Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm still having problems coping with this fact…
Breakfast the next day was a quiet, lonely affair.
Remus sat alone at the corner of the Gryffindor table, tasting nothing of his breakfast as he tried to ignore the stares of the other students and the pressing sense of solitude he felt closing in on him.
Most students kept their distance, preferring to watch and whisper curiously amongst each other from a safe distance. The story was all over the school now: Remus Lupin had defied James Potter to save Severus Snape from humiliation. Such a scandal, Remus thought sarcastically to himself. Not many were willing to write themselves into the middle of such a drama.
The few that did approach were Hufflepuffs. They praised him for his bravery, kindness, integrity… Remus wasn't really listening. He nodded and smiled at what seemed to be the appropriate times, but didn't really hear what they were saying. The pressure of knowing that he'd just lost the only friends he'd ever had was pressing down hard upon him, blocking out all sound.
Remus finished what little he had on his plate and stalked off to the library, where he could hopefully stay out of the spotlight for an hour or two until the Transfiguration exam started.
He had just settled down in his favorite chair with Lord of the Flies, a muggle book that he had never heard of before, and a contraband bar of chocolate when he glimpsed something moving in the corner of his eye. Thinking it was Madam Pince, the old hag of a librarian, he quickly shoved his chocolate out of sight.
"No, it's okay," said a soft voice. "It's just me."
Remus looked up to see none other than Lily Evans standing before him, biting her lip and rocking slightly back and forth on the balls of her feet. Just you? he couldn't help thinking.
"O-Oh," he stuttered, clearing his throat. "Hi."
She twisted her hands together nervously, attempting to smile, though it came across looking more like she was in pain than anything else.
"I, um…" she started, staring at some point on Remus' jumper. " I wanted to thank you… For what you did for Sev – for Snape," she corrected herself, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment before continuing. "I… Thank you. I really… Just… Thanks."
She finally met his eye and Remus could feel his stomach doing backflips. He nodded, not trusting his voice. There was a rather awkward moment in which they just stared at each other, neither of them knowing what to say.
"Well…" she said finally, breaking her gaze. "I'll see you around…" She turned to leave and was halfway to the door before Remus finally found his voice.
He jumped to his feet. "Lily wait!" he cried.
"Ssssshhhhhh!" Madam Pince hissed, glaring at Remus from where she stood dusting off books three aisles down.
Lily turned to face him. He lost his nerve.
"Good –Good luck on the Transfiguration exam," he said in a rush, ignoring Madam Pince.
Lily nodded slowly and began turning back to the door.
"Oh, and Lily!" he called again.
"Yes Remus?" she asked, looking over her shoulder.
"Ssssshhhh!" Madam Pince insisted, but Remus paid her no mind. His stomach was doing cartwheels at the way his name sounded coming from Lily's lips.
"Anytime."
She looked deep into his eyes, tilting her head to the side as her eyes bore into his soul, searching, curious. Then her full lips pulled into a small smile and she nodded. She nodded and continued out the door.
He stared at the empty space where she had just stood, out of breath from the leftover adrenaline coursing through his veins. A slow grin crept across his face till he was smiling like the Cheshire Cat.
She had talked to him. She had talked directly to him for the first time in his life. She had sought him out and she had talked to him. And he had been able to talk to her without sounding like a complete fool. He had made her smile. She had looked deep into his soul and she had smiled.
Forgetting about anything and everyone else, Remus threw himself into some odd kind of celebratory dance, hopping and flailing around in place as he stuffed his mouth with the remains of his hidden chocolate bar.
"MR. LUPIN!" Madam Pince shrieked, bringing Remus crashing back to reality.
Remus froze, eyes wide. "Damn," he swore, rushing to gather his things and stuff them in his bag before Madam Pince saw them.
"You are disrupting the peace and quiet of this establishment. Your dancing is inappropriate for those around us and – IS THAT CHOCOLATE? Chocolate in the library! Get out. GET OUT! I thought you knew better, Mr. Lupin! I thought you had more respect for the written word!" she screeched, chasing him out of the library, whacking any accessible part of him with her feather duster. "Apparently, I was wrong!" she called after his retreating back. "You're no better than those friends of yours!"
She slammed the library doors shut with a bang of indignation.
Remus plodded ahead, making his way back down to the Great Hall with heavy spirits. With one sentence, Madam Pince had popped whatever happy bubble Remus had been living in two minutes ago. Her words rung in his head, You're no better than those friends of yours…
What friends? Remus thought glumly. They don't want me anymore… His worst nightmare had come true.
They had always been so good to him. They included him, they accepted him, they became Animagi for him, and he had just thrown all of that away.
Well, the logical side of his brain was saying, You did the right thing. Think how you'd feel if you let them go ahead and do it.
I'd still have friends, he argued.
You'd still be a bully.
I was never a bully! I've never tormented anyone in my life!
Have you ever stood up for one of James and Sirius' victims before now? Have you ever stopped it?... Didn't think so.
Remus frowned to himself. The voice had a point. He had been so worried about losing his friends that he had sacrificed other innocent students to James and Sirius' taunting. Suddenly, he felt disgusted with himself.
See? the voice said. Don't you feel better now?
No.
Not even a bit?
Bugger off.
A derisive laugh shook Remus out of his reverie. He realized that he was standing in the middle of the entrance hall, staring blankly into space like an idiot.
Looking around, his eyes fell upon the tall sixth year girl who had laughed. Remus crinkled his nose in distaste. Bellatrix Black, Sirius' cousin.
Her Slytherin robes had been magically modified to fit her figure like a glove, clinging to her every curve. Her skirt was short, her shirt was low, and her heavy lidded eyes were covered with black makeup.
"Lose something, Lupin?" she purred, slinking over to his side.
"No," he replied curtly.
"Oh? Not even your friends?" She cackled mockingly at the way Remus' muscles clenched in response. "Mmm, never mind that. You don't need them…" she sneered, looking him up and down.
Remus didn't like the way she was looking at him. His eyes darted around, jaw tense, looking for an exit, but the Slytherins had formed a wall around them.
"I'll show you what you need," she whispered, pressing herself up against him. "Why don't you come with me, Lupin? I could teach you so much…" Her lips were millimeters away from his; he could feel her breath on his face.
"I'll pass, thanks," he replied, stepping back. She grabbed his tie, yanking him back to her.
"No one ever says no to me," Bellatrix hissed. "There's nothing I like better than a good little boy. I like…" she ran her hand down his chest, uncomfortably close to the waistband of his pants. He blanched, but she paid him no mind. "To ruin them…"
Remus tried to pull away once more, but she wound herself around him until she was behind him. "The good ones always turn out to be the wildest," she whispered in his ear. "One might even say… Wolflike," she murmured, flicking his earlobe with her tongue as she spoke her last word.
Remus flinched and the Slytherins laughed. "Think about it, Lupin. Come spend some time with the good Black. And by good… I mean bad." She gave him one last predatory smirk before turning on her heel and walking away, followed by her posse of Slytherins.
He spent a few moments in shock, staring at nothing, feeling dirty and horrified.
"Hello, Remus Lupin," said a soft, lilty voice from near his elbow. "You don't look well."
Remus looked down and found himself looking into the enormous grey eyes of Yasmeen McDaniels, a Ravenclaw fourth year that had always been too perceptive for his liking. With horror still lodged in his throat, it was all he could do to shake his head.
"What did that Bellatrix Black want?" she asked, cocking her head to the side, her extremely long, wild mess of hair nearly brushing the ground.
"Me," Remus choked out.
"Ah. I see… That makes sense; she was on you like a Wobbly Fracksnosher…"
"A what?" Remus asked, temporarily forgetting the events of the past five minutes.
"Xeno told me about them," she said, as if this explained everything. Xenophilius Lovegood, a very odd sixth year Ravenclaw, was a friend of Yasmeen's, though most others preferred to keep their distance.
"Uh-huh…" Remus hummed, still preoccupied with the revolting event he had just lived through. He shuddered. "That was horrible."
"It could be worse. You could have been attacked by a Bangflabber Rendinkflinger… That would have been horrible."
Remus didn't really feel like asking. Checking his watch, he saw that he had five minutes to go into the Great Hall and find a desk before the Transfiguration exam began.
"I'm sure it would be," he said brusquely. "Look, Yasmeen, I've got to go. Good talking to you."
"And to you, Remus Lupin! Good luck on your exam! And good luck next Tuesday!" she called to his retreating back.
Remus glared at nothing in particular. Leave it to Yasmeen to go shouting something like that loud enough for half the school to hear. She had figured out his secret within two months of first seeing him. How exactly, he did not know, but thankfully she had always kept it to herself. The question was, how did Bellatrix Black know?
This thought preoccupied him for a good minute until he entered the Great Hall and realized most of the fifth years were already seated. Damn, he thought. There were practically no empty seats. He scanned the room, searching for a friendly face. Those that caught his eye, however, quickly looked away. Sirius, James, and Peter were sitting in the middle of the room as usual, but today there was no empty spot waiting for Remus to come fill it. That space had been taken up by a member of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team Remus recognized by sight, but not name.
He scanned the room, trying not to let his hurt show. Where to sit… Where to sit…
"Remus! Oi, Remus!" a voice called out from his left. It was Matthew Jacobson, Lily's friend. Remus looked at him in confusion. "Come and sit over here you daft dunderhead, we've got an empty space!"
Well, Remus thought, better him than Goyle. He made his way to where Matthew sat next to Katrina Litton, Naomi Goldhirsch, and two empty seats.
"Pull up a chair, mon frère," Matthew says in a singsong voice, gesturing to the seat on his left. "We saved it just for you."
"You did?" Remus asked as he sat down.
"Yep," Katrina yawned, flipping her light brown hair out of her eyes. "We figured with those dumbarses being – well, dumbarses – you'd need a place to sit."
"Think of it as a thank you gift," Matthew says, clapping Remus on the shoulder. "To you from Lily, via us, the most amazing people you will ever meet."
"Right…" Remus muttered, feeling awkward and unsure.
"Don't scare the poor boy, Matthew," Naomi chided gently, pulling the sleeves of her long sleeved tee-shirt down further over her arms.
"Sorry…" Matthew mumbled. "So, what was going on with Bellatrix Black out there?"
Remus shuddered.
"Yeah, that's what it looked like. I was ready to throw up for you. The creepy skank-ho…" Katrina said, looking disgusted. "Matthew was ready to run screaming…"
"Was not!"
"Was too! Point is, we feel sorry for you. We'd have backed you up – Oh okay, I would have backed you up, but… That biotch is crazy."
Naomi nodded, frowning disapprovingly at the memory.
Suddenly, a whirlwind of fire seemed to touch down in their midst. Remus felt a slight panic, though the others didn't so much as blink. The tornado died down and he realized it to be a panicked Lily Evans, hair flying everywhere as she sprinted to her seat. She threw herself down in the chair just as the doors to the Great Hall slammed shut.
"Phew," she sighed, breathing hard. "I thought I wasn't going to make it. I lost track of time reading in the dormitory." She pushed the thick veil of fiery red hair out of her face, and as she did so, saw Remus for the first time. "Oh… Hi, Remus." She smiled shyly.
Remus opened his mouth to reply but didn't get the chance, as just then Professor McGonagall called the hall to attention and began giving directions for the exam.
Remus stared down at his paper. Focus, he told himself, focus.
However, with Lily sitting so close to him, he felt focusing would be easier said than done.
A/N: Thank you to all my people who reviewed! My… Reviewing Peoples Thanks to my amazing friend Christina (fantasyvampiress or whatever it is) for helping me write this and for being my non-official beta… And for coming up with "Wobbly Fracksnosher" and "Bangflabber Rendinkflinger"… Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!
PS: Hello out there to all non-American people, you rock! I can't tell you how psyched I got when I saw that people from France, Australia, Indonesia, the UAE, Finland, Singapore, Israel, Brazil, and all the other awesome countries you guys come from were reading my stories! I've always been fascinated with foreign countries and languages! So, hello to you all!
PSx2: You know what to do… Clicky Clicky… You know you want to…
