Author's Note: This chapter is rated M, so if that's not your thing, go ahead and skip it. Also, this is my favorite chapter that I've posted so far, so drop me a review and tell me if you liked it as much as I did.

~*~Chapter Five: The Rush~*~

Day 115

There's only us/To keep it between

"The Rush" - by Dashboard Confessional

Tina's POV -

Since my roommate Erica's boyfriend James had taken her down to L.A for the weekend (he was a sophomore) at UCLA, I was alone in our dorm room and I planned to take full advantage of that fact.

I wasn't the type of girl who would bitch and moan (and why would I want to be?) about her boyfriend being away at a different college in another state, but silently I could admit how much I missed Finn. It sort of surprised me how much I did because I wasn't really the sentimental type. But it was like I told Mercedes – what now seemed like ages ago – he was different.

Different in a good way, of course, but different nonetheless.

I felt a little strange and a lot nervous considering what I was about to do, but as I looked down at myself in this Cleveland Indians blue V-neck T-shirt that said Take Me Out To The Ball Game and grey hipster panties that said Meet Me In The Dugout, I figured this was as sexy as it was going to get.

Cause, um, yeah the other stuff Mercedes had been pointing out at Victoria's Secret, the day before I went to Stanford to wear for Finn, was so not happening.

It was all lacy (and I like lace, don't get me wrong) and see through and pink. Ugh. And the purple stuff they had wasn't really purple; it was more like lavender and their black stuff...It would have made me look like I was working in an Asian whorehouse cleverly titled "massage parlor."

This was sexy Tina Cohen-Chang style; a T-shirt and hipster panties.

Shrugging absently, I moved toward the makeup area Erica and I had set up for both of us and I messed around with my hair for what felt like forever. I was totally stalling and I knew it, so eventually I just gave up and let it hang down on my shoulders.

It was already pretty late in Ohio so if I was going to have phone sex with my boyfriend it was now or never. Well, maybe not "never" in the sense of the definition that was in the dictionary, but it wasn't happening tonight if I didn't call him, like, now.

Pressing speed dial number two, I climbed onto my bed as I listened to the dial tone ring in my ear over and over. I stretched my legs out underneath me and I could feel my stomach getting heavy as I started to sweat just a little. I had never done anything like this before and I was beyond nervous, honestly.

"Wha..." I heard the sleepy mumble come through the receiver and I sighed bitterly.

Of course I woke him up. The first time I plan on having phone sex with him and I wake him up. I swear this stuff would only happen to me.

Fuck my life.

"Sorry." I murmured, disappointment creeping into my voice. "I knew it was late, but I figured you would be awake anyway. Just forget I called, okay?"

"Tina?" He seemed a little more alert and I could hear the rustling of papers and books in the background.

"Yeah, it's me." I let out a sigh before sitting up against the mountain of pillows that were acting as the headboard of my twin bed. "Like I said, I thought you'd be up, but since it's obvious you were asleep, can you just tell me you love me and forget I called?"

"Forget you called? Why would I do that?" I didn't have to see him to know he was doing his adorable blinking puppy thing as he scratched the side of his head while his brows knitted together in confusion.

Even though, we had been saying I love you for awhile and we even broke up for two months (don't ask; seriously, just don't), it still kind or scared me – or at least threw me – how well I knew him and how I had memorized his facial expressions.

"Because you were asleep and I woke you up." I said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "It's not like there's a big emergency going on over here. I'm just – you know – bored and Erica's off with her boyfriend in L.A so I don't have anyone to talk to and I really don't feel like doing Trig right now."

"Sleep can wait." His voice was earnest and warm, and I knew what he was doing.

He was trying really hard to make up for the two months that we weren't together so he was going to stay on the phone with me even though he probably wanted to go back to sleep. My heart fluttered inside because that was such a Finn thing to do.

"You don't have to stay up to help me combat boredom, okay? I know you love me." My voice grew softer when I said that. "You don't have to prove it."

There was a long pause on the other end and I imagined he was biting the inside of his cheek in concentration as he debated what to say next. The way he sighed made me imagine his breath, hot and spicy (he liked to chew Big Red gum and only Big Red) on my face just before he kissed me, and I swallowed hard as I remembered the many times I would feel it against the very heart of me; whether it was through my panties or right against my naked skin.

"I feel like I have to prove it." He told me and I swear I could feel the most intense heat rush straight to my core, which made me squirm and slide further down my bed.

"Why?" I asked, my fingers toying with the hem of my shirt.

"Cause you're like the best thing that's happened to me ever. I know I told Quinn I loved her and yeah, I loved Rachel too, but with you it's different. It's harder, it's louder, it's deeper...It's just more, you know what I mean? It's just, like, more than it's ever been with anyone else. I'm not that good with words and stuff, but that's like the only way I know how to explain it. Everything's just more with you, Tina."

His voice got hoarse and husky when he said my name and slowly I could feel my skin grow warm and my nipples start to pucker. He said he wasn't good with words, but somehow even though he thought he was struggling and fumbling to verbalize his feelings, I thought he was saying the exact right things.

I knew how he felt and what he meant by this – whatever we were – being deeper, harder, louder and just more.

It was like his words gave me confidence about what I had originally set out to do and the next thing I knew, I was asking him, "What are you wearing?"

My whole body was hot with embarrassment and I wanted nothing more than for my bed to swallow me whole. Part of me couldn't believe I had just asked him that and another part of me was waiting with baited breath to hear his answer, if he did answer me at all.

"Uh..." He blew out a short breath of air and I could hear his fingers sifting through his hair, something I wished mine could have the chance to do. I don't know what it was about his hair, but I just loved the downy strands sifting through my fingers and I loved tugging at them as he thrust or pushed his fingers in and out of me.

But it was more than that.

I loved how they would stick to his forehead and get kind of matted down when they were wet or how when he woke up they would be sticking up in every direction. Or how he tried to slick them back the first time he met my parents.

I just fucking loved his hair. It was like his thing with my knees and my hands. Except less weird.

Though, I did, for some reason really like his feet; even though they were ginormous.

His voice stopped my inner musings, when he answered my question. "Um," I could hear him stop to lick his lips and I felt the first beads of moisture start accumulating at the apex of my thighs. "My Captain America shorts."

My eyes couldn't help go wide as a memory flashed into my head.

I only got wetter as I remembered stripping those very boxers off of him the first time I ever had him in my mouth. I had surprised him by getting down on my knees and unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them down (roughly, if I remember right) before I took them all the way off and when he realized what I planned to do, his eyes went wide and he let out this low moan of satisfaction and encouragement.

"You are talking about the Captain America boxers from the first time I..." I trailed off purposefully and made my voice as breathless as I could; hoping I didn't sound like a complete idiot or worse a phone sex operator on her first day.

He sucked in a breath and let out the same low moan from that day. "I d-don't h-hh-have aa-another pair." He stuttered and I felt my thighs clench as my eyes fluttered while the memory continued playing out inside my head.

"You wanna know what I'm wearing?"

"T-Tina, are we...Are...Is this..." He was stumbling over his words and I know we were both supposed to be sexy right now, but I liked him just like this – stumbling and a little embarrassed – because that meant he was being Finn and that's who I wanted.

If I wanted someone with confidence and swagger, I would have called Puck. And seriously, uh, I said in my head; recoiling at the thought of the badass who underneath it all was really just a marshmallow, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, he ended up finishing his sentence in a rush. "Are we h-having pp-ph-phone s-sex?"

I took in and let out several deep breaths before I answered him, sort of. "D-do y-you w-want to have pp-phone s-sex?"

I cursed inwardly for stuttering and acting all cautious and afraid. It's not like my parents were going to suddenly walk into my dorm room and start cursing at me in Chinese because they caught me about to have phone sex with my boyfriend.

Like I said before; fuck my life.

He was so cute and sweet when his voice came back on the line and he said softly, "I know I'm supposed to be all like hell yeah I wanna have phone sex cause I'm like a dude and all, but um, if you don't want to or you change your mind or whatever, that's cool. I don't like wanna pressure you and stuff. Cause that – pressuring you and stuff – is so not cool."

"You're such a dork." I teased, hoping that would lighten the mood and when he laughed, I knew I had succeeded. "ANYWAY...Do you want to know what I'm wearing or not, Frankenteen?" I pretended to sound off put that he hadn't answered me.

"Yeah." I he breathed out. "I wanna know what you're wearing, Tina."

I licked my lips as I sucked in a breath and imagined that I had just pulled back from his kiss. I couldn't get the real thing so my imagination would have to do and I must have a pretty damn good one cause I swore my lips actually tasted like the hint of spice from his Big Red, the sugar from the strawberry Pop Tarts he always ate for breakfast and that something that was just him.

(Taste

I love the taste

I need this warm rush) ("The Rush" - by Dashboard Confessional)

"Do you remember when Cedes was teasing you about taking me to Victoria's Secret the day before I left for Stanford? I'm wearing what I bought that day. It's this Cleveland Indians V-neck T-shirt and hipster panties. I wouldn't wear anything else they had there," I admitted, my cheeks flushing bright. "And until I saw this stuff, I thought I wasn't going to buy anything. Thank God they had your favorite team. Otherwise I'd be telling you I'm wearing yoga pants and a gross beat up tank top. Or my Hello Kitty or panda flannel pajamas. And um, yeah, neither of those choices is exactly hot."

"It's be hot to me." He murmured, his voice sounding just a little strained. "And I know it's corny and if Puck heard me say this, he'd say he would rather have Sam as his boy, but I wouldn't care...Cause even in yoga pants and a beat up tank or Hello Kitty or panda flannels, you're hot, okay? So don't ever think you gotta be wearing something lacy and skimpy for me."

"I thought phone sex was supposed to be hot and breathless and stuff?"

We both laughed at my observation, but once the laughter died down; it got hot and breathless for both of us.

(Rush

I need the rush

To pulse through my veins)

My cheeks only flushed brighter when he murmured into the phone, "I'm n-naked right now, and I'm kinda hoping you'll get naked too."

I sat the phone on one of my pillows and pulled my shirt over my head and immediately my nipples got hard from the cool air that was swirling around my dorm; though, it did nothing to cool me down, I couldn't help but observe.

With the phone pressed against my ear again, I let out a shaky breath and did my best to play coy. "I took off my shirt, but not my panties. You're gonna have to do some work before I do that. So tell me, Finn, what would you do if you were here right now..." I swallowed thickly, my eyes fluttering and my other hand drifting to the outer curve of my left breast, ready to squeeze and tweak and palm as soon as he started talking again.

"Oh, God..." He groaned and heat flared deep in the pit of my stomach as I imagined him lying on his bed in his dorm room, naked and hard, and poised to touch himself just like I was.

(And I'll love you tonight

Oh I'll love you tonight

And tomorrow you may just

Feel the same)

"I w-would...I...Damn, Tina." He cursed before taking a moment to regroup.

"I'd kiss you." His voice was soft and it seemed to float into my ear in a way that made me shudder from head to toe. "And you'd kiss me back in that way that's hard and soft and then you'd slowly open your mouth so my t-tt-tongue could go inside before I pulled back first. Then I'd touch one of the stars on your neck with my tongue s-ss-so I could hear you giggle, and then I would lick the b-bb-bone between your boobs and you'd squirm underneath me."

My nipples were getting progressively harder, the heat that flared in my stomach was spreading everywhere else and my thighs kept clenching over and over as I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter.

My teeth bit hard into my lip, so hard, I was a little stunned that I didn't taste the iron bitterness of blood, but that moment was the last time I would think about anything other than the sound of Finn's voice and moving my free hand lower and lower.

(Please don't bite down

I will know I'm alive)

By the time he talked about how he liked kissing the birth mark (it was shaped like a heart I guess) on the outer curve of my right breast, my panties were half way down my thighs; low enough that I could slip my fingers in and out of myself, but not completely off.

I could have taken them all the way off, but that meant getting off the phone and it was too late in the game for that. Half way down was just going to have to be good enough.

"If I asked you to, would you touch yourself?" His voice was timid and the concern he had inside of himself not to push me in an uncomfortable direction made my heart flutter.

I didn't think I could blush any harder, but somehow my cheeks were getting warmer. I had every intention of touching myself (duh, that was the point of phone sex), but when he asked me I felt myself getting shy as the magnitude of what we were doing seemed to set in all of the sudden. "Um..."

"You can say no, but um...I w-would...It'd be nice if you would. It be better than nice; it'd be way hot."

He let out a short bout of laughter before his voice took on a soft tone that made it sound like he was going to reveal a deep, dark secret. "I've kind of imagined you touching yourself in front of me. Not like all the time, but sometimes when I dream about you, you do that; touch yourself, I mean."

"Y-you dream about me?" I didn't think I'd be able to find my voice with the lump that was forming in my throat, but I did.

"Yeah." He whispered. "We um...We can touch ourselves together?" He suggested and I could feel giggles bubbling up in my throat.

I imagined his boyish face bright and earnest and eager, and I wasn't turning down his offer. I had pushed for this and my body was twisting and tightening and so hot and aching that I was desperate for my release, and this was the only way.

"It's just me and you. No one else is around. Every time you push a finger inside, I'll be moving my hand up and down."

"Okay." My breathing was shaky and I wasn't as confident as I wanted to be, but with his voice in my ear telling me how he was touching himself too, made me believe I could do this.

(Rush

There is no rush

There is no reason

To blush

There is only us

To keep it between)

(And I'll love you tonight

I will love you tonight

And tomorrow we may just feel the same)

(And I won't bite down

Till the moment counts)

We're sort of talking, but we're sort of not; every once in awhile between the harsh breathing and cursing, one of us will say something, but it's not like we're having an actual conversation.

I can feel my walls clenching more and more around the three fingers that are inside of me, and at the tip of my spine I can feel this electric kind of tingling that starts just before I cum, and I'm breathing harder and my heart's beating faster and my head is swirling, and it's all just so much to take.

But it's nothing compared to the moment when Finn let's out this familiar long, exaggerated groan followed by a sigh of pure satisfaction as he whispers, "I can tell your close. I know cause you're breathing sounds really hard and I bet you're flushed with his pretty pink and you feel kinda sweaty, and if I was on top of you like I w-ww-want to be, we'd sort of be sticking together and w-ww-with one last thrust, I would have cum inside you."

Oh, God is all I could think as my orgasm takes over and my whole body is shuddering with that electric kind of tingling he inspires inside of me every time. Over and over, I continue pumping my fingers in and out, wishing desperately that he was filling me up and I was riding out the aftershocks with his large hands on my hips, guiding me and stroking me while his lips kissed me everywhere.

My breathing wasn't as hard after awhile and slowly, I pulled my fingers out and my face couldn't help but scrunch because of how sticky and slick they were.

But I didn't waste time thinking about that much longer because his voice came back on the line shadowed by heavy panting, "T-t-that was the hottest thing ever; hearing you cum, knowing you were making yourself as you touched yourself! Like whoa!"

I giggled slightly as I fought to keep my eyes open; suddenly I was sleepy and all I wanted to do was curl into his warm, hard and soft body. I could imagine him pulling my panties back up, his fingers lingering along the rim and maybe digging in between my soft triangle of curls just to tease, and then he'd help me back into my shirt before wrapping me up in his arms and kissing me softly.

How I let him go – even if it was just for two months – I'll never know, and I'll never let myself live it down either. My eyes stung with tears, but I wouldn't let them fall. I had him back and that was all that mattered.

"Sing to me." I pleaded hoping he wouldn't pick up on the sadness I could hear in my voice.

"Are you okay?" I imagined his face bathed with concern, thin lips down turned and soft brown eyes blinking over and over while his head was tilted as he silently urged me to tell him what was bothering me.

"I'm perfect." I didn't like saying that, but in this moment, I was perfect.

Sure, I was a mess; my panties were hanging down my thighs, my hair looked like it was caught in a hurricane from all the thrashing my head had done, my face probably looked like I had run a marathon and I was sticky and sweaty, but that didn't matter.

He made me feel perfect.

And he must have believed me because the last thing I heard was his voice – soothing and warm – singing the Dashboard Confessional song "The Rush;" a song I sang to him when I drunk dialed him while we were broken up.

I sort of laughed even though it sounded more like a yawn and he stopped to laugh too and to tell me he loved me, and just before I fell asleep, I told him I loved him too.

(And I'll know I'm alive

And I'll know I'm alive

Give me some teeth

Give me something unforgettable

And I'll know I'm alive)

(And I'll know I'm alive

And I'll know I'm alive

And the moment's right)

(And I'll know I'm alive

And I'll know I'm alive

Give me some teeth

Give me something unforgettable

And I'll know I'm alive)

(And I'll know I'm alive

And I'll know I'm alive)

Song used "The Rush" by Dashboard Confessional