Bellatrix sat under the hat, waiting.

Ah, Bellatrix, what a pleasure to meet you! I have heard so much about you. Is it true that you will restart the family business of killing innocent people?

Of course! What better job is there? No O.W.L.s needed, just basic training, really.

Amazing, I hear they're going to start a club where you go on nice old killing sprees. So, any favors?

Yea, I should be Slytherin, of course, and a nice cup of Butterbeer.

Sure, anything for the rightful heir of the ancient and completely noble house of Black.And here's some advice for a nice young first year: The Gryffindor dormitories are behind the painting of the Fat Lady, and the password this month is fiddlesticks. Oh, and your Butterbeer is ready.

A house elf arrives with a big pitcher of Butterbeer.

Thanks, so how is your brother?

Still locked away, nobody will ever find out I am really his twin. All thanks to the Blacks. Oh, and Ms. Lestrange?

Yes?

Stop by my apartment in Dumbledore's room sometime. I have a list there of 100 ways to annoy a Gryffindor.