"Who writes this crap?" An obviously annoyed man asks.
"I believe Mr. Callen, this 'crap' you refer to is what governments use to evaluate the effectiveness of their programs." Curt, sharp and to the point, someone familiar with government policies and strategies.
"You mean ineffectiveness?" Stated a voice full of boredom.
"No, Mr. Beal, I believed that this program was a great benefit, if only to keep the bureaucracy happy."
"Call me crazy, but what good is a bureaucracy if they set the standards for everyone else but don't follow them themselves?" This time it was a young woman, sounding both bored and annoyed.
"Well they could, just give me a couple minutes in OSP and I'll see what I can-"
"Mr. Beal I do believe that this is a conversation we have already had, in fact I remember it multiple times." Cutting off the bored man.
The sound of voices and laughter could be heard from a both in the local Chinese restaurant currently occupied by the NCIS LA team. As their waitress came over to place their order, the team were discussing some of the finer points of their government's policies.
"Nate, is this really safe? I mean sure we risk our lives everyday, but this is just plain torture!" Kensi was currently reading through the Dos and Don'ts section of her sensitivity booklet. "I mean look at this, page 35 paragraph 7, 'Never under any circumstances, offer a grieving widow a tissue or handkerchief, as if any health issues present after the acceptance of said tissue or handkerchief, the government and yourself is liable for the health and wellbeing of all persons that make contact with agents of the United States of America.'" Looking up to find amused and slightly worried faces.
"Wait a minute, does that mean that if I give you a cold, me and the government are responsible for you health and welfare? That would never work; you would kill me before you could clam." Eric was almost as confused as Kensi at this instruction.
Not even Hetty could clear it up for them, "That would only work if you would kill Mr. Callen first, and by doing so making Ms. Blye here a widow."
"Sorry Kensi, no way are you going to get those big government payoffs, Eric could never kill G, not in this lifetime at least."
"Great, thanks Sam, nice to know that your all more worried about Kensi's bank balance then my death, makes me feel real special." Kensi, who was sitting next to Callen smiled, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Don't worry, I never get sick, would have liked some of that money though, do you know what I could have bought with that, better yet, do you know how much the government would pay to keep me quite?"
Callen just rolled his eyes, "Yes, and no there is no wardrobe in the world that could fit that many shoes." Hitting her husband on the arm, she turned to talk to Hetty.
"Why exactly would the government be so worried about a widow getting sick?"
"I suppose the headlines, 'Government Kills Husband and Leave Wife Fighting for Life'." Looking up from the menu she had been reading she placed her order, then everyone else's, without a second thought.
"Hetty, how did you know what we wanted?" Eric said, who unlike the agents and Nate still asked when Hetty did something unexpected, or just plain scary.
"Mr Beal it requires a skill that many people just do not posses." And with that she left the computer genius with more questions than answers. "Now let us turn to page 22, and start the questionnaire."
"Will the torture ever end?" Eric near shouted. Three hours later and all they had done was eat dinner, expertly ordered for them by Hetty, covered the questionnaire, and the word search in the 'fun' activities section. They had relocated after the second hour, now the team, minus Deeks was spiralled out over Callen and Kensi's living room floor, couch and chairs.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you that you would get more done if you stop complaining?" Sam, who from his position on the couch had a clear view of Eric, who was stretched out on the floor on his stomach, glaring at his booklet.
"Yeah, she also said that if I eat all my greens I would be big and strong."
Kensi laughed, "What happened?" She was sitting in front of Callen, who was next to Sam on the couch.
"He obviously favoured a potato approach." Callen smirked as he played with Kensi's hair.
"Alright children, 10 pages to go then I suggest we call it a night." Hetty, who was beginning to feel more and more like a high school teacher, was sitting next to Sam on matching chair. Nate who was sitting next to quite Nell looking as hopeful as ever with the sight of freedom in his grasp.
"Five hours, who in their right mind would sit for five hours voluntarily reading that garbage?" Callen was picking up one of the bowls that had been filled with popcorn, now only the un-popped pieces remained.
"I though that we agreed, our government or any government for that matter wasn't in their right mind." Kensi was washing coffee cups and putting them in the drying rack, beside the sink. "Besides which, if you and Sam hadn't decided to have that argument about which was the most stupid question, we could have been done in four hours."
"That's still four hours of my life I will never get back, helping the government create more pointless ways of wasting our time. You know in the box that asked us to detail what aspects of this program could be improved, I wrote it can't be improved, so stop making us fill out pointless surveys!"
"Oh, yeah, and that has always worked so well for you in the past." Both of them knowing that these sections of a survey is primarily for making the participant feel like they are useful and valued, well that's what Nate had explained anyway.
Ignoring his wife, Callen emptied out the bowls and stacked the besides the sink, grabbing Kensi's hand as she reached for them, he pulled he into his arms, "Come on bedtime, these can wait until tomorrow."
As the two exhausted agents headed for bed, little did they know what would be waiting for them at OPS on Monday, though they probably wouldn't have slept so well if they did.
