Notes: Like the other bits and pieces in this 'verse, this snippet stands alone. The Papa Bear stories are not in chronological order. There may or may not be more stand-alones in this weird bear!Burt universe...

Summary: The threat of lawyers works a lot better when you say it with a smile.

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Burt Hummel drove a large light blue four wheel drive with excellent suspension and a slightly modified set of pedals. Custom rebuilt in his own shop. Most bears found it difficult to drive normal cars, given that the average automobile wasn't made with a bear's dimensions in mind. Burt didn't consider it discrimination - most bears he knew preferred to walk, and Burt's own father had spent half his life riding around town on a bicycle before finally giving in and buying a caddy.

The point was that Burt's big blue car was the only one of its kind in town. So wherever the car was you knew the bear was close by. And currently the car was parked outside McKinley High.

Burt walked on all fours through the empty hallways towards the administration office. The school wasn't all that different from when he'd been a student. The floors had been redone, and there were more trophies in the cases, but the colours were still the same. He wasn't there to be nostalgic though. Burt was a bear on a mission.

He raised himself onto his back paws to open the door to the office and stayed that way, plenty of practice meaning that (unlike rural bears, who didn't have to worry so much about appearances) Burt was comfortable enough on two legs to walk up to the front desk without wobbling. It was really freakin' hard to get people to take you seriously when you couldn't even walk on two legs without looking like you were going to fall onto your ass.

"Can I help you, sir?" The woman behind the desk asked, craning her neck back at an awkward angle to look at him without needing to stand up.

'I need to talk to Principal Figgins,' Burt told her, doing his best to keep his annoyance out of his voice. Communication was so much about tone of voice, and bears often found it notoriously difficult to sound cuddly even when they actually were. 'About my son, Kurt Hummel.'

The woman glanced at the intercom by her phone, then back at the bear on the other side of the desk. "Mr. Figgins is busy at the moment," she told him, "but if you'd like to leave a message I can ask him to give you a call when he's free."

Burt sighed. He leaned against the counter to bring himself closer to her level, glanced down at the nameplate on her desk. 'Listen, Julia. My son's really upset. He already has a tough time at this school and I don't want to make it any more difficult for him by bringing a solicitor into the picture. I can wait howevever long it takes for Mr. Figgins to find a few spare minutes...'

As always, the word 'solicitor' worked wonders. The woman smiled at him - the same sort of fake, slightly painful smile you give to denists when they ask if you've been flossing after every meal. "I'll see if he can find a minute."

Burt nodded. He was sure it would only take a few minutes to say what he wanted to say. In the meantime he didn't mind waiting. Jason was holding the fort at the shop and the office was air conditioned. And given that Sue Sylvester - the only other bear in town - worked at this school Burt was pretty sure the seats by the wall would actually hold his weight. Knowing that woman this whole school would be bear-friendly by now.

Burt only had to wait ten minutes before the woman behind the desk waved him through to the principal's office.

Five minutes later Burt left the principal's office satisfied that he'd made his point. He was pretty sure Figgins would make certain that Kurt was treated with fairness by his choir teacher, under threat of lawyers (and teeth, though Burt hadnt' actually said that part aloud).

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"Will, you must give the song to Kurt Hummel."

Will Schuester stared at the other man, not entirely sure what was going on. Figgins was pale and sweating, and if Willdidn't know better he'd think that Sue had just been on another one of her psuedo-homicidal 'I dare you to defy me' rampages. "What are you talking about?" Will asked, and reached over to offer Figgins the tissue box from the man's own desk.

Figgins grabbed a handful of tissues to blot his forehead. "That Defying Gravity song," he explained. "It must go to Kurt Hummel."

"But I already gave the solo to Rachel. What's this about?" Will looked around the office for sure signs of Sue's ranting, "does this have something to do with Sue?"

"This is about discrimination, William. Kurt must at least attend an audition for that solo or Burt Hummel intends to contact his lawyer."

Suddenly things clicked into place. Will's first thought was that Figgins' sweating nervousness suddenly made sense. It was hard to look an angry bear in the face and not start thinking in terms of negative stereotypes. (Sue didn't help that part. Will had always privately thought that she was what those negative stereotypes were based on.) He was about to argue about the fairness of taking the solo away from Rachel when he came up short. How exactly was he meant to argue fairness when it wasn't fair to have automatically passed over the rest of the kids? He was so used to thinking of Rachel as his star singer that it was sometimes hard to remember that the other kids had just as much talent too.
Kurt must have been upset by it, he realised, to have brought his dad into it.

"Alright," Will said instead. "But I'm not just going to give the song to Kurt..."

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"...I'm going to let anyone who wants the solo audition for the part," Will finished, smiling at the students who made up his glee club. "If you'd like to try out I'd like to hold the auditions during our next session. That will give you plenty of time to practice and get confident."

Just from the talk amongst the kids as they left Will could tell that at least three of them, Kurt included, were going to try for the part. Rachel, on the other hand... Will could feel her staring at the back of his head and was just glad that she managed to wait until the other kids were gone before she blurted; "But that's not fair!"

"Rachel," Will replied, turning around to look at her, "I think it's more than fair. In fact, this way -is- more fair."

"Mr. Schue, you gave the part to me," Rachel stressed, hands on her hips. She was like a tiny brunette stick of dynamite. One wrong move and he'd be dead. "You can't just take it away again."

Will shook his head, trying to think of a way to word his argument so it wouldn't upset her further. "You're a good singer, and you have a couple of days to practice. There's no reason to think you wont win the song back."

Rachel was quiet for a moment. Will breathed an internal sigh of relief. Then she frowned. "Why did you decide to have auditions anyway? We've never had auditions for solos before."

"We've never had multiple singers wanting the same solo before."

"Oh my God," Rachel said, her eyes suddenly wide. "This is about Kurt, isn't it? Kurt's the only other singer who asked for the part. I thought it was already decided that Defying Gravity was much more accessible with a female lead. It's a female part, after all."

"Rachel... I realised today that defining songs as being solely 'male' or 'female' could be something that's holding us back. Descriminating based on gender is just as bad as descriminating based on physical appearance or abilities."

"Gender-apropriateness is not descrimination," Rachel argued.

"Well, I'm afraid it's out of my hands anyway," Will confessed, holding his hands up automatically in a getsure of placation. "Principal Figgins wants me to hold auditions."

A long history of going up the ladder until she got her way meant that Rachel cottoned on pretty quickly. "Somebody complained, didn't they? Was it Kurt's dad? Does Principal Figgins know that bears don't actually eat people and that believing that they do is just perpetuating a totally inaccurate stereotype?"

Will raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. He had a feeling that no matter what he said here he wouldn't be able to win.

"It's totally unfair," Rachel finished, pouting as she flounced out of the room, "that my solo is being taken from me because of innacurate stereotyping."