Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel or any of the recognizable characters or places. So no owning Jondy or Alec, though that'd be fun! ^_^ Season Two would've been very different, though... ^_~

A/N: Set a few days after "Two." Thanks for all the awesome reviews, y'all rock!! ^_^

So Insecure

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled
Itself upon me distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem
To find myself again

-"Crawling" by Linkin Park

Alec's stomach twisted with realization and shock.

"God, Jondy," he said, reaching over and turning off the shower before snatching a towel off the rack. He knelt down beside the bathtub and put the towel over Jondy's shoulders, rubbing vigorously to try and get her warm again.

She tilted her head so her left cheek was resting on her arms and looked up at him. There were dark purple circles underneath her pained blue eyes. "No, A-Alec, I li-li-like it on."

"You're going to freeze like that," Alec said, running the towel over her arms before putting it around her jerking shoulders again.

"Felt g-good," she said haltingly, not moving to grab the ends of the towel.

"That's a lie," Alec said, "And you knew it wasn't helping."

"Y-you're an e-ec-expert?" she asked, her eyes narrowing. Of course Jondy would be argumentative right now. Why should he have expected anything else?

"I'm not fighting with you right now." Alec got up from where he had been kneeling next to the tub and started looking through the cabinets. It seemed like Jondy had had the same idea earlier because the medicine cabinet was already open and half its contents were in the sink or scattered on the floor. Still, Alec had to look again and hope she had missed the pill bottle he knew should be there. "Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, more concerned than angry.

"N-none left," she managed to spit out, "I ran out. And you-you didn't n-need to kn-n-n-ow I'm b-broken."

Frustrated, Alec slammed the medicine cabinet door and turned back toward her. "Don't wax poetic with me," he said, "You should've told me you were a shaker."

"What f-for?" Jondy said, glancing up at him with her shadowed eyes, "I don't make you t-tell me about all y-your f-f-faults."

"Mine aren't potentially lethal," he snapped right back.

"In y-your opin-inion," Jondy retorted, forcing a mulish tone into her weak voice. At least she still had enough energy to fight with him. If she just let him steamroll over her, he would've been afraid she really was dying.

He grabbed another towel and sat down on the side of the bathtub. "You look like hell."

"Are y-you one of th-th-those people who insult o-other people when th-th-they're worried about th-them?" She managed something that looked reminiscent of a smile.

He ignored the comment, not really having an answer to the question, and handed her the towel. She reached out to take it from him, but her arm shook too much. Dropping her arm, she curled back up in the tub, exhaustion and humiliation in her eyes. "I n-need tryptophan."

"No, really?" Alec rubbed his hand across his face before putting the towel over her legs. "What happened to your stash?" Seeing Jondy like this was unnerving, and he was pissed that she hadn't told him she was running out of tryptophan earlier. He could've gotten it from any number of places, and they could've stocked up. From what he could tell, she was pretty far into a fit of seizures, but at least she wasn't delusional or unconscious yet. He'd seen kids back at Manticore with the same problem before the white-coats had come up with some kind of implant that regularly released serotonin. It had worked for most of them, and the rest… "When did you run out?"

Her shaking settled down enough for her to talk without stuttering. "Day before yesterday. I thought I'd be okay until today." She seemed to be thinking clearer now, at least. She ran her trembling hand down the side of the tub. "My supplier only sells on certain days, and I knew he'd keep some for me, but I never got there. So, here we are..." She gave a pitiful laugh. "Didn't you always want to see me in the tub?"

"Yeah, but in those fantasies your clothes are off," he said, leaning back against the wall.

"Maybe next time," she huffed.

There was a stretch of silence while Jondy stared at the drain in the bottom of the tub and Alec stared at Jondy. She looked so vulnerable right now…

"You should've told me." The words came out gentler than he had intended. He wanted to berate her, to dress her down with some sort of lecture so she never did something this stupid again. Goofy stupid was okay, but this was dangerous stupid, and he wouldn't have that from her. He could've got tryptophan for her, and she wouldn't be huddled in the bathtub, soaking wet because somehow she thought the cold water was good for her. Maybe she was delusional. The thought didn't comfort him.

"Sorry, Alec, I didn't feel like airing my dirty laundry," she said, turning her stare into a frown as she looked at him. She grabbed the edge of the tub and with a great show of spontaneous stubborn effort, started to stand up. Her legs didn't want to cooperate though, and she nearly tore the shower curtain off its pole when she made a wild grab for it as she fell backwards.

Alec moved fast and caught her before she landed, holding her against his chest with one arm while he braced himself against the wall with his other, regaining his own balance and hers. The water from her clothes soaked his immediately. It was definitely cold water.

"Damn it," Jondy muttered, but instead of shoving away from him, she relaxed and pressed her face into his chest. He could feel her short, shallow breaths through his t-shirt as the shaking got worse again. He rubbed her shoulders, wanting to comfort her somehow. Manticore hadn't trained him for this.

"Hey, it's going to be okay," he said even though he knew she needed more than words, "You're going to get through this, all right?" He was going to make her get through it.

Alec wasn't exactly sure what to do, but a plan of action was forming. He had to take care of Jondy, and what she really needed was tryptophan. He could get that, but it meant leaving her alone like this, and that wasn't something he exactly wanted to do, not when the shakes were this bad. He'd seen it this bad with a kid in his unit once. They had been in the gym, working on martial arts combos, and 829 had started convulsing and then they took her away. They didn't bring her back.

He knocked his mindset halfway into military mode so he could think about the situation clearly. "Come on," he said, stepping out of the tub and pulling her with him, "Not that I don't like the outfit, but you need to get out of those clothes."

She made a noise that was somewhere in-between a laugh and sob. "I knew you'd—say something like—that."