Well, I finally got this chapter typed up. Technically, it was meant to be slightly longer, but I decided to cut it before the actual ending. Anywho, this is the chapter where Val seriously gets to the Warden – if you ever wondered what that would be like, I'd describe it as 'cold, calculating and kinda vengeful…Not to mention his motherly-tantrum-type-things'. Him before was sort of 'playfully irritated' versus what he's like in this chapter, where he's 'pissed off spy' (don't ask me why that wording came to me). The way Val does is very serious, but at the same time, I found myself writing it in almost a slightly comedic way at times, like the scene in the kitchen. The Warden reacts so strongly to it because, in addition to the obvious 'uncle thing' going on, he has this belief that he's given her this chance at a new life, and this comes across to him as a personal assault, because of what she tries to do. That's why he goes on to assign her a bodyguard, I guess you'd call him.

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Chapter Eight: Caught in the Act

"Vvvaaalll," the Warden said, crossing his arms when he turned to face her. "You should know better than to associate with that breed of riff-raff."

"He's actually not that bad. Creepy and annoying, but not that bad," Val said, somewhat surprised that a murderer could be that likeable.

"Valerie," he took on a more serious tone, "I don't want you socializing with him anymore. In fact, I'm going to set you up with someone."

"Are you out of your mind?" she asked incredulously.

"I think it would be good for you, maybe keep you out of trouble," he said cheerfully.

"Uh, for one, there's nothing going on between me and John. And two, my love life is not why I 'get into trouble'," she emphasized the quote, "No matter what I was doing when I ended up here."

"Val, bad girls grow up to be whores, drug-addicts and psychotic, murderous she-demons. I won't have you end up like that."

"So, you're saying if I don't do what you say, I'll become Alice?"

The Warden somehow missed that comment. "I'll do whatever I have to to make sure you become a sweet, refined and law-abiding woman – even if it means I have to be very hard on you."

"I don't even want to know what you mean by that," she muttered, rolling her eyes.

"You should show more gratitude," he said critically, "I've given you the gift of a new life. Be thankful for it."

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry," she apologized as he left the room, his words making her fell guilty for a split-second, "God, what the hell am I saying??" She sat down on the lounge again and sighed deeply. "You know what? If he wants me to be grateful, I'll show him just how grateful I am that he took me hostage for planning to commit suicide."

She went down to the cafeteria, knowing that was a good place to find what she wanted, even though the ladies there scared her.

Walking in, the place was eerily quiet, except for a clang or a rattling here and there. She entered the kitchen slowly, peering around for any sign of hostile life forms, when she unexpectedly came face-to-face with one seriously ugly and disturbing woman. "What do you want?" she barked.

"Err…" Val said, trying not to stare, "I need a knife."

"Paring, Steak, Carving, Chef's, Butcher's, what?"

"Uuuhhh… Butcher's, I guess?"

"One Butcher's knife coming up," the terrifying lady responded, walking off.

"O~kay, that was creepy." She turned to look around, and met the gaze of someone she almost didn't recognize. "Oh my God, Chef Ramsey, what did they do to your beautiful face?!"

"What a bloody stupid question!" he snapped.

"Well, excuse me," she said, turning her back to him.

"Here's your knife!" the woman shouted, throwing it.

Unfortunately, Val didn't catch it – it got stuck in Gordon Ramsey's chest.

"Bloody hell!" Ramsey shouted.

Val quickly pulled it out, "Uh, sorry!"

"Sorry?! I just got stabbed! What the fuck do you need a knife for, anyhow?!"

"I'm about to kill myself," she explained.

"Good! Good riddance!" he shouted as she was exiting.

"Heh, good luck getting out of here, you uppity prick!" she yelled back. "God, why do I like that guy?"

In her quarters, Val sat down, turning the knife back and forth in her hand, while listening to the peacocks trill to each other. "Well, it's now or never," she said finally, "God, forgive me, but I'd rather be in hell than here."

She placed the sharp blade of the knife against her throat, feeling the edge begin to press into her jugular, when the door slammed open.

Val froze as Alice came in, realizing that the scene probably didn't look too good and quickly set the knife down, acting like nothing happened. "Alice," she said with tense enthusiasm as a drop of blood rolled down her neck, "Uh, it's… it's not what it looks like."

"Nice try," Alice said, "Only I'm allowed to kill you. Now, are you going to make this easy, or do I have to get physical?"

Val swallowed hard. "U-um…" She had no idea what Alice was talking about, but she was so scared of the woman that she had no choice but to do whatever she wanted her to do. "I'll oblige – I-I won't give you any trouble…"

Seemingly satisfied with her answer, Alice came towards her.

"What are you doing?" Val asked, wanting to shrink away from her.

"What do you think?" Alice said, and Val shivered, feeling like the room had just gotten seventy degrees cooler.

She fancied that Alice most likely was all too aware that she was scared to death of her, and she wished she didn't make it so obvious by involuntarily stuttering, speaking in a frightened tone and shaking like a cold Chihuahua.

"Get up and start walking," she ordered the girl, and Val obeyed without even asking to where.

They were walking along the corridors of the prison when Val noticed the Warden's office up ahead. Having no desire to be anywhere near him at the moment, she kept walking straight until Alice grabbed her by the shoulder and yanked her back a step.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Uh… In there?" she pointed to the office door.

"Move it," Alice acknowledged.

Val stepped into the office, with Alice right behind her, somewhat relieved to see that the Warden wasn't in at the moment… Just Jailbot and Jared.

"Oh hurrah, he's not here, but the cavalry is," Val said to herself.

"You're just in time," Jared said, "The Warden called us in here to discuss something."

"Where is the Warden?" Alice asked in her usual gruff tone.

"He stepped out for a moment to attend to something," Jared said, and Val looked over at Jailbot, who had fresh blood splattered on his white surface.

'Hope that's not from John,' she thought, 'Poor guy.'

"What happened to Valerie?" Jared questioned, noticing the cut on her neck.

"I found this one trying to slit her throat," Alice informed.

Jared nearly had a heart attack. "Valerie! How could you do that?! The Warden is going to freak out!"

"Well, sor~ry," Val murmured, rolling her eyes.

Jailbot pulled out a sewing needle and thread.

"Uh, no, Jailbot, I don't think she needs stitches," Jared said, and Jailbot moved towards her.

Val stepped behind Alice, peering around her at the malevolent sentient. "Alice, protect me!" she said to her own surprise.

"You, let her bleed, and you, stop wigging out," Alice yelled, pulling Val out from behind her.

"I never thought I'd say this, Alice, but you totally rock," Val said as Jailbot put the sewing stuff away.

"Shut up or I'll slit your throat for you," she said, and the girl nodded.

"Sorry, I just really hate needles," Val explained.

"I'll remember that," Alice responded, and Val ran a hand down her face.

"Oh crap."

Jared, seeing as the Warden hadn't come back yet from 'heckling a certain prisoner' or whatever it was he'd said, decided now would be as good time as any to pull Val aside for a moment. "Valerie, can I see you outside briefly?"

The girl followed him into the hallway. Thinking about the situation got him all anxious again, and his tone reminded Val of Tweek from South Park. "Valerie, how could you try to do something like that?"

"Wouldn't most people be driven to do the same thing if this happened to them?"

"I know you're having a hard time adjusting here, but you have to hang in there. I'm sure things will work out somehow, you just need to be strong. Please cooperate, just this once."

"And what if I don't? Are you going to audit me?" she replied snarkily.

"Do you have any idea how upset the Warden will be when he finds out?!"

"So what?"

"It's not a good idea to displease him! You don't want to see him angry!"

"Jeez, are you describing the Hulk to me?"

"Just trust me, Valerie – when he gets mad, typically things get ugly."

"So what the hell do you want me to do about it? He's going to find out one way or another, because I can tell you right now that Alice won't keep it a secret since she has it out for me. Unless you gave her five minutes alone with me – please tell me you won't do that."

"Don't worry," Jared said, now trying to calm her down even in his own state of anxiety. "I'm sure if we handle this delicately the Warden won't react too dramatically."

"I just hope he doesn't do anything more screwy than he does normally."

"Come on," Jared said, "Let's go talk to Alice."

"I'm telling you, she's not going to agree."

They stepped back into the office. "Err, Alice - " Jared started.

"I know what you're going to say, and the answer is 'forget it'," Alice answered.

"Please, Alice, this one time could you make an exception? It would be in all of our best interests, especially Valerie's, if we didn't get the Warden angry."

"Why would I care? I don't give a fuck if she tries to kill herself, as long as she's still among the living, I'm going to make her life miserable. She's lucky enough I caught her in the act because I stopped in to give her some pointers on watching her mouth."

"But if the Warden finds out that she almost slit her throat - "

"If I find out what?" came the familiar voice to their left, donning a deadly serious tone, though sounding calm all the while.

They silently looked over to see the Warden sitting at his desk, his fingers laced in front of his mouth so it was hard to gauge what his facial expression was.

"Uh, uh, Warden, sir - " Jared attempted to think of something coherent to say.

His eyes narrowed, and he spoke slowly, decisively. "Repeat the last part of what you said."

"Err… 'she almost slit her throat'?" He swallowed hard in anticipation of what was to come.

"Alice, do you care to elaborate?" the Warden said, still addressing them calmly.

"I found her holding a knife to her throat," Alice said simply.

"Val," he turned his gaze to her and she shuddered. "Why… Why do you insist on acting this way?" His voice gained a little volume, the irritation and discontent beginning to come out of hiding. Val impulsively ran her fingers over the long cut across he neck, feeling a sticky warmth. "You just keep… doing things… And I'm finding it hard to comprehend why. You're a good kid, why are you putting me through this?" His earlier calmness was quickly losing ground now.

Val coughed cautiously, not sure if he was really expecting an answer or not.

"Answer me; why?"

She was silent. There were a few things she'd like to say, but given the fact that she was facing a complete and utter psychotic, she was more than a little hesitant.

"I demand an answer! What were you thinking?"

An answer immediately came to her, and although she wasn't sure what to do in this odd situation, she nervously folded her arms behind her back, stood up straight and tried very hard to speak without the panicky stutter.

"Well, I… I was thinking I'd like to be free."

"Ungrateful shrew!" the Warden shouted, pointing an accusing finger at her as he jumped up from his chair. "I do everything I can for you, and you just keep pushing my buttons! If this is the way you would conduct yourself in society, you're better off here, because at some point you'll get yourself in serious trouble with the wrong people and end up in jail, and we all know normal jail doesn't work!"

"What makes you think this does?" Val asked in a genuinely confused tenor.

"Keep up the snide remarks and I'll start treating you like one of the prisoners!"

"Okay, I'm sorry, just calm down, please."

"Calm down? How can I calm down when I've this much coffee and unrefined sugar!" He paused for a moment, seemingly considering what he was going to say. "I want you to get out of my sight until I figure out what to do with you! But first - "

He got up, heading towards the door, and they all moved out of his way. He flung the door open, glanced around and pointed to a prisoner he found suitable. "You – you'll be watching Val 24-7 until I tell you otherwise!"

The inmate, Gary, just stared at him.

"Val, out! Out now!" he shouted, walking huffily back to his desk.

Valerie silently turned to leave, when Alice leaned close and whispered to her, "I'll be coming to see you again real soon."

Val tried to ignore the threat as she left the room, finding Gary waiting for her. Without a word, she headed for her quarters, followed by the inmate.

The Warden, still visibly irritated, quickly got down to business. "I want to set Val up with someone to distract her from misbehaving. Jared, Jailbot, you to are to make a list of all suitable inmates, and then narrow it down to one. Get on it now!"

"Yes, sir." Jared really didn't see how this would even remotely help, but he wasn't about to argue.

"Alice, make sure that John character got the message. Feel free to rough him up a bit."

"With pleasure."

When they'd all left and he was alone, the Warden tapped a finger against his chin. "What to do, what to do…" A smile slowly spread across his face as he thought of something. "Ah-ha, yes. That will do just fine."

Meanwhile…

Val and Gary entered her office, and she turned to him, not really sure what to say.

"Uh… Sorry you got roped into this whole thing… I feel bad about that. Let's just say when I was trying to kill myself, I didn't intend to get caught. Anyway, sorry again that you had to get involved. I seem to get everyone around me into trouble…"

He didn't respond except for a slight nod.

"I'm Valerie… By now, you've probably heard about me…"

Again, a nod in reply.

"And you are?"

The bird that was perched on his shoulder, possibly a canary or something of the sort, that wore a constantly eerie facial expression, chirped a reply.

"Ah, Gary. Nice to meet you, Gary, and little bird friend. I like birds, quite a lot, actually… I have a flock of peacocks, though I haven't become too familiar with them yet…"

The 'attack peacock', as the Warden had dubbed him, fanned his vibrant tail and made an odd, shrill sound like it was trying to be intimidating.

"And frankly, that one freaks me out."

The bird chirped something to her.

"Are you sure he's being friendly? He seems like he wants to kill somebody… Well, that's true, you're both birds. No, I'm not implying anything, I'm just stating an opinion. Okay, now that that's cleared up… Gary, would you like to make yourself comfortable? I'm going to take a shower."

The bird chirped.

"Yes, I'm aware he said '24-7'. What's your point?"

The bird continued.

"There is no way in hell you are coming in there with me!"

The bird chirped a bit more animatedly.

"I don't care what logic dictates! Besides, how am I going to commit suicide in the shower?"

The bird answered matter-of-factly.

"Hm, you make a good point, but you're still not coming in, damn it!" she said, adding under her breath, "Weird bird."

As she walked across the room, the bird piped up.

"No! I will not leave the door open!"

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No, I do not condone suicide – but, in that situation, it's not farfetched to say some people would probably consider that the only solution.

Gary and Bird, yes! Somehow I figured they'd get along just fine – and since Bird always seems to be kind of pissy, it leads to a lot of interesting Bird-Val conversations, since Gary doesn't say anything. Not too far into the future, they (including John) get into an interesting – and funny to me, at least – situation that sort of bonds them as a group of good friends, namely because of John's idiocy. In the next chapter, Val goes on a date, there's a part with John that was inspired by my friend telling me about a weird glitch in her copy of "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" and me playing it with the same code – I'm warning you now, it is seriously creepy and weird; yet for some reason, I find it funny – that's all I'm saying about that, the Twins make their first appearance (FINALLY!), aaand… some stuff I'm still working out lol.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! If you did, let me know what you think!