Emily
I am so tired, and these shoes were definitely not intended for hiking. I can't believe I ran out of gas. And where is everybody? I know we're not exactly a heavy traffic zone here, but there have been no vehicles for hours. Where is everyone? Between that and the birds I'm really starting to get creeped out here. Roger's not going to know where I am. He's probably sitting in the airport worried right now. Finally, I thought a car was never coming. No way did that police car just drive by me. They can't just drive by a stranded motorist. They're supposed to be out helping people. That's right; you better start backing that car up. If that's Jimmy messing with me, he is so going to get an earful. I'm not in the mood. Well, that's not Jimmy. Must be state patrol. Where? Where would a bomb have hit? Kansas City? Topeka? Wichita? No, not Wichita. It can't have been Wichita. It can't have hit Roger. Not now. Not when we just got everything worked out. Denver. That's so many people. Just gone. Who would do that? All those people, but not Roger. Not Roger.
. . .
Something's not right here. These guys are not acting like normal police officers. If they work around here, why would they not know where the gas stations are? Why didn't I notice that to begin with? Why are they acting so skittish? I mean, I know I'm unnerved by the bomb, but something more is off with these guys. Do they think I'm not noticing the way they are acting? How much of a dumb blond do they think they are dealing with here? Is that a tattoo? It would have been nice if I was just being paranoid, but I guess the radio just shattered that hope. I don't know what is going on, but I need to get them out of here before Bonnie ends up in the middle of it as well. If Stanley were here, he could help. But if he were here, he would have heard us pull up. He would be out here by now. Is that blood on his collar? I guess I know how he got that uniform. Please Bonnie, wherever you are just don't notice that we are here. Too late.
. . .
If I'm going to get her out of here, I need something to even up the odds. Be smooth Emily, smile, play the blond card. Look relaxed, be unconcerned, don't look like you've just been scrambling across the room. Stay calm, be casual, you're just heading to the ladies' room, you don't notice anything odd about the way the "guests" are acting. Everything seems perfectly normal to you, you aren't suspicious, you're just grateful to the kind deputies that rescued the poor damsel in distress from the side of the road. Don't run up the stairs. Walk normally. Don't sign anything to Bonnie. They'll notice. Just close the door.
April
I cannot put people into that fallout shelter. It's damp, dirty, and infested. I can't let my patients in there. It's just not possible. Why didn't any of us ever think to check on things? Why didn't any of us ever think we would need to use this place someday? Do we even have time to make this work? There's nothing I can do about down there. I can't pull any helpful advice from the 50-year-old informational pamphlets. I can't rewire a motor. I hate not having control. I hate feeling helpless. I get enough of that in my marriage. Now is not the time April. Snap out of it. You have bigger problems today. I'm going to have to trust that someone else knows what they are doing and go back to what I can handle - making sure that my patients are okay.
. . .
When I get my hands on that man, I will throttle him. What is he thinking? He's acting like this is some normal day where he can blow me off like usual. It's not going to happen this time. Forget waiting on him. He can pull his act together and deal with it. Apparently, he's not dealing with the situation in person any better than he was dealing with it over the radio. How could he just stand there and look at those people and act like finding them a place to be wasn't his responsibility? How could he just calmly say that there was a spot saved for me? How could he think that I would just go inside and leave them? Doesn't he know me at all any more? Are we really that far gone? I thought if something would just shock us both out of that rut we were in, then things would go back to the way they used to be. You can't get a bigger wake up call than the past 24 hours, but we're still stuck. I can't do this right now. I have to stay focused on my patients. That's the only thing I have control over right now. The baby is so beautiful. She's tiny but perfect. We used to want a baby so badly. When did that change? He's looking down at her as well. That's when it happens. His hand slides over and covers mine. In that one moment, all the wondering stops. I remember everything that made me fall in love with this man in the first place. We're us again just making eye contact over this child in a fallout shelter in the middle of a world that's gone completely insane. I can see us the way we used to be, and I can see us the way we could be again. It's still under there somewhere - that future we always used to say we would have. He gets called to the other side of the room, and the moment is broken. But it happened. I felt it. It's enough hope to start with, and isn't hope what we're all looking for today?
Nameless Guy Playing Pool
I can't let on that I'm scared. My buddies would never let me live it down. That's if we live past this thing today. Well, there is no way I am dying squeezed into some hole in the ground under town hall. That is not for me. If I'm going today, I'm going to be good and drunk first. I'm going to be having a good time. I'm not going to be cowering in some corner of a basement with nothing to think about except for what's coming. I'm going to stay right here and pretend that this is just a normal afternoon kicking back with my buddies. I can't be doing nothing. If I'm doing nothing, I'm going to start thinking. If I'm thinking, I'm going to start showing that I'm scared. Not gonna go there. It's just a normal day. And like any normal day, if little pretty boy Green thinks he's going to start bossing me around, he's in for a rude awakening. Just stop talking man. I don't need to hear this junk. It's just a normal day. It's just a normal day. Stop trying to make me think. Just let me be ignorant. Just let me not have to know what's coming. I don't want to know what's coming. It's too late for that now. You win. I'm leaving. I'll go cower in that hole because it doesn't matter any more. Nothing is going to take those words out of my head.
Mimi
What am I supposed to do? Go mingle with the residents of Hicktown, USA in some enclosed area for hours on end? I guess there isn't really much of a choice. I'm hardly suicidal. Oh, I will go, but not until I absolutely have to go. I am not going until I've choked down enough of this stuff that I have a chance of forgetting that I'm trapped here. I'm trapped here. How can I be trapped here? I was just doing my job. It's not personal when I deal with these people. I don't make the tax laws. I just do the math. Why is it that I am being punished? What is this? Lack of sympathy for the human condition means that you get sentenced to an eternity of living in the middle of it? Is that what this is? Thanks ever so much for the graphic images deputy boy. Could we have been a little less explicit? Some of us are trying to forget what's happening here. You do know that that is why people sit in a bar drinking in the middle of the day, don't you? Did someone forget to send you that memo? I just have to walk through the lover's tete a tete. Isn't that just my luck? We'll just tack that on to the list of things that I would have preferred not to know today.
Gail
I thought that I finally had him home. I thought that my family was finally all together, but something else is coming to split us up again. I know it is irrational. I know that the important part is that my boys are under shelter where it is safe, but I need to see it. I need to be with them where I can take care of them all. I need control over at least that. I can't just trust that they are under cover and safe. I need to see it with my own eyes. I have had too many years of trusting that my child was safe out there in the world because I couldn't be there to make sure that he was. I will not go back to that today. I'm not ready to get back to that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to go back to that. There goes my husband trying to find any excuse he can to leave this shelter. He's looking for any way he can be out in the thick of things. I have done this for too many years to not be prepared for this battle. I have all the first excuses covered. I can practically see the wheels turning in his head as he looks for something that I don't already have someone else doing. I have also done this for enough years to recognize when he has outmaneuvered me. There is no logical objection that I can make to him evacuating the church. "Yes ma'am." My husband is a snot. He'll hear about that tone later. Right now I'm not arguing. That will just waste time, and I need him back here.
. . .
I can't win. Just when I've got both boys in my line of sight the husband goes missing. Where is that man? The silence in my head swallowed up every angry thought I had been storing up to yell later. Help. We need help. Come on Gail, you can think later. Right now you're together, and you both need to get under cover. The rest can come later because he's going to be fine once we get to the shelter. He has to be fine. Anything else is not an option. I can see one son; I know he's fine. I can see my daughter; I know she's fine. I can feel my husband's arm around me; I know he's fine. My other baby has taken off one more time. Is it always going to be this way? Can I never have them all together? All safe? Is it just not allowed? I turn my head so I can look up into my husband's eyes. It's an advantage of being married for this many years - you don't need words to convey a sentiment. He knows exactly what my expression is saying - don't you ever scare me like that again. There's no answering expression. We both know that that is a promise that he can't make. None of us can.
Gray
There is no way they can bring all those people into this shelter. If they can not see why, I will be the voice of reality and explain it for them. Why isn't the other shelter functional? That is just the result of careless administration. Why wasn't it properly maintained? It is just another example of ineptness. It is yet another reason to add to the long list of why this town needs a change in leadership. Can they really put people in the salt mine? I guess it is big enough. It is underground. There are some supplies there. It might just work. It's not a bad plan. It's just one that we wouldn't have needed if things had been taken care of by a capable person. It's time to be a leader. It's my salt mine; I need to be there. It's the right thing to do.
. . .
This is crazy. Blowing up the entrance could kill every person we just put down there. We were supposed to be finding a way to make them safe. Burying them alive was not the plan. Oh, wait, there wasn't a plan. That's how we got here. How do we even know that the town will be able to come and dig us back out? I hate that he is right. I don't have a better plan. I will keep my mouth shut this time because the most important thing is for these people not to panic. Later on, if we make it out of this, they can know how much danger they were in today, and the real reason they were in it. Accountability will come later. I will make sure that it does. For now, we just need to do whatever we can to survive. I never thought that I would look at that kid and be impressed, but I am today. The mine plan and blowing the entrance took some serious ability to improvise under pressure. It would have been better if no one had needed to improvise under pressure, but still I can give credit where it's due. It is probably suicide to head out into that storm, but he's going. Because that girl needs help, and he won't ignore that fact. That takes either some serious moral courage or some serious stupidity. Whichever one it is in his case, it's the right thing to do. I am impressed. I'm also rather glad that this new responsible Green isn't the one I'm running against for mayor. Dwelling on that right now is not the right thing for me to be doing. It's the right thing for me to stay here and be a leader for these people who are about to be trapped in a mine shaft. It's also the right thing to do to give up the gun. It's not like I'm going to be needing it while I'm buried. It might as well be going somewhere it can be useful.
Johnston
Running around ordering other people to do things that I should be doing myself, jumping in and taking charge of things behind my back, just who does that woman think she is? She's stubborn, bull-headed, and down-right bossy - I love that woman. She wins this round. I'll stay here and look at the results of the library ransacking. Yeah, this is helpful. Who is this Hawkins person? Every time I turn around that man is lurking in the corner just waiting to jump into the conversation with the right answer for whatever the question is. It's enough to start making a man paranoid. When did he even get here? Why have I never seen him before this? Did he drop out of the sky? I've had enough of this standing around stuff. It's very obvious that the library information is going to be less than helpful at this particular moment in time. I'm going to go do something constructive - something that requires movement. I think those people are still holding that vigil at the church. There is no possible way she can argue with me about that one, and she knows it. She doesn't like it, but she knows it. She's beautiful when she's irritated. I'm gonna hear about my "tone" later, but it was worth it.
. . .
I have got to get up off this floor. She's gonna kill me herself if I don't. I hate it when she has to worry. She's done enough of that over the last five years to last a lifetime. She shouldn't have to worry about me as well. Scratch getting off the floor on my own. I guess I'm waiting for help. I hate waiting. It's such a waste of time I could be spending getting things done. I hate it almost as much as I hate needing to have help. Dang it. I'm supposed to be checking over things making sure this town is prepared for this storm. I don't have time for this. It better not be her that finds me. She'll go off on some tirade about me needing to rest. That's not going to happen. As best as I can tell, nobody is going to be doing any resting for quite a while. This is just the beginning. It's her. Oh well, maybe this will get me off the hook for my earlier use of "tone."
. .
That boy is off somewhere again leaving his mother to worry about him. I guess I should be pleased that there is an actual reason for it this time around. I scared her today. I can tell by the way she's looking at me. Everything about that look screams that I'm to never do that to her again. I wish I could promise her that. I wish that I could promise her that she is never going to need to worry about any of us again. She knows I do just as much as she knows that I can't.
Heather
If we are going to be dependent on a city fallout shelter, I think we are going to be in big trouble. Most towns built those decades ago and haven't looked at them since. Who knows what kind of condition everything is in now? That's even assuming that it was all well done originally. If the ventilation system is actually the only problem, then we might be okay. If it's mechanical, it's fixable. You just need parts, tools, and time. It looks like we've got tools. You can scrounge parts from lots of places. Time might be a problem. Standing here watching is not helping the situation. It's time to stop being a bystander. Bombs, destroyed cities, and radiation pouring down on our heads are all things that I can't do anything about, but fixing things and making them run I can handle. I can't believe I just said that. That was an interesting expression. I better prove I know what I'm doing fast. There I go again. This was probably not the best time to use the teacher voice. That guy is not going to check the brushers just to spite me now. I have got to learn how to talk to adults. He can't really hold a grudge enough to actually let this blow the motor, can he? It's because I'm a girl, isn't it? Seriously, can he not see the smoke or hear that noise? Maybe if I talk very calmly and in a contrite tone of voice he will decide to listen. Maybe he won't. It's gone. That is definitely not fixable in this time frame. Now would be an excellent time to have a plan B.
. .
Is it horrible that in the middle of everything that is happening I'm thinking that I really like that smile? How is he giving me goose bumps just by looking at me in the rearview mirror? That's just bizarre. It's not bad. I think I like it, but it's still bizarre. I'm just going to go ahead and break eye contact. He should be watching the road anyway.
. . .
It looks like it is time for plan C. He looks a little lost. I don't know if this is a good plan or not, but we do not have time for him to be introspectively second guessing himself. We need to move. If we were in my classroom, I would say it was time for a motivational moment. If nothing else, it did get him moving.
. . .
Are we on plan D now, or is this just an extension of plan C? I'm thinking it will probably be better if I refrain from thinking about what they are getting ready to do to this mine. The whole wiring the framework with dynamite thing is fascinating to watch. It's like fixing stuff backwards. Everybody looks tense. We need a tension breaker. I really, really like that smile. What did she just say? My best friend is in trouble, and I don't know what to do about it. Why isn't she answering the radio? Did they catch her? Did she just switch channels? He's going to go. Please let him make it there in time. Please let her be okay. Please let him be okay.
Skylar
I know I sound like a spoiled brat when I say I'm not going to the shelter. I always know when I sound like a spoiled brat. My Mom has told me that I'm being one enough to clue me in on the signs. I've just never cared enough to fix it before. I can't believe I spent yesterday saying she hates me. I don't want to remember what I said to her on the subject before they left on their trip. That can't be the last thing I ever say to her. It just can't be. And Dad, he gave me the whole I'm disappointed in the way you've been talking to your mother speech. That can't be the last conversation we have. It had to just be Denver and Atlanta. It had to be some freak accident that just hit those places. It can't have been something bigger, something planned, because then New York would have gotten hit. And it didn't. Because my parents are going to come home. They have to come home. The last memory I have of them cannot be those conversations. It's not fair. They can't have died thinking I meant those things that I said. Because I didn't. I really didn't. I was just ticked off that I couldn't go on the trip. Why didn't they just take me with them? We would have been together. I wouldn't have to be here alone. They have to come back. I can't go to that stupid shelter. What if they came home and couldn't find me? They would be worried. And when they get back, I'm never going to make them worry again. Because I know what it feels like now. So, they can come back because I've learned a lesson out of all of this. I'll treat them better. I'll be nicer to both of them. I won't even argue anymore. They just have to come home. If I open this door, I'll smack him. How dare he come here and knock on the door? How dare he get my hopes up and make me think they were home? Why does he even care? It's not like he's my friend. We don't even speak. He brought me the soda. He's outside in what is about to be a radioactive storm so he can bring me a soda. Who does that? It's crazy. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be alone. And I am alone. They're not here. They may never be here again. None of my friends really get it. Their parents are all with them. They don't have to be alone. I do. And nobody understands what that is like. Except him. Because his house is empty too.
Mary
Look at him. He is standing there touching his wife like she is actually his wife. His real wife and not just a partner in an over glorified roommate living arrangement. Did I even pay attention to what that sounded like the first time he said it? Or was I too happy that I was hearing what I wanted to be hearing to really notice it? That's one, two, three little family moments they have had since we came down here. What is this? They never spend time together. I never see them together. Is this what they are like when I'm not around? I can't have been that blind. He loves me. I know he loves me. Is it just the stress of everything that has been happening? Is it a show for his parents? Look at them look at each other. I can't have been that stupid. I can't have been wrong about him. He always said that we can't be seen together in public. That it wasn't the right time for people to know. Well, it's not like we can leave this shelter at the moment, so in public is where this conversation is going to have to happen. I will not leave this for later. He is going to tell me what is going on now. I cannot stand here and watch this. If he's been screwing around with me, I'll . . . I don't know what I'll do. Because I'll still be in love with him. What do I do now?
Jake
She's right. It's never safe around me - not for anyone. Look at the fallout shelter. I walked away, and the whole ventilation system blew up. I convinced people I was taking them to safety, and I buried them in a mine shaft. That girl was looking at me today like I was the one with all the answers. She was even trying to reassure me that everything was going to be okay - that everything I was doing was going to work out okay. Nothing I do is ever okay. I may very well have killed them all. She was about to be in an explosion, and she was standing there cracking a joke to break the tension of the moment. She was still looking at me like I was trustworthy. I didn't know if it would work, I didn't know if it would destroy the ventilation system, and I still don't know if any of those people are safe. I did it anyway. That's what people get when they trust me. I promised Mom that I would be with her, but I'm not. I let her down again. I came out here to rescue Emily, but I didn't. She killed someone today because I wasn't fast enough. She shouldn't have to deal with that. Nobody should have to deal with that. Yesterday, I almost thought I had a chance of starting things over and doing things right. But that's not going to happen, because Emily is right. I'm just not safe.
Back to Emily
Jumping off the roof may not have been the brightest idea I have ever had. My knees are going to be so sore tomorrow. I guess that is a fair trade-off for getting us out of this mess. Someone just answer the radio. They were talking on this channel earlier. Why aren't they on there now? It's just like the deserted highway. Where is everyone? Where is Stanley? Where are the rest of the police officers? Someone has got to be listening. We need help. Just keep switching channels. Someone will be out there somewhere. Just stay calm. Panicking isn't going to help. How am I going to get Bonnie out of that house if no help comes? How long do I even have before they realize that I am taking way too long in the bathroom? Try another channel. Why isn't anyone at the station? Did something happen to all of them? I don't know how to get us out of this on my own. Please let someone hear me.
. . .
He can't shoot her. She is just a kid. What am I going to do? If I try to hit him, I will end up hitting her. If I drop the gun, he will shoot us both. Why hasn't anybody come? Why didn't I try to untie Bill or Jimmy when I had the chance? Why did everything have to happen so quickly? Please don't let him shoot her. Please don't make me watch him shoot her. Please just let her go.
. . .
Dead. He's dead. I shot him, and he's dead. Just like Mom is dead. Just like Chris is dead. Just like all those people in Denver are dead. Just like Roger is dead. No, I don't know that. He might not be dead. It wasn't Wichita. They said it wasn't Wichita. He might be fine. He might be on his way home right now. He has to be on his way home. I need him. I didn't even think about what I was doing. I just shot him. Did I even have to do it? Help actually came. I could have just dropped the gun, but he was still shooting. He was still trying to kill someone. I did have to shoot him, didn't I? I killed him. You can't take that back. You can't fix that. He's just dead, and I'm a killer. When Roger comes back, how do I tell him that? How do you explain that to someone? I shot him when Jake was the one in danger. Why? Why didn't he get here sooner? Why didn't he shoot them both? Why did he have to need my help? Why did he do this to me? Why does he always do this to me? Why is it that every time my life is finally on track he does something that screws it up? It is always him. Why does he always come back into my life? Why can't he just stay gone?
