Hermione sat under the hat, waiting.
Ah, thought the hat, a genius. Better be Ravenclaw!
Hold on there. You are a hat, right?
Yes...
And I am a genius, right?
Well, of course, but...
And you know that all geniuses end up being heroes, right?
Name one.
Artemis Fowl.
Who?
And Voldemort.
I guess, yes, he is a genius. And he definitely would have been a hero if he hadn't been defeated. Oh, I spend so many days imagining the wonderful paradise it would be if Voldemort had won the war.
And all of the great heroes go to Slytherin, right?
Of course!
But I'm a filthy mudblood, I don't deserve the great Slytherin.
No, that would be embarrassing, a mudblood in Slytherin.
So I should be put in no-good Gryffindor.
Duh. Better be Gryffindor then! And you will be cursed with finding that your true love, Draco, is in Slytherin. But you are not deserving of him. A shame, but alas, you are cursed. And it's all your fault.
I'll remember that.
So now go and suffer in GRYFFINDOR!
Hermione went off to the table, appearing sad to the hat but of course, happy that she fooled it so easily.
