~*~Chapter One: Been Here Before~*~

Day Thirty Two

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before/Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all

"One and Only" - by Adele

Tina's POV -

Secretly, I was a totally girly cliché.

I loved looking up at the glittering stars in the sky; so much that I climbed on my roof just to get a better view. Then there was my fascination with the rain; the sound, the smell, everything, I loved it all.

I also loved old romantic movies like The Philadelphia Story with Katharine Hepburn, Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant and though I would never admit it out loud (cause it's such a Rachel thing to do), I could recite every Ali McGraw line from Love Story.

I liked dancing around my room to Britney, Christina, Rihanna and The Spice Girls. I even used my hairbrush for a microphone.

But that was on the inside; on the outside, I was all about goth chic. The darker shade of purple or blue the better. And one of my personal rules was you can never have too many studs on anything. Another personal rule (despite Kurt's adamant protests to the contrary) was you can never have too many bracelets on your wrists.

Oh, and toe socks – whether they're Rainbow Bright striped or just alternating stripes of purple and black – are always cool. Duh.

But you know what else made me a total girly cliché? Finn Hudson.

Yes, that Finn Hudson.

I can't pin point exactly when "it" started. I mean, it wasn't easy to figure out like it was with Artie or Mike.

Artie was an outcast like me; the four eyed cripple people always made fun of. We could relate to one another, we accepted each other. With Mike (and don't say it was because we were both Asian!) it was how the little kids at Asian camp related to his dancing, how the smooth features of his handsome face would bloom into this easy smile that reached his eyes, and yeah, of course there were his abs.

But with Finn it was...Different.

He wasn't an outcast (sure, we weren't in high school anymore, but still) and he didn't have Mike's easy grace. Or his abs for that matter.

And yet when I would climb my roof to look at the stars or when I would listen to the pounding of the rain, I would inevitably find myself thinking of him.

His face would take shape in my mind's eye; dark hair that stuck up in every direction but was still seemingly perfect, puppy dog brown eyes, cute nose, thin lips that stretched into this big, goofy smile, and cheeks always flushed with warmth.

Then my mind would drift away from his face and settle on how each of his features made me feel.

I liked running my fingers through his hair and how it seemed like he had perpetual bed head. His lips (despite the fact that he wasn't a virgin) were sort of sloppy but mostly earnest and felt good pressing into mine. His cute nose, when it rubbed against mine in an Eskimo kiss, always had me giggling girlishly and his puppy dog brown eyes, without much protest from me, could get him to at least third base.

His big, goofy smile, though, that had to be my favorite part of him.

It was too endearing and dorky (just like him) to resist.

I wasn't sure if that smile was meant just for me, but whenever I caught his eye that smile was always stretched across his thin lips. And it never failed to make my heart feel like it had wings and my stomach feeling like it was on a wild roller coaster ride with the way it flip flopped.

I toyed with the edges of my soft curls that were pulled into pig tails while I sat on my bay window seat in my bedroom as I continued my inner musings about Finn. Because, um, seriously me and Frankenteen? Who would have guessed that was ever going to happen? No one, that's who.

"Girl," I could hear Mercedes' voice booming from my doorway, but I didn't turn around. "Awww, hells no." She muttered before stomping all the way inside and using her "you're getting off your lazy Asian ass" tone as she yelled, "You are not going all quiet Asian on me! I know you didn't forget we're hitting up Victoria's Secret today!"

I didn't have to see her to know her features were suddenly wrought with panic. Even if I didn't hear the quick gasp she let out, I would have known. Her brash, diva confidence was gone; replaced by a contrite tone that seemed out of place as she whispered, "I didn't mean to go all diva on you, T. I probably shouldn't have asked you to come with me anyway. It's cool, girl, I can just ask Rachel and we'll go."

Turning to face her, I arched a critical brow and pursed my lips purposefully. "Yeah, cause you totally want to look like a Jewish virgin for Mike. Besides, we both know that Rachel Berry is not setting foot inside a Victoria's Secret; at least not without ranting about feminism and how their impossible standards for women are driving teenagers such as ourselves to starvation, bulimia and anorexia."

"So..." She gave me an uncharacteristically shaky smile. "You're not upset about me and Mike?"

"It was like I told Finn on graduation night when everyone was partying on the football field," The words left my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. "Sometimes you can have too much dim sum. We're good, okay? I swear. It's always hos before bros."

Now it was her turn to arch a brow, but hers came with narrowed eyes and hands on her hips; a stance that spoke volumes without her having to say anything. She basically – without using words – told me we weren't leaving my room until I explained what was up with me and Finn and suddenly I wished I could fake my stutter again.

With each word my cheeks got progressively redder and by the time I was finished describing cowboy movie marathons, late night star gazing, chocolate chip cookie gorging, bike rides through the park and impromptu sing-a-longs to The Smiths (yes, All American man-boy-jock Finn Hudson liked The Smiths), I whispered in a choked voice as I pulled my knees up to my chest, "I'm scared, Mercedes."

Suddenly she was sitting next to me and I was pulled against her body as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and absently stroked my hair. Yeah, she might be dating my ex-boyfriend, but it was totally (like I said earlier) hos before bros.

"Why are you scared?" She asked after a long moment of silence.

The quizzical look on her warm features didn't surprise me. Pushing myself away from her, I leaned up against the other side of the window seat and let out a shaky breath as I scrubbed at my eyes for a moment; cause I really didn't want to cry. Girly bonding moments and stuff were cool and fun, but this could get way Lifetime movie really fast and yeah, I was not down for that.

"I've felt this before." I fumbled with my fingers as my eyes drifted to my toe-socked feet before meeting Mercedes' soft and caring brown eyes. "I got all lost over Artie and the same thing happened with Mike and now it's happening again, but with Finn...It's like different. It feels real; real in a way it's never been and I don't know what to do."

"Do you love him?"

"No!" I shrieked; answering her far more quickly than I intended and my cheeks only got redder. "I mean...ugh." I groaned my eyes drifting to the ceiling as I shook my head. "It seems like I could love him, and that's totally crazy, isn't it? He's Finn freaking Hudson! I'm talking about how I could love Frankenteen. What kind of warped alternate Battle Star Galactica universe am I living in?"

"You know I do not understand you when you start talking that geeky sci-fi ish."

Laughter burst forth from my lips and my whole body shook with it as I was struck by the memory of Finn blinking at me repeatedly like a confused puppy who was learning his way around the world for the first time when I tried to explain the series to him.

I didn't want to gush over him – it was too soon to start gushing and getting all squishy and stuff – but I couldn't help it. "He's so cute." I mumbled, my voice taking on this dreamy kind of quality. "It's so weird, though, it's like I've known him for how long now? But I'm totally seeing him for the first time and he sees me too. In a way Mike and Artie never did. I like that he sees me like that and how he tells me he likes my knees, how his fingers kind of shake when they trace the chain of stars on the back of my neck and how his kisses are a little sloppy but so earnest."

"Whoa..."

Mercedes and I quickly snapped our heads in the direction of my bedroom's doorway after hearing that gasp. Fuck my life, I thought bitterly while wishing my window seat would somehow swallow me whole because as I live and breath Finn Hudson was standing right there.

As if anyone else would be standing there after my little speech.

Ugh.

Mercedes looked from me to Finn and then back at me before standing up and saying, "Don't worry about today, T. We can hit up the mall some other time. I'll call you with the deets and we can bring Kurt too and have some OG BFF time. You know he won't turn that down. Especially after I tell him you're still wearing Rainbow Bright's rejected socks."

I shot daggers at her retreating back as she sashayed from the room. So much for hos before bros.

"Uh..." Damn, I cursed inwardly, as the syllable fumbled off Finn's lips. There he goes doing that confused puppy dog blinking thing. Fuck my life...Again.

"You don't have to say anything. I was under the impression that I was speaking girl to girl and that no one else would hear that. So just pretend like you didn't and I might let you get past third base."

"Don't get me wrong getting past third base would be awesome. Like getting through all twelve levels of Halo or having my Mom's chocolate chip cookies for breakfast, but yeah, I can't just forget what you said, Tina."

His voice became hoarse and had a warmth to it when he said my name that made my stomach flip flop and I was cursing him again. His large hand was shaking slightly as he took my hand and pulled me out of my sitting position after he moved away from the door.

Suddenly I was pulled against him and I shuddered; he was this mixture of hard and soft (cause like I said, he did not have Mike's abs), but he felt and smelled male and it was just so damn good that I had to shudder.

He made me feel all soft and tiny and feminine as he hugged me close and bent his head to kiss my nose before he rubbed his own too cute nose against mine. Then he brought my arms around his neck and he put his hands on my hips and he started to sway; slow and kind of awkward, of course, and soon my room was filled with the sound of his singing.

(So if there's something you'd like to try

If there's something you'd like to try

Ask me, I won't say "no," how could I?) ("Ask" by The Smiths)

"Ask by the The Smiths," I arched a brow as I titled my head back so I could look at him. And a slow smile spread across my lips. "Well played, Frankenteen, well played."

(Coyness is nice and coyness can't stop you

From saying all the things in life you'd like to)

(So if there's something you'd like to try

If there's something you'd like to try

Ask me, I won't say "no," how could I?)

Song used "Ask" by The Smiths