A/N: There are no excuses, I know. I promise to update more often, I do!
"Once upon a time," said Terry, closing his eyes and smiling at his Hufflepuff-only audience.
He was in the Hufflepuff common room, which he visited because he was really, really bored. Michael and Anthony were helping Professor Flitwick with something. Stephen and Kevin were at Quidditch practice, and Su, Lisa, Sarah and Mandy were doing their Transfiguration homework, something Terry had finished days ago. So, being bored and alone, he wandered off to the Hufflepuff common room, with the intention to tell a story.
"Once upon a time," he repeated, "there was a father and his three daughters, living in a large, luxurious house."
"The mother is dead once again?" asked Wayne Hopkins. "Lucky them."
"Wayne!" chastised his best friend, Megan Jones. "You can't speak like that!"
"I bloody well can," Wayne snapped at her. "But, whatever. Go on, Boot."
"All right," Terry said awkwardly. "So, the family was very rich. The father had many merchant ships and he earned a lot of money every year."
"Let me guess, he was very vain because of it?" asked Hannah Abbott. "I mean, there's no step-mother, somebody has to be the villain."
"Uh, not quite, Hannah," said Terry. "Exactly the opposite, actually; the father was very humble and kind-hearted, just like his youngest daughter, Belle."
"Doesn't that mean 'beautiful' in French?" asked Ernie Macmillan "I have a cousin in Beauxbatons and her name is Belle."
"Yes, Ernie, it does," said Terry, smiling at his friend. "Belle was very beautiful, so they named her that."
"I'm guessing her sisters were jealous?" asked Susan Bones. "I would be, if my sister's name was 'Beauty'."
"Well, imagine your name being 'Brains'," said Wayne with a laugh. "You'd have every right to be mad then!"
"The sisters were absolutely, most definitely jealous," said Terry. "You see, the two older sisters were very arrogant and conceited. They enjoyed their rich life too much, always spending money and acting stuck-up."
"Oh, I hope something bad happens to them during the story!" said Eleanor Bramstone, a second-year. "Then they'll learn that money isn't everything!"
A couple of her friends nodded in agreement. Justin Finch-Fletchley raised his glass and nodded to her.
"Right," said Terry, running a hand through his hair. "Well, one day, all of the ships the father had were destroyed in a terrible storm."
"How unfortunate!" said Ernie. "At least those sisters might learn how to be a bit more humble."
"Yes, but what about Belle, though?" asked Hannah. "The poor girl was sweet, and she lost everything as well."
"That's sort of a lesson, I suppose," said Justin. "Bad things sometimes to completely innocent people as well."
"Yes, people are just unlucky sometimes," said Terry. "You were wrong, though, Ernie: the sisters definitely didn't learn to be more humble. If anything, they just became more annoying. See, they moaned and whined all day about their terrible, terrible fate. The poor father felt as if it was somehow his fault, because they kept blaming him."
"Bleeding berks," muttered Wayne.
Everyone stared at him.
"You know, Wayne," started Justin, "it's nice that you're trying to sound English, but you are American. You don't have to try to find British insults."
"What on earth is a 'berk' anyway?" asked Susan. "I never really realised where that came from."
"Oh, I know," said Wayne with a smirk on his face. "You see, it's Cockney rhyming slang. It's a shortened form of 'Berkeley Hunt', which was, of course, rhyming slang for cu—"
"All right, we've got it, Wayne!" said Hannah. "There are first-years here, after all."
Wayne simply shrugged, leaning back into his chair.
"Anyway," continued Terry, "only Belle was completely content. She knew that some things couldn't be predicted and that it wasn't their father's fault."
"Smart girl," said Megan.
"Yes, I suppose she was," replied Terry. "After some time of them living in poverty, the father got notice of a ship that might've been his. It was saved and waiting for him on the coast."
"Well, that's lucky," said John Stebbins.
"Just you wait, I'm sure it'll turn out that it wasn't actually his ship," said second-year Owen Cauldwell. "Things would be way too easy any other way."
"Before the father left, he asked his daughters what they wanted him to bring them. The two older daughters said they wanted expensive clothing and jewellery, but Belle only wanted a single red rose, because they didn't grow where they lived."
"I don't know if that's sad or stupid," said Wayne.
The others nodded in agreement.
"You were absolutely right, Owen," said Terry. "The ship wasn't his, and the family was poor once again. On the way home from the coast, though, there was a large storm. The rain came down in torrents and the wind pushed the father's horse from side to side. After some time, he came upon a large castle in the forest. He decided to seek shelter inside."
"Uh-oh," said Sally-Anne Perks. "This won't end well."
Terry nodded, taking a sip of his hot cocoa.
"The door to the castle opened by itself, revealing a large hallway. As the father walked down the hallway, torches on the sides started lighting up by themselves."
"Wow. How scary. I am really terrified," Zacharias Smith deadpanned.
"Shut up, Zach," said Megan, who happened to be his girlfriend. "Trust me, if you were alone in a castle like that, you would be terrified."
"Well, think about it, guys," said Hannah as she got up to pour herself another cup of cocoa. "We sort of spend all our time in a large, dark castle that has gates that open by themselves and torches lighting randomly. Imagine being alone in Hogwarts at night."
She shuddered at the thought.
"Plus, you have to remember that the father was a Muggle," said Terry. "These things would always be very odd and scary for him, alone or not."
"I suppose you're right," grumbled Zacharias.
"Anyway, the father tried looking for the owner, but he couldn't find them," said Terry. "He wandered into a large dining room, where a table was filled with all sorts of food. As he couldn't find the owner, the father shrugged and sat down to eat. After he was done, he walked out and stumbled upon a bedroom with the largest and most-comfortable bed he had ever seen. As he still didn't find the owner, he lay down in bed and fell asleep immediately."
"God, hasn't he ever read 'Goldilocks'?" Wayne asked. "Honestly, the blokes in these stories are always so naive and gullible."
"Yes, I agree," said Terry. "When the father woke up, the house was still empty. He decided not to try his luck again and to leave."
"Smart fellow," said Ernie.
"Well, when he left the house, he came upon a garden filled with beautiful red roses."
"Oh god, that won't end well," said Susan.
"You're right," said Terry. "You see, the father remembered Belle's request. He picked a single lovely rose. Suddenly, he was knocked to the ground by a large, hairy beast. The Beast happened to be wearing a coat, though."
"Er, what?" asked Owen. "Why was the beast dressed?"
"Well, as soon as the father saw him, the Beast spoke. He said, 'I've let you sleep in my castle, I've let you eat my food and sleep in my bed and this is how you repay me?'"
"Er, the beast owned the castle?" asked Ernie. "What on earth...?"
"Maybe it was an odd animagus?" added Hannah. "Although, he wouldn't be able to talk in animal form."
"Maybe it was just a very hairy man," said Sally-Anne. "My uncle Richard once climbed a tree in my yard and I swear he looked like a gorilla."
"No, no," said Terry, "this was an actual beast. See, everything there was his and he was very angry at the father for taking the rose."
"It's just one rose," said Wayne. "God!"
"Yes, but the Beast was very protective of his possessions. He told the father that the penalty for taking his roses was death."
"All right, that really was harsh," said Justin. "That Beast guy is a right pillock."
"I know!" Hannah said. "Honestly, it's just one flower."
"The father obviously agreed with you lot," said Terry. "He begged the Beast to let him go, saying that the rose was a gift for his daughter. The Beast was somewhat touched by this sentiment, so he told the father he could go, but that he had to return in two days."
"Well, that's hardly better," said Sally-Anne.
"At least he'll have time to say goodbye to his daughters," said Eleanor.
"Exactly," said Terry. "He went home and told his daughters what happened. The older two daughters were unhappy, even more because he hadn't brought them their presents. They said they were really sorry about his fate. Only dear Belle decided to help him, by taking his place at the Beast's home."
"She's going a bit overboard, isn't she?" said Justin. "I mean, I understand she loves him, but she doesn't know what the Beast will do to her!"
"When Belle reached the Beast's castle, she was scared," said Terry, "but she loved her father too much to give up then. She entered the castle, where the Beast was waiting for her. When she introduced herself, the Beast told her that her name suited her."
"Okay, that's disgusting," said Susan.
"Right. Well, she thanked him and told him she had come to take her father's place. The Beast told her that everything he owned was hers. She could go anywhere she wanted, inside and around the castle, but she could never leave."
"Well, I suppose that's decent of him," said Megan. "Not the whole 'you can't leave' part, but at least he's not keeping her locked up like a prisoner."
"Yes, I reckon he wanted her to feel at home," said Terry. "Belle lived at the castle for a few weeks, exploring the castle and the grounds. Of course, she missed her family greatly, but she knew this was something she had to do to protect them. She would have dinner with the Beast every night, but besides him, she saw no one else."
"That's not good," said Ernie. "You can't keep someone isolated for so long, it's not good for their mental health."
"Every night, Belle dreamt of a gorgeous prince," said Terry.
"Ah, that's my territory," said Wayne. "I dream about handsome princes all the time!"
The whole room laughed. Megan rolled her eyes, punching her friend lightly.
"Hey, it's the truth!" added Wayne. "They're usually tall and dark. Really handsome."
"Like Dean Thomas?" asked Hannah with a wink.
"Shut up, Abbott," Wayne said, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "I didn't say that."
"Er, okay," said Terry. "Anyway, every night, the prince would say, 'Please, Belle, help me! Set me free!'"
"Uh, did the beast have him locked up somewhere?" asked Susan.
"That's what Belle thought," said Terry. "She kept trying to find him, but after some time, it was obvious that the only living things in the castle were the Beast and her. One evening, during dinner, the Beast asked her to marry him."
"Um, that's really, really disgusting," said Hannah.
"I thought you couldn't marry animals," said Ernie. "That's very disturbing."
"Well, Belle didn't find it disturbing, but she had to say no, as she wasn't in love with the Beast," said Terry. "Although, as time went by, she realised that she liked the Beast more and more every day. When they talked in the evenings, she found him very intelligent and kind."
"Oh, yeah, very kind," said Justin. "Especially while he's keeping her hostage."
"I suppose it's a bit like Stockholm syndrome," said Terry. "Every night since, the Beast would ask her to marry him. One evening, he told her that, even though he was a monster, he loved her very much. Belle said, 'Among mankind, there are many that deserve that name more than you.'"
"That's true," said Wayne, glaring at the floor.
"Very true," replied Terry. "Anyway, one night, Belle decided that she really wanted to see her family again. She asked the Beast if she could. He said yes, but told her that he would die if she didn't return in a month."
"Well, that's a bit dramatic," said Megan. "Surely he wouldn't die."
"He would, and don't call me Shirley," said Justin.
Everyone stared at him, confused.
"What, Muggle jokes? Leslie Nilsen? No one?" Justin asked, frowning at them. "Fine, but you don't know what you're missing."
"The Beast gave Belle a mirror. He told her that all she had to do was look in the mirror if she missed him, and that she could see him."
"So, sort of like a Two-way mirror?" asked Owen. "I think my cousin had one of those."
"Sort of like one, yes," said Terry. "So, Belle said goodbye to him and left. He had also given her presents to take to her family, clothes, jewellery and such. When she returned home, her sisters were happy to see her, but only because she was carrying expensive presents. Her father, on the other hand, was very glad she was home. He asked her how she felt, what living with the Beast was like... Belle just felt so happy being at home again."
"Let me guess, she forgot about the Beast?" asked Hannah.
"Kind of," said Terry. "She was so happy seeing her family again, that she sort of stopped thinking about the Beast. Every day, she'd remember him at a point, but she'd decide she had another day to stay. Then another day. Then another day. Finally, after a month, she realised that she hadn't contacted the Beast since she arrived at her house."
"A bit ungrateful, that one," said Justin. "I mean, he did allow her to see her family."
"Well, he was also keeping her against her will," remarked Hannah.
"Hannah's right," said Megan. "It's completely understandable that she didn't really think about him."
"So, she took the mirror," continued Terry, "and what she saw shocked her: the Beast was lying on the ground, breathing heavily."
"He's playing her!" said Wayne. "There's no way he'd really die."
"Well, you know what?" remarked Justin. "There's this thing in the Muggle world, the 'Broken Heart syndrome'. I mean, it's medical, obviously, but it can happen, you can die from a broken heart."
Everyone stared at him.
"Shut up, Justin," Megan said, ruffling his curly hair as he huffed.
"All right," said Terry, feeling out of place. "So, Belle hurried to the Beast's castle. When she came to it, the Beast was lying in his bed of roses, barely alive. He looked at her and said, 'You forgot your promise, and I was so afflicted for having lost you, that I resolved to starve myself, but since I have the happiness of seeing you once more, I die satisfied.'"
"Wait, he purposefully starved himself?" asked Hannah. "That's emotional blackmail, that is!"
"Well, all right, I think we agree that the Beast was a bit of a wanker," said Terry, "but anyway, Belle sat next to him, tears rolling down her face. She told him she loved him too much to be the cause of his death and that she would marry him. As soon as she said that, she heard loud music and they were surrounded by white light. Suddenly, the Beast disappeared and was replaced by the prince she dreamt about before."
There was silence in the room.
"Why didn't I see that coming?" asked Wayne. "Of course, they have to have the happy ending, don't they?"
"Right, so it's not actually bestiality because the Beast was secretly a human," said Megan, eliciting a few laughs. "So, why was the prince a beast?"
"Er, he told Belle that he was so selfish and crude as a man that an evil witch made him a beast. The spell would only be broken by a young, kind-hearted girl that chose to marry him."
"Well, he obviously hasn't changed much since then, has he?" said Justin.
"Also, it's obvious he never really loved dear Belle," said Ernie. "It seems he was simply using her for his selfish goals."
"Well, they kind of lived happily ever after," said Terry.
"Right," laughed Wayne. "Once a wanker, always a wanker. Like me!"
Terry threw a cushion on him.
