Journeys and Destinations

Chapter Three: Encounters

The visit to Theed was going better than Leia had expected. Of course, she admitted that with the pessimistic view she had held for the visit, anything could have probably been called better than what she had prepared herself for. Having Luke already there, paving the way for her, was especially comforting. Between her husband and her brother's presence surrounding her, Leia felt sure she could face whatever the galaxy had in store.

Their first couple of days on Theed were spent with Leia's Aunt Sola Naberrie, her daughter Pooja and Pooja's husband, Kyle and their three children: Liam, Ansel and Chloe. Pooja had served as Senator for Naboo at the same time as Leia had represented Alderaan. The two now met as old friends as well as newly discovered cousins. Pooja's older sister, Ryoo and her family were off-planet on an extended vacation.

Pooja worked as an adviser to Naboo's current queen, Queen Jahara. Part of their trip included visiting the current monarch at Naboo's Royal Palace, where Leia was able to speak to several people who had served under her mother as well as view holograms of her, read directives written in her hand and see sculptures and other artwork created in her likeness.

As Leia lingered in front of one particular sculpture of her mother, Pooja walked up beside her and said, "I always wished I could've known her, I can only imagine how you feel."

Leia nodded her head in acknowledgement, feeling a surge of emotions creep her throat, she was unable to find her voice even if she could have found the right words to reply.

The sculpture was carved from a shimmering stone that Leia knew to be native to Naboo. Her mother was in a long flowing gown and her hair spiraled down in curls over her shoulders. Her right hand was raised and a small winged-animal sat perched on her outstretched hand.

"She loved to walk through the Royal Gardens," Pooja whispered. "My mother said it was because she liked to organize her thoughts there, amidst the sounds and the creatures of nature," turning to look at the sculpture she continued, "She said the animals had their own politics, but that they were always over matters of importance, of life and death, not money or petty personal agendas."

Leia smiled and looked at her cousin. Pooja turned her head and their eyes met as she said, " She loved ponds and brooks. Anything to do with water."

Leia whispered, "I do, too."

Learning about her mother was interesting and comforting, finally finding something about her heritage that she could embrace and be proud of. Trying to reconcile the woman that her mother was to the woman that fell in love with the person that would eventually become Darth Vader, however, was more than a little unsettling in contrast. How could her mother seem to be so intelligent and passionate and dedicated, so much like herself, and yet make such a colossal misjudgment in love? This thought made her appreciate finding Han more than she ever had before.

As Leia and Pooja walked to catch up to the others, Pooja said, "Everyone is so excited to have you and Luke here with us. We actually had to politely discourage some of our relatives from coming." Leia turned to look at Pooja and Pooja added with a smile, "Some from other planets, mind you."

"I'm just as excited to be here," Leia replied and then as she moved her eyes forward, she said, "but I appreciate the gesture."

"Yes, well, we didn't wish to overwhelm you on your first visit."

As Leia met her extended family, she became more and more surprised by the way that they all seemed to know her and love her already . She had never, ever in her life walked into anything so blindly. One only needed to ask her husband for proof of that. Thus far, she didn't feel any more for these new family members than she would for a casual acquaintance. They all seemed very nice, of course, but she didn't feel this immediate love that she thought they felt for her.

This kind of thing made Leia think, and not for the first time, that she was just 'wired' differently than most people. This was another reason she didn't know if she was cutout to be a mother. She had heard about this instantaneous love that people felt for their newborn babies, never loving anything more in their entire life. She worried that she might not feel that automatic love and wondered what kind of mother that would make her if that happened. More of an immediate concern was what kind of niece and granddaughter did that make her now? It wasn't that she didn't love; she knew she was capable of that, but she loved those that had earned it and deserved it and she wondered if she could suspend that habit for her new found family, or even if she should.


On their fourth day, the group traveled to the family's lake house, Varykino, where they visited Leia's grandparents, Ruwee and Jobal Thule Naberrie. The family picnicked by the lake as friends and visitors stopped by to welcome the three newest members of their extended Naboo family.

Having grown up on Alderaan, always cognizant of how different she looked from her green-eyed, olive-skinned, dark-haired parents, seeing and meeting a group of people that looked so much like her was somewhat disconcerting for Leia. Small things, like the way her hands looked just like her grandmother's and the way she and her cousin had some of the same quirks and personality traits, even after growing up a galaxy apart, amazed as well as scared Leia with their seemingly innocuous implications.

How could she be a part of something she didn't even know about just two months ago? Was she a part of that something now? She was still concerned about what exactly she should be feeling at this critical juncture and she wondered if she should already feel like a part of this family or if all of that would come along in time.

Snuggled in bed with Han one evening, she said, "I've always only thought of myself as being Alderaanni. Even though I knew I was adopted, I guess I just never thought about this whole other set of people that might be out in the galaxy somewhere with my same eyes, and hands and…"

Han squeezed her against him and said, "Short legs and small feet?"

She let him kiss her on her forehead while she smiled and said, "You're so sensitive, Han."

Han had always told her that he had never met anyone with a bigger heart than she had. He said that she cared for the entire galaxy and, she guessed she could admit that that was true to a certain extent. She wondered, though, if she had been so focused on the whole that she was overlooking the individual parts. But wasn't that personal interaction the one thing that she had felt was missing from her role on Coruscant? It was why she had envied Chewbacca's position as representative of his people on Kashyyyk and Luke's position with his students on Yavin, because of the intimate contact it afforded them with the people they worked for and with.

Wasn't her initial passion for government and justice ignited by the love of her family and her people? Hadn't that been a blind love? She wondered if she was even capable of feeling the kind of connection that she had had for the people of Alderaan anymore. A worry crossed her mind that her life had changed her so much since then that she would never be able to find that part of herself again. And if that was true, than just how high of a price had she paid for victory?


On the seventh morning, leaving their grandparents behind, the rest of the group returned to Theed to say their final goodbyes. On the trip back to Theed, Leia had found some time alone to talk to Luke about her reservations, but she realized quickly that she and he were not on the same page once again. Luke was all in, like everyone else, which just depressed her even more. Luke was her twin brother, yet in all matters of family, they had yet to hold the same view or find anything resembling a common ground.

Back at Theed, while all these things weighed heavily on her mind, Leia took a walk through her aunt's flower garden as Luke accompanied Han to prepare the Falcon for the trip home. Leia imagined her mother walking through this same garden, organizing her thoughts and finding sanctuary in the tranquil solitude. After several turns around the garden, Leia saw her Aunt Sola walking towards her in the distance and turned to meet her half way.

"Leia," Sola began and as she motioned to Leia with her hand, the two turned side-by-side and began to walk the grounds together before Sola began to speak again, "There's something I wanted to discuss with you before you left."

"Yes?" Leia replied as she turned to look at the older woman.

A gentle breeze rustled some fallen leaves on their path and Sola gently took Leia by the arm as she said, "I cannot tell you how much it means to our family to find both you and Luke. Parts of our Padme that are still gracing the galaxy with her spirit."

"Thank you," Leia replied as they walked slowly together, arm-in-arm. "It's hard for me to express how much finding you all means to me as well. It's almost as if I have found…"

"Your family," Sola finished her thought as she stopped at a curvature in the pathway before them that wrapped around a small pond.

Leia watched as the fountain in the middle of the pond trickled water over a shimmering sphere painted to look like Naboo. She followed a leaf that skimmed the surface of the pond, before she brought her eyes back up to Sola's and replied, "Yes."

"Family is a strange thing as I'm sure you know," Sola said as she began to walk again, leading Leia around the pond and toward a copse of trees in the distance. "It can be grounding and humbling. At times even frustrating as well." Leia shook her head as her aunt spoke, but said nothing. Unsure of exactly where this conversation was headed, she concentrated on the trees in the distance. "It can be uplifting, inspiring and encouraging, too," Sola explained, and then stopping again she turned to look at Leia and said, "You and Luke have been uplifting and inspiring to us."

"Thank you," Leia responded with a smile.

"We think it would be wonderful if you could extend that inspiration to the people of Naboo. Your people."

"What do you mean?"

"As I'm sure you know, Naboo has been unjustly placed in the center of the political ills of the galaxy since the days of the Old Republic. Although we are a peaceful people we were thrust into the fray unwittingly by Chancellor Palpatine, it is something we have never fully recovered from."

Leia looked towards the trees in the distance, at the invisible wind that made them bend and sway and as she swallowed the lump in her throat she turned back to Sola and said, "I don't know what you think-"

"We have struggled to regain our footing in the galactic arena. Our political leaders have faltered under the dissension and inherent mistrust of our people."

"I will certainly speak to the Ambassador of Naboo about this, as-"

"I'm afraid I have something slightly more specific in mind than just a whisper in someone's ear, Leia."

"How specific?"

This time it was Sola's eyes that wandered off to the distance and after a brief moment of silence, she turned her attention back to Leia and said, "We want you to represent your people as Senator of Naboo."

Leia felt the blood drain from her face as she digested her aunt's words. Shaking her head in confusion, she asked, "Who is 'we'?"

Gently snaking her arm back around Leia's, Sola turned and they began to walk again as she explained, "It started with an inquiry by Queen Jahara, herself. We also includes your family and several other dignitaries and representatives that see you coming to us as a blessing. A gift, if you will," and then Sola stopped again, turned towards Leia and looked her right in the eye as she added, "We, I assure you, includes every single citizen of Naboo."

Leia opened her mouth and shook her head for a moment before any words would come out, finally spitting out, "I'm not even a citizen-"

"You are by birth," Sola dismissed Leia's argument with a huff and then as she turned and began to walk again she added, "You and your brother both are automatically citizens of royal descent and are already recognized as such."

Organizing her thoughts more clearly, Leia countered, "There's more to my birthright than Padme Amidala."

"You refer to your father."

"Yes, are you sure that the citizens of Naboo will be so quick to embrace the child of Darth Vader?"

Sola spun around to her and hissed, "My sister never laid down with Darth Vader!"

"I'm sorry," Leia replied and then argued, "But that doesn't change who my father became and most people are not able to see beyond that."

"Whatever your father became was not the person my sister loved and created you and your brother with."

"I'm afraid I just can't separate the two so easily. And I don't think I'm alone on that."

Sola studied her for a moment and then sighed heavily as she responded, "I think you will find the people of Naboo see it differently. Your mother was the greatest Queen that Naboo ever had. As far as her people are concerned, she died for them. Her children are beyond reproach."

"No one should be beyond reproach," Leia countered quickly and then added, "Perhaps that is a lesson that your people still need to learn."

"Perhaps," Sola conceded and the two women stared at each other for a moment before Sola turned back towards the way that had come and as the two began to walk again, she stated, "This conversation will all be academic anyway if you will not even consider my request."

"No," Leia shook her head and said, "I promise you, I will seriously consider it."

Her aunt placed her arm around Leia's waist and gave it a squeeze and with a broad smile, she said, "Then I will work on addressing your concern. To determine the pulse of the citizens regarding their opinion of…your birthright." Stopping again in front of the small pond, Sola turned to Leia and said, "We do not wish to feed you to the krayt dragons, Leia."

"I worry that you will raise either false hope or unnecessary upheaval, if news of this request goes any further than it already has."

"I appreciate your concern and you can consider it duly noted. I will do my best to minimize the impact of this discussion, regardless of the final outcome."

"Thank you."

When the two women arrived back at the house, Han and Luke were waiting for them and the trio said their final goodbyes to the Naberrie family and headed to the private hangar where the Millennium Falcon was docked.

The conversation with her aunt was quickly overshadowed by an overwhelming feeling that Han and Luke were up to something. Just what they were up to, Leia could not figure out. During these moments, Leia vaguely wished that she had more control of her Force talents, but these lapses were so few and far between and usually for such selfish reasons that she never entertained them for very long – certainly not enough to actually mention them to her brother.

"Why aren't Han and I to flying you back to Yavin?" Leia asked as they stood around the hangar floor waiting for Luke's ride. Han and Luke both looked at her and she unfolded her arms.

"Because I've already made arrangements for one of my students to come pick me up," Luke explained for the fifteenth time since they had left their Aunt Sola's house.

Leia watched with narrowed eyes as her husband cleared his throat and Luke looked nervously toward the empty hangar bay that had been cleared for his transport.

"Alright," Leia said with a heavy sigh, "I've been more than patient with you two, now which one of you is going to tell me what's going on?"

Looking at her husband first, Leia watched his gaze fall to his feet. Turning to her brother she found Luke staring at her as if she were the Emperor himself. Luke's mouth opened and then hung there for a little bit in silence, until finally he said, "Do you remember Nadia, one of the newer students that was on Yavin last time you were there?"

Turning her head and squinting her eyes, she looked at Han again who then quickly turned away. Looking back at Luke, she answered, "Yes."

Luke let out a big sigh and said, "Well, she's coming to pick me up and I wanted you to meet her…again."

Folding her arms, shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head, she replied, "And what precisely about that has you guys all worked up?" Now it was Leia's turn to stand there with her mouth hanging open as things began to fall into place for her. She watched Luke's gaze drop down to his feet as she turned to find Han staring at her with a big, wide grin, waggling his eyebrows at her like he liked to do.

Smiling now she felt her cheeks begin to burn. Responding to her silence, Luke's lifted his head to look up at her. Organizing her thoughts, she finally said, "So, am I to assume that meeting me would make this pretty serious, then?"

"You can assume that I've put this off as long as humanly possible," Luke replied with the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Leia exclaimed, but the conversation was halted by the arrival of Luke's X-wing with Artoo in tow. As Leia glared at the landing star ship she shouted to Luke over the din of the repulsor lifts, "She's flying your X-wing? Do you guys already have any kids that I don't know about?"

Luke chuckled but did not respond. Leia then asked, "How are you both going to fly back to Yavin in your X-Wing?"

"We're not. Aunt Sola has arranged for a Naboo Yacht to be donated to the Academy, we'll be taking it back with my X-wing onboard."

After visiting with Luke and his girlfriend, everyone began to say their goodbyes. As Han answered a question from Nadia about the Falcon, Luke slung his arm around Leia's shoulder and whispered, "You know we were only teasing you earlier."

"I know," she answered and then looking at him she felt her cheeks burn and she added, "I mean, I figured."

"I'm sorry, Leia. You don't usually…"

Shaking her head, Leia confessed, "Don't give it a second thought, Luke. I was just caught off-guard. I guess…I guess I was being unusually sensitive. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now."

Leia watched as Han and Nadia started to walk towards them. She felt Luke squeeze his arm around her and then heard him say, "I could tell." She looked at him and he continued, "I understood what you were trying to say the other day, Leia. This is an enormous change for both of us to finally find this…extension of ourselves. Remember, I was here several days before you and had some more time to absorb it. Just give yourself time and…it won't seem so overwhelming."

Leia smiled at him and as Han and Nadia joined them. Luke and Han began to discuss plans for another get together, for either she and Han to travel to Yavin or for Luke and Nadia to come to Coruscant. As the men discussed that Leia turned to Nadia and said, "You looked like a natural landing that X-wing. Have you always flown?"

Nadia smiled at her and replied, "My father is a pilot and yes, I don't ever remember not flying."

Leia saw a twinkle in Nadia's eye when she spoke of her father and flying and the two traded a few stories while Han and Luke joined in. Leia smiled at the thought that a love of flying was something all four of them seemed to have in common.

Leia found Nadia easy to talk to and it made her remember how long it had been since she had had a girlfriend to chat with. Nadia was slightly taller than Leia, almost matching Luke in height. She had a slender build with long legs that made her seem even taller than she was. Her hair was brown, like Leia's but it was lighter with some natural, golden hi-lites framing her face. She kept her hair cut short, the ends just breaking at her shoulders. Her eyes were the pale blue and when she looked at you they were almost mesmerizing. She wore very little make-up and she had a natural beauty. Leia thought most people might describe her as 'cute' more so than 'beautiful' because she exuded an innocence that made her seem young and naive.

Everyone began to exchange their final goodbyes with promises to see each other very soon and then Han and Leia boarded the Falcon to head back to Coruscant.

As the ship traveled smoothly through hyperspace, Leia's first thoughts were about Luke's girlfriend. She had remembered meeting Nadia on her last visit to Yavin and she had struck Leia as genuine and kind-hearted and even-tempered and she saw all of those things in Nadia again during their brief visit. Luke and Nadia seemed comfortable together and Leia was pleased to think that Luke had finally found someone to share his life with. All in all, Leia could only hope that Luke and Nadia could have what she and Han shared, realizing again, just how lucky they were to have found each other.

Now, whether or not it was because Han seemed more than content to talk about Luke's love interest the entire time or that she felt a need to hide it from Han, Leia never got around to mentioning the conversation that she and her Aunt Sola had shared in the garden. And as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, Leia resigned herself to the fact that the right opportunity had just somehow never presented itself.

What had presented itself was an…uneasiness. For Leia, everything had begun to feel irksome and suffocating. From her office, to her assistant, to the path she took home every day. She tried a different route, a different time, she would leave early, she would stay late. The doorman at the entrance of her office building, the turbolifts up to her apartment. The seventh light on the right in the hallway before her office door that was burnt out. Everything bothered her, more so than ever before.

She felt helpless and pressured even though her aunt had not mentioned a thing about their conversation since her visit. This made Leia worry that perhaps her aunt's 'gentle inquiry' hadn't yielded the results that she had anticipated and the position was not a possibility after all. With these thoughts, Leia's mood would swing from depressed to disappointed. She didn't want the choice taken away from her but she did not want to make the choice.

Although Leia had assured her aunt that she would consider her offer, she had found very little time or incentive to consider the prospect seriously. She reasoned that her role in the New Republic was just not something a person walked away from. That would be like striving for something your entire life and then achieving it only to throw it away. What was a Senator compared to her Ambassadorship? And how could she turn her back on the New Republic during this crucial time while their fledgling government was in its infancy?

Even so, the conversation with her aunt Sola haunted Leia's dreams. No stranger to nightmares, Leia knew this meant that the issue needed to be addressed and resolved but she hid from it in the daylight and rationalized her fears away every morning, regardless.

All of this anxiety and turmoil had begun to take its toll on her and although she recognized the symptoms she was unable to stop its momentum. She hadn't told Han about it and now she felt that it was too late. In not contacting her aunt, Leia worried that Sola had taken that as a sign of Leia's disinterest. Or perhaps, Leia worried, that she had offended her aunt when speaking of her father. And most importantly, Leia had yet to decide if she would even consider leaving the New Republic at all, for any position. The situation seemed very much out of control and Leia was feeling crushed by the weight of it.

It wasn't a very big surprise that Han had noticed a change in her of late. But she had been successful at evading his questions for the past several weeks, citing work, stress and all the usual suspects. That is until she found herself one evening, sitting at their dining room table across from her husband. She squirmed in her seat and the chair squeaked, the way that it always did but now seemed to grate her nerves like never before and she sighed heavily in response.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Han asked her again; even his compassion was wearing thin on her weakened character.

Placing her fork down beside her, she shook her head and sighed, "I'm just…"

"What?"

"It's just…everything."

"I think you're going to have to be a little more specific, Leia," Han said as he rose out of his seat and began to walk towards her.

"I just feel like everything is closing in all around me," she tried to explain as he leaned against the table next to her. Leaning back in her chair, she took her hand and pressed it against her forehead before sliding it down over her eyes. Sighing heavily, she said, "I don't know."

"What do you want to do?" Han asked as he trailed his finger down her cheek and took her hand away from her eyes, "Do you want to go away for a little while? Take a vacation? We could go see your brother."

"No," she said as she shook her head, "No, I have too much going on here with the trade summit approaching, there's no way I can leave."

"Well, speaking of that," Han began and as Leia watched him shuffle on his feet a little bit, he continued, "I told Cade that I think now would be a good time to start searching for my replacement. I think it's time I moved on to something else and participation in this trade summit would be good training for whoever they find to replace me."

Han had told her before they got married that he didn't see himself in his current role for much longer, some not-so-subtle hints he had been dropping ever since made his revelation a little less than surprising. Suddenly she felt the desire to tell Han about her and her Aunt Sola's conversation, but she thought better of it as she asked, "Do you know what you want to do?"

"I don't know. Wedge's hinted around that they could use some help with the Rogue Squadron. I could do that for awhile, be sort of a trainer," he explained and then taking her hand, he pulled her up to a standing position. Pulling her to him as he wrapped his arms around her lower back, he added, "Right now, though, I could just take care of you." Leia's eyelids fell shut as Han kissed her on the forehead and his hands stroked her back. Lowering his head next to hers, he whispered in her ear, "Maybe after the summit we can find a little planet…somewhere we haven't been to yet…and make love under a brand new set of stars."

Pulling away from him, she looked up and replied, "I think I just might put you on my payroll if you keep talking like that."

"You couldn't afford me, Your Highness," he replied as he tapped her nose with his finger and smiled.

"You're probably right…," Leia whispered as she stretched up to kiss him.