*shuffles in shyly* Sorry for the long absence, folks. All I can say is calculus, chemistry, side novel and new Bamboo pad. Life has been very eventful indeed but the whole time I thought about this story and how I should really update it. So here's the update! Hope you all enjoy the snarky repartee and…well, I have a few questions for yon readers but I'll save that for the end of the chapter as per usual. Read on!
Dead Space, Outer Hollow
"You certainly are an interesting specimen, Artemis Fowl."
Artemis did his best to twist around and face the source of the voice but it was a difficult task considering that he was floating aimlessly through space with about as much control over his movements and direction as a grain of sand caught in a river's current. With enough of a struggle, he managed to shift himself into a position to see the young man walking toward him effortlessly through the darkness. He was tall and slender with his hands tucked callously into the pockets of his pinstripe suit and his spiky red hair pulled back from his face by a pair of amber-tinted shades. His features were elegant and angular and his skin was flawless and tan.
As he approached, the man cocked his head and mimicked the scowl on Artemis' face. "What's wrong? I was simply making an observation. You're prone to making those quite frequently too, you know."
"That's not the issue," sniffed Artemis. "Your 'observation' was condescending. You referred to me as a 'specimen'. I believe you wish to compare me to something beneath you that you find amusing in your observance of but I implore you…Do not underestimate me. I am not a person you wish to trifle with. Even if you are a figment of my insanity, I thought it should be said."
The man chuckled deeply, his laughter resounding boisterously in the silence. Artemis' frown deepened. There he went underestimating him. Laughing at him. Taking him for granted. And then people always had the audacity to act surprised when he turned around and screwed them six ways to Sunday. It was their own fault, really.
As Beckett would say, 'Simple-toon.'
The man stopped and Artemis lifted an eyebrow. "Are you quite finished?"
The man sat down in front of Artemis with a dodgy grin in place, his chin propped up on his hand. "You know, most people would be distraught by now but not you, of course."
He spoke almost as if they weren't floating in a void of darkness and silence but were instead sitting in a comfortable coffee shop waiting for their café au lait. While he talked, he trailed a pattern in the air absent-mindedly with his free hand, making curlicues and figure eights in the air with his long, thin fingers.
"No, never you," he continued airily. "You must sit here and fully analyze the situation. Deducing theories and testing them and then tossing them out when they don't satisfy you. You're currently contemplating the possibility of having gone insane, no? Distressing news but there you are, calm as ever. Truly and absolutely Artemis Fowl fashion."
"You are a figment of my imagination conjured up to help me acclimate to an otherwise traumatizing situation," said Artemis blithely, ignoring the man's ramblings. "Arrogant, logical, smartly dressed, guessing my thoughts…you're an extension of myself. I wouldn't have thought myself the type but then what else could you be?"
The man's expression suddenly turned serious and he reached out to grasp Artemis' shoulders in a vice-like grip. "I could be real."
Artemis' eyes widened in pain and shock. The man released him and addressed him seriously as he stood up. "This is real, Artemis. I am real. And there is much to discuss. Even though you seem to be handling dead space rather well, I think it'd be less disorienting for you if I provided you with a more…solid environment."
The darkness melted away into an elaborately decorated room with gilded Victorian furniture and red velvet drapes that swooped all across the ceiling of the room. A candelabrum burned on top of a baby grand piano, illuminating the room in a flickering orange glow. The man sat at the piano gently pressing out a tinkling jazz tune that swayed and dived almost in sync to the flickering of the candle light.
Artemis found himself seated on a plush vintage-style divan watching him play.
Dead space, he had called it. It had felt exactly like that, floating along in absolute darkness and quiet. Even though Artemis immensely appreciated his new surroundings, he could tell there was something off about the new setting as well. The air was just a smidgen too thick and the colors in the room just a smidgen too gritty and real. Artemis ran his hand along the fabric of his seat and his nerve-endings thrilled at how unimaginably soft the material was. It was too soft.
"Where are we?"
The music slowed to a halt and the man looked up at Artemis with a somber expression on his face. "Dead space still. Only I've molded it into something a bit less distracting."
"This," said Artemis, gesturing to the luxurious fixings of the small room, "is less distracting?"
The man frowned again. "Isn't it? If it isn't, you can blame my ignorance on what is and what is not distracting to a mortal on the bloody Council. I haven't clasped eyes on one since they started their damned Inquisition."
"What on earth are you going on about? Who are you?"
The man stood and bowed formally. "The Old One known as Astaroth. I am also the Dragon Celestial. And you, my dear boy, are a shape-shifter brought here to make a pact with me."
Artemis gave Astaroth a blank look. "Okay, you have successfully proved you are not a figment of my imagination because I would never spout such fantastical drivel. You have also proven that I am not insane because I feel the true pangs of insanity coming on now from how annoying this whole thing is."
Astaroth scowled. "This strikes you as annoying? Boy, do you even understand what is going on?"
"Don't call me boy," snapped Artemis. "And I haven't the foggiest. I'm struggling with the idea that this is all a hallucination brought on by my fever and admittedly it feels like one too. This chair is too soft and the air too thick. It feels almost dream-like but…you grasped me earlier. I felt you. You feel too real to be a hallucination."
Astaroth growled, "Because I am not a hallucination! And you know what else? You're beginning to annoy me into insanity. Maybe I should've let the Rat have you…"
Artemis gave Astaroth a withering look similar to the one a parent would give their child once their antics became less cute and more irritating. "Okay, for the sake of both our sanities…let's behave as though this all is real. So your name is Astaroth, is it? Okay, 'Astaroth'…What is an Old One? What is a Dragon Celestial? And why do you think I'm a shape-shifter? And for goodness sakes, what rat? I doubt rats would exist in a place like this."
Astaroth frowned. He did not like the patronizing tone Artemis had taken. It took him a few seconds to shake the urge to slap the haughty expression from his face and to focus on explaining things to the boy.
For one, physical reproaches were never his style. And for another, time was ticking away. If they didn't seal their pact, Artemis would die and Astaroth would be left in dead space to rot for who knows how long. And of course that was unacceptable. Astaroth could feel it in the core of his being. Something was happening in the mortal realm. Something big. And he didn't just want to be a part of it. He needed to be a part of it. So if he needed to suck up a few insults and flippant behavior, so be it. Artemis would simply pay for it in spades later.
"Well, boy, I suppose it's story time," said Astaroth coolly. He put extra emphasis on the word 'boy,' hoping to needle Artemis back. Artemis didn't react. He simply remained where he was, motionless on the couch with his icy-blue and hazel-brown eyes trained on Astaroth. Though Artemis didn't show any signs of irritation, Astaroth glimpsed into his thoughts and saw that they were seething with it. Astaroth smiled and continued.
"Since you are clearly ignorant of your heritage, allow me to inform you that you are a shape-shifter. This means that you were born with the body, soul and mind to withstand the burden of carrying a spirit other than your own. To be more accurate however, you are jenti. The highest form of shape-shifter there is. That means you can house the spirit of a Celestial, like myself."
Artemis snorted. "Not surprising. I am Artemis Fowl after all."
You're a pain in the tail is what you are, thought Astaroth to himself.
Out loud, Astaroth continued as though Artemis had not interrupted. "When a shape-shifter reaches a certain age, they enter into a fever-like state. This is their body preparing for the change. At the end of a week or so, they come here, into dead space, the realm of the spirits, the Celestials, the elementals and all sorts of other things that are completely composed of magic and therefore can't exist in the mortal world. As we speak there are thousands upon thousands of these things all around us just waiting for a chance to enter the mortal realm…but they some of them can't. Not without a something or someone, like a shape-shifter, as a vessel."
"And that's why you need to make a pact," finished Artemis. "I see. Now about these spirits and elementals—"
"Artemis, no."
"What?"
"I'm not telling you jack-squat about anything other than Celestials, Old Ones and animal spirits. Forget the other junk."
"Why? I thought it was story time! You're a terrible story teller if you're leaving out details like that."
Astaroth glimpsed into Artemis' mind again and shook his head. "You've already constructed a business model for allowing people to contact the dead. Really, kid? I mean really? That's not even what I meant by spirits! Well, not really anyway. There are only certain people who can become the spirits you have in mind an—Wait! You know what? Forget the damn spirits! Back to the original story!"
Artemis smirked. "Aw. I was just starting to become interested…by the way, if we're occupying the same space as spirits…does that mean I'm dead?"
Astaroth frowned. "It's complicated. But long story, short…yes, you are dead. Your heart's in hiatus and your body's at a stand-still in the mortal realm so for all intents and purposes, you are dead. Can we please continue? You haven't much time. If we dawdle anymore you might stay dead."
Astaroth noticed the flicker in the boy's eyes and the small shift he made in his posture. It was the only giveaway that he had surprised him. It was Astaroth's turn to be condescending.
"Yes, you can die in this process. But that's only if we haven't fulfilled the pact by the time your body starts to reawaken. It's already weak from the fever. Without a spirit, you won't have the strength to stay alive. Now if you'll allow me to continue…oh, no arrogant comments or questions? Good. Carrying on…A spirit has to be careful about the vessel they choose because if they are not compatible then the vessel can die and the spirit would be rejected back here. And not too gently, might I add. If the connection works, the spirit is now anchored by the vessel in the mortal world and the vessel can take on the form of the spirit and they gain certain traits from their spirit as well.
"There are three levels of spirits and three levels of shape-shifters. The levels of spirits are the Lesser Beings, Higher Beings and the Old Ones. The levels of shape shifters are finis, semi-jenti and jenti. Finis are able to take on lesser beings like the rats…"
Astaroth paused here to see if Artemis understood the reference to a rat Astaroth had used earlier.
Artemis blinked. "So I would've been possessed…by a rat?"
"You're certainly greedy and ambitious enough," sniffed Astaroth. "Finis can become coyotes, foxes, dogs, cats…so on and so forth. Lesser Beings, basically. Semi-jenti can become bears, wolves, lions, hawks, elephants…basically Higher Beings. And jenti, this is you, can become one of the…drum roll please…the Old Ones!"
Astaroth paused and struck a celebratory pose. When he noticed Artemis' un-amused features he scowled. "Fine, don't get excited that you can change into a being that's been around since the creation of time, space and magic…it's not like that's special or anything."
Artemis bolted upright. "Pardon?"
Astaroth grinned. "We'll need to take this back outside."
The room vanished and Artemis was once again floating in a sea of nothing. He looked around him. Unlike the last time, he was surrounded by brilliant hues of red, orange, pink and ecru. It was like floating in the middle of a fiery sunset and Artemis was dazzled by the colors. And very much unlike the last time, Artemis felt pleasantly warm.
What…?
"Having fun, boy?" a large voice chuckled.
Artemis had to clasp his hands to his ears. The voice was so loud and deep, it felt like being ensconced in the sound of thunder. With a whoosh, the colors vanished and Artemis turned around. His hands dropped to his side and his eyes widened.
"Dragon Celestial, huh?" he managed to murmur.
Large scaly wings flapped once, twice and then a third time before folding neatly onto the back of an enormous dragon. It's golden eyes twinkled in amusement at the boy's unabashed awe. Its nostrils flared, literally, emitting licks of flame and smoke.
Artemis, in a daze, walked over and spread a hand out over one of its enormous paws. It felt like sun-warmed leather of the finest, softest quality. Astaroth lowered his head till one large, golden eye held Artemis' reflection on its glassy surface. He blinked and his eye clicked as it slid shut and then opened again. Artemis felt an immense feeling of peace and calm fill him. His body tingled and his hair stood on edge. He was both afraid and happy at the same time.
"This is what it is like to be in the presence of an Old One," the dragon breathed. "When Great Orion reached forth his hand and created the universe, I was among the first to spring from the Creator's finger tips. I am one of the Old Ones. I have borne witness to the creation of your world and to that of many others. And I have persisted through time and will persist till the end of it. I am Astaroth, Dragon Celestial and this is my true form."
"Wonderful," was all Artemis could say. "Absolutely brilliant. And is Orion…"
"Yahweh, Elohim, Allah, Abba, Tsuboath, Yireh, Jehovah, Frond…He is known by many names but I believe you call him God."
"My…"
Artemis had been about to say 'God' but he doubted that if such an entity was drifting around in the darkness and he really didn't like his name being used in vain…then it was smarter not to say it at all.
"My goodness," Artemis corrected.
"Artemis Fowl, your blood, your heart, your mind, your soul, screams to me…it tells me that you are one of mine. You are loyal, strong of heart, strong of mind, ambitious, fierce, protective, noble, arrogant…You have the markings of a dragon jenti…but do you have the will? Will you make a pact with me and become my vessel?"
Artemis' mind was whirling. A near god-like being was asking him to be his vessel. And if he accepted, not only would he be carting around an entity like that…he'd become a dragon himself. Possibilities exploded and popped in his head and he was dizzy with the ideas flooding his mind.
"We're running out of time, boy," hissed the dragon. "Your body is coming out of your stasis. If you wake up without a spirit, you'll return to a body that's already weak and on the verge of death. You can die but I can help you! I can keep you alive!"
"I'm stronger than I look," murmured Artemis.
"This isn't the time for your egotism," snapped Astaroth. "You will die without my help. Your body is weak and you'll need me if you intend to survive past this day."
"Remember when I told you not to underestimate me?" asked Artemis quietly. "I say this respectfully of course, but, if I am to be your vessel…"
Artemis paused and fixed Astaroth with a steady gaze.
"Never make that mistake. If I am strong enough to be your vessel, then I am strong enough to recover from my fever on my own. I don't need you to keep me alive. People promise me death on a near-daily basis but the fact that I stand here before you now is proof of just how much such promises mean to me. Secondly, I am your vessel but you are my animal spirit. This is a partnership, not an ownership. As long as you remember what I have just said, then you have yourself a deal."
Astaroth snorted. "I've killed mortals for a lot less cheek then you've given me, boy. But then if you didn't have such guts, I doubt you would be a dragon jenti at all…"
There was another whoosh of air and the space around Astaroth swirled violently until he was a man once again. He extended a hand towards Artemis.
"I'll keep your words in mind, boy…now put it here if someone wants to be a dragon."
Dublin, Ireland
Luster watched as the boy began emitting groans. The transformation was beginning! Inwardly, Luster did all manners of hops, jumps, twirls and back-flips.
It wasn't often that he got to witness such an event after all. The shifters in Avalon normally shrouded first transformations in a lot of ceremony and secrecy. He had about as much chance of seeing one under normal circumstances as Bane had of walking past the Guard's headquarters without losing a limb.
The amount Luster knew about shape-shifters and their transformations could fill a thimble, give or take. All he knew about them he had found out by reading a scant entry about it in one of his mentor's old journals. It had mostly been about shape-shifter hierarchy, which wasn't very helpful.
Cora herself had also tried to clarify as best as she could the process behind transformations. She had explained that during the first transformation, once the fever was done you would be completely dead to the world. Your soul left your body and you met with your spirit animal.
You convened in a strange place called dead space and you made a pact with them. Failure to complete a pact led to your soul returning to a worn-out body and survival rates at that point were miniscule. Success meant fusing with the animal spirit and having both your soul and the spirit return to cohabit the body. At first, the animal spirit would have almost complete reign over you but eventually their presence would fade but never really die. The spirit then existed inside you, giving you guidance and strength from within.
Cora was a fox finis. She explained that her inner fox had gotten her out of many a jam and was the inspiration for a lot of her wonderful ideas. Luster had joked that it was also the reason she looked so foxy but the joke didn't go over too well and Luster had promptly shut up. Turning his attention back to the boy, Luster watched with interest as he began to change.
What manner creature would he be? Is he a finis? A semi-jenti? A jenti?
Luster snorted. There hadn't been a true jenti in centuries. Rotten Inquisition.
The air around Artemis shimmered wildly and he found himself beginning to shake and twitch. He gnashed his teeth in agony and arched his back before letting out a startling growl.
This is it boy. Relax and allow the change to happen.
Artemis felt like every cell in his body was being ripped in two and then repaired and ripped again. His body was morphing…changing…stretching out of shape and becoming something else.
All lovely words for the same thing but seriously, stop fighting the change. Allow it to happen. Embrace the pain…What...No I'm not trying to be funny, damnit! Now listen to me and you'll make it through this alive…Huh? Don't get smart with me, boy. I told you I would help and I am! Who do you think is keeping your body from falling apart? The Tooth Fairy?…yeah, I can see your memories and honestly, your people have the most absurd tales. Why the heck would they center a holiday around a fat man breaking into their house and watching them all year long to see if they've been 'good' or 'bad'? Who is he to judge anyway? Fat as he is, it's obvious he's been anything but good around food…
Artemis wanted to laugh but he couldn't, for the life of him, find the strength to. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and every breath that came was becoming forced and labored. He felt his bones snapping as they grew and his spine creaking in protest at having to grow at such a fast pace.
Right, focusing on stemming the pain. For what it's worth, you're only feeling a fraction of it so it could be worse…no? Not helping? Well then fine, I was just trying to brighten your day.
The changes lasted for what seemed like forever and a half. In reality, it was only five minutes of complete and total mind-warping pain. Artemis made it to about four minutes, before passing out and handing the reigns to Astaroth.
He is strong, I'll give him that much. He'll have to be for what comes next…and hello, what have we here?
Luster stumbled back, mouthing words but finding himself unable to actually speak.
"D-Dra-Drag-Dra-Drag…Dra-Dra-Dra-Drag-D-Drag…"
"And you are?"
"DRAGON! DRAGON! DRAGON!"
The large creature sighed, his golden eyes rolling in his head. Somewhere in the back of Luster's mind, he allowed himself to feel affronted. It wasn't everyday that you saw a dragon. So what? Should he pretend that it was another typical day in the neighborhood when a living breathing dragon was shaking itself out in front of him like it hadn't been completely eradicated for the past couple of centuries? As if.
Luster began to hyperventilate. He crawled backwards, trying to put as much space between him and the scaly giant beast as possible. The dragon merely yawned and stretched, its claws unsheathing menacingly and its wings unfurling and with a snap.
"Dra-dragon! DRAGON! You're a DRAGON!"
"You're particularly fond of saying that, aren't you?" snipped the dragon, turning its great head on the terrified mage. "If that's all you can say, perhaps that voice box of yours is a complete waste…why don't I rip it out?"
Luster's hand flew to his throat and he gulped. "No! Not my beautiful voice!"
"Beautiful? Ha. As funny as you are annoying."
Luster returned to mouthing words, still unable to cope with the fact that there was a real live dragon standing in front of him. Insulting him, yes…but that fact was eclipsed by the more important fact that it was a dragon.
The dragon slowly stalked towards him, its lips pulled back and a rumbling growl slowly building in its throat.
"Whoever you are," it growled, "I don't like the smell of you…"
The dragon crouched low, obviously intending to pounce on the frightened mage. Luster, his sense of self-preservation finally kicking in, fumbled for his wand. The dragon was already in midair by the time he found it…
…And there the dragon froze. Floating in midair.
…the bloody hell?
Luster looked dumbfounded at the hovering beast. He hadn't had any time to blast off any spells so then who…? A chill feeling sent shivers up his spine as a crushing sense of something more dangerous than a dragon filled him. He turned around and his suspicions were confirmed.
"Mage Luster York of Babylonia."
Luster scrambled onto his knees and bowed low, pressing his forehead to the ground and not daring to look up. Someone had sent out a memo to all the mythical beings telling them to shock the hell out of the fully cowed mage all at the same time. That someone was going to get a wandful of magical sparks up their ass, granted, but for the moment, Luster took to trembling with his face brushing the grassy floor.
The two floating beings continued to glide towards him in a criss-cross pattern, their bodies glowing silver like they had been chiseled out of moon rock. They smiled benignly down at the tremulous mage. A small but firm breeze blew across Luster, making his blonde hair ruffle slightly. He suddenly had the feeling that he was supposed to sit up and so he did, folding his legs into the seiza position. It was a position mages used when in the presence of a superior and Luster never thought he would be using it in the presence of his elementals.
Elementals were Old Ones that weren't tied down by the need to use a vessel to escape the Dead Zone. They flitted between worlds like silver fish flitted from one end of a tide pool to the next. All mages could feel them, especially since they drew their magic directly from these energy power houses.
When a person wished to become a mage, they made a pact with an elemental before they were able to use any magic. In exchange for being able to use their magic, elementals were allowed to use their mages whenever and however they saw fit though they rarely involved themselves in mortal affairs. When it came time for the mage to expire(drop dead if you're not fond of euphemisms), it wasn't Death that came to claim them. It was the elementals that they made a pact with that came to reap their soul in the end. The mage's life force would sustain them for however long they needed to exist before the elemental fizzled out and gave way for new elementals.
Yuen and Oshawa, the elementals that held Luster's contract, looked down at him with amused expressions.
"It is nice to see you again," said Yuen.
"Mage Luster," finished Oshawa
Luster kept his head bent and his eyes on the ground. "How may I serve you?"
"By not interfering…"
"In the affairs of Artemis Fowl."
"The boy?" asked Luster incredulously. "If I might be so bold, why would he matter to beings of your caliber? He's inconsequential…"
"He is not," interrupted Yuen.
"He is anything but," amended Oshawa.
"In fact…"
"He is the catalyst…"
"To the end of this world."
Luster wanted to pray for everything he was worth that his elementals were joking. But then they were flipping elementals. They never joked. Why was this all happening here and now to him?
"Do not worry…"
"Luster York."
"The Old Ones hold their breath…"
"Because not even we can tell…"
"What will happen next…"
"Then the end of the world…?" began Luster but he drifted off.
Yuen shrugged her small shoulders and Oshawa merely lifted an eyebrow.
"We follow the stream of time…"
"And there is never just one…"
"Solid river of events. There are…"
"Branches…possibilities…we never know…"
"What will happen for certain…"
"Until certain actions…"
"And certain people…"
Oshawa paused here to fix Luster with a look.
"Do certain things."
Luster's eyebrows knitted. "And are you here trying to save the world?"
"More…" began Oshawa.
"Or less," finished Yuen.
"That isn't very comforting you know," cried Luster in distress.
"We're…"
"Sorry…?"
Luster shrugged helplessly. "Can you at least tell me what team you're playing for? Do you want the world to end?"
"It matters not…"
"To us…"
"If this world continues to exist…"
"Or dies."
"There are plenty more…"
"Out there."
"And many more…"
"Will be made."
"What we're after…"
"Is a little more…"
"Ambitious…"
"Then the destruction of one world."
"But the set of actions you have chosen…"
"Here…"
"Severely throws…"
"These ambitions…"
"Off track."
"We do not understand…"
"Why that is. But from this point…"
"The only course we see…"
"That will not upset our plans…"
"Is if you…"
"Stay here."
Luster sighed sadly. "I guess I can do that.I have human money. I can rent a hotel room and wait for this to all play out. Spend my possible last days alive watching movie channels and eating funnel cake. I particularly like funnel cake."
"Nooooo…"
"You will help the boy."
"Make sure he stays…"
"Alive."
Luster's eyes bulged comically. "Wait…you want me to get involved in all this?"
"We wouldn't have…"
"Come all the way here…"
"If that wasn't the case."
"We would've just…"
"Collected your end…"
"Of the pact…"
"And killed you…"
"Before you messed anything…"
"Up for us."
Luster gulped and muttered, "And I thought I meant so much to you..."
To the twins, he said, "You want me to be involved in the end of the world? Of what significance is my involvement?"
"You were always…"
"Supposed to play a part…"
"In all of this..."
"Luster York."
"It seems though..."
"That you must play..."
"A different part."
"As we said…"
"Events are not set."
"The boy may very well…"
"Be your savior…"
"Just as well as he may be…"
"Your executioner."
"Only time…"
"Will tell."
"Even we…"
"Are not…"
"Privy to…"
"Everything."
Oshawa motioned to the dragon and it was gone. Yuen touched Luster's forehead and a shimmery mark in the shape of a crescent appeared where her chilled fingers had brushed his warm skin. The mark meant that he was now on an official mission from them and any mages holding a pact with them would be obligated to help if he needed it. In a way, it made Luster feel better but not by much.
"Keep the boy alive…"
"Luster York.
"Do not…"
"Fail us."
"But where did you send him?" asked Luster rubbing his forehead.
"Don't worry…" said Yuen with a small smile.
"He'll find his way…"
"Back here on his own."
"But if we left him here..."
"He would've eaten you."
They clasped their hands together and disappeared. Luster was left behind flicking at the dirt. It figures. The end of the world was coming and he had to work on his last days alive helping someone who thought he looked more like an appetizer than a comrade.
Thirty miles from Dublin…
Astaroth prodded Artemis' dragon form into picking itself up and looking around. He had somehow found his way into the middle of a forest. Tentatively, he sniffed the air and then more vigorously sniffed himself.
Damn elementals.
Dew Drop Inn
Haven, Lower Elements
"So you did it then?"
Trout took a long draw on his cigar before blowing the mouthful of smoke in Finn's direction. She wrinkled her nose and fanned the air in front of her face as the acrid smoke enveloped her head and then slowly dissipated.
"No," said Trout slowly. "I just like strolling through LEP headquarters pretending to be a cadet for shits and fucking giggles. What the hell do you think?"
"Don't get snippy with me, bro," snapped Finn. "I was just asking. For once, all I'd like to hear out of that smart mouth of yours is a yes or no. Gods, I knew I should have drowned you in the bath tub when were young."
Trout smirked to himself. Finn was the only one he knew that wasn't the least bit put off by his unsociability. In fact, she actually complimented him with her own brand of polished surliness. Trout had very few friends in the world and the few he did have were quick to point out the reason why there were so few. Trout, as they put it, was damn scary. With black scruffy hair, steely-gray eyes and eyebrows that looked like little dark stormheads when he was upset, he had to agree that he wasn't exactly puppy-level cuddly. His penchant for being as condescending and verbally abusive as possible didn't help either.
But his sister Finn had an inbred immunity to his gruffness and he appreciated not having to curb his tongue around her. Besides, she dished as good as she got and half time, Trout was only pins and needles towards her because he was trying to make up for a jab she had made earlier.
His sister pulled out a deck of Tarot cards and began shuffling them. "They are pleased. They wish to pass on their thanks."
"Will you pass a message along for me, sis? Tell those asswipes to send someone else next time it comes to an issue regarding Haven. They've got half a ton of mages just pissing themselves wanting to do their dirty work. I'm damn sure none of them would've minded coming all the way out here to pretend that they're some choir boy cadet in the LEP if it meant a pat on the head from them. Gods, I wanted to kick myself the whole time. I actually said 'holy sweartoads,' Finn. The shit I do for those two."
Finn faked a pout. "Aw, is someone cranky? You know, you're lucky that I'm the pipeline here or we'd both be smudges on the pavement by now."
"Ah, go on. I'm sure they can hear me somewhere up there. If they were gonna fry us, I think they would've done so when I called them the dipshit half-assed Wonder Twins."
Finn tried not to snort. "You are going to get us killed!"
"Whatever. If our only purpose in life is to run errands for those two, would it be a murder or a mercy kill? Anyway, what's our next assignment? I want out of Haven."
"We don't have one."
Trout gave Finn a blank look. "Stop playing. We always have one."
"No joke, bro. There's no next assignment. That was what I wanted to talk to you about earlier. They said we were finished."
Trout continued to give Finn a blank stare. "They don't have anything else for us to do? We're just done?"
Finn nodded. "We're free agents now, bro. They said our contract's been paid in full. No more orders or errands or assignments."
"Wow."
"Yeah. For all their dipshit, half-assed, Wonder Twin-liness, they were basically the only thing we had going for us. So now we're unemployed and well…I don't know how I feel about that. I guess we could just wait and see what happens next."
"Just wait?" murmured Trout. "I'd rather watch paint peel."
"Got a better suggestion?"
"They just let our contract go without an explanation. Something's going on…"
"And you want to find out what."
"Duh. Why don't we follow the girl?"
Finn stopped shuffling her cards and looked at Trout seriously. "Like I said before…You're going to get us killed. These aren't just some gangsters or thugs from the old days…these guys are like gods and we are like ants to them. If they've got something cooking in the kitchen and we fuck it up, do you know what kind of a wrath will come down on our heads? They can smoke us in an instant."
"I know," said Trout with a small smile. "But do you honestly think I care?"
Finn smiled and went back to shuffling her Tarot cards. "Bah, you're loony. I knew it wouldn't matter but I thought it should be said. I guess when you've lived as long as we have…life doesn't seem…"
"As valuable?" finished Trout.
Finn's eyes widened. "Oh gods, don't do that! I don't want to be like them…have you ever listened to them speak? I get headaches every time."
Trout chuckled. Finn had informed him of what they had sounded like the first time she had heard their voices. It had been frightening at first but now it was sort of a running joke between the two whenever they finished each other's sentences.
"It's a shame we don't value it as much, though," said Trout after a while. "I mean, it's the whole reason we signed a contract with them in the first place."
Finn shrugged. "What's done is done. We're free agents now so let's live it up! If there's a party going down, then why should the Brooke siblings be excluded? Speaking of which, where the hell did you send that elf girl?"
"Dublin, Ireland. It's where her boyfriend lives."
"Ooo-lala!" said Finn fluttering her eyelashes. Then her features hardened and she looked at Trout with a dark look. "Can we hurry up and go though? That elf keeps staring at me."
Trout glanced at the elf in question. He was seated at the counter of the bar and he was indeed throwing glances at Finn from across the room. Trout looked Finn up and down and smirked.
"Did you forget?"
"What?" said Finn looking confused.
"You're glamoured to look like an actual passable female, you ninny."
Trout sprung from his seat and skipped back a few paces before his sister could sink her nails into him. Laughing he skipped out of the bar ahead of his sister before she gather herself enough to either throttle him or whip out a comeback. Oh, life was good indeed for Trout Brooke.
::Author's Note::
I really like Trout and Finn…I kinda wish I had a Trout to my Finn…=(
Anyway, self pity aside…reviewers I LOVE YOU guys SO MUCH. Caps lock cannot express how happy your reviews made me when I received them. You guys rock.
tomcat941
I don't think I could work with Eoin Colfer what with my tendency to drop dead when I'm around my favorite authors, lol. I also thought about your review when Astaroth made the little rat joke. XD And cool! I looooooove wolves. And ferrets. And owls. And DRAGONS. B)
obsessivereader95
Oh no! =( I hope I didn't make it TOO confusing with all my conspiracy theories and he's controlling her when she's controlling him mumbo jumbo. I hope it became a little less confusing here but if not, feel free to ask about anything.
Carlie
Ha, I see most everything in anime when I dream about it, lolz. And LMAO, I love Arty when he thinks he's crazy because he's never, GAH I'M CRAZY. He's always, Hmmm, I'm crazy? I wonder if I'm crazy in Sigmund Freud terms or in modern terms and now that think about it, I should really complete that paper on how there is an additional type of schizophrenia that psychologists missed. So simple, the simple-toons. LOL.
Btw, you said you know what's going to happen next? Were you right, lol?
HallelujahTheCreator
XD HA, lolz. I know I was a little late but I hope I didn't disappoint. ;)
Thank you guys for taking the time out to review! =D You guys make me a happy writer. Now time for a question…this story was supposed to be rated M for some…*ahem* questionable content. Do you think I should keep it T-type material? Or does it get hot and steamy in The Turning? Oh and what jenti-level Celestials would you like to see?
