Sorry that I couldn't write earlier, but you see, I got sucked into a dimensional hiatus. (I also have to write for another story, but that's only a minor problem.)
Now, there's nothing wrong about getting sucked into a dimensional hiatus, except this time, I was spit out 500 years in our future.
At first everything seemed fine. Arnold Schwarzenegger beating up evil robots, people texting while driving a flying car, that kind of stuff.
Then I asked for some music.
As soon as the music hit my ears, I collapsed in writhing pain. It was Justin Bieber!
Or so I thought.
Now, I'm sorry Beliebers, but your future is grim. You see, in August 2012, a horrible experiment backfired, and Bieber was affected. On December 21, he held a concert, and unfortunately, that was the night that he entered accelerated puberty. When he sung, everyone immediately died, except for anyone wearing giant earmuffs, which would be Lady Gaga, because she decided to wear that for her concert.
Now everyone was dead. Bieber and Gaga decided to have a baby, but unfortunately again, the baby was so ugly Gaga died at childbirth. Then, a whole new wave of Biebers were born, and now, Biebers rule the world.
So even though I was spat out of the future a few weeks ago, I had to recover from Bieberitis. Sorry.
Now, its rude just to insult him, so I'm going to insult somebody else too.
Joe Jonas sat under the hat, waiting.
Hullo, said the hat, what's your name?
Didn't the story already say that? My name is Joe.
Weird, I thought your name was Tom.
Why would my name be Tom?
I don't know, you look like a Tom to me.
Well, if my name was Tom, then my last name would have to be Riddle.
That really suits you. Tom Riddle. Hmm...
Just then, Kevin popped in.
"Stop the presses! Joe, you gotta get out of that hat, we gotta getta nother thingamajigger for uh a uh our uh concert tonight! You know, that thing! The thing called a song! The fans are going to be ticked off if we just play all of our other last minute songs! But I got a new idea! We'll create a thing! You know, we'll inject some of our DNA into a Canadian! We'll call him Bieber Boy! Then nobody will bother to hear our songs, but we'll just make money off of him! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Hogwarts was kinda freaked out by the creepiness of Kevin. So after they left, a new boy came in.
Hullo, said the hat, what's your name?
My name is Tom.
Weird, I thought your name was Joe.
Well, my name is Tom. Tom Marvolo Riddle.
Ugh, what a terrible name.
I know.
Let me suggest something to you. Have you ever noticed that the words "I am Lord Voldemort" are spelled with the same letters as your name?
Of course I noticed that.
Wow, you did? I never knew that those words spelled out Voldemort.
Duh, you're a hat. You would never know anything.
So, what's your plan for the year?
Killing people. And you will be my first victim!
Tom then used the Killing Curse on the hat, but the hat was made out of tinfoil, which reflected the curse on Tom, who would have died, except that the hat's love for him protected him from the curse.
You stupid hat! Die already! DIE DIE DIE!
Ah, such a wonderful student. SLYTHERIN! Finally.
