Blisters on Her Feet
"So you're saying I have to wear the bathing suit."
"Yeah. You have to wear the bathing suit."
—Gracie Hart, Eric Matthews, Miss Congeniality
"Sasuke! You'll never believe what Sakura-chan is—"
Naruto barreled into Sasuke's apartment, knocking down the door as he did so. He looked down at it and mused, for a moment, on how Sasuke really had to get that door fixed one day. It didn't take any effort at all to knock it down.
"Sasuke?"
The apartment was dark, and Naruto felt his way to Sasuke's room.
"God, what's wrong with you? What, does light burn you, or something? You're such a freak. Why don't you open a window?"
No answer. Naruto finally found a light switch and flicked it on. He was in the kitchen. Sasuke was nowhere to be found, though when Naruto strained, he could hear rustling coming from Sasuke's bedroom.
"Sasuke?" He swallowed, inching towards the partially-opened bedroom door. "Shout if I'm about to interrupt something nasty."
Still nothing. Steeling himself, Naruto reached forward and pushed open the door. He stepped into the room.
Sasuke sat cross-legged on his bed, a scroll in his hands. He was staring at the wall, looking shocked to the core. He didn't move when Naruto entered, didn't even seem to notice neither him nor the Jounin crouched in front of him.
"Whoa," Naruto said. The other figure turned to look at him. It was Neji. "What's wrong with him?"
"He's in shock," Neji said. He stood up and stepped back from Sasuke warily. "He's been like this since he read the message."
"What is it?"
"A mission from the Hokage?"
"What? A mission?" That couldn't be right. Sasuke wasn't allowed to take any missions yet. He was on probation.
Neji nodded, and Naruto moved forward to pluck the scroll from Sasuke's fingers. He didn't resist, and Naruto shot him a worried look. What could possibly affect Sasuke like this?
He read the mission scroll. Then reread it to make sure he got it right. Neji waited silently.
Naruto looked up. Neji looked expectant. Sasuke looked like a mess.
"We need to go see Sakura-chan," Naruto said grimly. "She needs to hear this."
-x-
"Hey, Shikamaru," Chouji said, dropping into the seat across from his best friend. "Two meals in one day? You must really like me." He was grinning as he ordered his meal.
Shikamaru didn't return the smile, didn't even reply. Chouji studied his uncharacteristically serious expression and felt his enthusiasm begin to slip away.
"Shikamaru? Hey, you okay?"
Shikamaru sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I feel weird."
"Indigestion-weird, or I'm-judging-a-ninja-beauty-pageant-weird?"
Shikamaru shot him a look. "I feel like I'm being watched."
"Oh. So… paranoid-weird." When Shikamaru glowered at him, Chouji laughed. "Sorry. But come on, Shikamaru. We just survived Akatsuki. You're nervous about the pageant. It's okay. You're no less of a man for it."
Shikamaru sighed. "You're probably right. Just… be careful, okay? Don't let your guard down." He stood, tossing a few bills down. "Sorry, but I have to go find Ino. Do you have any idea where she is?"
A waitress came over with Chouji's food, and he answered, already distracted, "She's helping one of the contestants, I think."
Shikamaru's relief at Ino not having entered the pageant was short-lived. She was still involved. She would make this hell. "Who's she helping?" he asked.
Chouji raised an eyebrow. "Can't you guess?"
Shikamaru didn't even have to think.
"Great," he groaned.
-x-
"Sakura, your posture sucks. Stop slouching!"
Sai helpfully yanked Sakura's shoulders back, and she nearly stumbled. "Ow!" The three textbooks she had been balancing on her head toppled over and crashed around her feet, and she cursed. "Dammit, Sai, I was doing so well!"
"No, Sakura," Kakashi said, flipping a page in his book, "You really weren't."
"You haven't even been watching," she pointed out, exasperated.
"I'm covering the swimsuit section," he said.
"Ew." She sighed, dropping onto Naruto's couch and tugging off the heels she was wearing. "Your shoes are too small, Ino. They hurt."
"Don't be such a baby," Ino said. "They're all we have right now." Sakura looked pathetic, moping on the couch, rubbing her sore feet. Ino rolled her eyes. "Fine, take a five-minute break."
"Generous." Sakura sighed, letting her head fall back. She closed her eyes. She had been practicing her walk for over an hour now. She remembered a time when she walked gracefully, lightly. Only three years ago, she would have belonged in a beauty pageant. Now she didn't. It made her kind of proud. It meant that she was different, that she was kunoichi.
It frustrated Ino to no end, though.
"Alright, Sakura, back to work!"
Sakura's eyes flew open. Ino was standing over her with her checklist of things to do. Sakura scowled at it. "That was not five minutes!"
"Of course it was," Ino said briskly, not meeting her gaze. Sakura continued to scowl. "Okay, so it wasn't, but we have a lot to do, Sakura! I mean, we have to work on your manners, and then we have to get your clothes, and talent, and—"
Sakura dropped her head into her hands. "That's it," she muttered, voice muffled by her palms, "I'm moving to Suna."
"As long as it's after the pageant," Ino said. "Sai! Get those books!"
"Ino," Sakura began. But she was cut off by Naruto crashing through his own window. The glass shattered, shards sprinkling over his carpet. He didn't seem to notice. He looked petrified, gesturing to Sasuke, standing beside him.
"Sakura-chan! Trouble!"
Immediately, Sakura was at his side, peering at Sasuke. He didn't appear to see her, even though she was right in front of him. "Sasuke-kun?" she tried. His expression didn't change, and she felt her pulse race. "Sasuke-kun?"
The others had crowded around them now.
"Is he okay?" Ino asked, looking alarmed.
Kakashi flicked him in the forehead. "Sasuke?"
"Traitor?" Sai called. When he got no response, he turned to Naruto. "What happened?"
Naruto looked grim. He held a scroll out to Sakura. "He got this from the Hokage."
Sakura took the scroll with shaking fingers. What could possibly have sent Sasuke into such shock?
She backed away from the group as she unwound the scroll. She skimmed it quickly. Than blinked, whirling around.
"Is this a mission?" she demanded.
Naruto nodded.
"This is worse than mine," Sakura said. The others stared between her and Naruto, looking confused. "Sasuke-kun!" She stepped closer, waving the scroll in front of him. The sight of it seemed to snap Sasuke out of his trance, and he blinked down at her. "Don't worry! I won't let you do this."
"Do what?" Ino asked.
"His mission," Sakura said distastefully, "is to be the prize for this pageant."
Kakashi glanced at Sasuke. "You mean…" He sounded amused.
Sasuke nodded miserably.
"He's going to be Mister Konoha – Miss Konoha's escort for a week," Naruto explained to Ino and Sai. They looked appropriately appalled.
Sakura tossed the scroll to the floor. "No way," she said. "I'm not going to let you do that, Sasuke-kun."
She stomped over to Sai, took the textbooks from his arms, and set them atop her head once more. Her spine was ramrod straight, shoulders pulled back, head held high, as she announced, "I owe it to my team – to Sasuke-kun. I am going to crush my competition, and take the title of Miss Konoha. It's your turn to look at my back – again!"
Ino applauded, looking a bit teary. Sasuke sighed in relief. Sakura turned to practice her walking once more, guided by Sai.
Naruto watched her go, staring hard at her back.
Then he sighed.
"I don't get it…"
-x-
Three hours later, Sakura's walk was perfected. Her first outfit was being worked on by Sai, and Ino had had the opportunity to experiment with her hair (it was tricky to find a suitable hairstyle with what she had to work with), and Kakashi had started drilling her on how to behave. It was remarkable how hard she had worked after hearing of Sasuke's mission.
Whatever works, Ino thought happily, walking away from Naruto's apartment. As she rounded the corner, she sensed a familiar presence, and grinned. Just the teammate she wanted to see.
"Don't tell me," she began. "You've already decided on a winner."
"You're not even competing," Shikamaru said, slipping out of the shade of a tree to fall into step beside her.
"I didn't mean me," she said. "I meant my best friend."
"The pageant hasn't even started yet."
"So?"
"I'm not biased," he said. "I'm going to judge fairly."
Ino snorted. "Like you'll even watch the pageant. You'll be asleep."
"Funny," he said dryly. "But that's not why I'm here. I've been waiting for you. Have you—"
Ino cut in, holding up a hand. "Wait, wait." She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, turning to face him. "How long were you waiting for me?"
"…Not long."
"Liar." Ino laughed, putting a hand on her hip. "Don't tell me you were too scared to come inside."
"…"
"Scared of me? Or Sakura?" she asked, waggling her eyebrows. "I mean, she's a bit grumpy now, so I would get that, but, come on. She's like a puppy. And me, sure, you should be scared, but—" She shook her head. "Coward."
"Enough," Shikamaru said wearily. "I'm not scared of you or Sakura. I'm a little scared of the two of you together, but…" He trailed off, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "That's not what I came to say. Have you noticed anything weird?"
"Weird how?"
"I feel like I'm being watched," Shikamaru said, resisting the urge to glance over his shoulder. "Like right now."
Ino stared at him. "I think you're paranoid," she said.
Shikamaru sighed. He was a ninja. He was supposed to be paranoid.
Ino squeezed his arm. "I'll keep an eye out, okay?"
"Thanks." Sometimes, Ino was more tolerable than Chouji. Sometimes. "Be careful, okay?"
"Always am," she said brightly. Then she grinned. "You shouldn't stress so much, Shikamaru. You'll get wrinkles."
Shikamaru sighed, Ino laughed, and they parted with a word of farewell.
Shikamaru shuffled to his house, still unable to shake off a feeling of foreboding. And when he opened the door, he discovered that his gut instincts had been right.
"Shikamaru?" Shikaku called, coming down the hallway. He looked dead serious, and Shikamaru felt his stomach churn. "Have you seen Chouji today?"
"Yeah." Shikamaru cleared his throat. "I saw him at lunch. Why?"
Shikaku's expression was pinched. Shikamaru's mouth went dry. "Choza came by a while ago. He said Chouji was missing."
"Maybe he's training. Or something."
Shikaku shook his head. "That's what I said. But Chouji had a training session with his father today. He wouldn't miss it." He rubbed his temples. "No one has seen him all day. Chouza's worried." He shrugged. "Probably because of all that's happened." When Shikamaru didn't reply, Shikaku added, "Don't worry. He's probably just being paranoid."
"Paranoid," Shikamaru echoed. "Right."
"Don't worry, Shikamaru," Shikaku said again.
Shikamaru nodded, then disappeared down the hall to his bedroom. He headed straight for hid bed, flopped down, and closed his eyes.
What a day, Shikamaru thought tiredly. He was given the worst mission of his life, and his best friend was missing. Could things get worse?
He rolled onto his side, towards the window. A breeze was flowing through the curtains, and he frowned. He never left the window open when he was out.
Shikamaru opened his eyes. There, stuck to his half-open window, was a note. Shikamaru hesitated only a moment before sitting up and reaching out for it.
Shikamaru, it read in purple-inked scrawl, By now, you know Chouji is missing. I have him.
Shikamaru sat up straighter.
He's tied up and terrified, Shikamaru. Waiting for his best friend to save him. Will you save him?
I haven't hurt him, yet, and I won't – if you do as I say. I've entered the Miss Konoha beauty pageant, and I plan to win. Lucky for me – and unfortunately for poor Chouji – you're the judge. The only judge.
You're a smart boy, Shikamaru. Can you guess where I'm going with this? Help me win, Shikamaru, and I promise not to hurt Chouji. Tell anyone, and I can't guarantee he'll return to you in one piece – or at all. And if I lose? Then I'm going after Ino.
Don't try me, Shikamaru. Make me win.
Anko
Shikamaru groaned. What was wrong with his life?
-x-
Sasuke was back to normal. And he, along with Naruto, was glaring at Sai.
"That skirt's too short," Sasuke said.
"And the neckline's too low," Naruto added.
"She won't win if she's wrapped in a blanket," Kakashi pointed out. Sakura glared at him, and he added, "Charm and wit will only take you so far, Sakura."
"Ugh." She rubbed her sore feet and waved to Sai. "Let me see the dress. They don't know anything."
Sai obligingly stood and handed her his sketchpad. Ignoring Naruto's protests and Sasuke's glower, Sakura studied her first outfit, which she would wear during the preliminaries.
The Miss Konoha pageant was organized a bit differently from other pageants. Since the purpose of the pageant was to boost morale in the village after Akatsuki's invasion, the events would be preceded and followed by celebrations, giving contestants the opportunity to interact with villagers.
Sai's first outfit would be worn the afternoon of the first day of the pageant, when the contestants met each other and were introduced to the audience.
Sakura ran a finger over the paper. It was a simple dress, in her favorite color. Sleeveless, deep red, and with a skirt past her knees. It looked okay to her, though a bit formal.
"It's fine," she said. "Make the skirt shorter, though."
"Sakura-chaaaaaaaan," Naruto began.
"What? I'll wear shorts under it," she said, hiding a smile. "Besides, you guys are going way overboard. It's too long. It's not an evening gown."
Naruto looked horrified. This amused Sakura greatly.
"Sakura," Sasuke warned.
"Two inches off," Sakura said. Sasuke and Naruto looked as if she had punched them, and she had to fight to keep a straight face.
"Make it four," Kakashi said, and she turned to him. "Sakura has good legs."
"Ew," Naruto said. Sakura was inclined to agree.
"Sai, shorten it." At Sakura's look, Kakashi added, "Three inches. Okay? It'll probably still be the longest one."
"This better help me win," Sakura said, with a glance at Sasuke. He met her gaze, and she looked away quickly. "Who's the judge, anyway?"
"Shikamaru," Kakashi said.
Naruto laughed. "No way! That lazy-ass? He can't judge a contest!"
"Well, he's judging this one," Kakashi said.
"We'd better be really nice to him, then," Naruto said, exchanging a look with Sasuke.
Sakura narrowed her eyes. "What are you planning?" she demanded.
"Nothing," Naruto said innocently. "Sai, take another inch off the skirt."
Sasuke smacked him upside the head.
-x-
Back in the Hyuuga compound, Hinata was being subjected to the intense scrutiny of her teammates. She felt the sweat bead on her forehead as Kiba examined her, clucking his tongue.
"All right, Hinata," he said after a long silence. He stepped toward her, expression serious, eyes narrowed. Hinata swallowed. "The jacket comes off – now."
Hinata quivered. Why had Kurenai-sensei signed her up for this?
Thanks for the reviews, guys! And to all who haven't seen it, watch Miss Congeniality. Seriously. It's actually nothing like this fic – it is so much better.
Anyway, next chapter: we see some of Tenten's preparations for the pageant, Kiba takes action, Shikamaru won't be left alone, Karin comes into play, and Sakura really, really hates her life.
