Greetings to you from me! I hope you've all had a good week! It is now (as I'm sure you are all aware) February, the lovely month of love, and therefore, as a celebration of this, there is fluffy gushy moments in this chapter. I've been a bit sentimental latetly ... oh well. If you do not enjoy fluffy gushy crap, fear not! I will be back to my usual self by next week. In the next few upcoming chapters, there will be: puke, stars, ass kickings, a sugared up chick who is a lot like my friends and I, and the normal hyperactivity that is expected from my writing. Oh, what will I think up next? The horror! Anyways, thank you all for your lovely reviews, I'm glad you enjoyed the snoring bit in the last chapter. I myself do not snore (that I know of at least, cause my friends don't complain about it, and they complain about everything), however, I have a dog who can snore the dust off the rafters of my garage. :) Anyways, I will now cease my meaningless ramble. Oh! One more thing! If you'd like to see the specific dates for upcoming updates (say that three times fast), check out my profile. Now that I have extra time on my hands, I will probably be writing more, and hence there may be not one, but TWO updates per week. Wouldn't that be nice if I got up off my lazy butt and did some work for once? Hm?
Okay, I'm seriously done ranting on and on this time. Love you all, thank you for reading! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Still don't own Lord of the Rings. I'd probably be shot if I did because I'd attempt to make it funny and fail hardcore. :\
The first thing that Legolas was aware of was wiggling. Much wiggling. Opening his eyes, he realized that the wiggler was Sophie, who was desperately trying to wiggle out of the grip that he had on her waist. He quickly released her and watched as she stood up and ran down the hall, no doubt towards the bathroom to 'pay homage to the porcelain throne'. Legolas hopped up and took off after her, stumbling as he did such. It was time like these where he wished he had his elvish grace back. Sophie dropped to her knees and vomited, Legolas just barely pulling her long sandy blonde hair out of her face in time.
Law must've either been awake or heard them, because he opened his bedroom door and peeked out, "Well, I foresee a lovely day in the future." he said.
"S-shut up!" Sophie said, before vomiting up what felt like her liver.
Legolas rubbed her back, "I'll get the asprin!" sang Law, as he skipped to the kitchen.
A few seconds of puking later, Sophie wiped her mouth with a piece of toilet paper and threw it in the toilet, then flushed.
"Thanks Legolas." she said, "Puke in your hair is disgusting."
She then opened Law's bathroom cabinet and pulled out a toothbrush and began to brush her teeth, along with the traces of vomit away.
"Feeling any better?" Legolas asked.
"A little." she said, "That's the only good thing about puking, it makes your stomach feel better. But I've still got a killer headache."
Legolas nodded, "I'm sorry, I should've stopped you from drinking." he apologized, "I'm also sorry for my drinking as well, I broke your trust-"
Sophie shook her head and held up her hand in a gesture for him to stop, "It's alright. Besides, if I yelled at you right now, I'd be a hypocrite." she sighed, "I hope I didn't disturb your rest last night."
Legolas blinked, "Oh, no. Of course not, I was just hoping you didn't think I was trying to take advantage of you or something."
She shook her head and chuckled, "No, no. I tend to snuggle up to anything that's warm. If there's nothing there to snuggle with, I move around till I find something."
"Which is the reason you rolled off the couch …" Legolas muttered to himself.
Sophie's eyes widened, "I didn't squish you, did I?" she asked.
"No." Legolas lied, "You didn't hurt yourself when you fell off though, did you?"
"Nope, didn't even phase me."
"Good." he said, "Now, how do we get rid of that headach-"
A loud ring interrupted him. Sophie cringed. Law grabbed the phone and hit a button.
"Hello?" he said, then began to talk for a while, before handing the phone off to Sophie, "It's mom, her and dad are coming down for grandma's birthday."
Sophie nodded and began to talk. Legolas was slightly annoyed that he was completely ignorant of the conversation that her and her mother were having. Sophie and her mom talked for about ten minutes before apparently saying their goodbyes and hanging up.
Sophie sighed and shook her head, "I'll take that asprin now."
Law gave her the asprin and a glass of water, both of which she downed, "They'll be here by tomorrow." he said, "Grandma's birthday is in two days."
"Thank god they called, I completely forgot." Sophie said, rubbing her temples.
"With all that has happened, it does not surprise me." Legolas said.
Sophie began to rub her shoulder, "Sore?" Legolas asked.
"A little."
"If you would like, I shall rub your shoulders?"
Sophie looked at him like he was some sort of god, "Would you? That would be heavenly." Legolas nodded and began to rub.
Law watched the two for a moment, before smirking, "Well, you two go ahead and give each other the rub down, I'll leave you alone." he said, winking as he grabbed his keys, "I have to go to class anyway."
Legolas and Sophie both blushed and separated quickly, "See you guys!" Law said, heading out the door.
"But don't you want-" the door slammed, making Sophie cringe in mid sentence, "Breakfast."
The two of them stood in awkward silence for a few moments, before Sophie broke it, "Do you … wanna go get breakfast?"
"As you wish, milady."
Sophie groaned, "Are you alright?" Legolas asked.
"Fine, just, just don't call me 'milady'. It's Sophie, okay?" she said, "I notice you alternate once and a while, but just stick to Sophie, mkay?"
"Sophie." he said, "Right."
"Thank you." she said, "Now let's go get some chow!"
Sophie walked towards the diner with Legolas following along behind her, who was doing his best in making sure she wouldn't slip and fall on the ice, "Now, I will warn you. One of my best friends works here." she warned, arm wrapped around his own.
Legolas gave her a funny look, "What is wrong with that? I will enjoy meeting your friends, if they are anything like you."
"Oh, flattery. You must be popular with the ladies, Legolas."
Sophie nearly smacked herself for that last comment. 'Of course he's popular with the ladies! He's gorgeous!'
Legolas smiled and held the door for her, "Ladies first." he then cringed, remembering the last time he held the door for her.
Sophie offered him a reassuring smile, "Don't worry, I won't chew your ass this time. I learned my lesson." she said, stepping cautiously into the diner, "Thank you."
"Of course." he said, walking in behind her.
"Now, as I was saying. My best friend is a bit of a … spazz."
"Spazz?"
"SOPHIE!"
Said woman cringed, "Oh god, here it comes."
Sophie was suddenly assaulted by a creature who came out of nowhere. Legolas stood shocked for a moment, then dove to help Sophie, who was currently being squeezed rather tightly by a woman who looked to be the same age as she was.
"Sophie, are you quite alright?" Legolas asked, reaching up to attempt to pry the woman off.
"Nogowayshe'smine!" the woman hissed, tightening her grip.
Sophie gasped for breath, "Can't … breath … help!"
The girl let go, "Oh my God! Sophie! How are you? That snowstorm sounded terrible! I was so worried! And oh my God! Who is this?" she asked excitedly.
Sophie sighed, "Legolas, meet Macey Cuddles. Cuddles, this is Legolas, my-"
"Oh my God! You finally got a boyfriend!"
"Why does everyone assume that?" Sophie asked herself, rubbing her temples, "Cuddles, could you please keep it down, people are staring." she said, "By the way, you have your mike on." 'Hence the reason even the people across the room are staring.'
Cuddles looked around, noticing that people were, in fact, staring, "Whoops!" she said, moving the mike that she used to call out when orders were done down lower until it was near the base of her throat, "Okay, okay. Let's get you seated, then I need to talk to you."
"But-"
Legolas found himself thrown, literally, into a booth while Sophie was being dragged towards the girl's bathroom, "Help me!" Sophie urgently mouthed as she was hauled away.
Sophie squeaked as she was rushed into the bathroom. The door closed behind the two of them.
"Oh my god, Sophie, spill. Where did you find the hottie?" Macey flipped.
"How much sugar have you had today?" Sophie asked, her face flushed as turned to face the mirror, which she used to help her fix her hair, "He's my colleague."
"Colleague?" Cuddles said, "Just a colleague? Are you crazy? You need to tap that ass before someone else does!"
"Tap it? Cuddles, don't be redicul-"
"You can't deny it!"
"Deny what?"
"The fact that he's hot! And that you want to tap his ass!"
Sophie blushed so hot, she swore her face was on fire, "He's handsome, but-"
"You want to tap his ass! ADMIT IT!"
Sophie flushed, "Come on Soph! You can do him!" Sophie noticed how she didn't say 'it' and instead used 'him', "I won't let you end up like how I'm going to be!"
Sophie crossed her arms, "And exactly how is that going to be?"
"I swear! I will end up being the forty year old virgin!" Macey cried, throwing her hands up in the air.
Sophie rolled her eyes at her overly dramatic friend, "I'm going now." she said, then stepped around Macey and walked out of the bathroom.
Right away she noticed that every eye in the restaurant was upon her and she winced, hoping that they hadn't heard that conversation, especially Legolas. The sound of the door opening behind her had Sophie turning to look at Macey, only to realize why everyone was staring.
"You." she said, glaring, "YOU LEFT YOUR MIKE ON!"
Macey blinked, and slowly her brain began to process that she had, in fact, left her mike on and yes, everyone in the diner had heard their conversation, "Whoops."
Sophie was just about to freak out when a gentle hand on her shoulder stopped her, "I … believe that you should sit down and take a few breaths, just to relax a bit." said Legolas as he gently led her to the booth.
"Still a virgin eh, Soph? You can tap me anytime." one of the guys said at the counter, smirking at her.
"Shut up, Darnel." she hissed, glaring at him.
"Maybe later than."
"How about never?"
Sophie looked up at Legolas, slightly surprised that he had interfered, "The lady is not interested, and will never be. So please, quit while you're behind, you're patronizing her is not helping your chances. "
Darnel laughed, "And what're you going to do about it, pretty boy?" he asked, then looked thoughtful, "Perhaps she's lying and you've already had a go at her."
Legolas glared, an action that Sophie, up until now that is, didn't believe him capable of doing, "You would do well to silence yourself, talk about this subject in front of ladies is inappropriate."
"I'll talk about something inappropriate-"
Legolas moved towards the moron, Sophie intercepted him, pressing herself against him in an attempt to get him to stop, "Let it go." she whispered urgently, "He's not worth it."
Legolas was about to reply when a tall, rather large man came out of the kitchen and behind the counter, "Well bless my soul." he said, a smile gracing his lips as he saw Sophie, "I thought I heard your voice up on the speakers. How you doin' Soph? Haven't seen you around lately?"
Sophie stayed pressed up against Legolas, who remained quiet, "I've … been fine, Ter-bear."
Terry was sort of like another father figure to Sophie. His gentle spirit and kindness guarenteed that he was well liked in the town. However, if someone such as Darnel were to bother his 'daughters' Sophie or Macey, his angelic demeanor could go sour in a very short time.
Terry seemed to know something was up, and he seemed to know right away that the something was Darnel, "Is he bothering you Sophie?" the man whispered quietly, holding his hand over Macey's mike so that their conversation wouldn't be heard throughout the establishment.
Sophie was about to say that she was fine, but Legolas beat her to the punch, "He is. This … lecherous pig has insulted Lady Sophie's honor." he said, "I insist that I shall get it back."
Sophie was dumbfounded, "M-y honor!"
Darnel glared at Legolas and started to stand p, "You wanna fight? Bring it, pretty boy."
Legolas stepped forward, Sophie grabbed his sleeve, "Legolas, no." she whispered, "He might hurt you."
Legolas shook his head, "I've trained with my father's guards since I was very small." he whispered back, "I am quite capable of defending myself. Do not worry, I will regain your honor."
'Screw my honor!' "Legolas, even if you are able to defend yourself, what if you get in trouble? The police will arrest you. You have no ID, no papers. You just popped out of nowhere, remember? You could get into serious trouble!" she hissed.
"But Lady Sophie, he has insulted you by implying that he lay claim to your body before marriage-"
Sophie groaned, "Legolas, please, just-just forget about it, okay." she pleaded, "Please?"
Legolas looked at her, then nodded, "Very well, however, if he attempts something such as this again-"
"You'll pull his tongue out through his asshole, I get it." Sophie said, smiling up at him, and making Legolas do the same at the sheer ridiculousness of the remark, which was Sophie's goal.
While Legolas decided to concede, for now anyway, Terry did not, "Darnel, get out of my restaurant, you're bothering the customers." Terry said, pointing Darnel towards the door.
Darnel glared, but knowing that Terry wasn't a man to be trifled with, went to the door, "This isn't over, pretty boy. You had better watch your back."
And with that, he left, the bell that hung above the door ringing to signal his exit. Sophie breathed a sigh of relief, only to hold her breath once again when she noticed that Legolas was watching him go, anger burning in his eyes. Sophie put a hand on his arm, squeezing gently to get his attention and smiling up at him when she was successful.
"Thank you." she said, "You have my gratitude."
Legolas looked perplexed, "But your honor-"
"Was spared thanks to you." she said, standing on her tippy toes to kiss him on the cheek, "So once more, thank you."
Legolas smiled and chuckled nervously while Cuddles squealed with joy in the background, "You are welcome, of course, dear Sophie."
Terry laughed, "Quite a fine man you've found yourself. It isn't too often you find a gentleman willing to go out and fight for your honor."
Sophie flushed, "I-uh-he's not my-"
"That was so cute!" Cuddles gushed, "And you say you two aren't a couple!"
Sophie flushed and was about to deny it when her stomach began to rumble, "Ah! S-shut up you! You have no say in this!" Sophie hissed, punching herself in the stomach.
Or she would've, had Legolas not grabbed her hand before she could, "Geeze! Silly Soph! Good thing Leggy'll stop your self-mutilating tendencies." Cuddles said, poking Sophie in the ribs, who squealed, due to the fact that she was ticklish.
"Leggy?" Legolas mumbled, shaking his head.
Sophie sighed and pulled Legolas by the arm towards a table to sit down, smiling at Terry as she went. Grabbing a menu, she took a quick look, then decided on the usual, bacon and pancakes. Legolas had toast and eggs. Sophie, finding this ridiculous, made him eat some of her pancakes. Soon, they both sat in a comfortable silence, that is, until Legolas decided to break it.
"You want to 'tap my ass'?" he asked curiously.
Sophie blushed and smacked her head on the table. Or, she would've, but once again Legolas came to her rescue and let her pound her forehead repeatedly on his hand.
There you have it folks! Chapter Five! I hope the conversations weren't too explict ... should I have changed it to an M rating? I hope I didn't offend any of you. Anway, I'll see you next week! Much love!
