A/N: You know what to do, folks. Reviews make me happy, and happy writers tend to write more fanfic and less poetry, which is good news for you! :)

Note: Erlina's poem is called Mists and Rains (Brumes et pluies) by Charles Baudelaire.

)O(

"No one is free; even the birds are chained to the sky."

- Bob Dylan

At first, she hardly recognized Alistair.

He was clad in the same gaudy golden armor as Cailan had been, and she actually had to remind herself that this man was her best friend and not the ghost of a dead king.

People who had known King Maric in life probably had to do the same, she thought.

Alistair approached, smiling, something she got the impression that he hadn't done in quite some time.

Mhairi was the only one of them who knelt before the king.

"Your Majesty," Jenji smirked.

"You still get some kind of sick pleasure out of this, don't you?"

"I think it's perfectly justified," she teased. "Anyway, how is kingly life treating you?"

He thought for a moment, even though she knew to expect a joke. "Oh, it's not too bad. There's plenty of cheese." His voice dropped lower as if he were about to tell her a secret. "And, if I'm really good, Arl Eamon lets me have a whole hour of outside time."

"Wow." Jenji nodded, a smile tugging at her lips. "You want to trade?"

He laughed. "Believe me, that sounds simply marvelous right now. I do rather miss the whole darkspawn killing thing." I don't, she thought to herself.

"I could always Conscript you," she suggested jokingly. "You're already a Warden so that would save some time."

But they both knew they had to be serious.

"Speaking of darkspawn killing," he continued, "what happened here?"

It was Mhairi who filled the king in on the events. Everything from the creatures swarming in from the lower levels of the keep as well as every other direction to the talking darkspawn they'd found on the roof, and of course the suspicion that it was in fact and organized assault.

By the end of her report, Alistair was frowning once more.

"As much as I would like to help you," he said to Jenji, "I'm afraid the only thing I can do now is send my most capable soldiers to Amaranthine until this matter is settled." She still thought she could see a glint of jealousy in his eye. "Talking darkspawn...that's not something you see everyday." He then gave Jenji a letter. "Oh, by the way, Wynne told me to give this to you before I left the palace."

"That is not the only matter that must be addressed, your Majesty." A woman who Jenji took to be a templar announced. Could women even become templars?

"And what might that be, Ser Rylock?" Alistair asked.

"Your Majesty, this man is a dangerous criminal!"

The king smiled slightly. "Well the dwarf's a bit of an ass but I don't know if I'd go that far."

"Thanks, pike-twirler." Oghren said.

"How dare you speak to the king in such a-" Mhairi began to scold him, but Anders spoke up, silencing them all.

"She means me." He groaned, clearly not thrilled with the prospect of going through this again. Escape attempts were only fun for so long, after all, and Jenji knew that deep down he probably did fear the templars.

Unless Jenji intervened, this Ser Rylock person would take Anders back to the Tower. It would mean avoiding the inevitable and awkward conversation regarding what had happened on the roof tonight. But she needed a mage, especially a healer, and she knew that without him they never could have defeated those darkspawn. So in a way she supposed she owed him.

"I will take this apostate into the custody of the Chantry to be returned to the Tower where he will be punished."

"No!" Suddenly everyone was looking at her. "Uh, I mean, I hereby invoke the Grey Warden's Right of Conscription." I've always wanted to do this.

Alistair would allow it of course. He could see that Anders was not some maleficar or abomination. He trusted her judgment. And after all, Jenji had been Conscripted, despite that fact that she was a wanted murderer at the time.

Though Rylock was furious there was little she could do. Anders himself was visibly relieved.

As they headed back towards Vigil's Keep, he looked back and did the only mature thing one could in that situation: he looked the templar right in the eye, and stuck his tongue out.

Jenji quickly read the letter Alistair had delivered:

Missing you already.

Love,

- Daveth and Ada, Wynne, Leliana, Kay & the children.

)O(

There was no time before the Joining in which to return to her room or clear her head, and so Jenji gathered the three recruits in the main hall, or perhaps it was more of a throne room, but she was just too modest for that sort of thing.

Add lyrium, darkspawn blood, one drop of the blood of an archdemon - very important - stir slowly...

Seneschal Varel was apprehensive about her conducting the ritual alone, but she was the Warden-Commander now, and thus it was her duty.

Not to mention, Jenji had only met this man a few minutes ago, and didn't exactly trust him yet...especially not with this. He seemed no worse for wear after having been tortured by the talking darkspawn however.

Apparently it was his job to make sure things within the Arling ran smoothly; which of course translated into him keeping tabs on the way she chose to rule the lands. It was nice to have an adviser though.

As Jenji spoke, memories of her own Joining flashed through her mind, and the dreams - the nightmares - that had followed.

Someone was going to die tonight.

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant." Mhairi did not even blink. "Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn." Anders seemed worried. "And should you parish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten; and that one day...we...shall join you."

There were no more words. It was time.

Since Mhairi had been waiting all her life for this opportunity, this moment, so Jenji figured she could stand to wait a little longer.

"Anders, step forward."

After a witty comment - he refused to believe these could be his last words - the mage brought the chalice to his lips. Then he fainted in much the same way a woman might, she thought.

But remarkably he was alive.

"Mhairi, step forward."

"I will make you proud, Commander." We'll see about that.

Something was wrong.

As soon as she had taken a drink from the chalice, the young knight choked and began to cough up blood. Her eyes were wide but she did not see Jenji shaking her head sadly, because she knew the woman was just too far gone, the Warden had seen this once before. She watched as Mhairi crumpled at her feet, desperately gasping for air as the void closed in around her.

"I am sorry, Mhairi."

The room was still.

"I'm gonna miss that great rack o' hers." Oghren said mournfully.

Jenji sighed. The Joining was not yet complete. She wanted to ask him if he was absolutely sure this was what he wanted, it wasn't tradition, but how would anyone ever find out? It served no purpose, however, she knew what his answer would be anyway, 'Sure as the Stone, Warden.'

"Oghren, step forward."

He gulped down what little remained in the chalice, belched, and said that dwarven ale wasn't much better. Then he too passed out, falling to the floor like a stone; a familiar sight indeed.

And he lived.

Jenji allowed herself to breathe again. It was done. She surveyed the place, her gaze fixed on the two unconscious men and one dead woman.

Slowly, Anders opened his eyes and looked around, slightly dazed.

"Welcome," Jenji said curtly before turning on her heel and exciting the room.

Varel was waiting outside the door, no doubt eager to know the results.

"Seneschal, do you know where Ser Mhairi hails from?"

"No, Commander, I'm sorry to say I do not." he replied.

"Well could you find out for me then? Her family deserves to know what has happened here. They have a daughter to mourn."

Varel's face fell. "I understand, Commander, as you wish."

She thanked him and went back to her quarters, suddenly exhausted. She decided tomorrow was a new day.

)O(

" ... Ô fins d'automne, hivers, printemps trempés de boue,
Endormeuses saisons! je vous aime et vous loue
D'envelopper ainsi mon coeur et mon cerveau
D'un linceul vaporeux et d'un vague tombeau.

Dans cette grande plaine où l'autan froid se joue,
Où par les longues nuits la girouette s'enroue,
Mon âme mieux qu'au temps du tiède renouveau
Ouvrira largement ses ailes de corbeau.

Rien n'est plus doux au coeur plein de choses funèbres,
Et sur qui dès longtemps descendent les frimas,
Ô blafardes saisons, reines de nos climats,

Que l'aspect permanent de vos pâles ténèbres,

— Si ce n'est, par un soir sans lune, deux à deux,

D'endormir la douleur sur un lit hasardeux."

The sound of Erlina's voice, apparently reciting a poem in Orlesian, roused Jenji from her sound sleep. Her eyes found the other elf staring out the window at the foggy morning sky.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked.

"No," Jenji replied. "It was nice. Could you translate it?"

Erlina thought about the request. "I'm not sure I know how," she admitted. "Besides, poetry is best understood in the language it was written. Do you disagree?"

"I suppose not. It's still nice though."

From then on, Jenji would continue to awaken to the sound of Erlina's Orlesian poetry. It was easy to get used to, and it was nice, even if she could never fully understand.

After breakfast, she was led to the dungeon to determine the fate of a prisoner. There was something familiar about him. The guards had worked him over pretty good once they'd managed to catch him, but if she ignored the cuts and bruises, Jenji could almost make it out.

"So you're my father's murderer," the man said. "Strange...somehow I didn't picture you so...small and elven...and female."

"Yeah, I get that a lot." the elf replied. "But I've been busy stopping the Blight. Many people have died at my hand. Remind me again who your father was."

"I'll give you a hint," his voice rose as he moved close enough to the bars of the cell for her to see his face clearly. There was no mistaking the resemblance now. "My family ruled these lands for generations until you killed-"

"-Howe…" Jenji finished for him, recalling the rage that had overcome her as she strangled his father.

"Yes. My name is Nathaniel, and I know who you are. They see you as a hero, but imagine my surprise when I returned from the Free Marches - penniless - only to learn that I was now hated for something I didn't even do. Not only that, but the woman who destroyed my family apparently didn't think that was enough, and so had to take my home as well."

"You think I wanted to be here?"

"What am I supposed to think?" Nathaniel questioned. "I came here to kill you; but then I realized I just wanted to get back some of my family's things..."

She felt a pang of empathy for this man.

"You...you have no idea, do you?" Erlina accused him, unable to remain silent any longer. "Your father was a...un misérable petit ver, une excuse pathétique pour un homme! Les choses qu'il n'a été incroyablement mal, si méchant...!"

"Anders, would you please escort Erlina upstairs?"

The bard backed away from him. "Fiche moi le paix!" she cried. But eventually the mage was able to calm her enough for her to go peacefully, still babbling in what sounded like angry Orlesian.

"What do you wish to be done with the prisoner, Commander?" Seneschal Varel asked her.

Jenji looked Nathaniel directly in the eye. "What would you do if I were to let you go?"

"Like I said, I came here to kill you, and just because I didn't doesn't mean I won't." he said honestly. "If you let me go, I'll probably come back, and you might not catch me next time," I highly doubt that. Your father wasn't so lucky.

"You're not making a very good case for yourself, you know." Jenji remarked.

"Would you prefer I lie? What would that accomplish? I already have nothing. We both know how this will end." We'll see about that...

She had made her decision. Turning to Varel, she declared, "Let him go; he's not his father."

Silence…

"Commander...you would allow a thief to get away without punishment, and keep the things he stole?"

"Yes, I would."

After having convinced him that she hadn't gone completely insane, Jenji returned to her room to prepare for this evening. A ceremony was to be held for all the nobles to pledge their allegiance to her as the new Arlessa. It was nothing more than a formality of course.

She found Erlina asleep on the bed. It was a deep sleep, like one who had been affected by a powerful sedative or maybe a spell. Jenji supposed she couldn't blame the bard for her outburst, after all Nathaniel did look so much like the man who had tried to ruin her life. But Jenji could tell he was different, and hadn't she killed Rendon Howe because of what he did to the Alienage elves?

Someone must decide when vengeance had run its course.

She could have Conscripted Nathaniel.

Decisions, decisions…

That's when Jenji realized she wasn't alone.

"Hello, Anders." she cleared her throat. "Is there something you need?"

"I just wanted to...talk about...last night…when you..." He didn't have to finish the sentence. They both knew exactly what he was referring to.

"We don't really have to talk about this, do we?" She sighed, sitting down on the bed beside the sleeping Erlina. Anders shut the door behind him and waited. "All right, fine, you want the truth? It just happens sometimes...mostly when I'm...scared or...it just happens. I...can't really explain because I don't fully understand it myself; Wynne used to say...Well, it doesn't matter. Now you know, and you can tell me all about what a better leader you'd be than I, and you'd probably be right."

"Commander I-I didn't mean to upset you..." he said quietly. "And I don't think I'd be a better leader. I mean, if it weren't for you I'd be on my way back to the Tower so..."

"Being a leader is a kind of prison, you know. I'm not free, and maybe I shouldn't say this when it's already too late, but being a Grey Warden is also a kind of prison. I didn't give you a choice, and I admit that wasn't fair to you, but I didn't get one either. There are things...that will be explained in the months to come...Eventually you get used to it, strange as it sounds, there's a point when you almost can't imagine anything else. You can try to have a normal life but...well, I'm here, aren't I?" She chuckled bitterly, like one laughs when irony is laughing at them. "My point is; it's not like the Tower because to anyone else you appear to be free. You may be hailed as a hero but it's that sacrifice part that hangs over your head. 'In death, sacrifice' they say...but I don't care if my death has meaning, I just don't want to die...I didn't want to die, is that so wrong? Why is the Maker punishing me?"

She could feel herself breakdown. This was a man she hardly knew, and yet she was sharing things about herself that could only be told to one other person, she had thought.

Anders was speechless. He went over her words again and again and each time they made even less sense.

"I..."

"It's just been a rough couple of days, okay?" Jenji said wearily. "I think I'd like to be alone before I have to go and act like I'm a proper lady in front of the nobility."

Anders glanced over at Erlina. "Do you want me to...?"

"No," Jenji replied. "She's dead to the world - you did good - I'll just let her sleep it off. Honestly I think it would probably be best if she weren't there for the ceremony anyway since chances are there will be someone who is still loyal to Arl Howe."

Once he had gone Jenji tried to compose a letter, but her mind was racing with the events of the last two days, making it impossible for her to concentrate. In the end she laid down beside Erlina and listened to the rain, allowing herself to dream for a little while longer. Varel would wake her up when the guests had arrived.

And then the real adventure could begin.