We had been best friends for three years. He was the closest person in my life. I fell in love. Let me tell you, it was never a lie. Never once did I lie about how I felt. All he did was lie.

It was the "love" kind of love. The one that felt real. Alive. Thriving. Like a heart beat. Buh dum. Buh dum. Buh dum. Buh dum. Buh dum.. Beep. Beep.. Beep.. Beep….

Beep.

Flat line. That's how my life was. Poor innocent Clare. Could she be more perfect? She couldn't be any nicer. At fourteen she worked with children for work, all honors classes, according to my friends, I was outstanding. Bull shit.

To him I was his rock. When Julia would fight with him, when she ended up pregnant. I was there. I cannot count how many times "Clare, I love you. Please don't walk away." Came out of his mouth like venom.

Cannot count how many times you broke my heart.

Cannot count how many tears fell from my eyes.

Cannot not forgive you.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep. I'm still here.

"And boy, were you good at it. Every time I built up the strength to walk away, you pulled me back with false hope of being yours." I could barely make the words come out. Here it comes again. Please… no. My chest gave out; body convulsing sobs took over me.

"Why don't you believe I want to be with you Clare?" he looked honest. But of course he did, he had the best poker face.

"Why? Because Julia is fucking dead Eli. She's dead. You've never wanted me. You looked at me and never thought I was good enough. Screwed my best friends behind my back and you knew I was messed up!" I screamed. I had never yelled at him like this before. I couldn't handle it. He triggered my boiling point.

Could you honestly blame me? He's made my life I living hell. Because of him, I could never begin to fathom why you would give your heart out, share your bed with a boy at night. Why in the hell would you subject your fragile young heart to him Clare? Why would I?

Because I love him.

Elijah. Why? One good reason I should love him? 0.

100 why I do? Easy.

He made me hate myself. Because he constantly denied he loved me. Weither or not this is true, I will never know. Why he continued to keep my around if he didn't. Because he was a masochist. He used me. Over. And Over.

I had never been loved, and already I was full of heartbreak, and baggage.

So pure. So tainted.