Roxas had seen Demyx looking and acting scary before. He'd seen him collapsed on the floor of the Hall of Empty Melodies, ranting incoherently about his heart and seemingly unaware of the fact that he was too weak to stand. He'd seen him sitting on the edge of Axel's bed, a rope-shaped bruise on his throat and a hollow, dead look in his eyes. He'd seen a strange light and depth in his eyes and a calculating look on his face as he kidnapped Roxas without a second thought to use as a hostage against the rest of the Organization. And he couldn't think of a single one of those times that wouldn't be better than what he was dealing with now.
Then again, this wasn't even Demyx he was dealing with now. This was something that had taken over Demyx's body and was manipulating it like a puppet, something that couldn't be less like Demyx if it wanted to. Sure, it kept grabbing at the sitar, but Roxas was pretty sure it wasn't because it had any intention of playing it.
At least, as long as the sitar is still here, I know the real Demyx is still alive somewhere...
"Cease this travesty!" that-thing-in-Demyx's-body hissed again, after its frustrated attempt to make Axel stop singing. Just in case, Roxas moved a little further off, clutching the sitar as tightly as he could while he played. "I will destroy you both!"
"Big words," Roxas said, since Axel was too busy singing to say anything himself, and he was fairly sure that was more-or-less what Axel would be saying if he could. "You don't seem to be doing anything other than taking swings at us and trying to grab the sitar. And ranting. You're pretty good at ranting too."
"I could destroy you without a second thought if I so chose," the monster hissed, turning to Roxas but not trying to assault him yet. "Cease your assaults and leave before I so choose."
"Well, aren't you brave," Roxas scoffed, though he was deeply frightened by the thought of what the monster might be doing to Demyx. If it had taken over his body, what about his soul? He couldn't have simply been obliterated, Roxas tried to reassure himself, or else the sitar would have disappeared... "We're not even attacking you!"
"What are you, anyway?" an old man in the crowd demanded, shaking his walking stick at the monster - the first time Roxas had heard any of the townspeople speak without first being spoken to. "Who told you you was our lord and master?"
The monster whirled to face him, its face twisting with rage and something like horror. "Now you even turn my own subjects against me," it snarled, turning to Axel this time. Axel just kept singing as if he couldn't even hear it.
"Subjects?" an old woman scoffed. "We've a Council of our own! We don't need no body-stealin' ghosts to rule us!" She was closer to Roxas than to Axel, and when the monster turned to face her, Roxas instinctively flinched and gripped the sitar even tighter. But he played all the louder, as he saw how the people were actually reacting now, becoming ever more spirited and lively the longer he kept playing.
"Silence!" the monster roared, lunging at the old woman. "You peasants owe me your lives, even if you are all too stupid to realize it!"
"Yes, well, I'm sure it was an accident," Axel said in between songs, moving to block the monster with his own body. "Because something tells me you're not really concerned with their well-being. I don't think you're even their lord and master, just a deluded freak." And at that moment, a little girl escaped from her mother, toddling over to Roxas - or more accurately, the sitar. She looked it over with the biggest smile Roxas had seen on anyone in that world before, and finally reached out to touch it with pure, childish fascination. While the monster's face contorted in disgust, Axel only leaned over and started singing right in its ear. "In Dublin's fair city, where the girls are so pretty, I first laid my eyes on sweet Molly Malone..."
"And when the night is fallin'...you cannot find the light...when your dreams are dyin'...hold tight...you got the music in you..."
"Demyx?" Roxas gasped involuntarily, looking back at the monster - no, it was still a greyscale mockery of the real Demyx, with that black cloud connected to its mouth and eyes. But he could have sworn, for just a few seconds, he'd heard the faintest echo of the real Demyx's voice...
Then the monster turned and grabbed Axel's shoulder, as if it was sinking its claws into him, and Axel started screaming. At that moment, the sitar disappeared.
Axel had no space in his mind for anything but pain right then. When the monster had started reaching for him, he hadn't thought much of it - after all, he'd come in contact with it before with no harm - and suddenly, it was like being shot full of poison while getting his heart ripped out again at the same time - that wasn't possible, it shouldn't have been possible, but God, the only word he could think of was "toxic". Like it was burrowing into him and trying to rip out everything worthwhile the Heartless had left. Whatever the hell that was in Demyx's body, it was evil, pure evil, and that was the only thing he could think of besides oh, God, make the pain STOP already!
And then, from somewhere out of the depths of his own agony, he heard Roxas screaming. That finally gave him the impetus to shove the monster away and stagger over to him, only to be confused when he saw Roxas staring in horror at his own empty hands. Why would he...wait, hadn't he...and what happened to...the sitar. "...You fiend," he hissed, turning back to the monster as all the implications finally worked their way through. "You beast. You monster. How could you?"
The monster only shrugged, as if he was complaining about it squishing an ant. "He was rotten through and through," it said, as if the answer should have been obvious. "Anything that twisted is better off dead than alive, and isn't fit to live in the first place. The world is far better off without such a vile thing."
"Better off...!" Now Roxas jumped up and charged the monster, with nothing but his bare fists. "You murdered him, you -!" That was all the farther he got before the monster latched onto him, and he went silent in an instant, his face a mask of agony. Lacking any better idea, Axel threw a fireball at it; it did no more than sizzle and die out on contact, but the monster let go of Roxas, which was all he'd wanted. "How could you?"
"It was no more than needed to be done!" the monster hissed, backing away from both of them, and from the crowd of increasingly angry and frightened people. One little boy wailed, and his mother quickly bent down to comfort him. "Stop that!" the monster demanded as soon as it saw her, looking...well, rather angry and frightened itself. The woman backed away hastily, but she still hovered protectively over the child.
The rest of the crowd stirred slightly, as if vaguely upset that the monster didn't even approve of a mother comforting her own child. "Now I think of it, there's not been a murder around here since...well, since I was a lad," one wizened old man murmured. "Been about that long since I last heard a snatch of music..."
"And for good reason!" the monster snarled. "This world was better off without it and the poison it brings! See what only a little of it has done in a matter of hours..."
"Music don't cause murder, you fool!" an old woman shouted. "It was you that murdered the man who had the guts to play it!"
"Now get out of his body!" Roxas demanded, swinging at the monster with a Keyblade. Unlike Axel's fireball, it connected and seemed to hurt. "He's already dead; you killed him! At least leave his body alone!"
"He was an outsider, a troublemaker who came only to bring chaos and destruction!" the monster protested, backing away from Roxas."If not for him, you would still be going undisturbed about your daily lives, without a care in the world!"
"Yeah, not a care in the world, not a concern, not giving a damn about anything!" Axel shouted, throwing another fireball at the monster; this one didn't do anything either, but it was distracted long enough for Roxas to give it a heftier clout upside the head. The monster stumbled, but didn't seem any more inclined to release its hold on Demyx's body. "No anger, no hate, no joy, no love - you made complete shells out of these people! You're worse than a Heartless! One Heartless can't steal every heart in a world at once, and at least they might leave something..."
The monster continued to back away from them, towards the well in the center of everything. "See how angry and upset all of you are - as most of you have never been in your lives?" it asked, seemingly addressing the townspeople. "It's all the fault of these outsiders! These troublemakers looking to poison this world and ruin your lives!"
With those words, another song came unbidden to Axel's mind, and he started singing immediately. Music seemed to affect the monster like a weapon anyway, and the lyrics seemed all too appropriate. "Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time, and turning all against the one is an art that's hard to teach...another clever word sets off an unsuspecting herd, and as you step back into line, a mob jumps to their feet..."
"Keep singing, lad!" someone else shouted as the monster backed off even further, narrowly avoiding a Keyblade in the ribs. "You're killing it!"
"No! You will not defile my domain any further!" the monster shouted, lunging at Axel. It caught the back edge of Oblivion in the gut, leaving it folded up on the ground with its back against the well.
"Now dance, fucker, dance! Man, he never had a chance, and no one even knew it was really only you..." The monster was pulling itself to its feet, looking into the well as if it was considering jumping in to escape the sound of Axel's singing...as if that was exactly what it most wanted to do, but something was preventing it, something was holding it back... "And now you steal away, take him out today; nice work you did, you're gonna go far, kid..."
Demyx's body had been lying by the well when they found it, with the monster already inside. Maybe the monster had come from the well. Maybe that was exactly where it wanted to return to right now...except it couldn't. It was stuck in Demyx's body, with all the strengths and weaknesses that came with it.
And it wasn't like they'd have to kill Demyx to destroy it. Demyx was already dead.
"With a thousand lies and a good disguise, hit 'em right between the eyes! Hit 'em right between the eyes!" Axel lunged at the monster with his chakrams without missing a beat. The monster jumped away from that blow just in time for Roxas to get it across the back and send it to the ground. "When you walk away, nothin' more to say - see the lightning in your eyes, see 'em running...for their lives..."
The monster was already pulling itself back to its feet, and the ever-present cloud that hovered around its head was growing, and growing, and growing...soon, its entire form was thinly veiled in a cloud of dark fog, that seemed to drip bits of deeper blackness every so often, generating a toxic, polluted aura even the crowd seemed able to feel. "I warned you," was all it said as it lunged at Axel again.
Demyx was still aware of where he was, very cruelly aware. He was nowhere, suspended in the middle of nothing, unable to move, hear, or see. Or maybe he could hear, and there was nothing to hear but silence; maybe he could see, and there was nothing to see but emptiness. It didn't make a difference either way. He didn't know whether or not his eyes were open at all. He couldn't so much as open his mouth or twitch a finger, let alone reach up to see if his eyes were open and his hearing aids were on. He was paralyzed and alone, so far as he knew; he couldn't feel anything, not even a faint breeze or a touch of fabric. Had his clothes been removed? Was he just lying somewhere naked? What was he lying on? He couldn't feel anything under him either, though he knew he wasn't underwater, and he'd surely feel the wind if he was in freefall...he couldn't even feel those stupid strands of hair that always fell in his face. Had his body been completely paralyzed, and been rendered completely numb? Where was he? In a hospital room? In his own room at the castle? Lying on the ground somewhere, being eaten by rats? Trapped in a giant magical crystal, awaiting some kind of fairy-tale rescue?
Simply trapped in an endless void, with nothing to hear and nothing to see and nothing to feel?
Please, please, let me out of here, he begged silently, in case the dragon might possibly hear him and show a fragment of mercy. I'll leave this world and never come back. I'll do anything you ask me to. I'll crawl in the dirt and eat mud and rat shit. I'll castrate myself and smile while I do it. I'll cut my own legs off and find someone else to get my arms. I'll put my eyes out, cut my tongue out, wash my face in acid, anything, but please, let me touch something again...let me feel something...let me hear something...
There was no response. There was only the void.
He would never hear anything again, not music, not birdsong, not an alarm clock, not his own voice. And he would never see anything again, not flowers, not waves, not stars, not his friends' faces. He would never taste anything again, not chocolate, not iced tea, not greasy fries, not his favorite curry recipes. He would never smell anything again, not diesel fumes, not perfume, not hot popcorn, not Connie's litterbox - Gods have mercy, he'd have given anything to smell even that, except he knew it was impossible.
He wanted to cry, but no tears would come. He wanted to scream, but he had no voice, and possibly no mouth. He couldn't tell whether he still had a body anymore. Maybe it was just his disembodied conscious mind floating free in the void. Forever.
Please, please, I'm begging - if there are any gods out there that can still find me wherever I am and have a scrap of mercy in their hearts...please, take me out of here and lock me in the deepest Hell in existence and torture me for eternity...even that would be better than this. I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. Break me, dismember me, rip my guts out and make me eat them...or just put an end to me. I'd rather die forever than have to live like this. Please, don't make me live like this...please, please, please, just end me...please, don't make me suffer like this...please...end me...
And despite his prayers, there he remained, alone in the eternal nothingness, wishing desperately and uselessly for the salvation of death.
How long would it take him to lose the final remains of his sanity?
Would he notice when he did?
Would it even matter when or that he did, seeing as it was just him and the void? It wasn't like anyone was going to come up to him and say "Demyx, you've lost your mind..."
Demyx. That was his name. That was something he knew. That was something real he could hold onto. If he could hold onto his name, he could hold onto himself.
Maybe this was the real reality, though. Maybe the full twenty years of the life he'd thought he'd had had been one long illusion. Maybe he'd always been this way - just a brain in a tank, just a mind in the void.
My name is Demyx Kumar Ghatori. The name I was born with was Edmy. I am Number IX of Organization XV. My element is water, and my weapon, if you can call it that, is a sitar. My best friends are Axel and Roxas. Axel is Number VIII, his element is fire, and his weapons are chakrams; Roxas is number XIII, his element is light, and his weapons are Keyblades. My grandmother's name was Lakshmi; my mother's name was Saraswati, but I never actually knew her. I don't know who my father is, only that he's supposedly Australian.
Maybe this was Hell. It didn't fit any description he'd ever heard of any such place, but it fit most of the accepted definitions. Especially the part about eternal suffering in a place utterly removed from everything holy and good. It made perfect sense.
I have a cat named Connie, short for Consolation. She's a Siamese, and kind of small for the breed. She likes chewing and licking people's hair, especially mine. Axel has a neutered tiger tabby named Sol, short for Solace. He started out as Roxas's cat, and kind of adopted Axel instead. He seems to be able to predict seizures, which is great, because I do suffer from seizures...or at least I did...back when I lived in the real world...assuming that wasn't an illusion...assuming this isn't all that's real...
It was strange how terrifying it could be, for there to be literally nothing in the universe but yourself and your own mind, and that mind all too aware of your complete and eternal isolation, and most likely doomed to fall apart soon. When would the hallucinations begin? When they did, maybe he could start pretending that they were real, and he'd only imagined the void.
How long had he been here? Ten minutes? Twenty-four hours? A week? A month? A thousand years? Since before the beginning of time? What was time, anyway? When did it begin? When did it end? Had it already ended? Had it not yet begun?
I'm a musician.
My name is Demyx Kumar Ghatori, and I'm a musician...
He was a musician. That, after all, had always been the most important thing. And a musician always had to have music.
Demyx focused, and reached deep inside himself, past all the terror and doubt and burgeoning madness, to find where he kept that all-important music. Even one slim thread of melody would prove that he was a musician, and if he was a musician, that meant he was Demyx, born Edmy, who owned a cat and suffered from seizures. And deep inside, he found not a single slim thread, but an entire deep well of song.
I have music. I am Demyx. I am real.
Let music never die in me, forever let my spirit sing...wherever emptiness is found, let there be joy and glorious sound...
Very carefully, he let his mind slip into that deep well, hiding it away from the endless void outside. As long as there was still music, he would be all right.
AN: And that is probably going to be the benchmark of author-inflicted cruelty from here on out. Tune in next time to see...what happens next.
"You're Gonna Go Far" belongs to the Offspring.
