asked. My stammered answer only brought confusion to her face. Gently the girl helped me inside; her eyes were not a warm gold, but a dark sinister red.
"Aro, we have a visitor." Her voice rang clearly through the stone walls. Telling me that her name was Jane, she pulled me along to an older looking man, with seemingly paper thin skin.
"Ah, we meet again Noelle." My brow scrunched in confusion as I studied his face.
"No we aren't." a simple fact; I had never seen him before in my life. The man, I assumed he was Aro, chuckled darkly.
"It was me who had you captive after the run-in with Rosalie in the meadow, and me who didn't trust you to not expose what we truly are." Oh, I remember him now. I had never seen his face, but I had heard his voice a few times.
"At the time I didn't know what you were. Not long after that, I got changed. And somehow I'm human again." He was so stupid. Why would anybody expose them knowing the consequences?
"You were changed? Do you know if you have a power?" I didn't like the greedy tone in his voice.
"Umm… no? I don't think I do." I've gotten good at lying convincingly, when you live in a house full of vampires, it's something you learn.
Aro frowned slightly. Unexpectedly he offered me his hand. Hesitantly I put my own fingers in his.
His face quickly turned to immense anger and his fist closed around my hand. I screamed, and my face crumpled in pain. I wished I were at Carlisles office in the hospital. He would make Aro stop and would even help me.
The scenery changed, becoming white walls lined with bookshelves and a fairly large desk. Carlisle glanced up and when he saw Aro and me he jumped up and appeared at our sides.
"Aro…Aro let go of her." Carlisle desperately urged. Aro seemed to notice his surroundings for the first time. Glancing wide-eyed around the room, he seemed astonished.
His grip on my hand lessened and I yanked it away. I stood behind Carlisle, not wanting Aro anywhere near me.
"Why can't I hear her? Why can't I hear her Carlisle!" Aro whispered, fear penetrating his voice.
"Edward has never been able to hear her either." Carlisle stated calmly. I looked Aro in the eye and thought about sending him back to the castle Volterra, Italy.
Aro disappeared as quickly as we had appeared. Carlisle then turned to me and asked for my hand.
As he probed the bones, I felt no pain. I glanced down at my hand; nothing seemed malformed.
My brow knit in confusion, as did Carlisle's. He kept poking and prodding my hand.
"How did it heal so fast? I know I felt the bones get smashed, I heard several small bones snap." Carlisles face turned speculative.
"Maybe you are still part vampire so you would heal as fast as we do if you get hurt." His voice was thoughtful, yet somehow doubtful.
Maybe. I either wanted to be all human or all vampire though. I didn't want to be stuck in some half form that nobody knows anything about.
I sigh, why did life have to be so difficult? Maybe Carlisle would know what Jasper and Ryan were doing in my bathroom!
"Carlisle?" I asked, "Do you happen to know why Ryan and Jasper were in my bathroom… in my old house… while I was taking a shower?" he looked astounded.
"I asked them to find you and make sure you were alright. I don't know why they were in your bathroom though. How did you get to your old house?"
"I don't know… I was thinking about being there and when I blinked, I was there. With Ryan, but that was the first time it had happened. Not the one time when they were in my bathroom." I sigh again. I was confusing myself.
"Well, I guess you do have a gift after all. In my opinion it's teleportation. But with you still human, I'm surprised it hasn't taken a toll on you." He looked at my small body, seemingly impressed.
Why did I have to have a gift? All I wanted was to be normal! I blinked and thought myself into Ryans' arms.
When my eyes opened, I was in the Cullens house, lying next to Ryan on my bed. His eyes flew open, shock was written all over his face.
"I didn't think you would come back. Not after what happened. You know wit-" I cut him off with a kiss.
Ryan responded immediately. His lips molding themselves to mine, his arms wrapping around me, I broke the kiss and rested my head on his shoulder.
Catching my breath, I relaxed against him. I never wanted him to let go of me. His chilly embrace was perfect.
"Of course I would come back. I need you." I admitted shamefully. His face looked down upon mine and filled with understanding.
"Not to ruin the moment, but I have a question…" I trailed off, wondering if I should really ask.
I continued, "Is this what you really look like, or are you just trying to look super hot so I like you?" Ryan chuckled, and I noticed that he has dimples.
"This is what I really look like. I could look anyway you want me to though." It was now my turn to laugh.
"No, only change if you want to; I like you however you are. A long as your not my mom."
Jasper suddenly burst into the room. His eyes frantic, full of worry and indecision, Alice followed just behind him. Her own face a mask of his.
"Noelle! We have to run! Now!" I was startled. Jasper didn't respond to my surprise, but rather scooped me up and darted out of the room.
Clinging to Jasper's neck, I buried my face into his chest as he ran. I really didn't want to find out if I get motion sickness or not.
Just as I started to lift my head up, Jasper stopped suddenly, causing my head to crash back into his stone chest.
Yellow splotches filled my vision, the only color in the black night. Dizziness overtook me and I slipped into the black comfort of sleep.
"Noelle." My name was repeated over and over. It echoed around me, making my head pound. Another voice started saying my name, more urgently.
"Noelle, wake up. Please Noelle, you have to wake up." Ryan's voice pleaded with me.
I felt my eyelids flutter, but they didn't open. I forced my heavy lids open, and came face to face with dizziness.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I whimpered. A cold hand rested on my forehead; another wrapped around my waist, lifting me up.
Opening my eyes briefly, I saw that I was being cradled against Ryan's chest. My eyes shut on their own accord before I could get dizzy again.
