Okay, in this chapter Alice's intense hatred of Val begins – but I won't say how. You'll have to read on lol. It continues to deepen throughout the next four chapters, and the situation gets pretty tense at some point.

Jared and Jailbot have somewhat minimal roles at this point, but they come into play more in the next few chapters – and more so later on, I just don't have those two chapters typed up yet.

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Chapter Two: The Bitch

"Well, that sounded bad…" Jared said, looking toward the window nervously.

Having heard the unmistakable screaming a few moments before, the Warden clicked the toes of his shoes together happily, wearing a big smile.

Valerie walked in, completely soaked, followed by a seemingly pleased Jailbot.

"Welcome back," the Warden said, and she attempted to glare at him, but her expression was deeply offset by a profound sense of trepidation and despondency. "Did you have fun?"

"I had an underwater wrestling match with a machine. That's not terribly fun in my book. Not to mention the killer sheep and the other thing."

He laughed lightheartedly. "Have you made your decision?"

His self-satisfaction was apparent in the tone of his voice – he had her in the palm of his hand and he knew it.

"If you would take someone hostage and treat them like prisoners to get them to work for you, I'd hate to find out firsthand how you treat actual prisoners…"

"There's nothing wrong with how we treat the prisoners," the Warden said in a hurt tone.

Obviously unimpressed, she continued. "I accept your offer to work here – against my will, I might add."

"Wonderful!" the Warden exclaimed with a level of cheer that Mr. Rogers could have only attained by doing LSD, nearly giving Jared a heart attack.

"So, what am I doing?" she said so unenthusiastically that she could have made Barney the Big Purple Dinosaur cry.

"Well," the Warden said thoughtfully, "What past job experience do you have?"

"I worked in the medical field and with animals. That's about it. But I should tell you, there's no way I'm dealing with those mutant creatures you have here, and I can't be around blood."

"I've got it!" the Warden snapped his fingers, "You'll be Superjail's HR person!"

"Human Resources? You mean I have to deal with disgruntled people all the time? Oh yeah, I won't get killed doing that in a prison," she said, and he waved his hand dismissively.

"Nonsense! Just show the prisoners who's boss and you'll be fine!"

She didn't seem so thrilled, even with his encouragement.

Just then, Alice joined them.

"Ah, Alice, there you are," the Warden said, "Val, Auntie Alice will help you get situated. Isn't that right, Alice?"

"Whatever," she replied.

"And then Unckie Warden and Uncle Jared will show you around!"

"Uh, I'm not five, you know," Valerie muttered, irritated by the whole uncle/aunt thing.

"Let's go, kid," Alice said acerbically, placing a hand on Val's shoulder firmly.

"I am not a kid," Val replied indignantly, then glancing sideways at Alice and adding under her breath, "Androgyny at it's most terrifying."

Alice tightened her grip on the girl's shoulder threateningly.

"Ow, okay, okay! I'm coming already."

They walked out together, and the Warden smiled. "This is the start of something good, don't you agree, Jared?"

"If you say so," he replied, having his misgivings about this whole thing.

A little while later…

"What kind of HR person would wear this to work?? I look like some kind of back street pimpette."

Alice had helped Val change into a dry pair of clothes "more appropriate to the work environment". How appropriate they really were was rather ambiguous, though, seeing as the ensemble consisted of a black sweater jacket with a fluffy leopard-print collar, a black shirt that said 'Bitch' in fancy red lettering with long red sleeves, and a beige and red plaid miniskirt. She looked herself over as she fastened her studded belt loosely enough that it hung down over her left hip at an angle, and pulled her sleeves up so her wristbands were visible.

"I really don't want to know where you got these clothes from," she said, doubting that the hulking redhead would dress quite this way under any circumstances.

Alice didn't respond, just stood there and watched her with her usual sour expression.

"Well, anything else?"

"Follow me," Alice said, waiting until the girl was right beside her before starting to walk, so that she could keep an eye on her.

"Wow, either she's a transsexual, has a high level of testosterone or has been a chain-smoker since she was a kid," Val murmured to herself, not realizing that she'd said it a little too loudly.

Alice got right up in her face, tempted to act upon her normal impulses, but choosing to temporarily spare this one any physical harm. "You better watch yourself. You might be my coworker and the Warden's flunky, but that won't stop me from tearing you apart."

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'll shut up!" Val said fearfully, and Alice backed off. She fell into step beside the supposedly female Adonis, muttering to herself. "I'm not a flunky, asshole."

Alice glared at her, and she laughed timidly.

Meanwhile…

The Warden and Jared were coming out of the office when Val suddenly came running down the hall, screaming bloody murder.

"Valerie, what's wrong?" the Warden asked, and she dove behind him.

"You have to protect me – Alice is trying to kill me!"

He frowned at the statement and then quickly smiled at her. "Nonsense! Auntie Alice wouldn't do that to you."

Alice came walking around the corner, looking as disgruntled as ever.

"EEK!" Val grabbed the Warden by the shoulders, yanking him in front of herself like a human shield. "If you want to kill me, you'll have to go through him first!"

"Alice, what's going on?" the Warden asked, glancing at the petrified Val.

"We were just playing a friendly game of tag," Alice said in her normal monotone.

"Now that's the spirit," he said happily, "See, Val? What did I tell you?"

"Well…" Val said quietly, looking at Alice who glared at her, and squeaked in fright, hiding behind the Warden. "I hate this place more and more by the second."

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Now wouldn't you love to have a wicked step-aunt who wanted to kill you most of the time? Lol.

The Warden as an uncle is a thought that still profoundly disturbs me, even after working on this story for months. It's just so… creepy… And he's one of those "creepy uncles", too, you know, the ones people warn you about? It's kind of funny the way he acts so fatherly, though – unless your Val, because I've had people do that to me and it's seriously annoying.

Well, time for the next chapter! Hope you liked this one!