Sorry I couldn't write sooner. I've been REALLY STUPIDLY AWESOMELY INSANELY busy. I'm not sure I've expressed that enough. If you want to know why, you could step right this way to my profile, or if you want you could step right this way into the Chamber of Misery (otherwise know as the Chamber of Secrets or the Chamber In Which Harry Should Have Died For the Umpteenth Time But of Course, He Didn't.)
Sirius sat under the hat, waiting.
Hellooooooooo, said the hat obnoxiously, may I not help you?
Could I have a glass of butterbeer? Or some Italian food?
Sheesh, this isn't a restaurant, idiot. Now, you want to go to Gryffindor?
Sure!
'K, but procedure says I gotta ask you your name. I don't remember that ever being in the procedure though...
My name is Sirius.
Are you serious?
Yes.
You know, I know that you don't know but will now know that I know a very nice family called the Blacks. Perfect in every way, except they have a son named Sirius who is insane. Funny coincidence, isn't it?
I'm Sirius Black.
Oh. You fillthy scum! You ******* little kid! Why couldn't they have a son Jacob, I don't know.
Jacob. His last name is Black. He rides a motorcycle. He can turn into a dog. Siriusly?
No, siriusly, your parents wanted to name you Jacob. What happened?
Well, you see, when I was a baby, my parents had a visitor. Her name was J. K. Scowling or something. And she said, "Name your son Sirius." And they were like, "NO!" And she was like, "In your universe, I am god. I'm going to snap my fingers, and I will make some nice Coke appear so I can splash it in your face to make a point." And a coke appears. So they were like, "We're not worthy," and she was like, "No, you're not. So name your boy Sirius because he will not be serious and then when he dies an early death at least everyone will be like, "At least that Sirius guy is dead, finally." So...
Ok, I've heard enough! You must be in Gryffindor. An overwhelming amount of people in Gryffindor. What ever happened to the days where there were people in Slytherin? Maybe next chapter...
