DISCLAIMER: SHAID IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM OWNS JORDAN CATALANO. I ONLY WISH I DID.
A Mess of Things
By Shaid
Chapter 5
Jordan POV
May 9th, 1997
Angela was going to be pissed. It had been months since I'd shown up with bruises and these were some of the worst I'd had since… well, since I could remember. Most of them I couldn't hide under my clothes either; he'd aimed for the face. I was fucking sore all over but I was pretty sure nothing was broken. I didn't like to fight; I knew how to and I'd been ready for it this time but I still hated it.
The thing about getting hit in the face was that it always looked bad, even if it wasn't. I didn't have a black eye but there were some bruises on my eyebrow and cheekbones that came close. The worst was the split lip; it was swollen and fucking purple already. I'd been able to clean up a little at the loft and the cuts on my jaw had stopped bleeding but I still looked like shit. It had just been the absolute wrong time to tell him; I hadn't noticed the half empty whiskey bottle on the end table when I'd walked in and apparently, he'd had a real shitty day already.
Bruises or not, I was supposed to have dinner with Angela and her mom tonight. We'd decided tonight was the night we were going to tell Patty and if I bailed, she'd kill me. Besides, I didn't have anywhere else to go now that I'd been thrown out of the house. The bruises were going to make for some uncomfortable dinner conversation. Of course, they might make her go easy on me; I already looked like I'd had the crap beaten out of me once over this, a second time wasn't going to make Angela any less pregnant.
Patty was in the kitchen when I came in the back door. I tried to sneak past, just say hey and go on up to Angela's room. But she saw my face.
"Oh my god! Jordan, what happened?" I stopped in the hallway and turned back to her, head down. "You- Oh, God. Angela!" she called up the stairs. "Angela, get down here!"
"Look, I'm fine. I'll just get some ice and it'll be ok." Angela came running down the stairs two at a time. She stopped short when she saw my face then went into a panic.
"Jordan? What-? Are you ok? Is anything broken?" I just shook my head as she and her mother led me to the kitchen and sat me down at the table. Patty prodded at my bruises while Angela stood next to me. "But you said- I mean- He hit you? Why did he-" She stopped when she realized what must have happened. "No. God damn it, Jordan!"
"Angela, watch your language," Patty snapped. "Does that hurt, Jordan?" she asked, pressing on a spot near my eye. It stung a little but felt okay so I just shook my head again. "Good. Ok, talk to me, guys. What is going on?"
Angela ignored her. "Why would you confront him alone?" she pressed, angry. I flinched as Patty hit a really sore spot. "I told you I'd be there with you! Maybe he wouldn't have reacted so violently if I had been there?"
"And I told you I'm not letting you anywhere near him. It would have been worse if you'd been there." We'd had this argument a few times now. I still didn't want her anywhere near my old man and I'd flat out refused to let her be there when I told him about our baby. He wasn't the type to get all sentimental about a grandkid.
"You don't know that!" she shouted.
"Yes, I do!"
"Both of you cut it out!" Patty interrupted, "Angela, get some ice from the freezer and wrap it in a towel. I'm not sure I understand. Confront who? What happened?"
"Giovanni hit him," Angela almost growled. She wrenched the freezer door open and slammed the ice around. I was glad to see her temper directed at someone else (anyone else) for now. As sexy as she was when she was pissed, I'd seen a bit too much of that face lately.
"Your father?" Patty frowned. "He did this? Why would he-? Jordan, I know it's not really my business but- has this happened before? It's always been fairly obvious that you two don't get along, but I never thought he was actually violent toward you. I had no idea. You should have told me. I could've helped. There are laws, y'know?"
"Yeah," I said flatly. I wasn't going to talk about this with Patty. There was nothing she could do about it and I was done with the bastard anyway. He'd kicked me out. All my stuff was packed in Red. I'd sleep at the loft if I needed to but there was no way in hell I'd go back to that house.
"I don't- I know I can't really do much for you now, but you know that if you need something, you can ask me." I nodded. "What happened? I mean, was it unprovoked or-" Patty was the kind of mom the wanted to help her kids friends and I respected that. She tried to be a good person. But how do you explain the kind of shit I dealt with to a person like that? So I just cut her off.
"He didn't like something I had to say and kicked me out." Her eyes widened in shock and I could tell Angela was trying to hold back tears. She hated it when I didn't have a place to go; I know she was scared something would happen to me.
"What could you possibly have said to merit this?"
I shifted uncomfortably, my eyes darting to Angela. She was biting her nails and looking like she wanted to shout. "Can we talk about this later? I just need to like, relax for a little. Ange and I can hang out in her room until dinner."
"Sure. No problem." She waved us up the stairs. "Danielle is having dinner at a friend's so it'll just be the three of us again. I'll call up when it's ready."
We were halfway up the stairs when I whispered to Angela, "Danielle is having dinner at a friend's? Seriously? How did you manage that? Since when is she talking to those bratty friends of hers again?" She shrugged.
"Apparently they made up a few weeks ago. Of course, she didn't tell me until I asked her this afternoon. God, ever since she made Honor Roll she's been like, completely unbearable." She rolled her eyes and sighed. Angela was smart and her grades were decent but she'd never really cared about things like Honor Roll. She still didn't, but Danielle treated her freshman year like a competition; it was like she had to do everything better or faster than Angela. "So anyway, Danielle apologized for calling them idiots and they apologized for bailing on her at the mall. Its better that she's talking to them again anyway; she's been hanging out with our friends way too much this year and she'd be really lonely if she and the brats were still on the outsover the summer. I did have to resort to blackmail, however," she groaned.
"What did you blackmail her with?" Danielle was a good kid; she was way too smart and her sense of humor was on the twisted side but she was still good.
"Telling Mom about her boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?" I was totally confused. Since when did Danielle have a boyfriend? I'd kinda taken on a big brother role with her, keeping an eye on her and basically telling her to stay away from guys like me. It was like she was my sister too, but I didn't have to deal with her shit as much as Angela did. So Danielle and I were… well, I cared about the kid. A lot. And I worried about her getting the wrong idea about things. I didn't want some asshole taking advantage of her like I'd done to girls before I met Angela. The idea that she had a boyfriend I didn't know about disturbed me a little.
"You don't know?" She quietly closed the door to her room, laughing. "Most of the school is talking about it. It's kinda funny to have her as the object of gossip. Little Miss Honor Roll is dating a Senior."
"No fucking way." I was shocked. I mean, she hung out with us all the time, you know, and all of us were seniors. So I guess if she could have friends that were older, she could have a boyfriend who was older, too. Still… "That's- what's wrong with him? I mean, a senior? I don't like it. What kind of guy dates a kid three or four years younger than him?"
Angela just shrugged. "You were eighteen and I was fifteen when we were messing around."
"I was seventeen when we started messing around," I reminded her. "And you turned sixteen right after I turned eighteen. I mean, we're just two years apart, Ange. It's not like- Man, there's gotta be at least three years difference there. She's still a kid! I mean, does she even- She's not even filled out yet, is she?" It's not like I looked at her that way, so I really did have to ask. I may have to have a little talk with this boyfriend. The situation with me and Angela was bad enough, but I think Patty'd have a heart attack if Danielle ended up pregnant in her sophomore year.
"Jordan!" She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yes, she is. She's actually bigger than me. And thank you for not noticing. Anyway, he's an honors student, one of Brian Krakow's friends; Martin or Marvin, something like that. It's so weird. I mean, God, she had this huge crush on Krakow for the longest time and now she's dating one of his friends? I guess she really has a thing for nerds. And she totally has him wrapped around her little finger." She flopped down on her bed and I followed, pulling her tight against me. Bruises or no bruises, I couldn't go much longer without kissing her. Her lips were always so fucking soft; I loved to lick at them until she opened her mouth to me. When she did, I slid my tongue against hers, tasting her and begging her to taste me. It was a long time before I pulled away to breathe.
"That's such a weird saying," I said as I kissed down her neck. God, her neck was just fucking amazing. She made all these wonderful sounds when I licked or bit at it. My hands slid under her clothes to touch as much skin as I could. Her skin was soft and smooth all over and I seriously couldn't get enough.
"What? 'Wrapped around her finger'?" she asked breathlessly. I could tell she was starting to have trouble concentrating on anything but my hands and mouth. She wasn't paying attention to where my hands were roaming so I kept talking, distracting her while one hand slid down her stomach, past the top of her pants.
"Yeah. It's just weird. 'Cause like, people could say I'm wrapped around your finger, too. And I guess in a way, I am." I nibbled on her neck for a moment before sucking on it softly. "I'd do anything for you, Angela," I breathed. "But I like it much better when you're wrapped around my fingers." I slid two fingers into her and she moaned. I loved that sound; it was like, the more I heard it, the more I wanted to hear it. All the sounds she made were like that. And she was so fucking beautiful when she came. I rubbed her slowly with my thumb as I slipped a third finger in and felt her buck against my hand. She whimpered my name and started trying to pull off her pants.
"Please," she whispered, "Jordan, please, I need more." I knew we only had a few minutes but- God damn; I almost couldn't help myself when she begged like that. In seconds, her jeans were on the floor and I was inside her. One of the best things about her being pregnant? No. More. Fucking. Condoms. I mean, seriously, both of us were clean and it wasn't like she could get more pregnant. It was the best sensation ever and I loved that it was something new to both of us. I'd never not used a condom and having Angela be the first I had this kind of contact with was… fucking perfect.
One of the other great things was how quick she got off these days. All it took was a few flicks of my fingers and a couple thrusts and she was fucking sobbing into my mouth while I kissed her. She arched under me, her whole body shuddering and I followed a few seconds later before collapsing beside her. I pulled her to me as she giggled breathlessly and kissed my chin. I loved lying with her like this; at first it had felt strange to me to feel this close to her after sex but now it just felt right. I could feel both of our hearts still racing and hoped we had a few more minutes before Patty called us for dinner.
"What's so funny?" I asked. She was still giggling slightly, her arms wrapped around my chest, ear pressed over my heart. More than once, she'd told me that she liked to listen to my heart as we came down. She always worried I would think it was weird or something but I understood; she listened to my chest but all I had to do was press my hand against her back and I could feel her heart beating under my palm. And knowing I'd caused that wild, erratic rhythm thumping through her body was pretty awesome.
She shrugged and shook her head. "Nothing, really. It just that-" she laughed again, blushing. "My mother is downstairs making dinner. And we just-" Her blush got even brighter. "We just had sex, really hot sex, in my bed, right above her. I just find the situation… amusing." God, that blush of hers is hot, I thought. Still, I rolled my eyes and bent to nibble where her jaw and ear met. She gigged and squirmed away from me.
"Yeah, so? You loved every second of it." She nodded in response, humming against me. "You know, we still never got to do it in your room while your parents were sleeping," I teased.
"Shut up," she laughed. I pulled her back to me and kissed her until she stopped laughing.
We had to go downstairs soon so I kissed her for all I was worth, knowing this was one of the last calm moments we'd have for a while. Both of us were trying to be brave even though we were terrified. Angela was a lot calmer about things than she'd been at first. She was still breaking down crying at random times and yelling at me over nothing but she was mostly keeping it together and thinking things through. I knew she was trying hard to keep her head straight. When we'd gone to see Angela's doctor last week, Dr Scholnick had told us that Angela would probably have mood swings and be very emotional from time to time. The crying and yelling were just like, the tip of the iceberg.
"I love you, Angela," I whispered.
"I love you, too," she whispered back. "I'm still scared."
"I am, too. But we're going to be okay." I rubbed my hand over her stomach, barely able to tell that it was slightly rounder than before. "I promise, Ange, we're going to be okay. All three of us."
Dinner was really quiet, quieter than the night Angela had taken the test. There was so much we needed to say but it was like it was too much. Patty was asking me questions but I found it harder than usual to answer them. I just sat next to Angela, my knee pressed to hers and tried not to look guilty. Not that she could see much of my expression through the bruises.
"Listen, Jordan, if you need me to help you look for an apartment, it's no problem. You don't work Wednesday, right? I can take you Wednesday after the shop closes to go look and-"
"Mrs. Chase-" I interrupted.
"Jordan, I've told you, it's Patty." I cringed. I was fine calling her Patty in my head, even in front of Angela but right now, with what we were about to tell her? Yeah, it like, felt wrong.
"Patty, really, it'll be fine," I tried to reassure her. "I've actually been looking for the past few weeks; I knew I was going to have to move out soon, you know? With graduation coming up, the old man has been throwing hints left and right that it's time for me to get out."
Okay, so they were really obvious hints like "you'd fucking better be looking for a place to live because as soon as you graduate you're out on your ass", but they were still hints. Kinda. That and I knew that Angela and I were going to need our own place once the baby came.
"Have you found anything yet?" She glanced over at Angela who was kinda staring off into nothing. I nudged her with my knee and she glanced over before looking down at her food; she'd barely touched any of what was on her plate but I knew her stomach had to be tied in knots. Mine was.
I cleared my throat and shrugged, trying to get Patty's attention back on me. "Well, there's this one place down in Shady Side that looks good. It's not far from school and the rent is decent. I've got some money saved up, so it shouldn't be a problem. And it'll be available right after graduation so I'll have a place soon. I can crash at the loft until then, I guess."
"I'd offer you a place here but- well, there would be some rules." She laughed a little and I squirmed a bit. We'd definitely broken those rules, a lot actually. Angela's bed was one of our favorite places.
"No, really it's fine. I'll be ok there; most of the guys in the band have crashed there at some point, even me, and it's not so bad. It's better than my car, at least." I shrugged again. Patty looked over at Angela again and frowned. Ange, Babe, you need to say something, I thought, your mom knows something's up. But Angela just moved the food on her plate around silently and Patty sighed.
"So if you're moving to Shady Side, will you still be able to work at Jake's?"
"Actually, his cousin owns a garage in Edgewood and offered me a job there. Jake was kinda friends with my mom and her brother in high school and I guess he figures that makes me like, you know, family. He thinks I can learn a lot from Gary and I figure it can't hurt; Gary's more into body work than repairs like Jake and I've done some body work but not a heck of a lot. So, yeah, I'll probably learn a few new skills and that's never a bad thing." I risked taking a glance at Angela myself and realized she looked scared as hell. I mean, I knew she was; this whole thing was terrifying. But the look on Angela's face was like someone about to face the chopping block. No fucking way had Patty not noticed.
"Well, that's nice. I'm glad Jake can see your potential and wants to help you succeed. I hope this ends up being good for you." She frowned then and looked back at Angela. "Angela, you haven't said a word all evening. Is everything alright?" Angela looked up and nodded.
"Yeah. I'm fine, Mom. Just… thinking." I grabbed Angela's hand under the table; it was shaking like a leaf. I knew my face looked guilty. I felt guilty. Patty narrowed her eyes at both of us.
"Okay, you two are acting just plain strange and I don't think it has anything to do with Jordan's situation. Angela, what is going on?" Patty demanded. "You're acting stranger and stranger. I've chalked it up to senioritis and you guys being excited to be done with school but- Something is up and you're keeping secrets. What's going on? What are you guys hiding from me?"
Neither one of us was sure how to say this but Angela… Angela had to take the lead here. This was her mom. I'd told my folks on my own but my situation was a lot different from hers; in a lot of ways, I'd been my own parent for years. As hard as this was, she had to be the one to tell Patty, I couldn't do it for her. After a few deep breaths, she hung her head so low that her hair nearly brushed her plate. The grip she had on my hand was nearly painful but I didn't pull away; I could see her bottom lip trembling and I knew she was seconds away from tears.
"I'm- Mom, I-" Her voice broke and the tears started falling. I'm here, Angela. I thought, wishing she could hear me. I love you. You can do this. She took a deep breath, still crying. "I'm- pregnant." The last word was a strangled whisper but I knew Patty had heard.
White as a sheet, she left the table and stood at the sink, staring out the window. For a long time, she just stood there as Angela cried. I held Angela, rubbing her back as I watched Patty digest this. She was trying to stay blank but I saw several different emotions cross her face: shock, anger, fear, disappointment, doubt, worry. I was worried too but trying not to show it. I mean, for the most part, Angela's parents were ok with me; I treated her well and she was happy. But this was- I'd gotten their daughter pregnant. It's a big-fucking-deal. I'm planning on being there through all of it (I mean, it's my baby too) but they don't know that yet and I still look like the bad guy here.
It wasn't that I thought she'd kick Angela out or like, forbid me to ever see her again but I was still scared as hell something was going to go wrong. It was pretty obvious Patty Chase loved her girls and they'd probably be forgiven anything; I wasn't sure I'd get the same treatment. Angela's birthday was Tuesday but we'd decided to tell Patty tonight because we had our second appointment with Dr Scholnick tomorrow morning and Angela wanted her mother to see the ultrasound. I'd argued against it at first because I wanted, needed, to be there and I was really worried about how Patty would react. It was really important to me and to Angela that both of us got to see our baby for the first time together and I didn't want things to be weird because Patty was mad at us. I didn't want to think she'd try to keep me away but the idea that she might try wouldn't leave my mind.
"Is this what you told your father before he- before he kicked you out?" I barely heard the question but I nodded in answer. She wouldn't look directly at me but I knew she could see me out of the corner of her eye. "Did you know that he would react that way?"
"Kinda. I figured he'd try at least. It's been a long time since we actually came to blows and I don't like fighting in general so I'm kinda out of practice. I was expecting it but I wasn't able to block as well as I used to. He said he thinks I'm repeating his mistakes." I shrugged. "It's not the same thing. Not even close."
"I don't understand, what do you mean?"
I sighed and pulled my hair away from my face. "My folks were really young when they had me. My mom had just graduated from high school and my old man was about to start his senior year of college when they found out I was on the way. He married her, 'cause he had to, got a job and just gave up on everything. She told me he was an artist once, like Picasso or something. But he like, stopped painting and sculpting and stopped caring. He just got drunk and mean." She finally looked over at me and I met her eyes with determination. "The difference is that I love Angela. That I already love our baby. I'm scared as hell and I have no idea what I'm doing but I'll do whatever it takes to make sure both of them have everything they need. And I'm not giving up."
Patty sighed and closed her eyes, leaning back against the counter. After a moment, she buried her face in her hands. I let go of Angela and she went over to her mom; for a moment, she just stood in front of her, both of them crying quietly. When Angela hugged her, both of them started sobbing. I sat at the table and watched. They were talking softly enough that I couldn't quite understand what they were saying. At one point, I heard Angela saying sorry over and over.
Which is exactly when Danielle came in the back door.
"Hey. What's going on? Is everything okay?" She looked over at me and winced. "Dude, what happened to your face? You look like you went five rounds with Mike Tyson or something."
"Or something." I looked over at Angela and her mom. They were both still crying but trying to wipe the tears off their faces.
"Yeah, don't everybody rush to tell me what's going on or anything. Seriously, who would punch Jordan Catalano? And why are you guys crying?" Danielle rolled her eyes. "What's with all the drama?"
Patty shook her head and leaned against the counter. "I have no idea what to say." Angela was still sniffling and Danielle rolled her eyes, again.
"Oh my god, you guys are like, so emotional. What the heck? Lemme guess, Angela's pregnant and Dad beat you up?" she joked. Patty started laughing and I couldn't help but cringe. Angela giggled a little but still looked shaky and Danielle looked at them like they were crazy.
"Well, you're half right," I sighed. "Though after we tell him, you might be completely right."
Danielle's eyes suddenly got very wide. She turned to me, shocked. "You've got to be kidding me. You knocked up my sister? No fucking wonder you keep telling me not to date guys like you!"
"Danielle!" Patty snapped. "Language!"
"Angela is seventeen and pregnant. He's the one who knocked her up and neither one of them has graduated from high school yet. But you're lecturing me on language?"
"Danielle, please stop saying 'knocked up'," Patty sighed, a pained look on her face.
"Whatever." She looked at me frowning again. "So who beat you up? I mean, you're like, completely damaged."
"My old man, he's… He wasn't exactly excited to hear he's got a grandkid on the way. We got into it and he told me to get out of his house. So I did." I shrugged. "I'm on my own now."
"That's like really messed up. Sucks to be you, man." She looked over at Angela and her mom. They were talking together really quietly and neither of us could hear what they were saying. I figured they needed it and didn't want to interrupt. "Have they been like that long?"
"Just since we told her," I said. "Like, the last ten minutes or so." I nodded over towards the living room. "I think they need a few minutes." Danielle shrugged and followed me out of the room. We sat on the couch and I frowned. "So, you gonna to yell at me too?"
Danielle shook her head. "Not really. I mean, it's kinda weird. I'm going to be an aunt before I'm even halfway through high school. That's just not normal. It's like, a big shock, you know. I mean, I knew you guys were doing it but-" She shook her head. "I mean, Angela's always been like, the favorite. And she's like, perfect. And yeah, I sometimes wish like, bad grades or frizzy hair or even millions of zits on her. But it's all been petty shit; she's still my sister. This isn't something I'd have wished to happen to you guys, you know? Wow." She shook her head and curled up in the corner of the couch. "So, what? You're like, homeless now or something?" I shrugged. I'd find somewhere to stay, I knew that. Angela might worry about me but I could handle myself. "Dude, where're you going to sleep? Eat? Shower?"
Like showering is my biggest problem right now. I shook my head at her and snorted. "I'll be fine. It's not like I've never had to do this before."
Danielle's eyes widened and she looked at me like I was crazy. "The fact that you've had to do this before is not all that reassuring, man. I mean, how are you going to take care of my niece or nephew if you're homeless? Can you still start college in the fall? What the hell are you guys going to do?"
"First off, I'm not going to be homeless for long. We found an apartment in Pittsburgh and we can move in the week after graduation. As for college…" I trailed off and shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, things are going to be hard; there's no way to deny that. The baby will be due in the middle of the semester and we're not sure if she'll be able to go to classes after that. I'm still going to school whether she is or not, but she might have to wait a semester or two. We're talking to the admissions office at Pitt about what we can do. I mean, it's not like we're the only couple to ever get pregnant just before graduation. It has to have happened before." And I wanted Angela to finish school, I wanted her to go to college and be- I just wanted her to be happy. "So just because she's- Look, this baby is not the end of the world," I told her. "It's scary, for all of us, but it's not really like, a terrible thing. She's only a few months along and even if she were further along, it not like life stops. We still have to work and go to school and like, live our lives."
Danielle shook her head at me, still looking a bit stunned. "I know but like, doesn't this change everything? Like, doesn't it completely derail all your plans or something?"
"Well, yeah, but in a way it really doesn't. I mean, I'd planned that Angela and me would move in together at some point, just not- not so soon. It's not like I never wanted any of this to happen, it's just a lot faster than we're really ready for." I sighed.
She looked at me liked I'd grown a second head. "So you wanted Angela to get pregnant? Are you fucking crazy?"
"Like I said, not now; I wanted us to you know, grow up first, have some time for us to be just us, together. I thought we'd maybe even get married, you know? Eventually. After being together for a few more years? And I'm not talking just like a year or two; I'm talking like five years; after college and getting like, real jobs." Danielle just nodded. "Bottom line is, we fucked up. We're way too young to be dealing with all of this, but that doesn't really matter now. We just have to deal, y'know? And stop swearing! Your mom is gonna to think I taught you that stuff!" She laughed but it trailed off into a thoughtful look. For a few minutes both of us just sat there, looking off into nothing. "By the way, Angela told me about your boyfriend. A senior? Are you kidding me?"
"It's not a big deal, Jordan, really," she said, rolling her eyes. "So he's a few years older than me? So what? You're older than Angela."
"Yeah, I am," I said cautiously. Talking with Danielle could get sticky; she had a way with words that could turn what you said into something else completely. "But I also didn't start dating her when she was a freshman and I was a senior about to go off to college. It's kinda like, twisted or sleazy or something; you're still a kid and he's like, an adult almost."
"Martin is in no way, shape or form an adult; he's even more immature than me most of the time. He's completely socially retarded. But he's a nice guy," she insisted. "And I'm not serious about him. He's just someone to hang out with and stuff until the end of the summer. We watch movies and make fun of people; it's like being with my friends except we make out."
"You'd better not get too serious," I warned her. "Christ, Danielle, I mean it. If you do something dumb and get yourself- Angela's been all tied up in knots worried about how your folks are going to take this. But if you pull something like this? You're not going to have to worry about your parents killing you because I'll do it myself."
"'Pull something like this'? What, you mean get knocked up before I'm even out of high school?" she snapped. "Isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black or something?"
"Danielle," I warned, glaring at her. She knew what I meant. I wouldn't argue with her if she was going to insult me; she played dirty and it wasn't fair.
"Sorry! I'm sorry," she said. "But you started it. I just- Honestly, I'm not planning on, you know, sleeping with him."
"Just because you don't plan on it doesn't mean it won't happen," I reminded her. "You think either of us planned for Angela to get pregnant?"
"No, of course I don't. I understand the whole, 'be careful because you never know what's going to happen' but-" She frowned and looked at me like she was embarrassed or something. "God, this is like almost as humiliating as talking to my father about sex." She took a deep breath and hid part of her face in her knees. "Dude, I don't want to lose my virginity to this guy, ok? I'm not that into him. There's like this specific guy I'd like, really want to do that with but it's like completely impossible and-" She shook her head and groaned. "God, I don't even want to talk about it. And I agree that it would be a monumentally bad idea for me to… do something that would cause me to be in a situation like yours." I wondered if that 'specific guy' was Brian but didn't say anything because really, I didn't want to know.
"Cool. I'm glad you get it." I was going to talk to her guy too but mentioning that to her would be a really bad idea; she was sneaky and devious and if I told her I was going to scare the shit out of the guy, I'd never get a chance to. "But why is talking to me like talking to your dad? I think I should be offended or something."
"Don't be, you're not like my dad. At all. It just that- You're almost like… my big brother or something. It'd be like you talking about sex with… I dunno, my mom? It's just creepy." All of a sudden her eyes lit up. "Hey! If you marry Angela, that'll make you like, my brother-in-law, won't it?"
"Yeah, I guess it would," I agreed. Marriage. My heart started kicking in my chest. Marriage was, again, a big-fucking-deal and I really wasn't sure either one of us was anywhere near ready for it, even with the baby on the way. But it was a less scary idea now and part of me… part of me really wanted it.
"I'd like that," she said, smiling. "I mean, you're pretty much already part of the family; you've been with Angela forever. You watch out for me, even when I don't want you to. It would be nice to have that all be official." Her eyes took on a glint that was kinda devious then, like the look she got when she was planning mischief. "When you propose, which should be soon, don't let her think it's about the baby; she'll get pissed off at you if she thinks it's about that." I opened my mouth to reply but couldn't seem to think of anything to say.
"Mom!" I heard Angela shout. "I can not believe you just said that to me!" Danielle and I both cringed and headed back to the kitchen.
"Somebody has to! And you will not take that tone with me, young lady!" Patty shouted back.
"Of all the- I can't even look at you! How could you-" Angela was still yelling when I rushed into the kitchen to find them on opposite sides of the island, screaming at each other. Angela was so angry she was practically shaking. Danielle followed me in but stopped in the doorway.
"Okay, waaaay too much drama here," she said. "I'll be upstairs. Lemme know if you need me to call nine-one-one; Mom looks about ready to have a stroke."
"Just go!" I told her. She nodded and took off. Angela and Patty were still screaming at each other and I couldn't understand any of it. Danielle was right, Patty looked livid; her face was completely red. Angela was in tears again and I knew I had to do something.
"Shut up!" I shouted. "Both of you!" The both looked at me startled, as if they hadn't realized I was in the room. They probably didn't. "Calm down. Just- calm down."
"No!" Angela shouted, "She said- I can't- Why would you say that? You're my mother; you're not supposed to say things like that!"
"But you do have options, honey! It's not like when I was your age; there are so many doors still open to you! And I really hope you're not thinking about getting married; there's no sense in compounding one mistake with another." I cringed at that. I was thinking of marrying Angela; it wasn't just because of the baby, though that definitely made things more urgent.
"Stop calling my baby a mistake!" Angela screamed. Patty jumped back, shocked and Angela tried to pull herself back together. "This wasn't planned," she whispered, her right hand moving to cover her stomach, like she was trying to protect our baby from her mom's words. "And it may have been an accident but I never, ever want to hear you call this baby a mistake again." Patty crossed over to Angela's side of the island and held her. Angela held her back and Patty kissed her forehead.
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again. You're just so young, Angela! Both of you are just so young. All I want is for you to be able to live your lives! There's so much for you to explore, so much to learn and see and do! How can you do that if you're struggling just to survive?" She sighed and shook her head, stepping back. "What are you going to do about college? Health insurance? Money? How are you going to manage household bills? Diapers, toys, clothes? Does Jordan moving to Shady Side mean you are too, Angela? Do you even know when the baby's due?"
"We're due November sixteenth," I whispered. Patty looked over at me and I could see something like shock in her eyes.
"That's- That's a lot sooner than I'd thought." She stood there blinking for a moment and covered her face again. "I need to sit down." Angela and I followed her to the kitchen table and I heard Danielle scramble up the stairs. For a few moments we just sat there looking at each other. Patty looked like she was trying to keep from crying and I knew she was very angry. "You're ten weeks pregnant. When did you find out?"
Angela spoke up. "April twenty-first."
"Well, at least you didn't hide it until after graduation. You said this was an accident?" We both nodded. "I'm disappointed in you both. I'm not a fool; you've been dating for over two years and I remember being a teenager- But still, how could you be so careless and irresponsible?"
"We weren't irresponsible!" Angela insisted. "We were very, very careful, Mom. We used a condom every single time. But apparently it wasn't enough." Patty looked like she was about to yell at Angela again so I jumped in.
"We didn't want this to happen. But it happened and now we're taking responsibility. We're having this baby and we're going to do the best we can to take care of it. Neither one of us is ready and we're both scared to death but we both see this as the only option we have."
"You should be scared!" she yelled. "I'm glad you're both thinking this through but- This isn't going to be easy, for either of you-"
"We know," I said, trying to keep calm. "Everyone we've talked to has said that and we get it; we know it's not going to be easy. But we're doing this together, hard or not, and that's gotta count for something."
Patty closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. When she did speak again, her voice was very soft. "So am I the last to know?"
"No, we still have to tell Dad," Angela whispered
"Does everyone else know?" Her face looked desperate and I knew she felt betrayed, by both of us.
Angela nearly choked. "No! Oh, god no! We're trying to keep this quiet, Mom. I don't want everyone knowing about this. It's going to be obvious soon enough. I might be graduating soon but I still- I don't want to be gossiped about. I told Rayanne, Ricky and Sharon, that's it. And I only told them because Rayanne bought me the pregnancy test and she would have told Ricky and Sharon if I hadn't."
Patty calmed a bit. "Well Jordan's obviously told his father. Have you told anyone else?"
I nodded. "I called my mom the night Angela told me. We talked for a long time. She's not happy but she says she'll be supportive. Would be nice if she actually meant it as more than just an emotional support, you know?" Patty frowned and nodded. "Actually, I told Shane first; he's like, my brother almost and- I kinda just needed someone to talk to, you know? He kinda knows where my head's at. I haven't told the rest of the band yet but- Residue is definitely not a priority right now. I'm not going to leave the band or anything, but Angela and the baby come first."
"I understand." She shook her head and looked closely at me. "Jordan, considering the situation, I feel I have to insist that you stay here, at least until you have a real place to go." She frowned. "I don't approve of the behavior that got you both into this mess but- I can't in good conscience let you go sleep at that loft no matter how often you've done it in the past. You can sleep on the couch-" I started to say no but she cut me off. "Just for tonight. We'll find you somewhere else tomorrow. But I want you to stay here until you have a place of your own; at least here I know you're safe."
"I understand," I said.
"Mom?" Angela interrupted, biting her lip. "One of the reasons we wanted to tell you tonight was that- See, we went to see Dr. Scholnick earlier in the week, just to like, confirm everything. And we scheduled an ultrasound for tomorrow morning. I'd kinda wondered if-" Angela cut herself off, looking down and wringing her hands. I grabbed her knee under the table.
"What Angela's trying to say is that we wanted to know if you wanted to come with us." Patty just looked at me for the longest time. "To see the baby. I mean, you know, if you wanted to."
"Of course," she said, grabbing Angela's hands. "Of course I want to see the baby! Are you sure- I mean the first ultrasound is so emotional. Do you really want me to be with you? You don't want it to be just the two of you?" Part of me wanted to say no, to shut her out and keep the whole thing just ours. But I knew I couldn't do that; Ange needed her mom and Patty needed to be part of this.
Angela squeezed her hands back. "We can't think of anyone else we'd rather have with us," she whispered. I could tell both of them were starting to tear up again.
"What time?" Patty asked after a deep breath.
"Ten thirty."
"I'll drive you." She sighed again and shook her head. "It's late. I'll grab some bedding and make up the couch for you, Jordan, and then all of us are going to sleep." I checked the clock. It was just past nine thirty; not really late for me but it had been a long, hard day for all of us. Angela opened her mouth to say something but Patty interrupted. "I'm done discussing this. I'm tired and I'm just done. Angela, you can say good night to Jordan, but then I want you up in your room for the rest of the night." Angela went to say something else but I squeezed her knee. I really didn't want to piss Patty off any more tonight, tomorrow would be hard enough.
"Alright, Mom," she whispered. Patty stood and left the table. Angela let out a sigh of relief as soon as her mom left the room. "Well that went… okay."
I snorted. "Better than when I told my old man." Angela wrapped her arm around my waist and I pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head. "Listen, Ange, don't piss her off too much right now, okay? She doesn't have to be nice to me; I don't expect it. No matter how mad she is at you, she still loves you and it's still going to be my fault. And really, that's okay with me. We're going to need her, Ange. You're going to need her"
"Jordan-"
"Babe," I tried to think of words to explain. "Listen, my mom's folks died before I was born and my dad cut all ties to his family. I don't even know if any of them are alive. I just- I want our kid to know at least one set of grandparents. And God knows my folks won't be that."
"I know. And I know I'm going to need her, that we'll both need her," she whispered. "I'm just- It's so hard to- I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm tired and I'm scared and I hate the idea that you'll be so close tonight and I can't actually be with you."
"I feel the same way." I held her tighter and kissed her. "But we need to follow her rules. I don't have a place yet and there's no way in hell I'm letting my pregnant girlfriend sleep in the street, not when you could stay with your folks. When the apartment's ready, we'll get to be together all the time; neither one of us is going to have to leave at the end of the night because we'll be home." I pulled her chin up so she was looking me right in the eyes. "For now we have to do what we have to do."
A/N: Wow... ok first things first. I am SOOO sorry this took so long. I kinda... got lost. I don't have the next chapter ready, either so we'll see when I can get that to you. I hope you guys are still reading. It's been a long but quick year. I got a promotion/change of position at work; I'm now a computer teacher. I teach 2yrolds not to chew on the mouse cord. This cracks me up to no end. I am, comparatively, the most tech savvy employee they have. However, my husband, brother and father are all programmers and experts. It's an interesting situation.
I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I'd like to thank luvjordan for all her (very patient) help. Please read and review.
