Sorry, sorry, I know I'm a day late but I've been busy and fanfics been acting weird and it wouldn't let me log in sometimes.

Vlad:excuses excuses.

Me:it's true!

Disclaimer:Zilch.

Me: also this story contains something I like to call Vladified fairtales. I was on a sugar high when I got the idea so if it's really weird well then THAT'S THE POWER OF THE SUGAR HIGH!


Rule 7: never threaten a toddler in front of a nurse.


Otis stuttered some excuse and asked Nelly if she can wait outside the house for a minute, the human frowned but agreed. Once he heard the door slam he whirled to glare at Vlad. That toddler had just told Nelly he liked her.

"Vlad," he said in a controlled voice hiding his rage, "I am going to bury you alive and dance on your grave."

Vlad tilted his head and frowned, "what does that mean?" the toddler asked in confusion.

Otis took a deep breath, all self control vanishing, "Vladimir Tod," he said, his anger ready to explode any second now, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" he roared in anger.

Vlad, even though he was only three understood what that meant, clutching his stuffed tiger he ran away but not before letting out a small, "Uh-oh."

Otis charged after the toddler, "You better run for your life!" he bellowed, "because the moment I catch you you're dead!"

Vlad paused only for a second to retort with, "Kiwwings bad!" before scampering off again.

"I don't care!" Otis screamed half mad with anger.

"That's bad too!" Vlad added childishly.

Racing through the halls Vlad escaped to the safety of outside.

"You're dead!" Otis shouted running after his, "I will kill-" Otis's voice broke off. Oh great just great, he just had to threaten the kid right in front of Nelly.


Rule 8: results may vary. Writer is not responsible for any insults or injuries etc. etc. if you follow these rules.


Nelly stood there her hands on her hips and her lip frowned in disapproval while Vlad cowered behind her.

"Umm well, hi Nelly," Otis stammered, "You see I was just-"

"Kiwwings bad!" Vlad screeched from behind Nelly.

"Umm yes, well I was just umm, you see," Otis's voice trailed off. What was he supposed to say: oh hey Nelly, can you move a bit to the right so I can kill that miserable excuse for a life form hiding behind your back?

Otis knew, and hopefully you do to, that was not the best pickup line.

Nelly's expression didn't change, her frown deepened and she sighed, "We're having dinner at my house," was all she said.

Nelly turned around to talk to Vlad to see if the half-vampire was alright. Inside, Otis grinned, Nelly had asked him to dinner, sure she only asked him to make sure he couldn't kill Vlad that evening, and if he did she'll be a witness, but hey, if you made a bad first impression on the girl you liked by threatening to kill a toddler in front of her you can't be that picky.


Rule 9: be careful about what bedtime stories you read to your half-vampire kid.


Otis sighed in contentment at the car ride home, Vlad had fallen asleep in the backseat so Otis can enjoy some peace and quiet, and dinner at Nelly's wasn't so bad either, sure her steak was horrible, but at least she didn't call the cops for trying to kill Vlad.

Otis picked Vlad up as he entered back into his- no, not his, Tomas's house. Vlad stirred in sleep and his eyes fluttered open.

He looked around back at his surroundings, "How did I get hewe?" he frowned in confusion.

Otis sighed in irritation, "I drove you back home after you fell asleep," he explained.

"Nooo," Vlad argued, "no you didn't."

"Yes I did," Otis replied patiently, "how else would you get here?"

Vlad frowned, deep in thought, "You'we a kidnnappew," he decided.

"So what you're saying is that I kidnapped you and brought you back to your own house?" Otis asked incredulously. Vlad nodded in confirmation.

"Kidnapping's bad," Vlad told his uncle solemnly.

"Look," Otis sighed in annoyance, "If I had to kidnap a kid, I would rather kidnap any other child on the planet instead of you."

Vlad paused to consider this, "Oh," then he instantly brightened, "Okay!"

Otis groaned, were all kids this stupid?

Pretty soon Vlad had brushed his teeth and gotten changed into his dinosaur pajamas.

"Bedtime stowy?" he asked hopefully.

"No."

"Please?" Vlad asked.

"No."

"Pwetty, pwetty please?" Vlad pleaded. Otis was about to open his mouth to refuse again when Vlad used every tool some child must've used at least once in their life: the Bambi eyes.

Otis groaned, he cursed at whoever created the puppy look, "Fine, find a book you want me to read."

Vlad gave an excited shout and ran to the shelves of books in his family's library. Not long afterwards he returned with a book called Vampire Fairytales.

"I newer heawd this stowy befowe," he told Otis.

Otis raised an eyebrow, unusual name for a book. He opened the book and read the first story in the book, Little Pink Riding Hoodie.

"So once upon a time there was a human called Miranda Bakerstone who wore a pink hoodie wherever she went so people called her little pink riding hoodie. On day little pink riding hoodie went to visit her grandmother. While on her walk she met a vampire who pretended to a human called Danny the Devil.

Vlad frowned, "That's a weidew name than Boy."

"Yeah well that's life," Otis shrugged.

"So one day the guy's who we'll just call the devil guy because the writer was simply too lazy to write his full name down asked pink riding hoodie where she was going," Otis read, "little pink riding hoodie told him she was going to see her grandmother and foolishly told the devil guy where her grandmother lived. So the devil guy using his vampire speed went to the grandmother's house he drank the grandmother's blood."

Vlad's eyes were huge at the part, "Kiwwing humans bad!" he declared.

"It's just a story," Otis shrugged.

Continuing, Otis read, "After little pink riding hoodie arrived to her grandmother's home and the vampire was about to eat her when she screamed and a hunter called Josiah, who happened to be in the woods heard her scream came to her rescue and attacked the vampire who ran away. They then took the grandmother to a blood bank run by a woman called Mellie, and the grandmother got better and they all lived happily ever after. Except for the devil guy he sulked in a random corner. The end."

Vlad's eye twitched, "That's ewen worse than your stowy!" he exclaimed.

Otis nodded in agreement, "what kind of sick demented freak would write something like that?"

Vlad:What was that?

Me: *nervous laugh* that's the result of sugar highs. So did you hate or like the bedtime story? Yes I know it's stupid but if you guys enjoyed it I'll add some more Vladified fairytales.

Here's a sneak peek at the next chapter. Just five words:

"Uncle Otis, Stwipes is missing!"

Interested? Then review guys!