Minerva sat under the hat, waiting.
Hey, the hat said. You want to go out?
Eew, no!
Aw, come on girl, don't be so shy. I once knew a hat. But... (corny joke alert) it ran at the drop of the hat.
Ha ha. NO.
You sure? I know this secret restaurant in the bowels of Hogwarts, it's an Italian, I think. I can make you fatter beyond your wildest dreams.
I hear they do Transfiguration here.
Yup. Nice course. Not as good as Charms, of course.
So I'll just transfigure you to a nice lump of Italian bread and eat you.
Ok, I get it, you want to go to a pizzeria. Fine, I know one in Hogsmeade, I can get you into a trip.
You know, I have a life.
Oh, you do? Fine, fine, I didn't know, just go to Gryffindor. Remember, I'm always willing to forgive and forget, I can get you into Slytherin.
Just shut up!
