Disclaimer: Sonny With a Chance belongs to Disney.
Author's Note: Sorry about the long delay, but as my regular readers know by now, I spent a week in Disney World. Then I owed my Kim Possible fans another chapter of that story first, so anyway, here we are at last!
Perspective
Sonny thought everything between her and Chad was pretty well smoothed over after their conversation, although she expected that things might be a little awkward for a while. Unfortunately, the ride home gave her entirely too much time to think and begin to second-guess herself.
What if she would never actually fall in love with him? Was it really just a matter of time before she caught up, or was she simply not as into him as he was into her? Could that change? She did enjoy being with him, and she was coming to care for him. Still, if she'd never be able to call it love, would it be kinder to let him go now rather than stringing him along indefinitely? And how would she know?
Sonny was so absorbed in her thoughts that she nearly missed her stop. She forced herself to focus on her route back to her apartment, but once there, she lapsed once more into distraction. It was while she was stirring her dinner around on her plate with a fork, having eaten very little, that her mother decided to question her behavior.
"What's the matter, Sonny?"
Sonny jumped, quickly shoving a bite of food into her mouth and taking the time to chew and swallow before answering.
"Wrong? Who said anything was wrong?" she tried to play it off, but Mrs. Munroe wasn't fooled. She didn't say anything but gave her daughter the "mom" look that said it all. Sonny sighed and gave in.
"It's…well, it's about Chad," she began awkwardly, wondering how to explain this. She decided she might as well just blurt it out. "He told me he loves me."
"Oh, my gosh!" Mrs. Munroe exclaimed, sliding her chair around so she was sitting closer to Sonny. "This is so exciting! Mackenzie's in love with my daughter!" Sonny rolled her eyes, deciding not to bother pointing out that Mackenzie and Chad were not the same person. It was ground they'd covered before, and at least her mom wasn't completely confusing storylines and accusing her of stealing Mackenzie from Chloe.
"Yeah, but I don't love him back," Sonny explained. "It makes things kind of weird."
"I see," said Mrs. Munroe, visibly switching gears from the fangirl to the much more helpful motherly persona. "Well, how do you feel about him?"
"I like him, of course. Well, when he's not being a jerk. Which he seems to be less of around me, now that I think about it." Supper forgotten, Sonny stood up and began pacing. "It's just a big adjustment for me. I mean, a few weeks ago, I hated him, and now he's using the 'L' word on me? What am I supposed to do with that?"
"Did you hate him, Sonny? Did you really?" It sounded so much like something Chad would say that Sonny stopped in her tracks and nearly laughed. Instead, she reconsidered her statement.
"Okay, I suppose hate's a little strong," she conceded, slumping back into her chair. "He did have his moments. Like when he danced with me after the prom I set up and didn't get to enjoy, or the time he went on a fake date with me to get back at James, or how he organized the memorial service for Gassie because I was too distraught. Even if it was tacky."
"And Gassie wasn't actually dead," Mrs. Munroe added.
"That, too." There was a pause.
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," her mom said at last, patting Sonny's hand reassuringly. "Boys fall harder than girls. And faster. Haven't I told you that?"
"No, I don't recall that particular lesson."
"Oh. Well, now you know. It can lead to some uncomfortable moments, but that's the way things are."
"Why?" Sonny's curiosity about this new piece of information was overriding her concerns over where the relationship might be going. "I mean, why are things that way? It doesn't make sense. Does it?"
"Personally, I think it's about balance."
"Balance?"
"Yes. Men, generally, get to be bigger and stronger than women, so they'd be complete tyrants if we didn't have some way of holding power over them. The tradeoff is that they get emotionally dependent sooner and tend to have a strong protective instinct. It all works out, most of the time."
Sonny chewed that over for a little while. As uncomfortable as it was to think about having that kind of power over someone, she had to admit that there was a certain logic to her mother's reasoning.
"So this is totally normal?" she asked finally.
"Totally," her mother agreed. "But in this case, I think there might be a little more going on."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, do you remember when you told me about how he asked you out?"
"Of course." That had been another awkward evening, when she'd forbidden Mackenzie Falls to be watched in the apartment – a ban that had ended just seconds later when Chad himself had appeared at the door.
"Can you remember the exact words he used?" Mrs. Munroe pressed. Sonny creased her forehead, thinking carefully.
"I think so," she replied. "Let's see; I was going on an on about the girl he was destined to be with and begging him to do something about it." Even thinking about it now, she was a little embarrassed by her effusiveness. "He asked how long I'd felt that way, and I said, 'Since yesterday,' and he said…oh, my gosh!" She broke off as the implications of that exchange sank in for the first time.
"What is it, Sonny?"
"He said, 'I guess I feel the same way,'" Sonny recalled, speaking slowly. "Only he thought I was talking about him and me, and I was talking about Mac and Chloe. That means…" she was still struggling with this. "That means that he thought we were perfect together, maybe even destined for each other." That revelation hit her like an avalanche.
"And I'm betting he's felt that way for quite some time," her mom murmured.
"So what do I do?" Sonny pleaded.
"Do? Why should you do anything?"
"I don't know. It just feels like I should do something."
"You asked my advice, so I'm giving it to you. Just enjoy being with him. I'm pretty sure you'll catch up to him emotionally soon enough. And even if you don't, you'll be making some great memories together. There's good to be found even in relationships that don't work out."
"Okay," Sonny agreed, realizing that she was hungry and finally feeling ready to stomach her dinner. "And Mom?"
"Yes, dear?"
"Thanks."
The next morning, Sonny went straight to Chad's dressing room and found him studying his script for the current episode. When she entered, he tossed it aside and stood up.
"Hey, Sonny," he greeted her, giving her a quick hug before inviting her to sit down.
"Actually, I'd rather stand," she replied. "I can't stay long, but I wanted to talk to you. I did a lot of thinking last night."
"So did I, and I have a couple of confessions I think I should to make to you." Chad leaned against the back of a chair in a casual pose.
"You do?"
"You first."
"Oh, okay. Well, I actually have a question for you. I thought back over the day you first asked me out, and I was wondering…how long you've felt this way about me." Sonny didn't think it would be the best idea to tell him that she'd been discussing their relationship with her mother, but this was something she really wanted to know. Chad chewed the inside of his lower lip. That was very distracting, and really made Sonny want to kiss him senseless, but she restrained herself.
"How long have I been into you, or how long have I been…" he hesitated before finishing the question "…in love with you?"
"The second one, please." She was a little curious about the first one, too, but there would be time for learning all of that.
"I'm not sure exactly, but I'd have to say a few months," he admitted. "I first realized it the day James showed up, but I think it happened long before that."
"Wow, I had no idea!" Sonny exclaimed. That certainly put things into perspective, as well as giving her a general timeline of how far ahead of her he might be. Now, she felt she could relax and just let things unfold.
"Of course not," Chad stood up to his full height. "I am the best actor of our generation." That title usually made Sonny laugh, but she decided to play along this time. She tilted her head thoughtfully and feigned a frown.
"That being the case, how do I know you're telling the truth now?" she asked innocently.
"I guess you'll just have to trust me."
"I'll work on that. Anyway, it's your turn."
"Right." He took a deep breath. "The thing is, before you, I'd never been on a real date before." Sonny stared at him incredulously.
"What are you talking about?" she protested. "You go out with girls all the time! The pictures have been all over the teen magazines for years, and I've seen your co-stars hanging on you."
"I know, but none of that was real. Every time I've been with a girl, it's been to help one of our careers…" He interrupted himself. "I mean, to help her career, of course; mine has never needed any help." Sonny just crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at him, and he took that as his signal to plunge ahead. "Anyway, it was either publicity or to have some arm candy for a red carpet or something. You're the first girl I asked out for no other reason than I wanted to be with you. Why do you think I was so nervous?"
"That does explain a lot," Sonny remarked, suddenly feeling a little bit sorry for him. It was the classic "poor little rich kid" story, when she thought about it. Chad had grown up with every luxury he could have desired, yet he'd lived his life in a fishbowl and had hardly any opportunities to make choices about what he wanted out of life. She was learning that his outward cockiness masked deep-seated insecurities. After all, how many 16-year-olds were in therapy? When you got right down to it, his sense of self-worth was mostly dependent upon the adulation of strangers. No wonder his image was so important to him.
"I believe you said you had two confessions," she prompted.
"Right. Well, the second one is kind of related to the first. I've never had a real kiss, either." He paused to let that sink in, and Sonny felt her eyes widen. "Sure, I've kissed lots of girls, but it was always professional. It was either in a script or for a photo op." He stood up straight then and took a step forward, putting himself within reach of Sonny. He slipped his right hand into her hair. "I've never kissed a girl just because I wanted to."
Sonny could feel her breath coming faster, and she felt the need to say something.
"Well, there's no time like the present," she remarked, hoping he would catch the clear invitation. She tilted her chin up as Chad leaned down, blue eyes reeling her in until they mercifully closed, his breath on her skin as her own eyelids fluttered shut…
A sharp knock sounded at the door, and the two teens sprang apart with alacrity.
"Chad Dylan Cooper?" came an officious voice, and the door opened, just slightly. "You're needed on the set."
"On my way," Chad replied coolly, although he did run a self-conscious hand through his hair. The door shut again, and he met Sonny's gaze. "Later," he told her quietly, and his eyes conveyed the promise that the one word implied. She could only nod dumbly as he grabbed his script and exited.
Grasping for the chair, Sonny sat shakily down, feeling like her knees wouldn't support her. Her heart was pounding, her breath was coming fast and shallow, and she was sure her body temperature was a degree or two above normal.
If this is what an almost-kiss feels like, what's the real thing going to be like? she wondered. The thought was at once exciting, frightening, and confusing.
After a few minutes, she thought she felt normal enough to return to her own studio. There were sketches to be written and rehearsed, after all, and she would just have to put serious things like kissing out of her head and try to be funny.
Unbeknownst to Sonny, Chad was feeling a little shaky himself, but the frustration overwhelmed the shakiness. He finally had a golden opportunity, and it had to be interrupted!
That couldn't have waited 30 more seconds? he groused internally. At the moment, this just seemed like the last in a long string of things he'd had to put off for the sake of the career his parents had shoved him into almost as soon as he could talk. It was true that he enjoyed it now – usually – but that didn't change the fact that he'd not really been given a say in the matter. At this point, what else was he fit for? He hired people to do his homework for him, he hated reading, and acting was his only skill.
Clenching his fists and lengthening his stride, Chad made a conscious effort not to let the frustration build and transform into anger. It really wasn't worth the energy.
What finally tipped the scales against having a diva-class tantrum on the set was remembering that he and Sonny had a date for this evening. In fact, that would even be better for their first kiss. He could control the setting, the mood…
The smile returned to his face as the director in him saw the possibilities. One deep breath, and he felt ready for whatever the day might bring.
Just as long as it got over quickly.
Author's Note: Some of you are probably very frustrated with me at the moment (much as Chad is), so I'm sorry. It just wasn't time for them to kiss yet, but it will happen soon. I'm not really sure how much longer this story is going to be. Does anyone else think it's weird that we haven't seen them kiss in the show yet? Supposedly, it's going to happen in Tween Choice.
Thank you to Alyona77 and iLoveRomance2010 for reviewing Chapter 1. Thank you also to those of you who have the story on your Favorites and/or Alerts lists.
