I'm not sure how much longer I'll be writing this. This may be the final chapter.

If so, farewell.

If not, scrap what I just said, 'K?

(I also bolded the Hat's dialogue. You are free to ponder this bold type right here.)

Snape finally got to sit under the Sorting Hat.

He was conflicted whether he wanted to go to Gryffindor or not. On one hand, Lily was there – but on the other hand, James was there.

And then the hat spoke to him.

Hello, said the hat.

Snape looked around. He didn't see anyone.

I said, Hello.

Snape looked around again.

Who's saying that?

The hat rolled it's eyes. Please do not point out that hats do not have eyes.

I'm saying it. The hat. I can talk, you nitwit.

Was I just dissed by a hat?

Yes, you were.

Why does everyone hate me?

Because you're a nitwit. You know, one day, you will be so great and powerful that you will be a teacher.

Was I just dissed again?

That's for me to know and you to be a fail.

Why do I not just get up and walk away?

Because your parents sent you here because they didn't want you at home. And you are afraid to leave because you love Lily Evans. Oh, and by the way, she said you were cute.

She really did?

No! Haw haw!

I really am a loser, aren't I?

Judging by the fact that you're asking a hat questions, yes, you are.

Oh yeah? Well, how about this? What did the alien say to the hat?

Um... get a new car?

No! He said, "Take me to your wearer!" Isn't that funny?

I don't get it.

You wouldn't know. You're just a hat. And yes, I just dissed you!

You did? That was the worst joke and diss I've ever heard. You know, I'm a hat, and I'm still much funnier than you. That's really sad. You have no life.

I knew Mum was right. "Never trust a hat," but I didn't listen to her.

More reasons why you have no life.

You're mean!

No way? What gave it away? Was it the multiple disses?

Just give me a house!

Okay, okay. Out of pity, I place you in SLYTHERIN! And Snapey? One more thing.

WHAT?

BOTHER!

And Snape was shoved out of the hat.

That was the worst chapter ever.

Well, it's all your fault! In some kind of twisted, messed-up way.

Just review. For the sake of reviewing.

And by the way...

I AM THE HAT.