Heather
I have got to stop thinking like this. I have got to stop thinking about him. I have things that I need to get done. We need all these decorations set up so the kids can have a semi-normal Halloween. This story is so not helping. That is so cute. I can't believe I am standing here awing over escapades from his childhood. What is wrong with me? I never act like this. Just listen to me - I sound like a teenager with a crush on someone she is too nervous to talk to herself. This is just weird. If it is weird for me, it has got to be weird for Emily. I mean she used to date him. I don't want to freak her out. Are there rules about this sort of thing? Is it even okay to have this conversation? Is she okay with it? Should I just stop talking? Okay, now I am straight out babbling. Am I really that obvious? I must be. What am I even saying? I really should just stop talking now. Wait, what? Of course there is a lot I don't know about him, which would be why I am asking questions. Wow, whoever that was really rattled her. She is absolutely ashen. She hasn't looked this shaken since before she found out Roger's plane landed. Something is really wrong with her. We need to get somewhere that is not public, and I'll see if I can get her to talk to me.
Weasely Guy at Jonah's Compound - I Think His Name Is Pete
I don't want to talk to Jonah. I really don't want to talk to Jonah. He's gonna be so mad. He's scary when he's mad. He's kinda scary all the time, but he's even scarier when he's mad. Stupid Mitchell. This is all his fault. I don't know why I listened to him in the first place. He's always doing stupid stuff. I knew this whole thing was a bad idea. I should have told him no, but he's almost as scary as Jonah is. Right now, Jonah is scarier though. He's gonna be ticked. I wish I had somewhere else to go, but I don't. I've tried. There's no place else to go. I don't think I can stall anymore. He's gonna be more ticked at me if he hears it from somewhere else first. Yeah, well, that didn't go over too badly. It's too bad there's still more to tell. She didn't get hurt that bad. Not really. I don't think. It was an accident. How were we supposed to know that someone would be there? Nobody lives there. It sounded like an easy enough job when Mitchell was talking about it. Oh, that look is not good. It's really not a good look that he has right now. There's got to be something I can say to get me out of this. Mitchell. It was definitely Mitchell's idea. Oh, maybe he's not that mad. Maybe it's okay. Maybe not.
Skylar
They are going to come home. They aren't dead. The bombs didn't get them. They didn't leave me alone. They are going to come back to me. What was I thinking trading away Mom's jewelry box for a case of soda? I gave up something she cherished so that I could have a caffeine fix! I was just so mad. She used to talk about how her grandmother gave her that all the time. She used to promise that someday she would give it to me - someday when I had learned to "appreciate" what it meant. She always used to say that I could have it when she knew I would be responsible with it. She promised that they would be home before I knew it too. I didn't think she was going to keep that promise. But, they are going to come home, and what am I going to tell her? I'm sorry Mom. I was mad at you so I decided to be a petty, spoiled brat and get back at you the only way I knew how - even though you would never know that I had done it. You were right. I was irresponsible, and I didn't appreciate things. I was acting like a spoiled brat the last time you saw me, and I acted like one the whole time you were gone? I have to get it back.
. . .
He stole it for me. He fought with Mrs. Leigh for me. He doesn't have anywhere to go because of me - all because I was being selfish and irresponsible. He fixed this for me. I can fix this for him. I can be unselfish. I can learn to be responsible. I can be better. I will be better.
Gail
We always smile and say that we have been married for a lot of years. We both make comments where we use the word long to describe the amount of time we have spent together. Long is not enough. I thought I lost him earlier today. I thought he was leaving me behind. I have always thought that it was painful watching Jake walk away. I thought it was hard having to watch each time he disappeared into the distance. That is nothing like this. All those times I always knew that him coming back to us was an option. All those times I had my husband with me to hold me close. I always had faith that everything would come round right. Now it is Johnston that is slipping away from me. If he goes in this illness, there is no hope of him coming back. There will be no husband to hold me close. I don't even know if I will have faith in the world going on because every thought of my life without him is covered over by shadows. I can't see anything past him leaving me. Everything was a moment of desperation to do anything I could to keep him from leaving me behind. Everything past that point was a suffocating abyss of darkness. Then, he was with me again. He was breathing. He was here, and I could breathe again with him. She says it isn't going to last. Hours. She says he has hours.
When we planned on growing old together, we never talked about measuring the time in hours. People have always told me that I am his rock. I keep him steady. I keep him where he needs to be, but I can't keep him here. This is where I need him to be. The truth is that I need him every bit as much as he has ever needed me. Our marriage would not have survived for as long as it has if that wasn't the case. There is that word again - long. It has not been long enough. It has not been nearly long enough. The day will come again when this town will need you to be its hero, and you have to be here for that. The day will come when Jake is ready to tell you the rest of his story, and you have to be here for that. The day will come when Eric is ready to listen to your advice on his marriage, and you have to be here for that. The day will come when our boys need your support as they become fathers themselves, and you have to be here for that. The day will never come when I am ready to face this life without you; you have to be here for me. I know you hate waiting, but I need you to not give up while we are. The boys are going to come back with what you need. They will. They have too much of you in them to not.
Emily
I didn't mind Heather asking questions about Jake. I really didn't. I mean the two of us are ancient history, and I have a future. I am going to have a wonderful future with Roger. I'm glad that Jake seems to have done some growing up, but that doesn't mean that he isn't still Jake. He'll always be Jake. Look at how quickly he was the one who was dealing with Jonah. Some things never change. That's the only reason that I said what I did to her. I mean she is my best friend. It was only fair to give her some warning. She was in full fledged schoolgirl crush mode. She needed a little bit of a reality check - just a little reminder that she doesn't know what she is getting herself into. She should be careful. I don't want her to get hurt, and that is a strong possibility considering whom we are dealing with here. She needs to be aware. Bad things tend to happen in his vicinity. That's just a fact. I just hope that one of those bad things isn't he and Eric getting back too late.
Jake was right. Jonah doesn't give gifts, and I'm the one who is going to pay for this one. I never thought I would ever be in a position where I would have to let that man back into my life. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about having to be nice to him. It will be worth it though. I had to do something. I almost watched Mayor Green die. Even playing "we're a happy family" with Jonah is easier than that. I can play that game for as long as it is necessary, but it won't change anything. He's not forgiven. I don't care what he wants; I only care that he gets us what we need.
Darcy
He looked at me like I was special. He looked at me as though looking at me was something worth doing. I hadn't had that in such a long time. I was starting to think that I was ready. I was thinking that I was ready to trust someone again. I was thinking that I was ready to let someone into my life. I was thinking that I was ready to stop being cynical. He was kind. He was attentive. He cared what I thought. He would have been good to the kids. He would have treated them well. He could have, eventually, been someone on whom they could have depended. I didn't come to that conclusion lightly. I don't come to any decision that involves my children lightly, but Doug was different. He could have been what was missing from their lives. He could have been what was missing from mine. The four of us had the potential to make a life together. It could have worked. We could have been happy. Could have been. We won't be. He's gone, and I'm here. I'm here with someone who doesn't care what I think, who has never cared what I think, who shuts me out of his life, and who has lied to me more times than I can count. Why did he bring me here?
Jake
If we were talking about Mitchell Cafferty, I would be on Gray Anderson's side. How disturbing is that thought? Although, he would probably be a lot more concerned by the implications of that fact than I am. I get what he is saying. I know the kind of chaos he is describing. I've seen it. I've lived it. That's not what we are dealing with here - at least not yet. We aren't talking about Mitchell. We are talking about Jonah. I can deal with Jonah. He's not like Mitchell. Despite what anyone may think, there are things in this world that Jonah actually cares about. That makes it possible to reason with him. He agreed to this deal, and he will keep the terms. He's the only one that has a chance of keeping all the ones like Mitchell in line. We're going to need that. If things are really as bad as Gray says, we're going to need him for other things as well. If we back out on him, if we give him a reason to think that we can't be trusted, then fixing that will not come easily. He's always considered deal breakers fair game for whatever form of payback he decides they have coming. That's how he operates. They aren't going to listen to me. I need Dad. He's the only one that has a chance of changing the course of this conversation, and he's incapacitated. Gray is on some sort of post trauma reactionary kick. Bill is looking at him with an expression that is barely short of worshipful. Jimmy isn't going to try to take charge of anything. And Eric, Eric just hung me out to dry. Thanks a lot. I notice that none of them are volunteering to be the one to go tell Jonah that they decided they aren't keeping this bargain.
. . .
Great. I've got to go try to clean up a mess that for once is not my fault with Jonah. Mitchell is going to be just arrogant enough to think that this whole fiasco gives him free rein on messing with the town. My Dad's authority is being undermined while he's confined to a sickbed. My brother, who I always knew had things so much more together than I did, turns out to be a wussy, follow whatever leader happens to be around at the moment cheater. I'm stuck driving a piece of junk that is probably going to turn into a giant, hulking paperweight at any moment because Jonah Prowse is driving around in my car. And, now Heather is getting personal information on me from Emily. So why are you even still standing here talking to me? I can't deal with this right now. I have to focus on Jonah. I need a plan. Deep down - he's a businessman. He might be ticked off that the town backed out of the deal. He may dislike me more than he could put into words. If we make this business, there is a chance that he will let go of all of that. He can be negotiated with. I just have to make him an offer that makes his business side drown out the rest.
. . .
I should have seen this coming. He has things he cares about. She's one of them. He even loves her. The problem is that his version of loving her is all self-centered. Does it make him more reasonable than he would otherwise be? Yes. Does it mean that there are times when he will end up doing the right thing because of her? Yes. But those are just coincidental benefits. He isn't doing any of it for her. He's doing it because he wants to have her around. He can tell himself all he wants that he's being a concerned parent or trying to look out for her or any of those other dozens of ways he used to reconcile his relationship with Chris, but it doesn't change the fact that at the end of the day it is still about him. It's about him wanting her to justify him. It's about him wanting her to tell him everything is fine. It's about him wanting her to make his life mean something better than what he knows he's made it be. That kind of love is barely any different from simply using people. I'm not gonna ask her to go back to that.
. . .
I do not have time to argue about the truck. I just watched my father almost die on his bedroom floor. I just watched my mother look like she was absolutely destroyed - that is the scariest thing I have ever seen in my life, and I have seen plenty of scary things. He is going to be dead within the day if we don't get moving. The truck will just work. It has to. Normally the babbling is kind of cute, but you are not helping any. Are you done talking yet? Why is she looking at me like that? Is she going to . . .
. .
He doesn't give gifts. I know it, and she knows it. He's going to want to be paid back, and she shouldn't have to be the one doing the paying. I shouldn't have let her get drug back in. She was out. She should have stayed out. We'll add it to the list of things I'll have to fix when I get back.
Heather Again
This just isn't safe. It isn't fast enough. If he pushes her too hard, she literally may explode. I will be responsible for killing him. He is taking Eric with him, so I will be responsible for killing Eric. There will be no medicine for Mayor Green, and I will be responsible for killing him as well. I will have single handedly made Gail Green a childless widow.
Just let me work on the truck. Better yet, take something else. There has got to be another option. I know he is going to push her too hard. He's careless like that - not with other people, but with himself. He acts like he doesn't get that people care about what happens to him. It's like he doesn't understand what it would do to everyone around him if he let something happen to himself. Doesn't he see what that would do to his mom? His father? His brother? To me? If I am so blatantly obvious that Emily knows what is going through my head, doesn't he? What if he doesn't know? I've never told him. What if he doesn't come back? What if he doesn't really listen to what I'm saying and the truck explodes? What if things are as bad between here and Rogue River as they were on Mr. Anderson's way back here? What if he goes into careless mode and does something stupid and gets himself killed? He can't do that. He's got to understand that he has to come back. He's got to understand that people care about him. I need him to understand that I care about him. There's got to be some way to get that idea to stick in his head.
Jonah
I just wanted to see my kid. Is that so much to ask for? I think it is perfectly reasonable to want to know that my little girl is taken care of. Isn't that what responsible parents are supposed to do? I've heard that I'm irresponsible enough over the years. I would think everyone would be pleased to see me stepping up to the plate. I stayed away for a long time because it was what she wanted, but the world is different now. A lot of things could go wrong, and I'm just going to have to keep closer tabs on things - especially with Jake Green back in town. I know how the two of them are. She can sit and pout and complain about spending time with me all she wants, but she's still going to be here. I shouldn't have backed off before. I should have insisted she talk things through with me back then. I could have made her understand, but I thought I would give her time to calm down. Her mother was always easier to deal with after I gave her a chance to calm down. I guess I just let time slip away from me. That's okay. We're going to fix that now. I could almost be happy with Mitchell for giving me an excuse to make a trip into town. I said almost. If that idiot wants to stay working for me, he's going to have to learn to follow orders a lot better. When I say that certain things are off limits, I'm not talking for my health.
Mimi
We have spent the entirety of the past week trading smart aleck comments and thinly veiled insults. It was working for us. We had a balance. We understood each other, and we both seemed content with our mutual tolerance for the other's presence in our individual universes. It was a perfectly conducted relationship of convenience with an appropriate level of emotional disattachment from the situation at hand. It was perfect, and now it is just ruined. My whole life is ruined. There will be no going home because there is no home to which I can go. There will be no government agencies coming to my rescue because they are gone as well.
My world is gone. My family is gone. My friends are gone. My poor, loyal fish are gone. Everything that had anything to do with who I was is gone. How do you pick up the pieces and move on with your life when there aren't even any pieces left to be picked up? I even had a breakdown in front of another person. Why did he have to try to be so nice to me? I can deal with gruffness. I can deal with apathy. I can even deal with animosity. I can't deal with genuine concern. There is no reason for him to care, but he does. Somehow that just makes it all that much worse because how do I ever pay that back? Look at him sitting across from me at the table. What do I say? Do I apologize for making him witness my emotional overload earlier? Do I pretend that it never happened and try to return to our casual bantering? Do I thank him for trying to be helpful? Do I beg for him to let me stay here because I have no where else to go? I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I've got nothing. I guess that leaves me with sitting.
Gray
These people have got to get a grasp on what it is like out there. They have no idea. I had no idea. I was so sure that the state government would be some level of functional. It never occurred to me that they could have been so completely unprepared for this. They aren't even dealing with things now. Not really. They are making feeble attempts at little measures, but it isn't anything that is even remotely approaching what is needed. Half of the people in charge there look like they are still sitting around shell shocked and not believing what happened. People in leadership positions have no business being shocked. They don't have time to be. Something horrible happened. You deal with it. If you don't, more horrible things will happen and be added to the list. Why don't they seem to understand that? It only makes sense. It is the natural progression of the situation. Things will continue to deteriorate until someone steps in and starts repairing things. The state is not in any position to do that presently. We are literally going to be on our own here until something shifts. It will be up to us to prevent the situation in our own backyard from deteriorating. It is already slipping. Look at this place. They are already planning deals with the dregs of outer Jericho society.
What are they thinking? You can't start giving ground. It never stops once that gets started. And they want to go around making deals with the likes of Jonah Prowse? He has been a small time pain in everybody's backside around here for years, but that isn't going to hold in the current environment. He is a taker. When he sees that there is an opening, he is going to start taking. And they just want to roll over and let him? What do they think is going to happen? He's going to appreciate the gesture of good faith and decide to commune with us in peace and harmony? Let's take a moment and remember the reality of what we are dealing with here. All those groups scattered around the countryside harassing and killing and doing who knows what out on the roads used to be small time operators too. They used to be straddling the fence between barely legal and blatantly not. That is what Prowse is going to become if we give him room to do it. We are going to have enough problems getting this town through this crisis without adding that to the equation. Someone has got to be the voice of reason here. This has got to be stopped now.
Stanley
I didn't know what to do. I'm not good at this - the whole comforting the upset potentially somewhat unstable woman thing. It kind of freaks me out. I mean what are you supposed to do? I've tried everything I can think of here. She was being really stoic at first and I figured that just meant she was trying to hold everything in. I get that. I've been there. You don't want anyone to see you break down. You try to pretend that nothing has really gotten to you. It sort of eats away at you though. So, I figured that wasn't the best way for her to be dealing with this whole rearrangement of her existence. It's good to know that there are people around who care. It helps. She doesn't have anybody. Somebody had to do something. I tried. I made her soup. Isn't comfort food supposed to be important?
Then, she was burying herself in work, and I get that too. I tried that one. But it doesn't really work either because you're just blocking out whatever this big, traumatic thing is that has happened to you and it comes back later to hit you harder than before. I was just trying to help. I was just trying to be nice. Aren't women supposed to like all that talking about how we feel about things stuff? And suddenly she's yelling and screaming and crying, and I just stood there. What was I gonna do? It's not like I could hug her. She probably would have bitten me. Now she's settling herself into the chair across the table from me, and I still don't know what to do. Is she going to yell at me? Is she going to start crying again? She does look calmer. Maybe that whole hysterical, nervous breakdown thing she had going helped? Well, that seemed to go over okay. Maybe we just shouldn't talk.
Dale
She lied. She looked her right in the eyes and lied to her. Why? So she can pile up more stuff nobody wants in the storeroom? Because she just doesn't like her? What is her problem with Skylar anyway? I know she can be a pain, but she's never done anything to Mrs. Leigh. If it was anyone else, she would have come up with some way for them to trade back for it. This is something different. Why? She didn't even try to hide it. She left it out in the middle of the storeroom. She had to know that I would see it. Does that mean that she thinks that I'm okay with her lying? Does that mean she thought that I wouldn't care? She doesn't have any room to complain about me taking that jewelry box. We'll consider it my last pay check.
I can't believe she tried to make me feel guilty. If anyone should feel guilty, it should be her. I'm the one who has been keeping the store going. I'm the one who has been doing all the work. I'm the one who had to deal with psychopath Mitchell Cafferty just to keep her in business. I'm the one who almost went to jail for keeping her in supplies. Did she conveniently forget all that? Or did she just not notice? Does she really think that a camping cot in the back of the store makes her worthy of being considered some sort of charitable foundation? It doesn't matter anymore. She can try running things herself and see how that works out for her.
Back to Heather
Irradiated ants? I told him to watch out for irradiated ants? He must think I'm a complete idiot. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking. I wasn't being rational. I completely and totally took leave of my senses. I don't do throwing caution to the wind. I'm a planner. I think things through. I consider consequences. I'm predictable. I don't do things like what I just did. That was so unfair of me. He had to have had so many other things on his mind. I should have respected that. I shouldn't have put him in that position. It was just selfish of me. I should have just said the words "be careful." See I can say them now. My mouth is fully capable of forming those two little words now, so why couldn't it do it then?
It was a really nice kiss. Stop! Dwelling on that is not helping your current mental situation - even though it was a really, really nice kiss. I said stop! Pull yourself together. We were getting along so well. I should have just let him take his time. This might make things awkward. I know I feel awkward. I'll just apologize for pushing him. We haven't known each other for very long, and we should take things slower. The whole end of the world as we know it thing got to me for a minute there. He'll understand that, right? He won't be completely weirded out, right? I mean he did kiss me back. That's got to mean something. When he comes back, then we can talk about it - when, not if. They'll be fine. They'll find what Mayor Green needs, and they'll be back safe and sound. Mrs. Green must be worried sick. It's got to make her feel helpless having to sit and wait. I should do something to help her out.
